Bikinis in public

[bibiche]

1 hour ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

 If I can "tell a man's religion" as he strolls along the beach/stage in front of me, he needs something that fits a little looser. 

Pretty sure that religion thing doesn’t work in the US...  But that’s a subject for another heated debate.😜

[HS Mom in NC]

7 minutes ago, bibiche said:

Pretty sure that religion thing doesn’t work in the US...  But that’s a subject for another heated debate.😜

I know; it's a famous line from Robin Williams most Americans of a certain age might remember.

[katilac]

23 hours ago, Quill said:

 (I mean, I even remember a book that my older sister got from school that was on "Charming Femininity" or something like that. It was all about which skirt to wear for your body shape and all other such nonsense. But I admit I do still think of some of those things when I choose clothes.) 

Just curious: public or private school? 

23 hours ago, Quill said:

I would suggest "professional" carpet maintenance.  

Absolutely not. No one gets that up close and personal with me for maintenance reasons, lol.  

As to the original question: sure, it's just as appropriate for a mom as anyone else. 

When we lived in Florida, it was common to see biking tops in the grocery store or whatever. Usually people wore shorts over the bottoms, but quite a few didn't. Partially because there were lots of European visitors, it was also common to see lots of Speedos on men and young girls who went topless (children, not adolescents or adults). 

When we lived in Tennessee, it was very common to see toddlers in the grocery store and everywhere else wearing only a t-shirt and a diaper. No pants, no shoes, and sometimes they skipped the t-shirt. I actually found the filthy feet and constant danger of stepping on something a lot more noticeable than bikinis and Speedos, lol. 

 

[MercyA]

Eh, never mind. 🙂 

Edited October 5, 2020 by MercyA

[MercyA]

41 minutes ago, katilac said:

Absolutely not. No one gets that up close and personal with me for maintenance reasons, lol.  

Right? I'm a-okay with my physician getting as up close and personal as necessary, and I actually prefer male doctors. But a beautician or esthetician? No thank you. 🙂 

[MercyA]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

Sure. Nobody wants to sit in the sand or grass on their naked butt. 

I would think not. 🙂 

[Guest]

59 minutes ago, katilac said:

Just curious: public or private school? 

Private, Christian of the Gottherd type. 

[Emba]

I don’t wear bikinis and as long as she’s a minor, DD won’t wear them. It doesn’t fit my standards of modesty. I do realize that its an area where there are a variety of opinions even among people in my religious community, however, so I don’t get bent out of shape when we go to the lake with family and attire varies. 
 

but it has nothing to do with being a mom. In my opinion, modesty standards are the same for married or single women, with or without kids, of all body types.

as for carpet maintenance- I have chosen board shorts as the bottom half of my swimming attire because I realized several years ago that I was done, done, done worrying about if total strangers at the pool were going to notice a lack of maintenance. More power to anyone who can not care about body hair removal; I shave my legs grudgingly and only because of cultural beauty standards.

i wish I’d switched to board shorts years ago. They are so comfortable and practical .

Edited October 5, 2020 by Emba

[Jean in Newcastle]

Re. Cultural aspects of dress and undress. I grew up in a culture that had communal baths. That same culture has a lot of p*rn etc but not linked directly (as far as I can see) to a matter of fact acceptance of physical bodies. In fact, when I worked in a hospital they would line patients (male and female) up and would bathe them assembly line style. That would be unthinkable in this country but there was no embarrassment or shame attached. I see swim attire in the same utilitarian sense. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Re. Cultural aspects of dress and undress. I grew up in a culture that had communal baths. That same culture has a lot of p*rn etc but not linked directly (as far as I can see) to a matter of fact acceptance of physical bodies. In fact, when I worked in a hospital they would line patients (male and female) up and would bathe them assembly line style. That would be unthinkable in this country but there was no embarrassment or shame attached. I see swim attire in the same utilitarian sense. 

Do you mind me asking what culture? 

[Jean in Newcastle]

23 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Do you mind me asking what culture? 

Japanese

[Hunter]

On 10/3/2020 at 8:01 PM, J-rap said:

Are you saying vitamin D has something to do with this?

