What's the scam here?

[Farrar]

So, a friend of my mother's is being catfished and she's deep, deep into the whole thing. My mom has been saying from the get go, um, this sounds sketchy, but it has gotten deeper and deeper (like, guy says he's coming with his teen son who is also corresponding with her telling her he loves her and she's looking at houses for them to buy together). There's zero doubt that it's a scam - my mom reverse image searched the photos he sent and they're all over scam sites. 

My mom is a casual friend, so she actually started by approaching the close friends to be like, can we have a group intervention here? None of them were willing to do it. There's a whole... thing there. It's complex. In the end, I told my mother if she cared about her at all, she needed to just send her the links to the scam warnings about the person, which she has now done. And now she's stepping back because if you literally see the exact images of the person catfishing you on multiple scam sites and still go all in, you need more help than a casual friend who is trying to warn you off.

One of the reasons the friends haven't been willing to approach her is that no one can figure out what the scam is. I said, it doesn't matter in the end, just that we know it's a scam. But we're puzzled too. Folks who know more about these things... what is the scam here? The victim is very poor. Lives on SS check and dogsitting money and can barely get food and necessities from month to month. Does not own property - lives in an apartment owned by a friend basically rent free. Has such a bad credit rating that she cannot get credit cards. Does not have family with money either. She is already out some money - she rented a car and booked a hotel room for his supposed arrival very soon.

But... what is he hoping to get from her? She has supposedly been up front that this is her situation. Why would the scammer not just move on? I suggested maybe it's just a bulk business. He'll need something because he got held up and she'll provide it and he'll get a measly few hundred dollars from her, which would be all the assets should could possibly get together and then that'll be the end of it because she won't be able to get together anything else. Or maybe he's after her social security check on an ongoing basis? Like, maybe he has a way to get it out from her?

[Jean in Newcastle]

If you scam enough people for even small amounts, it adds up. 

[Arctic Bunny]

Well, there’s this....

[Farrar]

I think, from the scam reports, that this person who uses these photos is in it for the money. But the idea that it's for psychological reasons is interesting. I don't even know this friend and I feel terrible for her. She sounds like a lovely person who is just incredibly naive.

[Katy]

She sounds lonely.

Poor by American standards is rich in many other areas.

[Arctic Bunny]

3 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I think, from the scam reports, that this person who uses these photos is in it for the money. But the idea that it's for psychological reasons is interesting. I don't even know this friend and I feel terrible for her. She sounds like a lovely person who is just incredibly naive.

You’re probably right. And if the “son” is involved, then it makes sense that it is, indeed, bulk business. The two (or more) of them can keep quite a few going at the same time, and they score a few hundred, or a credit card number, it would be worth it. (“I’m on my way to the airport and forgot my wallet; if I pass the phone to the cab driver, can you just give him your credit card number? Otherwise I’ll miss the plane.”)

[Farrar]

30 minutes ago, Katy said:

She sounds lonely.

Poor by American standards is rich in many other areas.

Definitely. It just seems like a great deal of work from all reports about the number of phone and personal email correspondences she's having to yield what, at absolute most, seems like it will be well under $500. Like, she has zero liquid assets according to my mother. She can't even pay rent. But like others are saying and I initially speculated, if this is your "job" and you're doing it to enough people, you make a good living and maybe even get rich off it by bleeding a few drops from a lot of people.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Plus, even if there isn't money there, sometimes if they work fast enough, the bank, debit/credit card company etc. shell out money before the checks bounce. 

[Carol in Cal.]

"Nine Perfect Strangers" has a catfishing scam as part of the story.  (By Moriarty, who also wrote "Big Little Lies".)

[Farrar]

11 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

"Nine Perfect Strangers" has a catfishing scam as part of the story.  (By Moriarty, who also wrote "Big Little Lies".)

I think she's in my mom's book group. Next book pick? 🤷‍♀️

[Carol in Cal.]

2 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I think she's in my mom's book group. Next book pick? 🤷‍♀️

Not a bad idea, actually.

[KungFuPanda]

Can she tell the police?

[Farrar]

1 minute ago, KungFuPanda said:

Can she tell the police?

She considered it. She and I agreed that she would share the scam blog pages that show the images and talk about it and then let it go.

[Laura Corin]

Someone I know well was scammed for an engagement ring. He couldn't at all afford it.

[Garga]

12 hours ago, Farrar said:

She considered it. She and I agreed that she would share the scam blog pages that show the images and talk about it and then let it go.

You have to come back and tell us how it all turned out. How did the lady respond?

[GoodGrief3]

I’ve watched an embarrassing number of episodes of the Catfish show. It seems like there’s often not really a purpose other than it feels good to have this stranger fall in love with the persons you created. It’s fascinating and sad. 

[marbel]

He could be trying to get access to her bank account for money laundering / fraud purposes.  

 

Edited October 22, 2020 by marbel

[gardenmom5]

Scammers don't care.  They'll get broke people to go to payday loans and get cash that way if they have to.  The scammers don't care about their victim, just the money they get out of them.  and really poor people- tend to be among those who are more easily taken advantage of.

if she refuses to ever send money to him - then he'll dump her and move on, and not sooner.

[Farrar]

2 hours ago, Garga said:

You have to come back and tell us how it all turned out. How did the lady respond?

