Tired of stressing and tired of this year- Vents

[Soror]

Anyone else want to vent? Let the non-complainers have their place but I'm worn out and tired of trying to keep it all positive (and failing).

The pandemic isn't even the worst of it, it is a small blip on all the sh*t to worry about. I guess in another year it would be a BFD but too many other more immediate concerns.

Dh is working full time + and is going to school full time for engineering. He is burnt out and stressed and after 2 yrs of straight As is worried he won't pass 2 of his classes. I do everything I can possibly do around the house but of course can't help him with classes. So, I'm stressed because he's stressed. Stressed we might end up on the hook for the money for classes if he fails(paying back grants) and then on the hook to pay for the class not covered again out of our own pocket. Stressed thinking this will prolong his schooling, which is already going to be quite long enough.

Then dh's work has been a rollercoaster. Will they shut down? Will he be moving to another job? Lost pay and benefits, pay came back, but not all benefits (like paying for college). After months of uncertainty they finally went through bankruptcy. New company has bought them out and now it looks like things have turned around, we hope. Now they want him there all the time, which is good and bad. It would be a big blessing if he wasn't in college but now he has to balance OT with getting college done. We'd say screw it on the OT except after this year we need the money.

The icing on the cake has been mental health issues for one of the kids. AFter months of physical health issues for another. My stomach can't seem to unknot from one thing to the next. And this has been the biggest gut punch of all.

Fighting the feelings of failure and questioning everything. Deciding which balls to drop b/c I can't juggle them all. Then fighting that feeling of failure again for things that are dropped.

Trying to focus on things I can control and do.

[wintermom]

@Soror  Vent away! So sorry you are going through this. (((hugs)))

[wintermom]

I wish I knew if and when we are ****** moving! It's always in the back of my mind. It impacts my current life, the life of my dh and dc, all my career and school plans, etc.  The good part is that we have a home, our health, financial stability, etc. But the uncertainty is really getting to me. 

Edited October 26, 2020 by wintermom

[Carol in Cal.]

To the OP:  Has your husband looked at what doors will actually open to him with the degree?

Sometimes it seems like that's all you need, and then if it's not at a great university it doesn't really make any difference.  I saw that a lot with technicians who got engineering degrees at San Jose State just because it was close by.  They didn't necessarily get promoted afterwards, because it wasn't a university whose engineering degree holders were recruited by the company that they were working for.  It really bites when things go that way, but finding out whether it will might make the current course look way better or way worse.

[Carrie12345]

Yup.

Someone do something about this Zeta storm, please. Dh has been away for something like 6 weeks. He’s scheduled to come home, and I’m really stressed about his travel a.) for the reasons that already existed, b.) for the storm to screw it up, and c.) for the storm to send him right back to work after a not good enough break.

Also, I’m having major dental work next week, and I have major dental anxiety.  On the bright side, I’ll be drugged up during vote counting.  But still.

And about 50 other things that feel too tedious to write out, but they add up!

[mommyoffive]

Vent away.   Honestly I think venting or complaining is good for you.  You need to get it out.  Let people know what you are feeling.   Hear ideas.  Get support.   Get a plan.  Figure what balls you can drop.  Or give them to your kids.  Cleaning and cooking they can do.  

I get the husband job and school stress.   Ugh.  It carries over to the whole house.  

Take sometime for you.

[PeterPan]

Venting is sometimes how your brain processes to problem solve. That sounds really hard working full time and doing the school work and OT. If he talks with his profs, he might be able to work something out for the classes.

[BusyMom5]

Hugs, it has been such a rough year for you!  Vent away!   I know your DH is stretched so thin with everything- and you are trying to do as much as you can to help!  The work stress has made a hard year even harder.  Hoping with the new company things will be more predictable.  Is it too late to drop a class?  You should be so proud of him, I have been impressed with his dedication to doing so much.  

My main vents have to do with elder care, nursing homes and other health issues that have been made so much harder.  They would be hard enough without Covid.  Right now they feel impossible. 

And one kid is struggling,  and that's been hard.  I just keep telling us both that it will be better soon- next summer!  

[QueenCat]

Our roughest years were when dh went to school fulltime (all in-person) and worked fulltime. It has been so worth it both career wise and financially. He wouldn't have been happy staying in the same type of job for 40 years. 

[Pen]

I’m on my personal no complaints mission, but can still offer you long distance virtual hugs, prayers, and positive thoughts!

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

[SKL]

Best of luck on your husband's classes.

Right there with you on the mental health issues.

Right there with you on the business uncertainty.

