What to do if your tween/teen finds "private" items in bedside drawer

[Laineyloo]

I opened my bedside drawer today where private items for sex are kept and could tell that someone aside from me and my husband had moved things around.   I was (& still am) horrified at the thought of either of my kids looking in there, but especially my 12 year old.  I asked him if he had been in my room and opened any of my drawers and he of course said no.  I also asked my 9 year old, and he said no, as well.  I could tell my 9 year old was clueless and am pretty sure it wasn't him.  I feel like my 12 year old is afraid of getting in trouble, but I really would like to confront the issue while trying to avoid making him feel bad, but it is a privacy issue, as well as not wanting him to see those kinds of things.  Not sure how to handle this.  Anyone ever run into this issue and have advice?  TYIA

[Tanaqui]

Move your personal things to the top shelf of your closet, or else start locking the drawer.

That was easy.

[alisoncooks]

Interesting first post...🤔

[Ausmumof3]

Great first post 🤣🤣

[katilac]

Remind them about not invading privacy, and then tell them that, if they rummage around in your private spaces, they deserve the ensuring trauma. 

[Sneezyone]

Laugh, put them away, remind them that your room is not a cave of mysteries (and your toys are not back massagers or weapons 🤣), and move on. #BTDT.

Edited October 9, 2020 by Sneezyone

[Guest]

24 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Laugh, put them away, remind them that your room is not a cave of mysteries (and your toys are not back massagers or weapons 🤣), and move on. #BTDT.

...cave of mysteries...!!! Lol! 

Seriously, though, my thought has always been: this is MY room. Everything in the drawers of MY room are MINE, whether it’s chocolate, books about how to raise non-nosy kids, or appliances for hot tea on tap. 

[Not_a_Number]

45 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

Interesting first post...🤔

I noticed that. 

[Moonhawk]

The only way I've found to get around this type of embarrassment is get rid of the whole child. Ship them off to relatives or boarding school. You already have two, so at least you don't have to start all over again. Good luck! 

Alternative, only try if you have no foreign relatives: tell the 12yo you're always there if they have questions, but your room is private and if they ever need anything from you, they should ask you instead of searching themselves. I don't think this requires a full confrontation of the more delicate topic unless there's a history of snooping or it happens again.

[Catwoman]

Give the kid a cupcake, and then distract yourself from the embarrassment by going grocery shopping and leaving the cart in the middle of the parking lot, and then, when you get home, cook a nice dinner in the crockpot. 

 

[J-rap]

Hmmm...  I agree -- interesting first post.  I'll say that the parent is probably way more horrified than the child.  

Edited October 11, 2020 by J-rap

[Ausmumof3]

3 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Give the kid a cupcake, and then distract yourself from the embarrassment by going grocery shopping and leaving the cart in the middle of the parking lot, and then, when you get home, cook a nice dinner in the crockpot. 

 

In yoga pants...

[Catwoman]

Just now, Ausmumof3 said:

In yoga pants...

Of course!!! 😁

 

[prairiewindmomma]

1. I agree--odd first post.

2. If they didn't bring it up with you for conversation, then I'm guessing this is a non-issue.

3. If it does come up for conversation, discuss its function briefly and accurately. At 12, they are going to know sooner rather than later from friends or media or just life, and I'd rather direct those conversations. In six short years they will be adults, likely living on their own....I'd rather that they have a healthy view of sexuality with proper info coming from me. 

[Liz CA]

4 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

In yoga pants...

...or a kilt.

[prairiewindmomma]

At least the tween isn't stealing K-Cups!

(I still think of that thread every time I look at a Keurig.)

[Catwoman]

13 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

...or a kilt.

No, wait! Her husband would have to wear the kilt! 😉 

And we would need pictures.

Edited October 9, 2020 by Catwoman

[Catwoman]

7 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

At least the tween isn't stealing K-Cups!

(I still think of that thread every time I look at a Keurig.)

Yes, but she should keep a sharp eye on her in-laws! 😉 

[Catwoman]

Some days, it really sucks to be a brand new poster... 😉

Edited October 9, 2020 by Catwoman
I can’t type a single sentence without a typo!

[Terabith]

31 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

In yoga pants...

No no.  While wearing a bikini....

That said, I found my dad's condoms when I was like 12 and was looking for the cat.  But, under the bed is not a very imaginative hiding spot.  

[Terabith]

23 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

At least the tween isn't stealing K-Cups!

(I still think of that thread every time I look at a Keurig.)

