Anyone want to join me on a 21 day Complaint Free challenge?

[Pen]

Someone mentioned this book on another thread (Thank you whoever you were!) 

 

 

 

A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted https://www.amazon.com/dp/0770436390/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_.EBLFbNPN1RB1

 

 

 

Like the 20 miles in 20 days moving challenge it seems like others doing it too would be and added motivation. Anyone want to join me? 

 

 

 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Pen

[SereneHome]

Can I complain first? Why do they have to be mutually exclusive? lol

 

[Moonhawk]

...Can I volunteer my husband?......

[regentrude]

10 minutes ago, Pen said:

How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted

I am very confused about the premise. How is stopping complaining giving any of us "the life we always wanted"? Can any of us, even the most Polyanna-ish, have the life we always wanted under the given circumstances?

ETA: Yes, we can accept and make the best of it. But if THIS is the life you always wanted and only complaining stops you from enjoying it, please raise your hand.

Edited October 25, 2020 by regentrude

[Pen]

3 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I am very confused about the premise. How is stopping complaining giving any of us "the life we always wanted"? Can any of us, even the most Polyanna-ish, have the life we always wanted under the given circumstances?

ETA: Yes, we can accept and make the best of it. But if THIS is the life you always wanted and only complaining stops you from enjoying it, raise your hand.

 

 

No doubt a good bit of hyperbole!!! 

Probably a less hyperbolic title would be less catchy.   😁

 

 

I do actually think that there may be some benefits to certain types of “complaints” such as for example, perhaps some great poetry / literature may come out of a place of sadness and essentially “complaint” mode.  

 

Or include that as a theme as part of the greatness: 

“

HAMLET Denmark’s a prison.
ROSENCRANTZ Then is the world one.
HAMLET A goodly one, in which there are many confines, wards, and dungeons, Denmark being one o' th' worst.
ROSENCRANTZ We think not so, my lord.
HAMLET Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison.

“

 

 

Speaking of poetry, The book starts with a quote from Maya Angelou:  

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain" 

 

 

Anyway, 

 

I am going for the 21 day Complaint Free Challenge

and the 20 miles in 20 days challenge 

and planning to enjoy them both! Or at least not to complain about them 😉. 

 

 

[DawnM]

Nope, the election is happening during this 30 days.   I am 100% positive I will have something to complain about.

 

[Carol in Cal.]

While I think positivity is somewhat effective in improving situations, and definitely helpful in improving your life, the veneer of Christianity on this bugs me as from the Goodreads description it seems to promise for God something that God does not promise Himself.  

[Jaybee]

Nope. I don't believe I have it in me right now. 😄 😜 

[Pen]

30 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

While I think positivity is somewhat effective in improving situations, and definitely helpful in improving your life, the veneer of Christianity on this bugs me as from the Goodreads description it seems to promise for God something that God does not promise Himself.  

 

My guess is it can be done as a speech and thought exercise completely independently of any religious aspect.

It was started in a church group by a pastor, so I presume had to have “a veneer of Christianity” for the circumstances. 

 

My thought is there are a lot of books on “positivity” showing health benefits etc, but not necessarily with any “simple” exercise in how to achieve more positivity.  

A wristlet or rubber band or pebble to transfer side to side or similar device to help notice complaints and to try to reduce them to zero for 21 days seems doable.    (I realize everyone seems to say it is far harder in practice than it sounds like.) 

 

And I know that things like a “gratitude practice” can sound silly, yet I have found them helpful. 

 

Interestingly, I did not really notice a problem that you and Regentrude seem to have picked up on -  in different ways - of promising too much. 

 

 

I’d sort of tend to give it a “take what you can use and leave the rest” approach and to ignore any hyperbole or Christian veneer that seems wrong for one’s personal situation. 