I really don't know what to think about my kids' high school education [public school, grade 9, delayed=>remote=>hybrid=>remote ... so far 4 total days in person].  And yesterday they said they want to go back to church, but I worry about the old people there ....

It also sucks not seeing my mom / trying to figure out a way to do so that would be both safe and meaningful.

Family holidays, which have always been the highlight of our year, are nixed.

Seeing photos of little kids in face masks month after month makes me nauseous.

Violent protests, wildfires, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, killer hornets, ....

I tend to be a pretty mellow person, but I am struggling this year.  Recently I tend to switch to denial when things look too dark ... which is probably not the absolute best strategy, but I haven't come up with something better.

I seem to laugh a lot though ... I think it's a defense mechanism ....

[HS Mom in NC]

Go right ahead and vent all you want! All of that sucks and you have right to say so!

[SereneHome]

This is hard hard hard.

When I was doing my undergrad, I was dating a guy who was getting an engineering degree. I remember making fun of him for not being able to work while going to school. Well.......many of my friends told me to shut the heck up bc I didn't know what I was talking about - engineering degrees are hard! So, kudos to your husband for being able to do it. Double, tipple kudos to you - I think being a caretaker of a person doing something hard is even harder, not even counting kids and everything else.

I think complaining is just fine (@Pen - I love that you posted on this thread) and I think it can be helpful and therapeutic!

I wish you strength and health!!!!!

[Ditto]

Vent as much as you need to.  That is a whole lot of yuck and scary to deal with.

I would vent but if I start I may not stop.  It has been a year of so many challenges in multiple areas.  I try very hard to remain grateful that things are worse than they are, but it is just hard.   My mental health is taking a real beating.

[Frances]

I think it’s amazing your husband can work full time while pursuing a difficult degree like engineering. Has he looked at options for tutoring, even if it costs $$$? It might be better to invest the money now so he can continue to stay on track. Best of luck with all of your stresses.

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry. That sounds really hard.

My main complaint is a small in comparison.  I'm really cast down by my job. It matters a lot to me to be getting things right and doing things well. In the  current situation, with many layers of compromise and improvisation due to the pandemic,  my job satisfaction is really low.

[Shoeless]

My current worry is that my husband has to take a 2 hour certification exam in person in a few weeks.

It's theoretically possible to take it at home on his computer, but the anti-cheating requirements are daunting.  He basically would have to be in an empty room, except for strategically placed mirrors to ensure he did not have any kind of crib notes anywhere.  He'd have to install key-logger software, and there can be zero interruptions, talking, or noise.  He cannot wear shirts with text on them. Cannot wear a hat, no pens on the table, no writing anything down, nothing reflective other than the mirrors, and on and on and on.  We would have to completely empty one room of the house, buy a bunch of mirrors to hang in specific places, and then kiddo, dog, cats, and I go sit in the car for 2 hours.  If there's any interruption or distraction, he could fail the exam on a technicality. 

Or he can put on a mask and go to a testing center in San Antonio during a pandemic with rising positivity rates. Husband is in a higher risk group for severe covid. 

I am SO stressed about this whole situation.     

[Soror]

Thank you all for commiseration and kind thoughts. It felt better to get some of it out.

Hope that I can respond more later.

Yesterday sucked. We're all trying to keep our sh*t together. Dh is beyond stressed, like when the house burned down stressed. It sucks. I'm trying to keep the boat afloat, one day at a time.

[Laura Corin]

43 minutes ago, Soror said:

Thank you all for commiseration and kind thoughts. It felt better to get some of it out.

Hope that I can respond more later.

Yesterday sucked. We're all trying to keep our sh*t together. Dh is beyond stressed, like when the house burned down stressed. It sucks. I'm trying to keep the boat afloat, one day at a time.

Thinking of you.

[Ausmumof3]

59 minutes ago, Soror said:

Thank you all for commiseration and kind thoughts. It felt better to get some of it out.

Hope that I can respond more later.

Yesterday sucked. We're all trying to keep our sh*t together. Dh is beyond stressed, like when the house burned down stressed. It sucks. I'm trying to keep the boat afloat, one day at a time.

I’m sorry.  Dh is in the middle of a career change and we had an incredibly stressful weekend a couple of weeks ago but things are much better now.  Really hoping it’s the same for you and he gets through exams.  Covid kind of adds to the stress because finding extra sources of income or a new job etc is not easy right now.  

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, Soror said:

Thank you all for commiseration and kind thoughts. It felt better to get some of it out.

Hope that I can respond more later.

Yesterday sucked. We're all trying to keep our sh*t together. Dh is beyond stressed, like when the house burned down stressed. It sucks. I'm trying to keep the boat afloat, one day at a time.

