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[fairfarmhand]

.thank you

Edited October 25, 2020 by fairfarmhand

[marbel]

I'm sorry. Being dumped is awful, no mater what the relationship, no matter how old you are. Hugs to your daughter. I hope you can find a way to ease the pain a little for her. 

[mom2scouts]

Aw, I'm sorry. That's so hard. I really don't understand it. There's no reason you can't be friends with people you only see occasionally or only share a few interests with.

My DD14 had the same thing happen last year. She met a girl at an activity when they were 5. They wouldn't see each other for a long time and then would be so excited whenever they ran into each other again. At age 11 they ended up at the same level of an activity and became best friends. They did everything together: sleepovers, eating out together, birthdays, hanging out, and we carpooled and shared hotel rooms when traveling for their sport. The other girl was always telling DD she was her best friend. When DD was getting ready for her 13th birthday, I asked if she wanted to invite the friend over and she said no. She told me that the girl had moved to a higher level in their activity and decided she would be friends with the girls at that level instead.  She completely dumped DD and wouldn't even talk to her anymore although they still had to see each other sometimes. DD was so sad and hurt. My dd doesn't have many other friends, so it really hurt her. DD ended up dropping the activity during the shutdown. 😟

((Hugs)) to your daughter. 

[fairfarmhand]

I texted a mom of one of my dds other friends and her dd is coming over tomorrow afternoon for a few hours. That helps alot. 

One of the gifts of femininity is being very relational. (generalization, I know, but still) I hate it when women and girls use this gift to wound and manipulate rather than lift others up.

My girls get so tired of my harping on things like "include so and so, even if they're not your best friend. They need friends too." but they know why I do it. Every one of my three girls have now had to go through something like this. Thankfully, it's made them super conscious of being good friends, kind and inclusive to everyone.  One of the things that this pandemic has frustrated me about is that I can't have the large get togethers with many families. We'd do them about once a month so we can include lots of other people who aren't necessarily close friends. I've had so many moms thank me for including their kid who is typically a shy wallflower and doesn't get lots of invitations. My kids can play uno or some board game with a kid who's not their bestie for two hours once a month. It's the kind thing to do. 

[Harriet Vane]

I'm so sorry.

No advice, but plenty of commiseration. Some people have ugly hearts. I'm sorry.

Edited October 25, 2020 by Harriet Vane
Deleted for privacy.

[MercyA]

38 minutes ago, mom2scouts said:

Aw, I'm sorry. That's so hard. I really don't understand it. There's no reason you can't be friends with people you only see occasionally or only share a few interests with.

This exactly. 

I'm so sorry for you and your daughter, fairfarmhand. I hate this kind of stuff, too. 

[Shoeless]

I'm so sorry. 😞 The only consolation is that at least the girl had the courage to tell your daughter, rather than fade out and leave her wondering what happened.  

[klmama]

So sorry about your dd.  One of my dc was treated similarly by a supposed BFF, and it really hurt.  On the plus side, dc is much more purposeful now about including everyone and befriending people that seem to be outside the group.  

[fairfarmhand]

58 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

I'm so sorry. 😞 The only consolation is that at least the girl had the courage to tell your daughter, rather than fade out and leave her wondering what happened.  

Yeah. I guess.  Thing is though if you slowly fade out, in the future if you change your mind or circumstances change you can pick up the friendship.  Done this way it kind of slams the door on that option.

 

 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I'm sorry your dd was hurt, the girl certainly could have been more diplomatic.  

But I think there is room for a lot of understanding for this other girl.  She may have felt that maintaining a superficial friendship was burdensome to her (perhaps she's a n introvert), perhaps she's been taught that frankness and honesty, while painful, are better long term than shrining someone along and making up excuses not to get together.  She's a teen, so she didn't handle it as well as she could have, but she was trying to be honest.  

It doesn't take away the hurt for your dd, but maybe one big "hurt" is long term better than the regular and repeated disappointment of trying to get together with this girl and having the girl dodge the invitations with flimsy excuses.