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How are your kids during this pandemic?


mommyoffive
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My youngest two are doing okay, all things considered. They get bummed here and there, but are relatively content with short school days, electronics, trying new things in the kitchen, crafty stuff, etc.  They keep in touch with their closest friends electronically.

My oldest-oldest is pretty okay, though I’m missing him terribly.  He’s working again, concentrating on his music, and looking into online classes. He’s not entirely as introverted as I am, but it’s close.

Next oldest is busy, busy, busy. Mostly good.

Middle child is having a rough go of it. Having a boyfriend for a year when most of that has been during a pandemic has definitely got her down.  She needs more structure and safe(r) activities.

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We had switched from

homesc to public for high school for social reasons (only child) and it would probably help emotionally (and academically) if school were open in person now.  

I have down regulated my idea of okay as “we are alive” - but Not especially thriving . 

 

I think if pandemic had been when we were doing elementary school stage regular homeschooling  it would have been much easier... cozy at home time doing much the same as what we did do.  Outside social and sports activities would have taken a hit, but the life changes would have been minor.  

 

@mommyoffive

Yours? 

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The ones at home are doing ok. Our numbers are low atm and They have been able to work and do some youth group things, working at a farm, and outdoor activities—theater, camping, seeing friends. It’s like things are half way happening half way. We are all tired of it, though. 

My college student is not thriving. ☹️

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Mine are doing fine.   For oldest, life is almost normal.  She's working full time (manages a store, masks are required), going to grad school (zoom classes mostly), seeing friends in small groups.   

My younger two are also doing fine.   They are pretty strong introverts and have a lot of on-line friends that they talk to or game with so a lot of that didn't change.  They've always homeschooled, so that hasn't changed.   My classes are back on with masks so they get some in-person interaction (although both can take-it or leave-it most of the time).  School isn't going great right now but that's more the fault of some chaos happening at home due to big construction projects.  That's also more of an issue to me than to them. 

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My kids are struggling immensely. They’re on the autism spectrum and have always struggled with anxiety and social skills.  After having an abrupt stop to their extracurriculars and Church I don’t know if I’ll get them successfully engaged again.  We’ve literally lost years of progress.

In addition to that, they both had a severe virus in March (before tests were available, no clue if it was Covid) which set off a downward spiral of extreme behaviors and intrusive thoughts.  We’ve been through 6 months of psych med trials with nothing but horrific side-effects including a life-threatening allergic reaction to show for it.  I’m fairly confident that we’re dealing with PANS/PANDAS or some other Autoimmune related disorder, but our doctors just keep pushing us to psychiatric meds.  

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Of my two left of home, one is doing OK, not great, but OK and the other could be better. The older one is an introvert and is busy with homeschool, college applications, and his hobbies. He's been able to do some youth group activities and some outdoor activities, so he has some social events, although of his two favorite activities, one stopped in March and may never return and the other has only had one outdoor event. The younger one is an extrovert and she's struggling a bit more. Her long time best friend dumped her for new friends right before the shutdown and her other good friend is busy with the activity that DD decided to quit during the shutdown. They went from seeing each other every day to not seeing each other for months, although they use technology to keep in touch. I've let dd go to dance classes because the studio is going above and beyond to keep kids healthy, but DD doesn't really have any friends there. Youth group for her is totally online. She spends way too much time watching youtube videos, has had lots of disappointments due to Covid, and has very little social activity and little chance to meet new friends.  I'm concerned about how it will look for both of them as we move into winter.

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Oldest is away at college this year. She is ok with college, but not overly happy. Her anxiety (a problem in the best of times) is at Defcon-5. She is not loving covid-precaution life at a school far from home. She is contemplating coming home for spring semester.

Middle had a covid-precaution-fueled meltdown over the summer. She is in a better place now, but it's been rough. I am dreading winter.  

Youngest is kinda liking this time. She would like to attend an activity or two, but she is an introvert who is digging staying home all day every day. 

We are very close to a flaming hotspot (90% positivity in a county just north of us one day last week); we're in a medium blaze of Covid activity here (running a regular 10-11% positivity). I went from knowing only extended family and friends in far off locations and a few scattered people locally to hearing about someone's positive test daily now. So I don't foresee any loosening of the Covid precautions in this family.