Or not to do it at all, of course.  😉

 

 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Pen

[Pen]

22 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

Nope. I don't believe I have it in me right now. 😄 😜 

 

Supposedly it takes most people quite a few months before they actually succeed in getting a 21 day complaint free streak. 😉😁🤣  Even if not during a pandemic, election, etc.    !  I figure I may as well start it now 😀

[SquirrellyMama]

No, I don't. It is October, which is usually the most beautiful month, and it is 34 degrees with snow coming. I am not feeling "no complaints". I'm cold 🥶

Kelly

[Pen]

6 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said:

This might be the best thread in all the history of WTM.    A thread about not complaining full of posts complaining about it.  🤣🤣🤣

LOL!!! 

I know!  🙃

 

Quote

I will try, Pen.  When do you want to start?    I had intended to spend my 20 minute daily walks complaining about @Slache, but now I must come up with an alternative plan.  😉

 

 

Great !   Thank you!!!

👍

Today!

I gather each time one messes up, the 21 days starts over, but that noticing tends to help with reduction over time. 

I am starting with my dog’s whistle on a lanyard going side to side instead of a wristband.  

I think I have not messed up on complaint yet today. But I doubt I will make it all day! 

 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Pen

[MercyA]

Yes, I'll join in, Pen. A worthy goal and very much in line with Philippians 2:14. 

So, the goal is not 21 days with the fewest amount of complaints possible, but 21 days straight with no complaints, even if one must start over many times? Do I have that right?

ETA: I will for sure have to start tomorrow. 😉 

Edited October 25, 2020 by MercyA

[Pen]

6 minutes ago, Dreamergal said:

I don't understand the premise or context of this book or post so please pardon if I am on the wrong track.

The Queen Mother was famous for "Never complain, never explain". I was raised in an environment where the British had apparently passed the stiff upper lip to the colonial masses. Anything that was not accepted by the status quo was considered "complaining". It challenged parents like mine saddled with daughters who chaffed against gender roles. My relationship survived and is strong with my parents because they changed to accept my "complaints" for what it was. My needs and to learn to accept me for who I am vs what they wanted me to be. But for a while it was touch and go.

It was relief to see in America speaking up was encouraged. Mental health was an actual thing where people were encouraged to speak up about things they faced instead of hiding them. There was honesty and facing hard reality even when facing what is historically called "unpleasant" like scandals at the expense of demolition of institutions. Even the church was not spared. I prefer to live like that. Take a hard look at reality, accept it though it is so much easier to live in fantasy and hide your head in the sand like an ostrich. It makes for a healthier and honest society in the long run if you ask me.

In my time, school counselors were unheard of in my native country. Now pretty much every school I know has one. Mental health is recognized and it is invaluable during this time to students and therefore parents. So I say I would rather speak up than not be a zombie who does not complain. I have never seen any good that came from "do not complain". Acceptance of reality does not mean pessimism. It means looking at reality squarely and saying things suck. Seeking change or help as needed and living an honest, authentic life. I'd rather that than live a false status quo where the world is perfect and no one complains. That scenario generally works out for a few people at the top, not for the vast majority. 

 

My takeaway: 

I do not think burying one’s head in sand is the concept. 

 

I think the idea is

not engaging in habitual griping or criticism or that sort of thing. 

 

The leaves are falling ...

I can stop and enjoy that they are falling look at their color, listen to their crunch.  

I can get out a rake and rake them up off the driveway.  I can add them to compost pile. 

And I can be relatively happier if I choose that approach than if I complain about them or complain about raking, or complain that they are too hard to deal with — which is also a possible option.  

 

This may be multiplied by a hundred or a thousand little things in the day.

 

Or it could be that it is a bit like the story of the possibly Buddhist monks walking who come to a woman who can’t cross a creek and one of the monks picks her up and carries her across.  

 

If some big important thing arises where I think complaining would be beneficial, nothing will stop me from doing that.  

 

 

[Pen]

1 minute ago, MercyA said:

Yes, I'll join in, Pen. A worthy goal and very much in line with Philippians 2:14. 

So, the goal is not 21 days with the fewest amount of complaints possible, but 21 days straight with no complaints, even if one must start over many times? Do I have that right?