I haven't heard yet. I also haven't heard if my mom will get booted from this group of church folks over it. We'll see. She read me part of the emails and it was so sad how deep this woman was in. My mom was bewildered as to why no one would sit the woman down and talk her out of it. He literally friended her out of nowhere on Facebook. She thinks they're engaged.

I'll update if I figure out what happened. 

[Alicia64]

I wanted to say, Farrar, it's really cool of you to try to figure out what's going on . . . on this woman's behalf.

Wendy

[G5052]

Arg. That happens more and more.

A scammer called a relative of mine and wanted money to get my son out of jail. The relative did it and didn't tell me. The whole time my son is commuting to college and going to work like normal. Then they called the relative AGAIN, and that time they figured it out.

I was getting online scammers on LinkedIn (lol). They want to link. Then they give some variation on knowing that I am a beautiful person from my picture and my profession. Then they want to get to know me better online because we have "so" much in common. Then I drop them like a hot potato...

And yes, I did an image search, and they are all scams. Now I only accept people that I truly know. Using LinkedIn as dating site? Who would have expected that. Then a friend of mine who was also trying to build up her links got the EXACT SAME PITCH. Gosh, we laughed!

[Jean in Newcastle]

2 hours ago, G5052 said:

Arg. That happens more and more.

A scammer called a relative of mine and wanted money to get my son out of jail. The relative did it and didn't tell me. The whole time my son is commuting to college and going to work like normal. Then they called the relative AGAIN, and that time they figured it out.

I was getting online scammers on LinkedIn (lol). They want to link. Then they give some variation on knowing that I am a beautiful person from my picture and my profession. Then they want to get to know me better online because we have "so" much in common. Then I drop them like a hot potato...

And yes, I did an image search, and they are all scams. Now I only accept people that I truly know. Using LinkedIn as dating site? Who would have expected that. Then a friend of mine who was also trying to build up her links got the EXACT SAME PITCH. Gosh, we laughed!

A scammer called a relative in Canada pretending to be my son who was in jail. . She gave him a big piece of her mind.  (She's a pretty opinionated and firey aunt).  Then she called us and we told her that our son was not in jail and was sitting right next to us.  So she asked to talk to him and gave him a piece of her mind again!  (Just to make sure that he never did go to jail?!)  It was actually pretty funny. 

[Farrar]

Welp. My mom heard back. She has already seen the scam reports. But don't worry, there's a good explanation. She'll fill my mom in later. It's all totally fine. They're getting married and buying a house.

So. That's a deep delusion. I feel sad for her.

 

[City Mouse]

There was a Doctor Phil episode about a young woman who scammed many couples by pretending to be giving up a baby for adoption. She hurt these families immensely, but she never took any money which meant that she didn’t do anything criminally wrong (or at least not anything that any government was willing to prosecute).

The scammer may still try to get money out of her, or it may just be all for attention or a sick idea of “fun”

[Farrar]

Yes. She's out a little money (which to her would be a lot, I think) because she has done things to make plans for his arrival with all the millions of dollars he's bringing, as well as his son which she'll now become the mother of. But I increasingly think maybe this isn't about money. I think it also makes more sense now as to how some of the close friends were treating my mom. Like, I love my mom, but she can come on strong. I think she heard this story and was like, WTF. But maybe they'd already gently been through all this with the friend and have given up doing anything but waiting it out and mitigating any damage. So when my mom got invited in on this happy news and was like, omg, we have to stop this, no wonder they were like, we're just letting it play out.

Edited October 23, 2020 by Farrar

[Garga]

On 10/23/2020 at 6:44 PM, Farrar said:

Welp. My mom heard back. She has already seen the scam reports. But don't worry, there's a good explanation. She'll fill my mom in later. It's all totally fine. They're getting married and buying a house.

So. That's a deep delusion. I feel sad for her.

 

Just saw this today. How very, very sad. She has fallen in love with a lie and only heartbreak is ahead. So sad.  😞

[Carol in Cal.]

On 10/22/2020 at 12:25 PM, G5052 said:

 Using LinkedIn as dating site? Who would have expected that. Then a friend of mine who was also trying to build up her links got the EXACT SAME PITCH. Gosh, we laughed!

Ha, linked in, that's for amateurs.  I get approached on Words with Friends and Chess.com all the time.  It's to the point where I never even open messages there anymore.  So crazy.

[Wheres Toto]

I get random messages from men and/or friend requests on Facebook, Pinterest, and LinkedIn all the time.  I ignore them all.  

Edited October 28, 2020 by DorothyNJ

[Not_a_Number]

On 10/23/2020 at 6:44 PM, Farrar said:

Welp. My mom heard back. She has already seen the scam reports. But don't worry, there's a good explanation. She'll fill my mom in later. It's all totally fine. They're getting married and buying a house.

So. That's a deep delusion. I feel sad for her.

 

Oh, just saw this. How unfortunate 😞 . 

[G5052]

On 10/27/2020 at 12:55 PM, Carol in Cal. said:

Ha, linked in, that's for amateurs.  I get approached on Words with Friends and Chess.com all the time.  It's to the point where I never even open messages there anymore.  So crazy.

Wow! I'm sooo impressed. LOL.