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My older boy is in America living with his friends in a flat in a dense city.  They basically don't go out of the apartment ever.  They share meals and play games and seem to get along really well.  My son is very happy, and is exercising inside his room and taking lots of vitamin D given he *literally* has not been outside in the sun in 2 months. 

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My kids are doing okay, but I think we have more happening than most. Many of their activties meet outdoors, so the onset of winter will mean fewer things to do. Inside things (school and Sunday worship) are all masked with all the typical hygiene routines in place. 

Ds, massively extroverted, has in-person school, Scouts, flag football, and church youth group. (Though the last will shift to Zoom in the winter. ugh.) He got to swim at the pool, go to sleep away camp, do Scout daycamp, fish, and play outside a lot in the summer.  Zero covid cases in any of these settings thus far. 

Dd is  more of an introvert. Her homeschool tutorial is in-person once a week. She has AHG, youth group, and some small group, outdoor gatherings with friends. Dance class in the park and some horseback riding have bee highlights of her fall.  She too got to enjoy the pool, go to sleepaway camp, and have other outdoor fun in the summer.  Zero covid cases in any of her activties thus far. 
 

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Different situation for us, as our lockdown was short and sharp. My kids were far more affected emotionally by the fires in Dec/Jan, and we are already nervous heading into summer again. However, they definitely felt the worry and stress of Covid, we had to cancel a family holiday, stopped swimming for two terms, and still won't go into the city or attend large events. One of the thing I've really noticed is that they are both young, under 10, at school and they're coming home with a lot of political talk. This is not from teachers, it's from other students, about covid and Trump. Seeing we are not even in the USA, and they're fairly young, I thought that was interesting. 

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My kids are doing a lot better.  My oldest basically had a nervous breakdown last year, so before Covid.  We had mostly gotten things under control when covid hit, and things got really bad for them again.  But their new high school is doing classes on Zoom and having lunch outside on the grounds once a week and weekly outdoor, social activities, and they're doing really, really well with that.

We're allowing youngest to have a weekly social gathering with three friends.  It's not ideal, as it's indoors part of the time and they take masks off to eat and such, but the families are pretty cautious and if this is going to go on for multiple years, mental health and social contact is important, and these are pretty much her first friends ever.  But she's doing really well.  

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4 hours ago, Pen said:

We had switched from

homesc to public for high school for social reasons (only child) and it would probably help emotionally (and academically) if school were open in person now.  

I have down regulated my idea of okay as “we are alive” - but Not especially thriving . 

 

I think if pandemic had been when we were doing elementary school stage regular homeschooling  it would have been much easier... cozy at home time doing much the same as what we did do.  Outside social and sports activities would have taken a hit, but the life changes would have been minor.  

 

Here too. Pretty much exactly.

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My kiddo is ok. I found an online social club for kids through fb, and he's been playing games online with them once a week. He takes an online art class twice a month, and has been in Zoom based math club once a week that he's enjoyed.  He's going to play Dungeons and Dragons online again in November through outschool.  He's also been playing World of Warcraft online with us, and I'm really impressed at how well he's handling himself there.  He's introverted and the online interactions are giving him kind of a low-pressure way of learning how to speak up, be assertive, etc. 

He's bummed that we can't go Trick or Treating or attend any of the usual parties this year, (Easter Egg hunt, Not-Back-to-School party, Halloween, Christmas), but he understands. He liked the kids in the homeschool group but was not super-close to any of them.  He is 12, and I think if he was a little older, this would be MUCH harder on him.  He's mostly looking forward to when it is safe to travel, so we can visit family in Chicago and go to the Art Institute (He'd been looking forward to seeing the big George Seurat painting this September!)

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3 hours ago, WoolC said:

My kids are struggling immensely. They’re on the autism spectrum and have always struggled with anxiety and social skills.  After having an abrupt stop to their extracurriculars and Church I don’t know if I’ll get them successfully engaged again.  We’ve literally lost years of progress.