ETA: I will for sure have to start tomorrow. 😉 

 

Thank you!!!

yes my understanding is I am working toward goal of 21 days straight with no complaint at all even if it takes starting over many times.

 

[Moonhawk]

25 minutes ago, Dreamergal said:

...

In my time, school counselors were unheard of in my native country. Now pretty much every school I know has one. Mental health is recognized and it is invaluable during this time to students and therefore parents. So I say I would rather speak up than not be a zombie who does not complain. I have never seen any good that came from "do not complain". Acceptance of reality does not mean pessimism. It means looking at reality squarely and saying things suck. Seeking change or help as needed and living an honest, authentic life. I'd rather that than live a false status quo where the world is perfect and no one complains. That scenario generally works out for a few people at the top, not for the vast majority. 

I think there's a difference between "complaining" and "changing the world." Complaining is where you sit on the phone and gripe to your friend about how unfair it all is while eating bon bons and flipping channels. Speaking out and advocating for better things isn't complaining, to me. Sure, I think a lot of change STARTS with complaining, but if we just took a constructive attitude from the get-go instead of the passive complaining role, the world would be a better place faster.

This is my understanding of this particular complaining the book is probably talking about. I haven't read it, it's just the sense I'm getting from @Pen's posts and others' commitment to the challenge.

[Carol in Cal.]

I am Christian, and I’m sensitive about Christianity being misused or misrepresented.

But, I think that this concept is a good idea.  

Hope I’m being clear.

 

[Pen]

1 minute ago, Moonhawk said:

I think there's a difference between "complaining" and "changing the world." Complaining is where you sit on the phone and gripe to your friend about how unfair it all is while eating bon bons and flipping channels. Speaking out and advocating for better things isn't complaining, to me. Sure, I think a lot of change STARTS with complaining, but if we just took a constructive attitude from the get-go instead of the passive complaining role, the world would be a better place faster.

This is my understanding of this particular complaining the book is probably talking about. I haven't read it, it's just the sense I'm getting from @Pen's posts and others' commitment to the challenge.

 

Yes! That is the way I understand it. 

[Pen]

9 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I am Christian, and I’m sensitive about Christianity being misused or misrepresented.

But, I think that this concept is a good idea.  

Hope I’m being clear.

 

 

 

Link to first chapter - it may or may not fit your views, may or may not resonate, but probably better to read some of the actual text than a review of it on Goodreads.  I think I will delete the Goodreads link in OP. 

 

http://www.willbowen.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Complaint-Free-World-Chapter-1-Sample.pdf

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, Pen said:

http://www.willbowen.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Complaint-Free-World-Chapter-1-Sample.pdf

I started reading, and could not get past where, on the first page, it defines: Complain-to express grief, pain or discontent

Not expressing grief and pain? That sounds tremendously unhealthy. Sometimes expressing grief and pain when faced with a situation that has no silver lining and for which no action exist is the only thing one can do to process and to cope. 

[Pen]

 

10 minutes ago, Dreamergal said:

The thing is who decides what is important ? Some people may prefer people not talk about slavery or colonialism and hurts of the past and call it complaining. I've had discussions on this very board about that.  

 

One decides for oneself as far as I understand this program.  Here is a link to first chapter free:

http://www.willbowen.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Complaint-Free-World-Chapter-1-Sample.pdf

If it does not appeal to you to give it a try don’t.

I was looking for a long distance buddy to do it with me. A couple of people have said they will and I am very happy with that.

I do not expect it to appeal to everyone!

 

 

[regentrude]

nm. not worth it. just makes me angry

Edited October 25, 2020 by regentrude

[Pen]

@Dreamergal do you have any optimism building approaches that you think helpful that you would be willing to share?

Like if this were a thread generally about mutual support for development of optimism instead of a particular book’s approach (much like general exercise support threads (well trained bodies, say) rather than a thread about one particular type of exercise -( 20 miles  or DPP Yoga, say ) ) do you have practices that you have found to work well?   