I am assuming it is vitamin D, but I believe that we have discovered a tiny fraction of what we need to know to understand how our bodies work.

I know that one of my doctors told me NOT to use sunscreen and to strip down and expose as much skin to sunlight as possible. She said the kinds of skin cancer caused by the sun are slow-growing and seldom fatal. She said my broken bones were going to kill me long before any skin cancer did.

It does not matter what I do or do not look like in skimpy clothing. My clothing has nothing to do with all the stuff that some people think about when they look at others people's bodies. People have all sorts of ideas and judgements and rules that they would like me to follow. Tough. This is MY life. This is MY body. 

Boundaries. Bubble around them. Bubble around me. I am not interested in our bubbles overlapping. And me and my bubble are not going to orbit their bubble. What they think is in their bubble and I don't care about it.

One of my neighbors did recently tell me that I had nice legs and that he wanted to lick them. Ewww! But still: his stupid bubble! I am not going to orbit his mess.

[J-rap]

9 minutes ago, Hunter said:

I am assuming it is vitamin D, but I believe that we have discovered a tiny fraction of what we need to know to understand how our bodies work.

I know that one of my doctors told me NOT to use sunscreen and to strip down and expose as much skin to sunlight as possible. She said the kinds of skin cancer caused by the sun are slow-growing and seldom fatal. She said my broken bones were going to kill me long before any skin cancer did.

It does not matter what I do or do not look like in skimpy clothing. My clothing has nothing to do with all the stuff that some people think about when they look at others people's bodies. People have all sorts of ideas and judgements and rules that they would like me to follow. Tough. This is MY life. This is MY body. 

Boundaries. Bubble around them. Bubble around me. I am not interested in our bubbles overlapping. And me and my bubble are not going to orbit their bubble. What they think is in their bubble and I don't care about it.

One of my neighbors did recently tell me that I had nice legs and that he wanted to lick them. Ewww! But still: his stupid bubble! I am not going to orbit his mess.

I agree that we really know so little about how our bodies work, and that sunshine and vitamin D can definitely make a huge difference...  Not just on our emotional state, but physically too.    AND, it's really quite weird when you think of it how clothing has become so much more than just utilitarian!  

(And yeah, I'd probably stay away from that neighbor's bubble! ha)

[Hunter]

2 hours ago, J-rap said:

I agree that we really know so little about how our bodies work, and that sunshine and vitamin D can definitely make a huge difference...  Not just on our emotional state, but physically too.    AND, it's really quite weird when you think of it how clothing has become so much more than just utilitarian!  

(And yeah, I'd probably stay away from that neighbor's bubble! ha)

We need to be aware that others might not have our utilitarian centered approach to clothing, and it might be safer to have osteoporosis and depression than to allow our bodies access to critical light and nutrients, but we are not RESPONSIBLE to change our behavior according to THEIR mess.

When I was younger, I would have taken responsibility for his comments. I would have orbited around his mess. I would have lost my own center. I would have let fear and shame and his "needs" and who knows what else be my primary motivation. I am not the person that I was.

I have repeatedly become like a cornered animal, with nowhere more to retreat. I have come out swinging again and again. And now ... I don't even let myself get cornered very often. 

My new neighborhood is interesting. LOL. The politest drug dealer I ever met tried to sell me crack. There is something amusing about being called "ma'am during a drug deal. LOL. That boy must have had a grandma. There is a story there.

[Melissa in Australia]

6 hours ago, Hunter said:

I am assuming it is vitamin D, but I believe that we have discovered a tiny fraction of what we need to know to understand how our bodies work.

I know that one of my doctors told me NOT to use sunscreen and to strip down and expose as much skin to sunlight as possible. She said the kinds of skin cancer caused by the sun are slow-growing and seldom fatal. She said my broken bones were going to kill me long before any skin cancer did.

It does not matter what I do or do not look like in skimpy clothing. My clothing has nothing to do with all the stuff that some people think about when they look at others people's bodies. People have all sorts of ideas and judgements and rules that they would like me to follow. Tough. This is MY life. This is MY body. 

Boundaries. Bubble around them. Bubble around me. I am not interested in our bubbles overlapping. And me and my bubble are not going to orbit their bubble. What they think is in their bubble and I don't care about it.