In addition to that, they both had a severe virus in March (before tests were available, no clue if it was Covid) which set off a downward spiral of extreme behaviors and intrusive thoughts.  We’ve been through 6 months of psych med trials with nothing but horrific side-effects including a life-threatening allergic reaction to show for it.  I’m fairly confident that we’re dealing with PANS/PANDAS or some other Autoimmune related disorder, but our doctors just keep pushing us to psychiatric meds.  

Covid also has some longer term neurological effects for some people.  Hope it’s not that but something to keep in mind if you think there’s a chance it may have been Covid.

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6 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

That's interesting... so is the idea that younger kids have an easier time with this? I wonder why that is... I would think that older kids have an easier time socializing online than younger ones. 

I think naturally young kids are more programmed to live predominantly close to parents and in a family context whereas older kids are meant to spread the wings and explore the world a bit.  

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It probably depends on the kid.  My son is 12 and hasn't yet hit the stage where he wants more space from parents.  He's still content to hang out with us and isn't really into "teen" things yet. I think if he was 16 or so, it would make it harder because he'd be wanting independence that we cannot currently give. 

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We are somewhat normal here now.  My boys were fine, my dd is more extroverted and her anxiety levels were high for a while and she struggled to fall asleep.  Some of that was compounded by some pet dramas possibly but I don’t think the isolation helped.  She did spend a lot of time Skyping friends.

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5 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

I think naturally young kids are more programmed to live predominantly close to parents and in a family context whereas older kids are meant to spread the wings and explore the world a bit.  

Yes, I'm thinking back to myself as a teen -- I was pretty happy with doing a lot of social stuff online. Of course, I did go to school... maybe that would have felt insufficient if I hadn't. But then one can organize social things online? 

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4 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yes, I'm thinking back to myself as a teen -- I was pretty happy with doing a lot of social stuff online. Of course, I did go to school... maybe that would have felt insufficient if I hadn't. But then one can organize social things online? 

But parents are still there physically in the background.  I think they are kind of programmed to need a little bit of space away from that situation by that age.  

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13 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

I think naturally young kids are more programmed to live predominantly close to parents and in a family context whereas older kids are meant to spread the wings and explore the world a bit.  

 

3/4 I think it is what you put. 

 

Two more aspects affect older kids more than younger ones.  Younger ones tend to go along with whatever mommy or daddy or other adult in charge says to do.  There may be some balking, but they mostly can let the adults handle whatever is going on be that a pandemic or a weather crisis.   Older kids, especially ones already legally adult, but even middle range teens, have a lot more that is in their own decision making sphere, which adds some stress, I think. And daily events and any extra pandemic cautions, especially if they are driving age or solo public transit age falls directly on them to manage in many cases.

 

The other part is that older kids may have gotten into stage of planning toward future much more than younger kids.  Especially for kids getting ready to enter or who recently entered the work world, whether at end of college or end of high school (or perhaps neither of those), many things have changed radically.  It isn’t just a change from an in person meeting to a Zoom meeting.  But things like plans for applying to a particular work training program that had seemed obvious path 2 years ago—maybe it won’t even exist anymore.  The way the new job is may be much different than had been expected.  Even for people not personally sick there is a lot of upheaval and uncertainty and older teens aren’t shielded from the uncertainty the way many little kids are. 

 

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My older daughter (20) is doing okay.  She is in college, but is doing it online at home.  She had planned to live on campus this semester, but the restrictions became more and more onerous, so she and most of her friends decided to stay home.  She rides her horses everyday, so she has plenty of opportunity to do the thing she loves and has plenty of social interaction.  Since she doesn't consistently social distance from people, she has to social distance from us at home, but she is overall doing fine.  

Younger DD (17) is really struggling.  She was already dealing with anxiety before this.  She had also fallen out of love with her long-time activity.  None of her friends take any precautions to avoid Covid, so she doesn't feel comfortable getting together with them.  They have also been less and less willing to chat via FaceTime and texting.  Since she isn't hanging out with them, they don't feel like they need to make time for her, I guess.  So, she is really miserable.  I wish that I could find her some type of online forum like this one, but it doesn't seem like they exist.  I honestly don't know how she is going to make it through this...

I really wish that this virus hit when my girls were little.  They would have happily played with each other at home.  Or, alternatively, I wish that it hit once they were grown and out of college.  I think this is really hard for teens and college aged kids.  