Or that you might do _______ while others might be trying _____?  Much like one person might be jogging while another is doing sit ups? 

 

48 minutes ago, Dreamergal said:

I do agree with the part of your post for looking at the positive. But I wanted to speak specifically of this.

 I believe in gratitude and optimism, but my grandparents lived through difficult times and I never saw them complain, but it must have hurt to have siblings die who were mostly young women of TB, to raise nieces and nephews because their fathers were so stunned they never recovered. Today, there would have been help for them, acknowledgement that it was difficult. My grandparents never spoke of it, but their actions of boiling sheets to wash and washing coins two generations after TB and a vaccine was found spoke of trauma. I used to find it amusing, now I see it for what it was, trauma that lasted a lifetime.

I don't see myself sanitizing packages and mail with bleach till the end of my days long after the pandemic passes and a vaccine is found. If I do that, I will seek therapy to talk about my trauma.

I have been reading the book "Battle of Brothers" about William and Harry. They have both spoke about how not getting help affected them in many ways honestly. It flew against the British way of "stiff upper lip". This is what happens when people do not speak of trauma.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/apr/17/prince-harry-grief-revelations-praise-mental-health-experts

The thing is who decides what is important ? Some people may prefer people not talk about slavery or colonialism and hurts of the past and call it complaining. I've had discussions on this very board about that.  

To have optimism and hope, I do not see "not complaining" ever as the goal. It means suppression in some way. I can still appreciate the leaves and gripe about sweeping them. It is not either or.

Joy, optimism, gratitude are all wonderful and it is very healthy but that does not mean we do not see the negative sides of it. True joy, optimism, gratitude comes despite suffering not suppressing it. 

 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Pen

[Carol in Cal.]

Ok, I read it.  I think it is poorly written and quite questionable, but I also think that having a positive outlook is a good idea from a happiness perspective, and also that burdening other people with negativity is kind of mean.  Also, I noted that the book does not identify calm statements of negative facts as complaints, but rather as neutral, and I fully intend to take advantage of that.

In this I agree with the British.  I think you can have a stiff upper lip to the world but still vent to yourself in private, and that that is a great kindness to those around you (sparing them).  Misery loves company, and venting to others tends to increase it for them.  

I think that in general, people can pick (to some extent) what they focus on.  I can choose to be unhappy that it’s too hot to go for a run, or to be happy that the air is much cleaner today than it has been for a long time.  Neither of those things is subject to any decision or action of mine, and the choice to focus on the positive is going to be better for me and also for those around me.

So I will try this, using a ring that fits both ring fingers.  

Edited October 25, 2020 by Carol in Cal.

[Not_a_Number]

I don't think not complaining will make me happier, lol. I understand the concept, but sometimes, complaining just means speaking up. And sometimes, it means blowing off steam when I have no practical way to change things. 

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

 I also think that having a positive outlook is a good idea from a happiness perspective, and also that burdening other people with negativity is kind of mean.  In this I agree with the British.  I think you can have a stiff upper lip to the world but still vent to yourself in private, and that that is a great kindness to those around you (sparing them).  Misery loves company, and venting to others tends to increase it.  

So a person grieving should do so in private because it is mean to call a friend and cry on the phone? We should present an Instagram worthy glossy reality and keep the heartbreak to ourselves, as a kindness to others?

I do not want to live in such a world. I want people to be authentic. I want people to be able to share the sides that aren't glossy, to cry about their heartbreak, not to feel they have to hide their sadness because not doing so would be a burden.
Most folks I know who are suffering already think they are a burden. It makes the loneliness even worse. 

Edited October 25, 2020 by regentrude

[Pen]

3 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Ok, I read it.  I think it is poorly written and quite questionable, but I also think that having a positive outlook is a good idea from a happiness perspective, and also that burdening other people with negativity is kind of mean.  In this I agree with the British.  I think you can have a stiff upper lip to the world but still vent to yourself in private, and that that is a great kindness to those around you (sparing them).  Misery loves company, and venting to others tends to increase it.  