One of my neighbors did recently tell me that I had nice legs and that he wanted to lick them. Ewww! But still: his stupid bubble! I am not going to orbit his mess.

this doctor has obviously not heard about skin cancer in Australia.   about 2/3 of Australians get some from of skin cancer . It is one of the leading causes of illnesses in Australia and people are regularly checked for it. 

Melanoma can be very quick to grow and is often fatal if not noticed and treated 

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/melanoma#:~:text=Melanoma can grow very quickly,normally exposed to the sun.

I don't wear sun screen ( allergic to it, cause a histamine reaction of itching ans swelling), but I also cover up

 

edited to add, every day  here the weather gives a warning on the UV rating and recommended time to avoid the sun on extreme days

Edited October 6, 2020 by Melissa in Australia

[Murphy101]

On 10/4/2020 at 9:16 PM, kdsuomi said:

The reasons I do not feel bikinis are appropriate have absolutely nothing to do with shame, either. I really, really wish people would stop using that characterization of the belief. 

Here is my take. Modesty is about dressing appropriately for the occasion. It is immodest to wear my raggedy yard work clothes to a formal wedding.

A bikini is acceptable in the water because it is clothing geared towards that purpose. Now I’ll be honest I own and wear 2 bikinis. They are best suited to the jacuzzi or playing near shore with the “don’t get my hair wet” (just... why are they even there?!🤷‍♀️) crowd when I am not planning to really get in the open water. I like to get some sun. Hopefully it doesn’t kill me. But I do think “some“ is healthy. When I spend 6-10 hours in open water? There’s no sun screen on the market that can compete with light colored leggings and a comfortable rash guard. 

What is acceptably modest in the water to me has absolutely nothing to do with age or familial status. I am not at all offended by a bikini on the beach but I find most billboard and tv ads displaying women to be insulting at best and inappropriate/vulgar at worst.  

As for nude beaches and pools. No thanks. No body shaming behind that sentiment just no thanks.

 

[Hunter]

At the time, both the doctor and I were in a northern city, but she knew that I had been born on a subtropical island and had been exposed to a lot of sun as a child and have skin cancer in the family. No one that I ever met in my birth country had life-threatening skin cancer or even needed to travel off the island for treatment. Also none of the people with skin cancer ever had the joint and bone problems of the people that spent less time on the island and were exposed to less sun. The people with the mild skin cancers were the healthiest elderly people in general.

I do not have a link to what I am about to say and do not have time to search for it. Sorry, but I did see linkable stuff years ago. Pregnant women are told to avoid canned tuna because of the mercury, but when LOW-INCOME follow these instructions and replace tuna with the other food items available to them, birth defects INCREASE. Yet doctors continue to tell all pregnant women to avoid tuna.

Living is risky. We all die at some point. Sometimes the safest thing is to just get out there and enjoy it. Sometimes the shortcuts and the easiest routes are the best ones. Sometimes.

[wintermom]

4 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

Here is my take. Modesty is about dressing appropriately for the occasion. It is immodest to wear my raggedy yard work clothes to a formal wedding.

A bikini is acceptable in the water because it is clothing geared towards that purpose. Now I’ll be honest I own and wear 2 bikinis. They are best suited to the jacuzzi or playing near shore with the “don’t get my hair wet” (just... why are they even there?!🤷‍♀️) crowd when I am not planning to really get in the open water. I like to get some sun. Hopefully it doesn’t kill me. But I do think “some“ is healthy. When I spend 6-10 hours in open water? There’s no sun screen on the market that can compete with light colored leggings and a comfortable rash guard. 

What is acceptably modest in the water to me has absolutely nothing to do with age or familial status. I am not at all offended by a bikini on the beach but I find most billboard and tv ads displaying women to be insulting at best and inappropriate/vulgar at worst.  

As for nude beaches and pools. No thanks. No body shaming behind that sentiment just no thanks.

 

But if it is a billboard ad for a beach destination, swimsuit company, etc., then it is 'appropriate for the occasion.' Just like a statue or painting of a nude woman is appropriate for art in a museum or in someone's house.

