Please help me get over myself

[stephanier.1765]

So DH shattered his tibia and did it while I was out of town. Therefore I was not with him when he went to the ER and didn't get to see a doctor or his x-rays until I attended his doctor's appointment last Thursday. Several times during the appointment, such as seeing the x-rays or hearing the doctor discuss his injury, I was extremely nauseous. So today, I again attended a doctor's appointment with him and my reaction was even stronger. There was a point where I honestly thought I was either going to pass out or vomit. It was a near thing. I can't believe I reacted worse the second time. Just ridiculous!

Please help me with any tips or tricks, mental or physical, that can help me overcome this. There are going to be a lot of appointments in the future and I need to have my wits about me or I will be of no help to him.

[Bambam]

This might not help you, but I find a body spray with lemon scent in it helps me with nausea (or at least it did for two pregnancies!). I found a short lived body spray that was like strawberry lemonade or something like that (something socially acceptable), and I spent an hour drive to work sniffing my wrist. 

In emotional situations, I put on my Mr. Spock persona. Detached, logical, rational, not emotional. I've also been known to not look at whatever might bother me (I don't watch any needles when I give blood or get shots, I would not watch an suspicious mole removal, etc). I can still listen, but I look (focus) on something else. 

[lmrich]

Is it the smell of the doctor's office (that can get me) or looking at it? Or just the whole experience? 

 

[Kassia]

10 minutes ago, kand said:

This happened to me when my dd broke a bone. The weirdest thing. Mine got worse over two appointments and then generalized to some other situations before I realized it was a panic attack type response. I think the first time was a Vaso-vagal reaction and then I had anxiety about it happening at the next appointment which caused it to happen again, and it got worse from there. It took me about a week to realize what was happening was a panic response (because I’m not someone I would have thought would be susceptible to that 🙄) and then I listened to Claire Weeks’ Pass Over Panic audios and I was immediately able to start working on it and it improved from then. In medical scenarios I’m worried will tip it off again, I make sure I am well hydrated and fed ahead of time and have hard candy to suck on. That helps me a lot. When it happened the first time, I was hungry and dehydrated after waiting in urgent care a long time. I definitely recommend the Claire Weekes’ stuff to understand what’s happening and not get into the cycle of it getting worse. Especially if you’re a logical type, I found it super helpful. 

 

Yes, the vaso-vagal reaction is something that happens to me at times.  It's scary and embarrassing.  I will try what you recommended!  I always thought it was out of my control.  

[Teachaheart]

I've done a combination of what everyone else has suggested. I studied the Xrays and notes as if I were going to be tested on them. I refused to look at the injuries themselves unless I absolutely had to, which was more often than I liked. While the surgical dressings, stitches, and staples were being removed, I let him squeeze my hand but would only look at the wall. I've been known to escape into bouts of somewhat inappropriate dark humor. I didn't think of it then, but I'd definitely try sucking on some lemon, ginger, or peppermint hard candy during appointments and while helping with personal care and massages after surgery.

Your reaction isn't unusual or something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. 

[mumto2]

Sending hugs, no real advice beyond popping a piece of peppermint gum in your mouth which would help with the nausea.  Gum helps me and I am prone to nausea.

[stephanier.1765]

1 hour ago, lmrich said:

Is it the smell of the doctor's office (that can get me) or looking at it? Or just the whole experience? 

 

I think it's the whole experience. Even when I looked away from the x-ray or CT, the listening to the doctor still caused the same reaction. It's a bad break and the doctor is very honest about how bad it is. It never even occurred to me that it could be vasovagal and that's exactly what's going on. It's a reaction to how bad a break it is, to how difficult of a repair it's going to be, to how long of a recovery, and especially how long he will be out of work. Makes so much sense! I am so glad I asked because I was feeling like a big, ol' baby.

Tomorrow while I'm out getting his medications and knee scooter I'll pick up a couple of nausea aids for myself. Then I'll do a hard study of my notes, pictures and Claire Weekes and hopefully be prepared for surgery on Wednesday.

Thanks to you all!

[math teacher]

Best wishes to you and quick healing to your Dh.

[Kassia]

Yes, best wishes to you and DH!  ❤️

[prairiewindmomma]

You've gotten good ideas.

My preferred scent to cope with yucky stuff is bergamot (citrus based) and I definitely do better going in well nourished and with my day already rolling. I am most prone to nausea with medical stuff early in the morning.  Healing wounds have a scent for me (exudate especially, even if not putrid) and I struggle....totally ok with blood and other fluids.

 

[ktgrok]

Ugh. I'm not usually squeamish with medical stuff, but orthopedic stuff squicks me out. So you are not alone. You also can TELL the medical staff that details make you squeamish, so anything they can give you in writing rather than verbal regarding XYZ would be appreciated, so you can read it in the comfort of you rown home. 

[YaelAldrich]

I broke my leg over the summer 😑 and I'm wondering why you have to be involved overly much in what happens?  It's your husband right?  Aside from maybe helping him in and out of the shower what do you think you'll have to do? My leg and its staples were covered up and I dealt with everything including office visits except needing help to get in and out of the shower.  I'm really sorry this happened to your husband (and family). It's a long road back to normalcy. I'm walking again (sometimes with a limp) and working hard at PT to get back to running. A complete recovery to you all!