Ugh, I am so sorry things are so stressful. I am hoping it gets better soon. 

[The Governess]

I will add a vent. I’ve been holding things together pretty well for the most part, but this month is trying to break me.

Dh and I have ended up on opposite sides of the political spectrum. I have learned to keep my political opinions to myself, and because everything is political right now, that means I’m about ready to implode.

I had to go back to teaching on campus last week and I’m tired of hearing complaints about wearing masks from students and fellow teachers and admin. I’m worried about bringing the virus home because I know that outside of school and the grocery store most of this community isn’t masking or otherwise taking precautions. 

Dd is graduating this year and wants to be a professional ballerina. She is applying to college dance programs this fall and ballet company training programs in the spring. Such great timing! For every school she applies to, she has to fill out a regular college app and then a supplemental app for their dance program which includes a dance resume, video audition (of course they all have different requirements so we can’t just make one video and submit it to all programs), photos, training questions, sometimes another essay or artistic statement.... and then after that there might be more auditions, either live via Zoom or more recorded material.  Almost all have deadlines this weekend or coming up a few weeks later. I’m SO TIRED of managing all of this. 

I live in CA and every time the Santa Ana’s blow now I feel dread. We’ve had fires come within feet of our house twice in the last 6 years. I’ve been on edge this week, and then on top of that the changing weather gives me migraines. 

Hang in there, everyone. It’s literally one hour, one day at a time right now, isn’t it? 😔

[Kassia]

8 hours ago, Soror said:

Thank you all for commiseration and kind thoughts. It felt better to get some of it out.

Hope that I can respond more later.

Yesterday sucked. We're all trying to keep our sh*t together. Dh is beyond stressed, like when the house burned down stressed. It sucks. I'm trying to keep the boat afloat, one day at a time.

I'm so sorry.  This has been such a hard year for so many.  I'm really struggling and I hate that so many others are, too.  Hang in there and vent here if it helps.  Sending hugs and positive thoughts.

[Ditto]

Just sending you some hugs today.

[Soror]

On 10/26/2020 at 9:07 AM, Happymomof1 said:

Vent away! You have a reason to vent and NOT have to say, Well fortunately...

Praying things get easier this year.!!

Thank you for your good thoughts and prayers.

On 10/26/2020 at 9:52 AM, wintermom said:

I wish I knew if and when we are ****** moving! It's always in the back of my mind. It impacts my current life, the life of my dh and dc, all my career and school plans, etc.  The good part is that we have a home, our health, financial stability, etc. But the uncertainty is really getting to me. 

I know you have been in limboland, the uncertainty is maddening.

On 10/26/2020 at 10:18 AM, Carol in Cal. said:

To the OP:  Has your husband looked at what doors will actually open to him with the degree?

Sometimes it seems like that's all you need, and then if it's not at a great university it doesn't really make any difference.  I saw that a lot with technicians who got engineering degrees at San Jose State just because it was close by.  They didn't necessarily get promoted afterwards, because it wasn't a university whose engineering degree holders were recruited by the company that they were working for.  It really bites when things go that way, but finding out whether it will might make the current course look way better or way worse.

Yes, the head of the engineers where he works has the exact degree he is going for. He has taken a position of another engineer that moved jobs, so he is doing the same work but can't be an official engineer or get the engineer pay until he finishes his degree. It is written into his contract that he will move into an engineer position when he finishes. The lowest paid engineer in his department still makes $20k more than dh.

On 10/26/2020 at 10:19 AM, Carrie12345 said:

Yup.

Someone do something about this Zeta storm, please. Dh has been away for something like 6 weeks. He’s scheduled to come home, and I’m really stressed about his travel a.) for the reasons that already existed, b.) for the storm to screw it up, and c.) for the storm to send him right back to work after a not good enough break.

Also, I’m having major dental work next week, and I have major dental anxiety.  On the bright side, I’ll be drugged up during vote counting.  But still.

And about 50 other things that feel too tedious to write out, but they add up!

6 weeks, that is forever, ugh. Hugs on the dental work, that is never, ever fun. Yes, on the 50 other things, it is like the straw that broke the camels back.

On 10/26/2020 at 10:21 AM, mommyoffive said:

Vent away.   Honestly I think venting or complaining is good for you.  You need to get it out.  Let people know what you are feeling.   Hear ideas.  Get support.   Get a plan.  Figure what balls you can drop.  Or give them to your kids.  Cleaning and cooking they can do.  

I get the husband job and school stress.   Ugh.  It carries over to the whole house.  

Take sometime for you.