 

Edited October 6, 2020 by wintermom

[wintermom]

On 10/3/2020 at 7:20 PM, Terabith said:

So, question for old times sake.  

Is it appropriate for a mom to wear a bikini to a beach or public pool?  

While I would never in a million years wear one (being fat, having a massive abdominal scar, and also shoulders and boobs of a type/ size that make even tankinis impractical), I don't really care what other people wear.  

Why on earth wouldn't it be? Why is this even a debate? I just don't understand.

Is it because of the population of mothers? Should moms be discriminated against? 

For a country like the US, who seem to yell from the mountain tops about personal freedom, I'm surprised that this bikini issue comes up so often. What does freedom really mean in America?

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

@Hunter, you might enjoy this article entitled "Is sunscreen the new margerine?"  A lot of what you are saying does appear to be true.   My understanding is that burns are bad news, but reasonable exposure tips the scales toward healthy rather than unhealthy behavior.  Obviously, there are places in the world where white-skinned people are over-exposed after only a few minutes, so there are many caveats when determining reasonable exposure for any individual person.  In addition to the vitamin D, nitrous oxide production is another benefit of sun exposure.  

 

- edited to correct a link

Edited October 6, 2020 by Monica_in_Switzerland

[EmilyGF]

On 10/4/2020 at 6:02 PM, regentrude said:

Yes. I still haven't been able to get used to the hangups and shaming about nudity. 

YES. I'm a pretty conservative Christian, but when I lived in the former East Germany in the 90s I got used to a different idea of covering up vs not covering up. Our very good friends, also quite conservative Christians, but from the Netherlands, never had issues with bikinis at all, though they wouldn't take communion at church if a woman was handing it out and the women covered their heads for church. 

An anecdote about "modesty":

When I was in Germany in the 90s, I was on a basketball team. We had a male coach, as did many of the other teams. We'd all change and shower in the same locker room, and sometimes the other team or their coach would come in and ask for shampoo or soap. Sometimes a naked person from the other team would come over and engage in a conversation with someone naked from my team without any qualms. When I returned to the US, I had lost all shame / privacy in the locker room. Man, the place is for dressing. What's the big deal? It came across as so odd to me when I saw women hiding behind towels in the locker room when I returned to the US. It was shocking for me, though, at the beginning of the year, the time I took a run and accidentally ended up on a nude beach. Whoops.

Emily

[Hunter]

2 hours ago, wintermom said:

Why on earth wouldn't it be? Why is this even a debate? I just don't understand.

Is it because of the population of mothers? Should moms be discriminated against? 

For a country like the US, who seem to yell from the mountain tops about personal freedom, I'm surprised that this bikini issue comes up so often. What does freedom really mean in America?

I got married at 18 to a man quite a bit older than me, and almost immediately was introduced to the phrase, "I won't have the mother of my children ...". I guess as soon as I got pregnant, I stopped being a person, and became an item. I was not even an appendage, I was a battery. The word "mother" was used, but in reality, I was only a surrogate/nanny and a sex-doll/sperm-toilet.

The stories of Pinocchio and the Velveteen Rabbit and the character of Data on Star Trek mean something to me. I want to be real. I want to be human.

I was 50 when I really broke loose and really hit the beach for the first time since I was 13. I lived the summer I turned 50! LOL. No regrets. I blush, and I cannot defend it all and don't try. But I lived and when I am an old lady deaf and blind and only have my memories to think about, I am going to be sitting in wheelchair smiling. I lived the hell out of that summer! Something happened in an hospital emergency room that lit a fire under my butt to LIVE and I went ahead and LIVED. A young doctor looked at me and asked what a person did when they went home after being told something like that. I looked her in the eye and I told her I was going to the beach. And I did.

I am squinting in the sun and pissed at the person taking my picture, but that was pretty typical, so ... this was me, the summer I was 50. I was a freaking mess in so many ways, but my bones were healing. And things were falling into place that would get me into college and the start of a whole new chapter of my life. The bikini and the beach were the start of so much of that. The bikini was the seed to what took root over the next few years. 

"Mother" shouldn't mean a loss of rights or loss of our humanity. 