[J-rap]

It'll get better...  I used to be super squeamish about stuff, and now I'm not at all.  Now I feel like I could even operate on someone if I had to, in an emergency -- haha.  I agree that trying to separate yourself from it, emotionally, helps.   So, try to compartmentalize it.  Try not to think of it as a living body part, but instead as a small piece of equipment that everyone happens to have.  No big deal.

I did have someone tell me once to think of something that makes you really, really mad.  That gets your adrenaline going, and that can actually counter-act bodily sensations like light-headedness and nausea.  It really does help!  I'd sometimes feel badly to be at some sweet event and have to imagine something I was really mad about in order to make it through it without fainting, but it saved me a number of times, until I finally got over it!

[EmilyGF]

4 hours ago, stephanier.1765 said:

 

Please help me with any tips or tricks, mental or physical, that can help me overcome this. There are going to be a lot of appointments in the future and I need to have my wits about me or I will be of no help to him.

This reminds me of DH, who used to faint when I would give birth or go to the ER (once for appendicitis). They actually tried to admit him one time and he nearly had to fight his way out.

A friend mentioned to him, "When you stop breathing, you faint." He realized that when he got faint he just had to choose to breathe. He's had no more episodes since then. So, watch your breath and breathing.

And, yes, exposure desensitizes you.

Emily

[EmseB]

For me, hydration and making sure I've eaten really helps. As does making sure my posture is relaxed (I'm not clenching anything, lol) and I'm breathing.

I almost passed out once when I had to be a friend's pick up person from an outpatient procedure. During discharge instructions I excused myself to the bathroom in a really abrupt, awkward way. Fast forward a decade later and I had to do wound care on a family member for a few weeks. The morning they were showing me what to do at the hospital I was very conscientious about the above precautions and had no troubles doing what needed to be done.

[Bootsie]

I am like that--just reading your post makes me feel nauseous.  I don't have any great suggestions but I find sitting, make sure that I am wearing comfortable clothing, not getting too hot, and having some water to drink helps--and remembering to breath--.  I bandana that I can dampen with some water and put on my forehead can also help.  

[Tanaqui]

I don't have advice to help with the nausea, but I implore you to not beat yourself up over this. You're not "ridiculous" - you're having a physical reaction to something viscerally disturbing. Not everybody has this particular reaction to this particular trigger, but it's certainly within the norm for human behavior. On the whole, humans feel disgust really very easily.

I agree that you need to get this under control in order to help your husband, but this is not a character flaw. So please don't think of it as one.

[El...]

57 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

I don't have advice to help with the nausea, but I implore you to not beat yourself up over this. You're not "ridiculous" - you're having a physical reaction to something viscerally disturbing. Not everybody has this particular reaction to this particular trigger, but it's certainly within the norm for human behavior. On the whole, humans feel disgust really very easily.

I agree that you need to get this under control in order to help your husband, but this is not a character flaw. So please don't think of it as one.

Yes, this. Hugs. You're going to make it through this. 

[Kassia]

7 hours ago, EmilyGF said:

 They actually tried to admit him one time and he nearly had to fight his way out.

 

This happened to me once - an ambulance was called when I almost fainted at a community event.  They thought I was having a stroke.  I was mortified and had to keep telling the ambulance guys I was fine and to please leave me alone!  I had recovered right when they got there.  

 

 

3 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

I agree that you need to get this under control in order to help your husband, but this is not a character flaw. So please don't think of it as one.

Yes, this is so true!  It's a physical reaction - not your fault at all.

 

 

4 hours ago, Bootsie said:

I am like that--just reading your post makes me feel nauseous.  I don't have any great suggestions but I find sitting, make sure that I am wearing comfortable clothing, not getting too hot, and having some water to drink helps--and remembering to breath--.  I bandana that I can dampen with some water and put on my forehead can also help.  

These are great tips that have all helped me in the past.

 

[stephanier.1765]

19 hours ago, YaelAldrich said:

I broke my leg over the summer 😑 and I'm wondering why you have to be involved overly much in what happens?  It's your husband right?  Aside from maybe helping him in and out of the shower what do you think you'll have to do? My leg and its staples were covered up and I dealt with everything including office visits except needing help to get in and out of the shower.  I'm really sorry this happened to your husband (and family). It's a long road back to normalcy. I'm walking again (sometimes with a limp) and working hard at PT to get back to running. A complete recovery to you all!

My part so far has been taking notes, listening and understanding so I can help him by asking question to make things more clear for the both of us, writing down both our questions beforehand so I can remind us what they were at his appointments, helping him with the appointment making and paperwork, and definitely helping him bathe, put his boot back on since it's awkward and painful for him to do alone, get his medication from the naval base, and finally track down a knee scooter we can afford now that he's out of work (scored one today 🙌). He hasn't needed to use the medical system often so he doesn't really understand how things work. He really doesn't understand how things work outside the military system. A lot of it is a surprise to me too but I've had a bit more experience so I can make it a little easier for him and ask better questions.