Thank you! The kids do help but the things really stressing me are things they can't do.

On 10/26/2020 at 10:42 AM, PeterPan said:

Venting is sometimes how your brain processes to problem solve. That sounds really hard working full time and doing the school work and OT. If he talks with his profs, he might be able to work something out for the classes.

Yes, venting helps me think it out and move forward, thank you.

On 10/26/2020 at 11:21 AM, BusyMom5 said:

Hugs, it has been such a rough year for you!  Vent away!   I know your DH is stretched so thin with everything- and you are trying to do as much as you can to help!  The work stress has made a hard year even harder.  Hoping with the new company things will be more predictable.  Is it too late to drop a class?  You should be so proud of him, I have been impressed with his dedication to doing so much.  

My main vents have to do with elder care, nursing homes and other health issues that have been made so much harder.  They would be hard enough without Covid.  Right now they feel impossible. 

And one kid is struggling,  and that's been hard.  I just keep telling us both that it will be better soon- next summer!  

Thank you! Yes, hard things are harder. I'm sorry you are facing dealing with elder care and all that entails in the midst of the crazyness.

On 10/26/2020 at 12:03 PM, QueenCat said:

Our roughest years were when dh went to school fulltime (all in-person) and worked fulltime. It has been so worth it both career wise and financially. He wouldn't have been happy staying in the same type of job for 40 years. 

Thank you! We are trying to keep at looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, it is hard sometimes, this is year 3!!!

On 10/26/2020 at 12:20 PM, Pen said:

I’m on my personal no complaints mission, but can still offer you long distance virtual hugs, prayers, and positive thoughts!

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Thank you!!!

On 10/26/2020 at 12:26 PM, SKL said:

Best of luck on your husband's classes.

Right there with you on the mental health issues.

Right there with you on the business uncertainty.

I really don't know what to think about my kids' high school education [public school, grade 9, delayed=>remote=>hybrid=>remote ... so far 4 total days in person].  And yesterday they said they want to go back to church, but I worry about the old people there ....

It also sucks not seeing my mom / trying to figure out a way to do so that would be both safe and meaningful.

Family holidays, which have always been the highlight of our year, are nixed.

Seeing photos of little kids in face masks month after month makes me nauseous.

Violent protests, wildfires, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, killer hornets, ....

I tend to be a pretty mellow person, but I am struggling this year.  Recently I tend to switch to denial when things look too dark ... which is probably not the absolute best strategy, but I haven't come up with something better.

I seem to laugh a lot though ... I think it's a defense mechanism ....

I make inappropriate jokes when down too, it does help. I'm not thrilled with education this year either for my kids in school. This year is all trying to make the best of a bad situation and no good choices, it stinks.

On 10/26/2020 at 12:38 PM, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Go right ahead and vent all you want! All of that sucks and you have right to say so!

Thank you!

On 10/26/2020 at 12:39 PM, SereneHome said:

This is hard hard hard.

When I was doing my undergrad, I was dating a guy who was getting an engineering degree. I remember making fun of him for not being able to work while going to school. Well.......many of my friends told me to shut the heck up bc I didn't know what I was talking about - engineering degrees are hard! So, kudos to your husband for being able to do it. Double, tipple kudos to you - I think being a caretaker of a person doing something hard is even harder, not even counting kids and everything else.

I think complaining is just fine (@Pen - I love that you posted on this thread) and I think it can be helpful and therapeutic!

I wish you strength and health!!!!!

Thank you! He has been working so hard and I'm trying to do what I can, it is all so much though.

On 10/26/2020 at 4:40 PM, Ditto said:

Vent as much as you need to.  That is a whole lot of yuck and scary to deal with.

I would vent but if I start I may not stop.  It has been a year of so many challenges in multiple areas.  I try very hard to remain grateful that things are worse than they are, but it is just hard.   My mental health is taking a real beating.

I told dh I'd just break down and cry but I'm afaid I'd not want to stop.

On 10/26/2020 at 5:12 PM, Frances said:

I think it’s amazing your husband can work full time while pursuing a difficult degree like engineering. Has he looked at options for tutoring, even if it costs $$$? It might be better to invest the money now so he can continue to stay on track. Best of luck with all of your stresses.

Dh finally contacted a friend about tutoring last night. I told him to do it for months. Learning all this math online on top of everything else has been very hard for him, his brain can only remember so much.

On 10/26/2020 at 5:21 PM, Laura Corin said:

I'm sorry. That sounds really hard.

My main complaint is a small in comparison.  I'm really cast down by my job. It matters a lot to me to be getting things right and doing things well. In the  current situation, with many layers of compromise and improvisation due to the pandemic,  my job satisfaction is really low.