Yes, I wear a bikini, and like those doctors, I will even post a pic online, even an ugly one where I am being ugly to the person taking my picture. Life is real. Life is gritty. Life is AWESOME. I want to be human. I want to live.

[Hunter]

2 hours ago, Monica_in_Switzerland said:

@Hunter, you might enjoy this article entitled "Is sunscreen the new margerine?"  A lot of what you are saying does appear to be true.   My understanding is that burns are bad news, but reasonable exposure tips the scales toward healthy rather than unhealthy behavior.  Obviously, there are places in the world where white-skinned people are over-exposed after only a few minutes, so there are many caveats when determining reasonable exposure for any individual person.  In addition to the vitamin D, nitrous oxide production is another benefit of sun exposure.  

Thank you for these links! This is exactly what I mean. I don't think we can sum up the sun to an isolated single vitamin that we claim to be able to manufacture and sell in a bottle.

Living creatures need exposure to the sun. Period.

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, EmilyGF said:

when I lived in the former East Germany in the 90s ..

where did you live?

[vmsurbat1]

On 10/4/2020 at 6:43 PM, Quill said:

See, you don’t understand how bad mine truly are! 😄

My "like" is made in sympathy and solidarity.......

[regentrude]

3 hours ago, Monica_in_Switzerland said:

you might enjoy this article entitled "Is sunscreen the new margerine?"  

Interesting article, thanks for posting.
I know that for myself, my wellbeing is directly related to the amount of outdoor physical activity in sunshine. The benefit for my depression is immeasurable, and it cannot be replicated by a light lamp or by supplements.

[annandatje]

On 10/3/2020 at 6:20 PM, Terabith said:

Is it appropriate for a mom to wear a bikini to a beach or public pool?  

Yes.

I dress for my own comfort and assume others do same.  I absolutely positively do not care if swimmers are scantily clad in bikinis, speedos, or ultra modest 1920s style swimwear or nude at clothing-optional beaches.

Edited October 6, 2020 by annandatje

[Guest]

@Hunter you’re fierce! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your picture. 

[rebcoola]

I believe in getting sunlight for vitamin D.  I've never seen a recommendation for more than 30 minutes a day.  When I go swimming especially at a beach we are there for several hours.  I will continue to wear uv protective clothing that cover my pasty self while there.  

[Murphy101]

4 hours ago, Hunter said:

I got married at 18 to a man quite a bit older than me, and almost immediately was introduced to the phrase, "I won't have the mother of my children ...". I guess as soon as I got pregnant, I stopped being a person, and became an item. I was not even an appendage, I was a battery. The word "mother" was used, but in reality, I was only a surrogate/nanny and a sex-doll/sperm-toilet.

The stories of Pinocchio and the Velveteen Rabbit and the character of Data on Star Trek mean something to me. I want to be real. I want to be human.

I was 50 when I really broke loose and really hit the beach for the first time since I was 13. I lived the summer I turned 50! LOL. No regrets. I blush, and I cannot defend it all and don't try. But I lived and when I am an old lady deaf and blind and only have my memories to think about, I am going to be sitting in wheelchair smiling. I lived the hell out of that summer! Something happened in an hospital emergency room that lit a fire under my butt to LIVE and I went ahead and LIVED. A young doctor looked at me and asked what a person did when they went home after being told something like that. I looked her in the eye and I told her I was going to the beach. And I did.

I am squinting in the sun and pissed at the person taking my picture, but that was pretty typical, so ... this was me, the summer I was 50. I was a freaking mess in so many ways, but my bones were healing. And things were falling into place that would get me into college and the start of a whole new chapter of my life. The bikini and the beach were the start of so much of that. The bikini was the seed to what took root over the next few years. 

"Mother" shouldn't mean a loss of rights or loss of our humanity. 

Yes, I wear a bikini, and like those doctors, I will even post a pic online, even an ugly one where I am being ugly to the person taking my picture. Life is real. Life is gritty. Life is AWESOME. I want to be human. I want to live.

You go girl!!👍 So exactly true and right.

[EmilyGF]

8 hours ago, regentrude said:

where did you live?

A village outside of Chemnitz on the train line to Dresden for most of the year. But before I ended up there I was on the Baltic for a few weeks (my nudist beach experience).