 

 

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4 hours ago, WoolC said:

My kids are struggling immensely. They’re on the autism spectrum and have always struggled with anxiety and social skills.  After having an abrupt stop to their extracurriculars and Church I don’t know if I’ll get them successfully engaged again.  We’ve literally lost years of progress.

In addition to that, they both had a severe virus in March (before tests were available, no clue if it was Covid) which set off a downward spiral of extreme behaviors and intrusive thoughts.  We’ve been through 6 months of psych med trials with nothing but horrific side-effects including a life-threatening allergic reaction to show for it.  I’m fairly confident that we’re dealing with PANS/PANDAS or some other Autoimmune related disorder, but our doctors just keep pushing us to psychiatric meds.  

See if your insurance or if you can afford a genetic test for psych drugs (or even more drugs).  We did one for dd3 after both she and her older brother were labeled antidepression resistant.  It turned out that they need really old medicine (amytryptilline, nortryptilline, etc) which is the only drugs that both work and don't give bad side effects.

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1 hour ago, Ausmumof3 said:

I think naturally young kids are more programmed to live predominantly close to parents and in a family context whereas older kids are meant to spread the wings and explore the world a bit.  

Yes this is exactly where we are. My boys are pretty much fine. My 15 year old daughter had just started spreading her wings, doing social stuff without parents over her shoulder. She had joined an orchestra which ended up as a mess of zoom and cancellations. It's hard, my state has done over 100 days straight of lockdown.

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9 minutes ago, edelweiss said:

I really wish that this virus hit when my girls were little.  They would have happily played with each other at home.  Or, alternatively, I wish that it hit once they were grown and out of college.  I think this is really hard for teens and college aged kids.  

Yeah, we sent my sister back to college 😕 . Mental health-wise, it seemed like the only thing to do. 

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All three are adults and all three are working online.  All three like working online.  For ds and dd2 particularly- it means no anaphylactic reactions at work.  Plus both dd1 and dd2 are thrilled that they do not have to wear headphones to block idiot co-workers.  DD1  has much heavier  workload with working at home.  DD2 has the same and DS just started working a month ago for a pharmacy benefit management company in a permanent online job so although he didn't work for the same company, he can already tell it is a much better, much less stress than working as a pharmacy tech.

As to their social lives- ds meets with friends while hiking or doing a very small caving group- just a few people.  DD1 has gone on a vacation, a trip to an outdoor wedding, and a trip to inlaws and no symptoms ever and after the vacation to Florida, she took a test and it was negative.  DD2 spends a lot of time with her boyfriend and he got sick two weeks ago but it was mono.  She has had mono twice but not a third time, thankfully.  They hardly ever go out.   

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This year has been really really hard for some of my kids, especially Dd20 and ds 17

We had 3 months of bushfires then straight into covid

Dd was doing uni from home as it went online in April. Unfortunately it us a hands on degree. The teachers at the uni didn't transition very well and were very nasty to students. Dd has now differed her degree. Claims she is never going to complete it and is doing a short online diploma atm. I was seriously concerned for her mental health....... Sigh. She has hatched out some goslings and they are helping her. 

Ds17  bigger sigh... It was meant to be the year of him stretching his wings and learning to fly..... He was going to go to TAFE 3 days a week and work 2 days. It was delayed because of fires..  Then it was all working for March. For the first time ever he was actually happy. He was even walking around singing.... Then TAFE went online. Just about imopssable to do as it was a course of completly hands on, work slowed down... Depression returned

TAFE has returned to one day a week face to face learning. Work is picking up

 

It has been an awful year

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My three are mostly fine.  They’re glad to be back at their high school and that keeps them busy.  Sports and activities are still happening.  DD is getting tired of the mask and other restrictions (I think mainly homecoming dance being cancelled).  They’re pretty adaptable though. 

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My teens are in online dual enrollment classes and their community college has already announced that next quarter would continue to be online. DS15 has zoom sessions on Mon-Thurs and Saturday. DS14 has zoom sessions on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Both have tennis on Saturday since June so they are happier than when we were under shelter in place and even outdoor sports were cancelled (mid March to end May). 
 