Wait!  I missed that one!  Why was the teen stealing K-cups?

[Excelsior! Academy]

2 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Wait!  I missed that one!  Why was the teen stealing K-cups?

I don't think it was the teen.  It may have been the in-laws.

[prairiewindmomma]

I don’t remember the details exactly... Poster had purchased a Keurig some years ago. At their budget level, k-cups were a bit of a splurge but they had come across a sale and had done a major stock up of boxes of k-cups. Extended family member (EFM) came for a visit. As part of being a good hostess, poster had set out a variety of k-cups for morning coffee. Day 1, all k-cups disappeared. Poster thought this was a bit odd but perhaps EFM was a heavy coffee drinker. Day 2, again all k-cups disappeared. Whatever was set out was just gone. Poster queried the board as to what should be expected of them as a polite hostess. I believe in the end, after EFM left poster discovered EFM had actually also taken unopened boxes of k-cups with her. 

[Terabith]

1 minute ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I don’t remember the details exactly... Poster had purchased a Keurig some years ago. At their budget level, k-cups were a bit of a splurge but they had come across a sale and had done a major stock up of boxes of k-cups. Extended family member (EFM) came for a visit. As part of being a good hostess, poster had set out a variety of k-cups for morning coffee. Day 1, all k-cups disappeared. Poster thought this was a bit odd but perhaps EFM was a heavy coffee drinker. Day 2, again all k-cups disappeared. Whatever was set out was just gone. Poster queried the board as to what should be expected of them as a polite hostess. I believe in the end, after EFM left poster discovered EFM had actually also taken unopened boxes of k-cups with her. 

Wow.  That's a pretty awful EFM.  

[Corraleno]

27 minutes ago, Terabith said:

That said, I found my dad's condoms when I was like 12 and was looking for the cat.  But, under the bed is not a very imaginative hiding spot.  

When my stepbrother was 14, he was rummaging in my stepmother's dresser (looking for something she had confiscated from him) and he found her diaphragm — but since he had no idea what a diaphragm was, he thought it was a reusable condom and was totally freaked out by the size of it. 😂

Edited October 9, 2020 by Corraleno

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Catwoman said:

Give the kid a cupcake, and then distract yourself from the embarrassment by going grocery shopping and leaving the cart in the middle of the parking lot, and then, when you get home, cook a nice dinner in the crockpot. 

 

OP is so confused...

[DawnM]

Joined the boards 11 hours ago......yeah, this isn't a real post.

However, just for fun......turn it into a lesson, that is what we homeschoolers do, right?   Get a book on TeA and sit down and go through it with. your 12 year old.    I am positive this is a perfect time to do that! 🤣

[alisoncooks]

3 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Joined the boards 11 hours ago......yeah, this isn't a real post.

However, just for fun......turn it into a lesson, that is what we homeschoolers do, right?   Get a book on TeA and sit down and go through it with. your 12 year old.    I am positive this is a perfect time to do that! 🤣

Yeah, for a first post of this nature, I automatically assume it's someone who gets his/her jollies by tricking us into revealing what naughty things are in our bedside tables.  But I'm cynical. 

[Violet Crown]

8 hours ago, Catwoman said:

And we would need pictures.

Not if he's a CELEBRITY!!11!!!

[Carrie12345]

1 hour ago, alisoncooks said:

Yeah, for a first post of this nature, I automatically assume it's someone who gets his/her jollies by tricking us into revealing what naughty things are in our bedside tables.  But I'm cynical. 

Well, I’ve got chargers and blocks for just about anything you could need. 
And an x-ray of my foot.
If that fits anybody’s kink, you’re welcome!

[Spryte]

This wins best first post ever.

[Danae]

You’re doing it wrong.  You tell the preteens “ don’t open my nightstand drawer because that’s where your dad and I keep sex stuff.”  Then you use that drawer to hide the answer keys for their math book and the good chocolate.

[Not_a_Number]

11 hours ago, Terabith said:

No no.  While wearing a bikini....

That said, I found my dad's condoms when I was like 12 and was looking for the cat.  But, under the bed is not a very imaginative hiding spot.  

Huh, I guess we should hide them? Ours are just in the bathroom drawer...

[MercyA]

Okay. Embarrassing story. I did rummage through the private stuff in my parents' drawer. Among other things , there was a very interesting copy of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About S-- But Were Afraid to Ask.