So I will try this, using a ring that fits both ring fingers.  

 

Great! Thanks!

I like the ring idea - I think I’ll try ring instead of bracelet after I test it out for awhile with the dog whistle. 

 

[73349]

It's not about not being authentic--certainly the author does not speak against people who are grieving openly with the people they are close to--and it's not about not speaking up to correct things when needed. It's about correcting a bad habit of complaining over little things.

If you don't have such a habit, it's not the book for you. If you suspect you might, get a bracelet and check. 😉 It's not a brilliantly written book, but the technique may be of use for many.

Edited October 25, 2020 by Carolina Wren

[Guest]

I’ll join in. It would be interesting to put that in practice concurrent with the communications skills focus. 

(Haven’t read the book and can’t manage it at the moment.)

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, Carolina Wren said:

It's not about not being authentic--certainly the author does not speak against people who are grieving openly with the people they are close to--and it's not about not speaking up to correct things when needed. It's about correcting a bad habit of complaining over little things.

He specifically says: "If we are honest with ourselves, life events that lead us to express grief, pain, or discontent are exceptionally rare"

And his exceptional event he talks about is the death of his dog. "You may have experienced something equally difficult at some time in your life. Fortunately, such traumatic events are rare. Similarly, complaining (expressing grief, pain or discontent) should be rare."

On what planet does this dude live? 

[73349]

6 minutes ago, regentrude said:

He specifically says: "If we are honest with ourselves, life events that lead us to express grief, pain, or discontent are exceptionally rare"

And his exceptional event he talks about is the death of his dog. "You may have experienced something equally difficult at some time in your life. Fortunately, such traumatic events are rare. Similarly, complaining (expressing grief, pain or discontent) should be rare."

On what planet does this dude live? 

He's asking, How many times in a year do difficult things happen to you vs. how many times do you complain about something trivial? For a lot of people, it's hundreds or thousands or even tens of thousands of unnecessary complaints for any one genuinely difficult event, creating a needlessly negative environment for themselves and others. Those are the people this book is for. It sounds like it's not for you, and that's fine.

Edited October 25, 2020 by Carolina Wren

[Moonhawk]

So, my last boss had a terrible memory. He was very smart and could remember details from years ago, but short term memory and medium term memory were not there. You've heard of memory palaces? The only way to describe it is that he had a memory hovel. It turns out it was a symptom of a medical condition, but we did not know it at the time. For years. 

This, obviously, can cause a lot of issues in a business environment. I'd come home and complain to my DH about whatever new frustration it made for the day. 

Finally, DH told me, "If you aren't willing to actually do anything about it, stop complaining to me."

For me, it was a big light switch. I'm not naturally a complainer, but in this case I saw it as out of my hands and was focused on the negative aspects, but I wasn't thinking about any initiative I could take to make it better for myself. I was finding, almost enjoyment?, in having something to complain about. Which obviously isn't a healthy way to deal with it.

I did stop complaining about it (mostly), and I also took the initiative to make it better for both of us at work. So so many emails and calendar reminders that I shared with him, he basically had my to-do list for every day even though the environment we were in didn't really require that. And after every meeting I'd write it in my log book and send an email back to him of actionables. 

He still forgot stuff. A lot. But having the paper trail to refresh him when he were talking about something for the 3rd time in the week was really helpful in explaining what had already been done and why. 

Complaining has its place. Depression and serious issues are obvious areas where venting and expressing grief and anger can be part of the coping. And when I drop a can of beans onto my foot, you bet you will hear about it, lol. So nothing I'm saying is taking away from the very important role venting/expressing grief/complaining can be for mental health and emotional health and authentic relationships.

But when complaining becomes the default of how we deal with negative experiences, no matter how small or insignificant, it damages us. It primes us to look for the negative things in life, without necessarily looking for the good or the changes we can make. And a lot of times, we don't go past the complaining to the solving. Because complaining can feel good, like a warm comfy blanket of petty grievances that insulates us from taking responsibility for our own actions and reactions. 

