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I think I have a weird attitude about these things.  I am very self conscious about my body, so I would never have worn a bikini, even when I was younger.  But I truly have no issue with other people wearing them, no matter their body type, shape, or status of their carpet.  I have no real issue with actual nudity.  I am the only person in my house typically wearing pants.  

But....I have two teens with XX chromosomes.  And despite my complete comfort with people in *general* wearing whatever the heck they want, I really, really have a deep antipathy to the idea of my children wearing a bikini.  My husband had to talk me down when they wanted to wear skirts (gasp) above their knee.  I break out in hives if my oldest wears a crop top, and I forbade them wearing it to orientation at school, despite the fact that there were, at this hippie school, a large number of other kids wearing them.  

I feel like this is deeply unhealthy and honestly WRONG of me to care about what they wear.  And I don't feel like clothing prevents objectification or protects them in any way.  It's got to be related to my adolescence spent growing up in purity culture and exhortations about clothing.  How do I get over this?  How do I know what's legitimately reasonable to ask them to refrain from wearing versus what is my own baggage that I need to just get over?

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I was raised in a *very* conservative religion and, while I broke free of it in my late teens, certain "rules" would pop up in my brain at the weirdest times - bikinis was one of those mental hurdles

Resolved: Carpet maintenance is part of responsible bikini-ing.  Go. 

You can catch one man with a bikini-clad body. Just not after you've hooked that one. 

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31 minutes ago, Hunter said:

I started gaining back bone mass when I started wearing a bikini to the beach and short shorts and tank tops for everyday wear. I am not sure if I even have full blown osteoporosis anymore. I stopped getting bones scans and stayed half naked and am hoping for the best. I get to survive longer, now. I am done trying to be "good" in ways that will kill me.

Are you saying vitamin D has something to do with this?

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1 minute ago, Lady Florida. said:

What would really make this a post for old times sake is if it got out of hand and someone started posting kilt photos. 😂 Alas, those days are gone. sigh

I don't know how to post images.  I swear I follow the instructions, but it never works on my computer.  But then neither does google docs.  But, here:  

https://championkilts.com/rainbow-utility-kilt-for-men.html?utm_source=google_shopping&gclid=Cj0KCQjwwuD7BRDBARIsAK_5YhVnbK92OKSh9P3WQSwEAVAx0lsyXZUYfMU9LMe6i-KtErslZEqPG5IaAhaJEALw_wcB

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2 hours ago, MercyA said:

No, I don't think people should wear what basically amounts to underwear in public. I think all private areas should be fully covered, including bums and breasts. 

Shocking, I know. 🙂 

I don't know what being a mom has to do with it. 🤷‍♀️

Now, see? I know five or ten years ago someone would have jumped all over me about this, and look how civil we are. 🙂 

Or maybe we are all argued out. I know I am.

For the record, my views on this are wholly religious, so I wouldn't want to make them public policy.

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9 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I think I have a weird attitude about these things.  I am very self conscious about my body, so I would never have worn a bikini, even when I was younger.  But I truly have no issue with other people wearing them, no matter their body type, shape, or status of their carpet.  I have no real issue with actual nudity.  I am the only person in my house typically wearing pants.  

But....I have two teens with XX chromosomes.  And despite my complete comfort with people in *general* wearing whatever the heck they want, I really, really have a deep antipathy to the idea of my children wearing a bikini.  My husband had to talk me down when they wanted to wear skirts (gasp) above their knee.  I break out in hives if my oldest wears a crop top, and I forbade them wearing it to orientation at school, despite the fact that there were, at this hippie school, a large number of other kids wearing them.  

I feel like this is deeply unhealthy and honestly WRONG of me to care about what they wear.  And I don't feel like clothing prevents objectification or protects them in any way.  It's got to be related to my adolescence spent growing up in purity culture and exhortations about clothing.  How do I get over this?  How do I know what's legitimately reasonable to ask them to refrain from wearing versus what is my own baggage that I need to just get over?