DS14 has an 8am class and a 1:30pm class so he is happy to not have to travel to campus.
DS15 misses the campus. However he went with us to grocery shop at least once a month so it hasn’t been too bad. 
 

Today my husband and I went to the nearby indoor mall and there were many people there. It was 88 deg F (31 deg C) today and people were strolling the malls to escape the heat. 

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Younger 2 ok, but dissapointed.

Older 2, 1 mostly ok(more established friends and is fine with online communicating) another hit very hard. The older 2 are in person school, no hybrid options and for mental health it is a necessity. I hope to goodness the rates stay low enough they can stay in school, otherwise it will not be good.

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18 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

That's interesting... so is the idea that younger kids have an easier time with this? I wonder why that is... I would think that older kids have an easier time socializing online than younger ones. 

I found that my kids' need to be with peers increased a ton when they were about 11 or 12.

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18 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

But parents are still there physically in the background.  I think they are kind of programmed to need a little bit of space away from that situation by that age.  

Also, the concept that there is no privacy online (which is true).  Sometimes you just want to talk to your friends privately.  I remember when I was a young teen and how many important discussions we had, which wouldn't have happened in a non-private session.

I also wonder if making friends in the first place is a lot different online.  Someone should do a study.  🙂

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Overall, my kids seem to be doing OK, so I am very thankful about that.

That said ... they just started at a new school (public 9th grade).  School start was delayed, then they were all online for 3 weeks, then over the next 3 weeks, they had a total of 4 days in person.  Now they are back to online until who knows when.

My kids have not had a chance to make new friends.  About half of their best friends from the old school are attending in-person school full-time (non-public), which means they are making new friends and apparently growing away from my kids.  Only one old friend is in any of their current classes.  While my kids have been in fall sports / marching band, they haven't made close friends, and the fall season is about to end.  Winter sports are "suspended" for now.  I'm worried.

Online school is a mixed bag.  My kids hate zoom, but IMO it's better than hybrid when they just had "independent learning" 5-6 days per week.  The type of accountability (in hybrid or all-online) is not appropriate for kids of the age and temperament of my kids.  We have a way to go before they are really doing what they should be, although it's not a complete disaster.  They are stressed out, and it comes out in our interactions at home, making my "helping" them less effective than it could be.  (Though I have a full-time job and really can't do all that much to help.)

My eldest has some mental health issues, and she really needs to have things to do outside the house, with peers, or at least with a coach that isn't Mom.  I was not able to motivate her to go out and exercise [solo or with me] during the pleasant months, so making it happen during sucky weather is not going to be any easier.  The mental health stuff also causes fights in the house.  People not following her impossible rules such as being 100% silent when you chew.  And also, being in the house together a lot means certain extroverts want to talk about everything, regardless of individuals' desire to avoid certain subjects.  And then you have to balance self-respect with respect for elders all day long.  It isn't easy.

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14 hours ago, Katy said:

Bored, frustrated, fine.

This.

Everyone misses extracurriculars, friends, parties.  We did a lot of entertaining prior to this.

Youngest is handling it the best.  

Teenager is managing.

Oldest (adult) - not handling things well.  I worry that he’s one of the late 20-somethings fueling the spread.  Then again, for mental health reasons he simply can’t stay in his condo alone.  

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On 10/18/2020 at 6:01 PM, edelweiss said:

My older daughter (20) is doing okay.  She is in college, but is doing it online at home.  She had planned to live on campus this semester, but the restrictions became more and more onerous, so she and most of her friends decided to stay home.  She rides her horses everyday, so she has plenty of opportunity to do the thing she loves and has plenty of social interaction.  Since she doesn't consistently social distance from people, she has to social distance from us at home, but she is overall doing fine.  

Younger DD (17) is really struggling.  She was already dealing with anxiety before this.  She had also fallen out of love with her long-time activity.  None of her friends take any precautions to avoid Covid, so she doesn't feel comfortable getting together with them.  They have also been less and less willing to chat via FaceTime and texting.  Since she isn't hanging out with them, they don't feel like they need to make time for her, I guess.  So, she is really miserable.  I wish that I could find her some type of online forum like this one, but it doesn't seem like they exist.  I honestly don't know how she is going to make it through this...