I could be wrong, I haven't read the book, and some of the quotes above make me raise my eyebrow. Not defending the author here, rather, I'm choosing to see what Pen is challenging as addressing the petty complaining that doesn't serve us in a positive way. Not that it's bad all the time, but resetting a HABIT of doing it is something isn't a bad idea or being insincere or suppressed, either. If I pick my nose and decide for 21 days to stop, that doesn't mean I'm suppressing a part of myself as much as I'm trying to improve something I have control over.

fwiw, I'm not joining the challenge (my mental will has to be placed elsewhere currently) but will try and be more conscious of the behavior I'm modeling for my kids in this way.

 

[regentrude]

nm. forget it

Edited October 25, 2020 by regentrude

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Pen said:

 

Supposedly it takes most people quite a few months before they actually succeed in getting a 21 day complaint free streak. 😉😁🤣  Even if not during a pandemic, election, etc.    !  I figure I may as well start it now 😀

It might be hard for me to go 21 minutes...

[73349]

Just now, regentrude said:

Difficult things are happening right now to pretty much every person I know pretty much every  day. They have been dealing with one "genuinely difficult" event every.single.day since March.

The book is old. *shrug* But a lot of my complaints have been about trivial things, and I bet a lot of other people's have, too.

[Carol in Cal.]

9 minutes ago, regentrude said:

He specifically says: "If we are honest with ourselves, life events that lead us to express grief, pain, or discontent are exceptionally rare"

And his exceptional event he talks about is the death of his dog. "You may have experienced something equally difficult at some time in your life. Fortunately, such traumatic events are rare. Similarly, complaining (expressing grief, pain or discontent) should be rare."

On what planet does this dude live? 

Dude is a weird and dumb guy and the book is not one I would want to read.  Separate issue from the question though.

[Carol in Cal.]

36 minutes ago, regentrude said:

So a person grieving should do so in private because it is mean to call a friend and cry on the phone? We should present an Instagram worthy glossy reality and keep the heartbreak to ourselves, as a kindness to others?

I do not want to live in such a world. I want people to be authentic. I want people to be able to share the sides that aren't glossy, to cry about their heartbreak, not to feel they have to hide their sadness because not doing so would be a burden.
Most folks I know who are suffering already think they are a burden. It makes the loneliness even worse. 

How many people you know who complain all the time have a lot of good relationships?  Habitual negativity is just that—habitual.  And habits can be changed.  The book seems to pretty much suck, but the idea of becoming more aware of the extent to which this might be a habit, and if so, changing it, is a good one.

And regarding grieving, I am not sure whether you find this so, but in every workplace I have ever been in, grieving is expected to be kept private.  But it is expressed by invitation to a few, and only by invitation.  

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time right now.

Edited October 25, 2020 by Carol in Cal.

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, Dreamergal said:

I am making it up as I go. Optimism to me is seeing the world as it is, accepting reality in all it's flaws and still choosing to smile. I lost a beloved child, my second baby conceived and stayed in the womb instead of miscarriage as it was the case with many of her siblings. She barely lived and it literally tore me apart to lose her. It took everything in me to choose to have another child. I faced the possibility of losing that child too, horrible pregnancy, bed rest and yet if I had not done so, I would not have my daughter today. When my daughter was born I felt joy and sadness. If my second baby had lived, she would not be here. It made me grateful to have my daughter because she came to us after so much but I still miss my second baby and grief appears at odd times. But intense grief does go away. My children give me the deepest joy yet that sadness will always be there. That is my idea of optimism. Feeling grief, pain for what I loss and yet choosing joy and gratitude for what I have.

I am so sorry you lost your child. My deepest condolences. 

I love your definition of optimism. 

[Guest]

Lol, okay, here’s me just now...

”I need some kind of rubber bracelet...I know! I’ll ask my son if I can use the ‘I 💜 Austria’ bracelet I gave him when I went to Europe.” *going to his bedroom*

“Son, can I borrow that Austria bracelet I gave you for a while?”