We were careful about what our kids wore as teens (both our ds and dd's), and I don't think your response is completely invalid!  For one thing, we wanted them to be considerate of their environment.  As a kind of extreme example, when my dh and I lived in the Middle East back in the 80's, women wore black dresses and leggings into the water when they swam, and I would have felt very disrespectful if I had worn my bikini!  (Even though of course I felt it was wrong that women there had to be so completely covered in the water or else it was considered immoral.  And men could wear anything!).   Also, we wanted our children to select fashion for the right reasons.  We didn't want our kids to feel that they had to dress as sex-objects in order to gain approval.   As well, we wanted them to understand that how they dressed could cause certain reactions that they might not like.  So, yeah, when our kids were teens, we were pretty careful, but it wasn't because we thought showing bare skin was morally wrong.

But if a particular fashion happens to be a very natural and healthily accepted way of dressing in the environment you're in, I have no problem with it, even if it's skimpy.  🙂

 

 

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4 hours ago, Quill said:

And....we've hit pay dirt! Just like old times! lol

 

I'm laughing here. I'm smiling and cracking up. But seriously, that's exactly what started the controversy in the 90s or whenever it was, lol. 

Yup. I was present for the last thread on this topic. I knew exactly how to respond....:laugh:

Edited by Liz CA
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36 minutes ago, theelfqueen said:

Ok ... I think everyone should be more sun conscious and wear rash guards. I'm not concerned about modesty but skin cancer lol 

They're so much more comfortable too! I'll never wear a one piece. They are too much hassle when going to nasty pool bathrooms, so I've always been a bikini or tankini person. Now I'm team rash guard with boy shorts for life!

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1 hour ago, MercyA said:

Now, see? I know five or ten years ago someone would have jumped all over me about this, and look how civil we are. 🙂 

Or maybe we are all argued out. I know I am.

For the record, my views on this are wholly religious, so I wouldn't want to make them public policy.

While I disagree with  your conclusion, you have presented it as your conclusion.  You have not used loaded words. 

I do have an issue with people (in general) who refer or imply that women who wear bikinis are tramps etc.  I did react a bit to the post that mentioned a woman needing to have the right figure to wear one.  Now perhaps this is hypocritical of me - after all I don't wear bikinis because I don't have the kind of figure that would make me feel pretty in one.  But I don't feel like I have any obligation to make anyone around me feel like I've added to their aesthetic experience of looking at me in any type of clothing.  I don't have a problem with someone liking what I'm wearing, but I am not dressing for their pleasure.  The only possible exception to this would be my husband but even he does not dictate my clothing.  He can appreciate my clothing and I might respond to that appreciation by wearing that item more often or by buying more clothing in the same style but I am dressing for my pleasure and my comfort.  Actually 99% of the time I am actually dressing for my comfort.

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It’s complicated... I’m not a fan of bikinis in general... I don’t like seeing dudes walking around with that little on so I kind of try to be consistent.  On the other hand if we are going to be accepting bikinis it should be for everyone regardless of body shape and size or even gender.  Then I’m back to ... yeah I don’t want to see that so maybe not.

for me myself personally I would die of mortification ... 

for my family we hate sunscreen and we all burn insanely so we do long sleeves rash vests and board shorts so we only have to sunscreen face and knees down to feet.  Makes life easier and much more economical on the sunscreen..

actually were bikinis even a thing before sunscreen?  I mean I get it for Europe etc they don’t have nasty uv like we do down south.  But my skin just wasn’t really made for this climate!

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1 hour ago, Terabith said:

 How do I get over this?  How do I know what's legitimately reasonable to ask them to refrain from wearing versus what is my own baggage that I need to just get over?

I was raised in a *very* conservative religion and, while I broke free of it in my late teens, certain "rules" would pop up in my brain at the weirdest times - bikinis was one of those mental hurdles for me.

FF to having two daughters. I had to work through the process, that's for sure. We made it through, though, and I have two daughters who wear whatevertheheck they want to, who understand how to "read a room," and choose their clothes for the situation, and who have fun with fashion in a way I never was allowed to. One wears conservative two-piece swimsuits that allow her to power swim freely and comfortably while the other prefers itty-bitty, teeny-weenie concoctions. Both are fine and, most of all, both wear what they like because THEY like it, not because of any outside pressure and that is precious to me and I feel like I finally WON that battle.