I really wish that this virus hit when my girls were little.  They would have happily played with each other at home.  Or, alternatively, I wish that it hit once they were grown and out of college.  I think this is really hard for teens and college aged kids.  

 

 

I have said that to myself too. That I wish it would have hit when all my kids were little.   My youngest misses seeing people but is happy to be just be playing all day.  That kiddo is 4 years old. 

We live in a state that is a hot spot .  We have been isolated totally since March.   Honestly I wish we would not have been from June to September.   Did outside get togethers.   But we were not worried. 

My kids have been in a public virtual school for at least 5 years, so that was such a pro during this.  Great teachers and school. Easy to just keep doing what they were doing instead of a different thing.  

They missed out on a lot of things they were looking forward to.  First trip to Japan,  3 ballets,  and going away for summer intensives for the first time.  They were of course disappointed, but adapted. 

They kept in touch with friends from March to September online.   It has kind of dropped off since started and everyone is busy.  But they see school mates in class every day.   And dance friends everyday in dance class.

They are all dancers and spent every day at dance before covid.  As sad as it is not to be at ballet class and not have the shows, ballet has been a huge support during this.   They have done daily dance classes with friends on zoom.  Gone to summer intensives online and met top dancers in the country.   And they are still dancing everyday with their school and other schools.   We turned our basement into a dance studio for them.  It has given them a lot of stability and something to focus on.  And I think has really helped them mentally. 

We kept them busy over the summer building, painting, and cooking.   We got them all pets because our one dog brought us so much comfort during covid.  We got a puppy and chickens.   Dh takes them out for 10 mile bike rides every Saturday and Sunday,  and shorter rides on weekdays. 

They have enjoyed the extra time at home. And all the time with dh that we don't normally have.  Dh has worked at home this whole time.

Overall they are good.  Somethings are better.   But they miss things from life before too.  My introverts are doing better than my extroverts.

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I have 3 20-somethings and a high school senior. My oldest moved back in with us due to covid unemployment, after living in our old home town, now 9 hours away, for 10 years....since she was a freshman in college. That's been a bit of an adjustment (especially the boyfriend being long distance), but generally good and she found a job up here that she loves and they value her (masks required! 1 covid scare). Child #2 is in an apartment locally and comes over for dinner once/week. He's been building yurts in trees (really) and revising zipline courses and has had minimal work stoppage for covid, some for fires and smoke, and is starting his own business, so doing well. Child #3 is still living @ home and the business she was working for as a caregiver went bankrupt a few months ago and stiffed her on wages. She is going to take a CNA class and then look for a better job.

Child #4 and I were both very sad when we had to leave our homeschool group due to cost (dh was let go early March, just as shutdown started), but all her classes are at CC anyway and online. She's taking 10 units and doing very well, altho' she thinks they're overusing TED talks to make up for less in-class time, LOL. She has 2 friends that she hangs out with regularly, even weekend sleepovers, but both those families are pretty careful too. She didn't get to go to camp, as that was the week the oldest had a co-worker come down with covid and we decided not to risk infecting others. And her dreams of working art camp as a paid helper never came to pass either. She's advertised herself to do senior photos, though, and found a couple of clients, so at least some income. We had to postpone to driver's license...no $ to pay for insurance until dh finds work. But I think she's coping better with coviid restrictions than with the prospect of having to move, depending on what job dh does/doesn't find.

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Today, my 17yo is giving off a lot of “You’re the worst mom ever” energy.

Her summer job is coming to an end, and she wanted to go get an application to wait tables. For the winter. In the mountains of PA.

That is out of my comfort zone already, and then you add winter and a predicted major surge in the next few weeks? Kiss my what???

I don’t want to minimize her frustration and disappointment over the prospect of being unemployed, but it’s also got me kind of annoyed that a teenager who wants for almost nothing is acting like it’s the end of the world while grown adults with families are trying to figure out how to pay rent and buy food. It’s not supposed to be a competition, but come ON.

Trying to remember that I was 17 once. I was 17 once. I was 17 once... and not even in a pandemic.

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