DS: ”Yeah but I don’t know where it is.”

Me: “You already lost it? I just gave it to you a couple months ago.”

DS: “That was like a half a year ago! It’s probably here somewhere but I don’t know where...”

*I’m rummaging in his drawers...* “How can this be gone already?...your room smells like funk...all these socks, do you even wear these?...why is there an iced tea can behind here, no wonder your room stinks...”

I look behind his dresser...”It’s probably down there...good lord, all the stuff back there! Well, there’s your posture corrector...so glad I spent money on *that*!”

This will be difficult...

[Carol in Cal.]

1 minute ago, Happymomof1 said:

What you are asking people to do will cause mental illness.  UGGHHHHHHH. I spent many years hiding, thinking that is what I was supposed to do.  To think that you are just supposed to be Pollyanna.  NO!!!! This is shallow Christianity.

https://sacredstoryministries.org/mosaic/

This is not Christianity at all, that’s not what I mean in the slightest.  This is functional behavior.  Not pretending, but not letting it all hang out all the time either.  There is a time and a place where it is appropriate to express negativity, although not habitually, and there are times and places where it is not.  

[Guest]

Quote

 gather each time one messes up, the 21 days starts over, but that noticing tends to help with reduction over time. 

I am starting with my dog’s whistle on a lanyard going side to side instead of a wristband.  

I think I’m going to structure it differently. I’m going to try to move my bracelet from wrist to wrist the fewest times over twenty one days. I’m not going to start over when I mess up because, at 5:37am when I have already complained because the coffee pot failed to switch on automatically due to the power going out for two minutes in the middle of the night, I will have already blown it for the day and will feel like I might as well have at it. Heh. So I’m not going to add days. I’m just going to try not to have a reason to switch the bracelet over. 

[Carol in Cal.]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

I think I’m going to structure it differently. I’m going to try to move my bracelet from wrist to wrist the fewest times over twenty one days. I’m not going to start over when I mess up because, at 5:37am when I have already complained because the coffee pot failed to switch on automatically due to the power going out for two minutes in the middle of the night, I will have already blown it for the day and will feel like I might as well have at it. Heh. So I’m not going to add days. I’m just going to try not to have a reason to switch the bracelet over. 

I’m just going to switch it gaily.  Back and forth.  Throughout the day.  I’m interpreting this as an awareness thing, not as a right hand of shame all day long thing.

[SereneHome]

I think there are all kinds of different types of complaining. There are ones that perpetual and ones that are situational and ones that just venting. And then there is the opposite  - people who think that complaining in any form = being utterly ungrateful.

I usually call my mom on my to work. And she usually asks me how is everything, how are the kids. So, I remember very vividly when one day I said how crappy my day was going. I got in return how I should just thank G-d about EVERYTHING and I shouldn't be so negative. Yeah...I hung up. If she wasn't my mother, I would have had some strong words before I hung up.

While perpetual complainers are annoying, I don't trust people who consider complaining a sin (not in a religious context).

I strive for balance. Its ok to moan and groan for something trivial and it's ok to be thankful for something trivial too. Let's not go to extremes.

[Ausmumof3]

44 minutes ago, Dreamergal said:

I am making it up as I go. Optimism to me is seeing the world as it is, accepting reality in all it's flaws and still choosing to smile. I lost a beloved child, my second baby conceived and stayed in the womb instead of miscarriage as it was the case with many of her siblings. She barely lived and it literally tore me apart to lose her. It took everything in me to choose to have another child. I faced the possibility of losing that child too, horrible pregnancy, bed rest and yet if I had not done so, I would not have my daughter today. When my daughter was born I felt joy and sadness. If my second baby had lived, she would not be here. It made me grateful to have my daughter because she came to us after so much but I still miss my second baby and grief appears at odd times. But intense grief does go away. My children give me the deepest joy yet that sadness will always be there. That is my idea of optimism. Feeling grief, pain for what I loss and yet choosing joy and gratitude for what I have.