This "mom" thread reminds me of the time we took our three *VERY YOUNG* children to the beach all together for the first time. I wore a new tankini that I was cautiously happy with (still adjusting to my "mom after 3 kids bod"). As DH (with his rock hard abs still... 🙄) played in the water with the kids, I stayed on the shoreline, sunscreening, fixing snacks, helping with sandcastles, running back to the car for more water, adjusting shade umbrellas, rocking babies to sleep, etc, etc, etc (you know, all the "mom" stuff).

That evening, DH had the nerve to say, "I thought you'd be in a bikini today like you always used to wear..." and said that my new tankini was sort of "frumpy."

OMG. Head exploded. I was just - stunned. Did he not SEE me all day? Chasing small human beings all over the beach, bending over, hauling water bottles, applying sunscreen, changing diapers, etc? How on earth does any mama do that while wearing tiny strips of material to cover her jiggly bits? lol I applaud those who can, but I was not one of those women, that's for sure. Tankinis for the win - *I* will never wear a bikini again (and DH learned that he can just get over himself... Mr. Swim Trunks and a Rash Guard Who Hasn't Given Birth to Three Human Beings... 😒)

Oh - another nail in DHs coffin that day while I'm hauling out old skeletons, lol - he also said that he saw "other moms" on the beach that day and "they were managing just fine in their bikinis." Well, I saw those moms too. They were blessed to be the mothers of Children Who Don't Do Much. I saw them hold their little angel's hand and walk (slowly) down to the water, where the waves would kiss little precious's toesies and they would giggle and step back from the water. Five minutes later, angel child would want to go back to the chair, or float in a floatie, or whatever. Our kids take after DH and are born with an absurd kind of energy. It's go, go, go all day long with them!!

(No, I didn't divorce dh after that. He insists he HONESTLY thought it would be inspiring for me to know that other moms were wearing bikinis. lololololololZ But, let's just say that he STILL regrets those words that day. He was young and stupid. lol If anyone mentions "bikini" in our listening area, he visibly winces, looks at me and mouths, "I'm still sorry." 🙄😄 As he should be. lol)

 

Edited by easypeasy
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3 hours ago, MercyA said:

No, I don't think people should wear what basically amounts to underwear in public. I think all private areas should be fully covered, including bums and breasts. 

Shocking, I know. 🙂 

I don't know what being a mom has to do with it. 🤷‍♀️

I would prefer this just because I don’t really want to see it. Just as I would rather not ever see another woman’s cleavage. But of course people are free to dress however they want to. I don’t see many bikinis around here since the main water we frequent outside of creeks and streams is the cold Pacific Ocean.

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1 hour ago, Frances said:

I would prefer this just because I don’t really want to see it. Just as I would rather not ever see another woman’s cleavage. But of course people are free to dress however they want to. I don’t see many bikinis around here since the main water we frequent outside of creeks and streams is the cold Pacific Ocean.

Exactly. And I don't want other people to look at me and think "Eeew, I would have rather not seen this." 

Edited by Liz CA
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I don't think it's whether or not the person is a mom.  Some people look decent in some bikinis.  Others do not.

I used to be super self-conscious and even stopped wearing bathing suits, opting for shorts and t-shirts.  But now, I think I would wear a well-designed bikini if I ever got back my formerly slim figure.  While some styles are just wrong for everyone (IMO), I think some are just as decent as a decent one-piece.

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I am all about comfort in all clothing and accessory choices. A bikini, for me, is not comfortable.  I owned one exactly once, when I was a young teenager, and even that one provided a great deal of coverage as far as bikinis go.  But anyone who IS comfortable in them can have at it.

Truthfully, it would be my *preference that women (of any age) would not perform early stage mating rituals in public while in a bikini, using that as part of their schtick, but I’m nearly the last person in line fo the position of the tacky police. I’m not putting on a bra or brushing my hair to drive my daughter to work this morning. 🤷‍♀️ 

P.S. I’ve seen everyday women (you know, not professional models or actresses) in their 50s and 60s look stunning in bikinis.  While it could be said that they were in fine shape, I’m pretty sure it was the confidence that made it so. I lack that.