But really the biggest thing is the listening and understanding. He's kind of caught up in the pain and feeling out of sorts with what's happening around him so having someone else being active in the appointments helps him feel that details and questions won't get lost in all the information coming at him. I imagine he will feel that way again when he gets to PT. I'll probably observe those as well so I can help him with the exercises at home. Knowing him, he'd probably skip the homework. But the doctor said that he will likely suffer from post injury arthritis so anything I can do to prevent that I will.

I am relieved to hear how well you are doing now! Being at the beginning of the process feels really daunting right now so thank you for sharing some of the light at the end of the tunnel. A complete recovery to you as well!

[stephanier.1765]

Thanks everyone for making me feel like this isn't a character flaw because it sure was feeling that way. I've put a new section in our journal/notebook for tips for me. I'm really not looking forward to talking to the doctor tomorrow following surgery so I'll have that notebook with me beforehand so I can review our notes and work on these tips. I picked up some ginger for me today which I'll pack with my lunch so I don't forget it. The one really bright spot about tomorrow is that the hospital is a stones throw away from the beach. I mean that literally. I can walk straight down to the beach from the entrance. I'm going to take a blanket, lunch, and book with me and camp out at there until he is done.

[Kassia]

20 hours ago, YaelAldrich said:

 It's a long road back to normalcy. I'm walking again (sometimes with a limp) and working hard at PT to get back to running. A complete recovery to you all!

I'm a runner who shattered my ankle 23 years ago and needed two surgeries and a year to fully heal.  but it's 100% healed now and I am so grateful and delighted!  I thought I'd be limping and have pain for the rest of my life.   Hope your outcome is just as good and you are back to running when you are recovered!  

 

[Kassia]

16 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said:

Thanks everyone for making me feel like this isn't a character flaw because it sure was feeling that way. I've put a new section in our journal/notebook for tips for me. I'm really not looking forward to talking to the doctor tomorrow following surgery so I'll have that notebook with me beforehand so I can review our notes and work on these tips. I picked up some ginger for me today which I'll pack with my lunch so I don't forget it. The one really bright spot about tomorrow is that the hospital is a stones throw away from the beach. I mean that literally. I can walk straight down to the beach from the entrance. I'm going to take a blanket, lunch, and book with me and camp out at there until he is done.

Good luck to both of you tomorrow!  Please update when you can.  How wonderful that you can go to the beach while waiting.

[Tanaqui]

6 hours ago, stephanier.1765 said:

Thanks everyone for making me feel like this isn't a character flaw because it sure was feeling that way. I've put a new section in our journal/notebook for tips for me. I'm really not looking forward to talking to the doctor tomorrow following surgery so I'll have that notebook with me beforehand so I can review our notes and work on these tips. I picked up some ginger for me today which I'll pack with my lunch so I don't forget it. The one really bright spot about tomorrow is that the hospital is a stones throw away from the beach. I mean that literally. I can walk straight down to the beach from the entrance. I'm going to take a blanket, lunch, and book with me and camp out at there until he is done.

Sounds like a plan!

[YaelAldrich]

7 hours ago, stephanier.1765 said:

My part so far has been taking notes, listening and understanding so I can help him by asking question to make things more clear for the both of us, writing down both our questions beforehand so I can remind us what they were at his appointments, helping him with the appointment making and paperwork, and definitely helping him bathe, put his boot back on since it's awkward and painful for him to do alone, get his medication from the naval base, and finally track down a knee scooter we can afford now that he's out of work (scored one today 🙌). He hasn't needed to use the medical system often so he doesn't really understand how things work. He really doesn't understand how things work outside the military system. A lot of it is a surprise to me too but I've had a bit more experience so I can make it a little easier for him and ask better questions.

But really the biggest thing is the listening and understanding. He's kind of caught up in the pain and feeling out of sorts with what's happening around him so having someone else being active in the appointments helps him feel that details and questions won't get lost in all the information coming at him. I imagine he will feel that way again when he gets to PT. I'll probably observe those as well so I can help him with the exercises at home. Knowing him, he'd probably skip the homework. But the doctor said that he will likely suffer from post injury arthritis so anything I can do to prevent that I will.

I am relieved to hear how well you are doing now! Being at the beginning of the process feels really daunting right now so thank you for sharing some of the light at the end of the tunnel. A complete recovery to you as well!

You are a really good spouse!  Please tell him that he'll need to work hard at PT to get back as much functionality as he can. Yes, there will be difficult and painful moments but they do lessen.  I'm happy to speak to him if he wants. Let me know.

[YaelAldrich]

6 hours ago, Kassia said:

I'm a runner who shattered my ankle 23 years ago and needed two surgeries and a year to fully heal.  but it's 100% healed now and I am so grateful and delighted!  I thought I'd be limping and have pain for the rest of my life.   Hope your outcome is just as good and you are back to running when you are recovered!  

 

Oh, you give me hope! I'm thrilled to be on our elliptical machine but I really want to run...