I am always woe is me in default mode but gratitude journal helps a lot. Being grateful for even food, shelter, clean water, hot water and not looking at these things as owed to me because there is nothing I did to deserve it and the others who are in poverty did that they do not deserve the same things I take as owed to me.

It is a work in progress. Fail, get up, fail get up and do it again and again. 

You know I love reading your posts because they always seem so optimistic and full of hope.  

[MercyA]

Haven't read the book, not planning on it, just thinking that this is a good, healthy, useful, Scripturally sound thing to work on.

No one likes to be around someone who is complaining all the time about trivial things. There is absolutely a level at which one can start to seem ungrateful.

I am not talking about expressing grief over serious things. I am not talking about expressing concerns about world events. I am talking about me complaining that I was tired when making dinner an hour ago. Heated up dinner in the microwave. Woe is me. 🙄 Love to kick that habit. I do much better than I did when I was first married (my poor, wonderful, long-suffering husband!), but I'd like to progress further. 

Pen, I think I'm going to do the best I can for 21 days instead of trying for 21 perfect days in a row. I think it'll still be helpful! Looking forward to doing this challenge with those who are in. ❤️

[Ausmumof3]

 this thread keeps making me think of this!

 

I tend to complain about petty things because the bigger things I would like to deal with seem too difficult or fraught sometimes.  I wonder if that’s a common dynamic.

Complaining is kind of biblical but only about the big stuff.  There’s a whole book called lamentations.   
 

I don’t think I’m going to be able to do 21 days but in the spirit of its easier to replace a negative habit with a positive one I might try a bit of a gratitude challenge for 21 days instead.

Edited October 25, 2020 by Ausmumof3

[Violet Crown]

2 hours ago, MercyA said:

Yes, I'll join in, Pen. A worthy goal and very much in line with Philippians 2:14. 

Not to mention Matthew 12:6. I'm in. 

Please don't anybody start any challenges tackling any more of my vices.

[Spy Car]

I was born to kvetch. I mean who's kidding who?

But it has been an interesting experiment in--what would you call it?....the total denial of the reality of my nature?--but when we discovered Instacart, I--the pickiest food shopper ever--decided that anyone who was braving Covid on our behalf would have "total immunity" from criticism...including any critical thoughts eminitating from my brain...and would instead only be subject to feelings of gratitude (no matter how badly orders might be screwed up). LOL.

I've been remarkably successful in this one area. It's weird.

Bill

 

[Pen]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

Lol, okay, here’s me just now...

”I need some kind of rubber bracelet...I know! I’ll ask my son if I can use the ‘I 💜 Austria’ bracelet I gave him when I went to Europe.” *going to his bedroom*

“Son, can I borrow that Austria bracelet I gave you for a while?”

DS: ”Yeah but I don’t know where it is.”

Me: “You already lost it? I just gave it to you a couple months ago.”

DS: “That was like a half a year ago! It’s probably here somewhere but I don’t know where...”

*I’m rummaging in his drawers...* “How can this be gone already?...your room smells like funk...all these socks, do you even wear these?...why is there an iced tea can behind here, no wonder your room stinks...”

I look behind his dresser...”It’s probably down there...good lord, all the stuff back there! Well, there’s your posture corrector...so glad I spent money on *that*!”

This will be difficult...

 

Best laugh of my last week so far!  Thank you!

 

 

the dog whistle did not go well because same time as I am trying to get his attention to hurry it up so we can go home and get warm (a complaint sort of) I can’t be blowing and shifting it side to side at same time. 

 

So... 

I had a stretchy tube buff type thing that I had been using to cut strips for homemade masks ties/ ear loops.   I cut a piece and made a wristlet of it.   (Actually it was already cut for mask use, but wasn’t currently in use for Mask since I am using a bought not homemade now.) 

 maybe I will use ring idea at same time, but for now this works 😊

 

wristlet in midst of fallen leaves:

 

 

[MercyA]

Very pretty wristlet, @Pen! I haven't decided what I'm going to use yet. Marbles in a jar? Wish I had a mini abacus or something.