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8 hours ago, Liz CA said:

I have those bluish things. Are they actually considered varicose veins?

True varicose veins may bulge on the skin surface nd look like a rope or a knot, in addition to being blue. But there are also spider veins, which look like a blue “fireworks” explosion, sometimes big, sometimes smaller. Then, there are “feeder veins” which I have in abundance all over my hips and thighs. These don’t bulge, but against my light skin, looks like a map of blue rivers all over. 

I have all three of these issues. 

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8 hours ago, Terabith said:

I don't know how to post images.  I swear I follow the instructions, but it never works on my computer.  But then neither does google docs.  But, here:  

https://championkilts.com/rainbow-utility-kilt-for-men.html?utm_source=google_shopping&gclid=Cj0KCQjwwuD7BRDBARIsAK_5YhVnbK92OKSh9P3WQSwEAVAx0lsyXZUYfMU9LMe6i-KtErslZEqPG5IaAhaJEALw_wcB

That’s actually pretty righteous. And I’m generally a jeans-over-kilts kinda gal. 

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43 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

 

P.S. I’ve seen everyday women (you know, not professional models or actresses) in their 50s and 60s look stunning in bikinis.  While it could be said that they were in fine shape, I’m pretty sure it was the confidence that made it so. I lack that.

Yes, this is what I love to see - the confidence women have.  Like you, I lack that.  

 

12 minutes ago, Quill said:

True varicose veins may bulge on the skin surface nd look like a rope or a knot, in addition to being blue. But there are also spider veins, which look like a blue “fireworks” explosion, sometimes big, sometimes smaller. Then, there are “feeder veins” which I have in abundance all over my hips and thighs. These don’t bulge, but against my light skin, looks like a map of blue rivers all over. 

I have all three of these issues. 

I do too.  I can actually see and feel the bulging veins through my jeans and leggings!  It's awful.  

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I must also add that I love my bikini.  I use it as underwear underneath my rash guard and capris.  I love that we have so many body-hiding options these days.  I would have loved even the swim shorts they have now when I was a thin, but self-conscious teenager.  Modern swimwear is the bomb.

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I'm firmly in "either a rash guard or racer back top" for myself because my kids still climb all over me and I want to be able to enjoy that, not worry they are going to accidentally undress me. I did wear a bikini while pregnant with one and two because that let my belly fit. 

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2 hours ago, Okbud said:

*haven't read the whole thread

My kids all saw a woman's yoni because she was wearing a "bathing suit" that consisted of two small circles, one small triangle and some string. She was carrying on, wobbly on her feet, trying to get into a kayak for (I assume) the first time... Her legs splayed, the triangle fabric went on a journey to find itself and my older kids were so painfully embarrassed. 

Of course I've no idea if she was a mother or not, though I assume no. 

We live at the beach and dh and I seperately noticed that women's suits are getting smaller but most men are covering up more, almost all wear rash guards to swim and hang out. But within that there's a bigger mix, as women wear more rash guards than before..so really it's the plain one piece we see less of. Most people have gone either to complete top coverage or to minimal top coverage.

I saw my uncle’s tchotchkes at the beach. Perfectly respectable swimming trunks. Thoughtless relaxation position. Things happen. I think I’ve mostly healed from the trauma. 

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Why wouldn't it be? If it a place where swimwear is appropriate, like a pool or beach, why not wear a bikini? 

We're not talking grocery store or school function.

FWIW, I am 52 and just bought a new bikini this summer . One piece swimsuits are not practical for a day on the river. And the bikini is amazingly comfortable.
It's this one in Amber:

https://www.prana.com/p/kelani-top/W13191260.html?dwvar_W13191260_color=Atlantic Pontoon&pos=11

 

Edited by regentrude
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14 hours ago, MercyA said:

No, I don't think people should wear what basically amounts to underwear in public. I think all private areas should be fully covered, including bums and breasts. 