Sometime later, my parents were doing some work in my room. They took out my nightstand drawers. I objected strongly and said, "Hey, you don't see me going through your drawers!" Not the best thing to say, from a truth standpoint or otherwise, because my dad replied, "You're right, we don't SEE you." Oh, the shame. That's all that needed to be said. 

My parents are awesome. 

[Tanaqui]

1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

Huh, I guess we should hide them? Ours are just in the bathroom drawer...

 

If you want to hide them, sure. Personally, we keep ours in a big old box in the bathroom because we'd rather the kids have access to them. Not that we want them running out and using them for their intended purpose, but realistically speaking in non-pandemic times we can't actually stop them and we'd prefer if they're prepared.

[Not_a_Number]

20 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

If you want to hide them, sure. Personally, we keep ours in a big old box in the bathroom because we'd rather the kids have access to them. Not that we want them running out and using them for their intended purpose, but realistically speaking in non-pandemic times we can't actually stop them and we'd prefer if they're prepared.

Yeah, we haven’t really tried to hide things 🙂 . My kids are too little to use them, though!

[Terabith]

3 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yeah, we haven’t really tried to hide things 🙂 . My kids are too little to use them, though!

Well, a friend of mine's kid found them and thought they were water balloons.  

[Not_a_Number]

6 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Well, a friend of mine's kid found them and thought they were water balloons.  

I’m sure that’s where their thoughts would go!!

[Emba]

3 hours ago, Danae said:

You’re doing it wrong.  You tell the preteens “ don’t open my nightstand drawer because that’s where your dad and I keep sex stuff.”  Then you use that drawer to hide the answer keys for their math book and the good chocolate.

This is brilliant. They keep finding my chocolate!

[SKL]

Depends on what they found.

If it was condoms or similar, I think it's fine to just be straightforward that you're taking steps to not have another baby.

If it was something else, I have no idea.  I only know of the existence of "toys" from other people mentioning them.  (My kids did ask me recently what a "dildo" was.  I'm not sure I signed up for this, but ... I just answered "a sex toy" and left it at that.)

I think the kids' horror at being caught snooping will be more than sufficient.

[gstharr]

Back when the 10th grader was 5 years, he found a new item before it could be put away. No big deal because it was still wrapped in the packaging..   A couple of years later, he holds up an item and asks what is it.  I go I don't know, let me think about it.  He then states "it looks like a jack rabbit to me."  I had no idea what he was talking about untill  I remembered the earlier incident.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, MercyA said:

Okay. Embarrassing story. I did rummage through the private stuff in my parents' drawer. Among other things , there was a very interesting copy of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About S-- But Were Afraid to Ask.

Sometime later, my parents were doing some work in my room. They took out my nightstand drawers. I objected strongly and said, "Hey, you don't see me going through your drawers!" Not the best thing to say, from a truth standpoint or otherwise, because my dad replied, "You're right, we don't SEE you." Oh, the shame. That's all that needed to be said. 

My parents are awesome. 

I learned so much from that book...

My older sister had a copy hidden in her room. 

[stephanier.1765]

I'm willing to bet this is someone who's been around here for a while but with all the throwback troll talk, he/she thought it'd be fun to make another account and really give us something to talk about. LOL

[Guest]

1 minute ago, stephanier.1765 said:

I'm willing to bet this is someone who's been around here for a while but with all the throwback troll talk, he/she thought it'd be fun to make another account and really give us something to talk about. LOL

If only we could post kilt photos, it would pretty much be like old times. 

[Lovely Bookishness]

Well, y'all *did* mention you haven't had any decent trolls lately...

[KungFuPanda]

5 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

If you want to hide them, sure. Personally, we keep ours in a big old box in the bathroom because we'd rather the kids have access to them. Not that we want them running out and using them for their intended purpose, but realistically speaking in non-pandemic times we can't actually stop them and we'd prefer if they're prepared.

I thought we were still talking about personal sex toys and your post struck me as a little TOO considerate. 

[Tanaqui]

LOL!

That is not something to be shared. If you're not mature enough to understand that, then you really aren't old enough for a... "back massager".

[SounderChick]

We are totally open with our children.  Obviously they are so we would simply sit them down and give them a simple explanation of what each toy is and what it is used for.  Anything less is just forcing your puritan hang ups on the next generation.

[Guest]

44 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I thought we were still talking about personal sex toys and your post struck me as a little TOO considerate. 

Yes, that does put quite a different spin on it...or shall we say, vibration on it...

[DawnM]

And the person joined, visited for 4 minutes, and never came back.