I know you are doing the best you can and with all the restrictions COVID brings it is hard when it isn't as good as you want but you are putting in twice the work.

On 10/26/2020 at 6:14 PM, MissLemon said:

My current worry is that my husband has to take a 2 hour certification exam in person in a few weeks.

It's theoretically possible to take it at home on his computer, but the anti-cheating requirements are daunting.  He basically would have to be in an empty room, except for strategically placed mirrors to ensure he did not have any kind of crib notes anywhere.  He'd have to install key-logger software, and there can be zero interruptions, talking, or noise.  He cannot wear shirts with text on them. Cannot wear a hat, no pens on the table, no writing anything down, nothing reflective other than the mirrors, and on and on and on.  We would have to completely empty one room of the house, buy a bunch of mirrors to hang in specific places, and then kiddo, dog, cats, and I go sit in the car for 2 hours.  If there's any interruption or distraction, he could fail the exam on a technicality. 

Or he can put on a mask and go to a testing center in San Antonio during a pandemic with rising positivity rates. Husband is in a higher risk group for severe covid. 

I am SO stressed about this whole situation.     

Oh, my, goodness that is insane. Dh's online tests have requirements but nothing like that. I prayer that he makes it through the test without contracting COVID and it goes smoothly.

23 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

I’m sorry.  Dh is in the middle of a career change and we had an incredibly stressful weekend a couple of weeks ago but things are much better now.  Really hoping it’s the same for you and he gets through exams.  Covid kind of adds to the stress because finding extra sources of income or a new job etc is not easy right now.  

Thank you, I'm glad to hear things are improving for you and your husband. Change is stressful enough without COVID on it, ugh.

16 hours ago, lovelearnandlive said:

I will add a vent. I’ve been holding things together pretty well for the most part, but this month is trying to break me.

Dh and I have ended up on opposite sides of the political spectrum. I have learned to keep my political opinions to myself, and because everything is political right now, that means I’m about ready to implode.

I had to go back to teaching on campus last week and I’m tired of hearing complaints about wearing masks from students and fellow teachers and admin. I’m worried about bringing the virus home because I know that outside of school and the grocery store most of this community isn’t masking or otherwise taking precautions. 

Dd is graduating this year and wants to be a professional ballerina. She is applying to college dance programs this fall and ballet company training programs in the spring. Such great timing! For every school she applies to, she has to fill out a regular college app and then a supplemental app for their dance program which includes a dance resume, video audition (of course they all have different requirements so we can’t just make one video and submit it to all programs), photos, training questions, sometimes another essay or artistic statement.... and then after that there might be more auditions, either live via Zoom or more recorded material.  Almost all have deadlines this weekend or coming up a few weeks later. I’m SO TIRED of managing all of this. 

I live in CA and every time the Santa Ana’s blow now I feel dread. We’ve had fires come within feet of our house twice in the last 6 years. I’ve been on edge this week, and then on top of that the changing weather gives me migraines. 

Hang in there, everyone. It’s literally one hour, one day at a time right now, isn’t it? 😔

Oh, I'm sorry the politics is stressful enough and I'm sure I would have cracked having to be at a FT  job with those at the opposite end on COVID too. And college application and fires, ugh.

[Ditto]

9 hours ago, Soror said:

I told dh I'd just break down and cry but I'm afaid I'd not want to stop.

I know this feeling well.   I have found crying in the shower works well.  For a long time this year I fought crying for the very reason you said, I wouldn't stop.  Then I found the tears came whether I wanted them to or not.  So now I just try to hold out till shower time and bathe and sob at the same time.  Hugs.

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, Ditto said:

I know this feeling well.   I have found crying in the shower works well.  For a long time this year I fought crying for the very reason you said, I wouldn't stop.  Then I found the tears came whether I wanted them to or not.  So now I just try to hold out till shower time and bathe and sob at the same time.  Hugs.

I've done this too - the shower is the only place I have privacy.

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Ditto said:

I know this feeling well.   I have found crying in the shower works well.  For a long time this year I fought crying for the very reason you said, I wouldn't stop.  Then I found the tears came whether I wanted them to or not.  So now I just try to hold out till shower time and bathe and sob at the same time.  Hugs.

 

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

I've done this too - the shower is the only place I have privacy.

This is actually a thing in my house for all us girls. You can snot and sob and not have anyone try to comfort you or anything. 

OP, I am so sorry for the dumpster fire this year has been for so many. What used to be normal complications have turned into major headaches and life changing circumstances for so many thanks to so many horrific chains of events coinciding.