Which they can be if you wear a well fitting bikini.

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13 hours ago, Terabith said:

I think I have a weird attitude about these things.  I am very self conscious about my body, so I would never have worn a bikini, even when I was younger.  But I truly have no issue with other people wearing them, no matter their body type, shape, or status of their carpet.  I have no real issue with actual nudity.  I am the only person in my house typically wearing pants.  

But....I have two teens with XX chromosomes.  And despite my complete comfort with people in *general* wearing whatever the heck they want, I really, really have a deep antipathy to the idea of my children wearing a bikini.  My husband had to talk me down when they wanted to wear skirts (gasp) above their knee.  I break out in hives if my oldest wears a crop top, and I forbade them wearing it to orientation at school, despite the fact that there were, at this hippie school, a large number of other kids wearing them.  

I feel like this is deeply unhealthy and honestly WRONG of me to care about what they wear.  And I don't feel like clothing prevents objectification or protects them in any way.  It's got to be related to my adolescence spent growing up in purity culture and exhortations about clothing.  How do I get over this?  How do I know what's legitimately reasonable to ask them to refrain from wearing versus what is my own baggage that I need to just get over?

I’ve loosened up quite a bit from my first to my last daughter and yet the youngest still finds ways to cross into uncomfortable territory for me. I RARELY make her change her clothes but the other day she came out in a romper that was a hair’s breadth below her butt cheek and I had to draw the line. And she thought I was being dumb. My conclusion is that there is no escaping these moments. 

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13 hours ago, J-rap said:

I think it's often a cultural thing, and also, I think it depends on what your reason is.  I don't have a problem with moms (or any woman) wearing bikinis -- not matter how old or your shape, but if there's some subtle requirement for a woman to wear one to prove her sexuality and/or meet men's expectations, I'm not on board.  

But I've been to quite a few beaches in Europe where many women were topless (even old women), and it was very natural and no one stared and it didn't seem sexual  ~ it was just part of sun-bathing, and I was really just fine with that.

 

 

 

 

I totally agree that it's a cultural thing. My very conservative friends that grew up in a beach town have always worn bikinis. I'm too modest to wear one, although I am very comfortable with my body and happy with the way that I look.  

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15 hours ago, Quill said:

The main thing I do not wish to display on myself is the disaster that is my veins. They are very bad; I have had multiple treatments and one surgery but now it is such a lost cause I just go the coverage route. So for me it’s not really about flab or fat. It’s those veins that look like a topographic map of the Chesapeake Bay. 

If someone can see whether a person has varicose veins or spider veins or shaved their legs, they're getting WAY closer than six feet 🙂

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4 minutes ago, regentrude said:

If someone can see whether a person has varicose veins or spider veins or shaved their legs, they're getting WAY closer than six feet 🙂

See, you don’t understand how bad mine truly are! 😄

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I have no problem with what other people wear, although I did have a problem with a young woman’s *judgement* when she packed two itsy, bitsy, teeny, weenie mostly string bikinis when hired to help me with my four children (ages 5 down to six months) at the beach for a week.  It was all she wore for the first four days, and it was a disaster of slipping strings and too much accidental exposure.  Then she trotted out a sturdy tankini for our last day, and I really had to wonder what she’d been thinking.  Week at the beach with friends? Wear whatever. Paid week helping a mom with four children who will be climbing all over? Wear something that will stand up to the job.  Even a rash guard (which, it turns out, she also owned and packed) thrown over top would have helped.

Edited by medawyn
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13 hours ago, Terabith said:

I think I have a weird attitude about these things.  I am very self conscious about my body, so I would never have worn a bikini, even when I was younger.  But I truly have no issue with other people wearing them, no matter their body type, shape, or status of their carpet.  I have no real issue with actual nudity.  I am the only person in my house typically wearing pants.  

But....I have two teens with XX chromosomes.  And despite my complete comfort with people in *general* wearing whatever the heck they want, I really, really have a deep antipathy to the idea of my children wearing a bikini.  My husband had to talk me down when they wanted to wear skirts (gasp) above their knee.  I break out in hives if my oldest wears a crop top, and I forbade them wearing it to orientation at school, despite the fact that there were, at this hippie school, a large number of other kids wearing them.  

I feel like this is deeply unhealthy and honestly WRONG of me to care about what they wear.  And I don't feel like clothing prevents objectification or protects them in any way.  It's got to be related to my adolescence spent growing up in purity culture and exhortations about clothing.  How do I get over this?  How do I know what's legitimately reasonable to ask them to refrain from wearing versus what is my own baggage that I need to just get over?

Hmmmmm. Honestly, I don't think it's true that objectification happens no matter what you wear. Yes, some people are sufficient jerks to catcall any female, but generally, wearing clothes that exposes more skin or is otherwise deemed "provocative" in our culture will result in more of that kind of attention, for better and worse. 

So I understand that reaction. I don't really know what the RIGHT reaction is... maybe just talking to your kids about unintentional messages clothes can send. In my experience with my sister, teens are NOT receptive to that message, but I do think it gets through eventually. 

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24 minutes ago, Quill said:

See, you don’t understand how bad mine truly are! 😄

I was thinking the same thing!  White legs with bulging veins can be seen at quite a distance.  I've heard tan legs hide them better, but my legs are always pale.

 

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Near water - yes. Just out in public - no! 

I am a big fan of cover-ups. I always buy my girls cute cover-ups they can quickly slip on as they walk back and forth to the beach or the pool. 

If you are not comfortable wearing something, don't. 

Personally, I only owned one bikini (and back in the day, I had a good body), but I felt like I was always making adjustments to it - never comfortable or confident in it. 

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17 hours ago, EmseB said:

My views have changed on this as I got older.

I think it's the same as wearing a bra and panties, so I don't think it's appropriate personally, but it is okay socially and culturally for the most part and I have bigger fish to care about frying so I don't really give it a second thought when other people do it.

Thank you. These are my feelings. Not gonna make a stink over it but since someone asked...

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17 hours ago, Quill said:

The main thing I do not wish to display on myself is the disaster that is my veins. They are very bad; I have had multiple treatments and one surgery but now it is such a lost cause I just go the coverage route. So for me it’s not really about flab or fat. It’s those veins that look like a topographic map of the Chesapeake Bay. 

Wow, I'm going to use this when I describe my legs in the future. I love my compression hose, though they aren't beautiful, they feel so good. And they keep me warm in the winter. 🙂

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1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yes, some people are sufficient jerks to catcall any female, but generally, wearing clothes that exposes more skin or is otherwise deemed "provocative" in our culture will result in more of that kind of attention, for better and worse. 

So I understand that reaction. I don't really know what the RIGHT reaction is... maybe just talking to your kids about unintentional messages clothes can send. In my experience with my sister, teens are NOT receptive to that message, but I do think it gets through eventually. 

It's really interesting how "skin exposure" can cause one reaction with one group and another with a different group. 

For instance, my oldest daughter was on a competitive sports team with an equivalent boys team. They worked out together 6 days a week. The girls wore tiny little booty shorts and sports bras or tanks. Boys were usually shirtless. 
 

After the first week - no one noticed! No one cared! The kids acclimated so fast and there were zero inappropriate behaviors (coaches, of course have a lot to do with setting the stage).

Same with DS. At his team practices, boys have to wear shirts in the gym, but the girls have tiny shorts and tiny sports bras. When they go on trips - boys are shirtless. They are just so used to it that when they see each other "in the real world" with "real clothes on," it sometimes takes them a moment to recognize each other! 😂

DS has had a few friends come along with him to some practices or meets and his friendS are alllllll kinds of distracted because they aren't used to seeing so many girls running around with barely any clothes on. They mentioned it to DS and he nearly punched one of them in the face because of a comment he made about a girl. Later, DS told me that he'd never really thought about that the girls weren't wearing much because they were wearing workout gear - same as him! lol He has just grown up with it and it wasn't weird or distracting to him at all. 

(these boys are more distracted at the banquets and ceremonies the team has when everyone is all dressed up! Lol)

DS has only commented on inappropriate beachwear when they were trying to play volleyball and some of the girls had on string bikinis. He was more just 🙄 because the girls would have to stop playing to grab at their tops  or their bottoms and next time he picked a team, he chose girls based on the practicality of their swimwear. 😅

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28 minutes ago, easypeasy said:

It's really interesting how "skin exposure" can cause one reaction with one group and another with a different group. 

For instance, my oldest daughter was on a competitive sports team with an equivalent boys team. They worked out together 6 days a week. The girls wore tiny little booty shorts and sports bras or tanks. Boys were usually shirtless. 
 

After the first week - no one noticed! No one cared! The kids acclimated so fast and there were zero inappropriate behaviors (coaches, of course have a lot to do with setting the stage).

Same with DS. At his team practices, boys have to wear shirts in the gym, but the girls have tiny shorts and tiny sports bras. When they go on trips - boys are shirtless. They are just so used to it that when they see each other "in the real world" with "real clothes on," it sometimes takes them a moment to recognize each other! 😂

DS has had a few friends come along with him to some practices or meets and his friendS are alllllll kinds of distracted because they aren't used to seeing so many girls running around with barely any clothes on. They mentioned it to DS and he nearly punched one of them in the face because of a comment he made about a girl. Later, DS told me that he'd never really thought about that the girls weren't wearing much because they were wearing workout gear - same as him! lol He has just grown up with it and it wasn't weird or distracting to him at all. 

(these boys are more distracted at the banquets and ceremonies the team has when everyone is all dressed up! Lol)

DS has only commented on inappropriate beachwear when they were trying to play volleyball and some of the girls had on string bikinis. He was more just 🙄 because the girls would have to stop playing to grab at their tops  or their bottoms and next time he picked a team, he chose girls based on the practicality of their swimwear. 😅

Yeah, all this stuff is very context-dependent and culturally mediated 🙂 . I'm not really arguing that showing skin causes uncontrollable lust in anyone, lol. Just that you should be mindful of the cultural interpretation of a given outfit. 

 

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I have not read any of the responses and not even sure what I am saying is in context, but here is my experience.

I come from a country where I grew up wearing clothes that revealed only my feet, hands and face, so essentially a very modest, gender segregated culture. Swimming was not a skill taught unless you were super rich and pools were few. Mostly actors learned it for a role. One of the few "American" shows that I saw before I landed here was Baywatch, fit, tanned, beautiful. So needless to say swimming had always been associated with beauty, glamour and extreme comfort with body.

After I came here and became serious about fitness, I worked with several trainers as I had no clue and would make a lot of mistakes. So I was told repeatedly that I would injure myself and swimming would be good for me. They were quite horrified when they found out I could not and encouraged me to learn to swim. I had a qualified adult swim coach teach me, but I was so useless I would panic, freeze or thrash and could not even put my head under water. I learned it at last from a friend's dad who did aerial sea rescues and was taught how to do it the safe way.

Before the plague hit, I swam six days a week. I am still a very modest person. I have swam in swim shorts, swim dress. I would not be comfortable in a bikini. I had to battle so much just to put my head under water and it is truly one of the joys of my life, I would cover head to toe and swim if I have to, but swim I will. I have seen in my pool people of all body sizes and all ages swim. It is absolutely one of the best exercises especially for older women and one of the true joys of my life. I also used to encourage older swimmers especially women who come from countries with modest cultures and who were not that skill as a child and to see their face light up was something else.

As for a bikini, I would not wear it in public even if we had a pool at home. But swimming, it is something I hope to do till I die and is certainly among the top 5 things I miss because of the plague. There are a lot of modest options and no one has to wear a bikini to swim. So don't let the idea of wearing a bikini stop you from swimming is what I will say.

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1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yeah, all this stuff is very context-dependent and culturally mediated 🙂 . I'm not really arguing that showing skin causes uncontrollable lust in anyone, lol. Just that you should be mindful of the cultural interpretation of a given outfit. 

 

Oh, I totally get what you were saying! 🙂 I just find it genuinely interesting!!
 

While some moms are on the beach, covering Jrs eyes, my kid wouldn't even bat an eyelash at all the skin showing! 😅 But put a dressed-up girl in front of him and he's a little shook. His non-same-sport friends are exactly the opposite. 😂

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39 minutes ago, easypeasy said:

Oh, I totally get what you were saying! 🙂 I just find it genuinely interesting!!
 

While some moms are on the beach, covering Jrs eyes, my kid wouldn't even bat an eyelash at all the skin showing! 😅 But put a dressed-up girl in front of him and he's a little shook. His non-same-sport friends are exactly the opposite. 😂

Super interesting!! 😄 It makes a lot of sense. 

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A mom swimming next to me yesterday was wearing a bikini. She looked adorable. Some of the women at the pool who are in their 60s and 70s, wear bikinis, and it always makes me happy to see them and their strong, confident bodies. 
 

I let my daughter’s wear bikinis, even when some of their friends’ parents don’t, because I want it to be their choice. 
 

I wear a one piece to swim in because it seems the most comfortable, but this thread convinced me to ask my middle child to sew a custom two piece for me next summer when I turn 55. 

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18 hours ago, J-rap said:

But I've been to quite a few beaches in Europe where many women were topless (even old women), and it was very natural and no one stared and it didn't seem sexual  ~ it was just part of sun-bathing, and I was really just fine with that.

My hometown in Germany has some of the city pools/beaches as designated nude pools. Clothing optional. Totally fine, nobody stares, people just sunbathe and swim. It has no sexual connotations - just infinitely more practical than sitting in a wet bathing suit.

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11 minutes ago, regentrude said:

My hometown in Germany has some of the city pools/beaches as designated nude pools. Clothing optional. Totally fine, nobody stares, people just sunbathe and swim. It has no sexual connotations - just infinitely more practical than sitting in a wet bathing suit.

See, honestly, I'd be way more okay with my kids or myself going to an actual nude pool than wearing a bikini.  But that seems weird, too.  

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10 minutes ago, regentrude said:

My hometown in Germany has some of the city pools/beaches as designated nude pools. Clothing optional. Totally fine, nobody stares, people just sunbathe and swim. It has no sexual connotations - just infinitely more practical than sitting in a wet bathing suit.

Yep. And swimming naked feels a lot nicer. 
 

America is still a Puritan country. 😐

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Being a mom has nothing to do with it. I wear a tankini myself.

I think people leaning over to set up/laying out beach equipment, playing beach volleyball, surfing, sandcastle building, chasing around littles and picking them up, etc. should wear whatever keeps their bits and pieces covered while doing it. If a bikini is properly fit it will meet that criteria. Not all bikinis properly fit every body,you need to shop around to find one that works for your unique physique.

I'm not a fan of speedos, spandex, or ballet tights on men. If I can "tell a man's religion" as he strolls along the beach/stage in front of me, he needs something that fits a little looser. I don't think genital features should be discernible when dressed in public-that's for in private.

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46 minutes ago, regentrude said:

My hometown in Germany has some of the city pools/beaches as designated nude pools. Clothing optional. Totally fine, nobody stares, people just sunbathe and swim. It has no sexual connotations - just infinitely more practical than sitting in a wet bathing suit.

I don't have an issue with those as long as they're designated as such. That way everyone involved has to opt in. It avoids exposing people to nudity without their consent.

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48 minutes ago, regentrude said:

My hometown in Germany has some of the city pools/beaches as designated nude pools. Clothing optional. Totally fine, nobody stares, people just sunbathe and swim. It has no sexual connotations - just infinitely more practical than sitting in a wet bathing suit.

Does everyone carry around a towel on which to sit? The germs would squig me out. 😬

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17 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

actually were bikinis even a thing before sunscreen?  I mean I get it for Europe etc they don’t have nasty uv like we do down south.  But my skin just wasn’t really made for this climate!

I hear you. I have on a tankini for a little while to get some vitamin D, then if I want to swim longer I put on my long sleeve UV shirt. Otherwise I sit under my beach umbrella.

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