Has the pandemic made you rethink where you live?

[Liz CA]

3 hours ago, Liz CA said:

No, not at all. I would not think of letting a temporary event dictate where I live. That would seem short-sighted to me. There are just so many other factors playing into this decision. And then there are roots... California has been home for 30+ years. Sounds funny even as I type it. I suppose a major economical upheaval could uproot us but we weathered the last recession right here and that was no walk in the park.

We live just in the right combo of rural but near city to get some of those benefits. I would wish for a shorter commute but I know I cannot have it all.

Just thought about what Patty Joanna mentioned. If we lost the benefits of Prop13 in CA, I may be tempted to look elsewhere.

[Pen]

Someone sent me this videolink:

 

https://audio.nationalvanguard.com/swarm.mp4

 

might explain  Amazon package delivery problems.    Apparently someone’s purse is also snatched, but I didn’t catch that

Edited September 21, 2020 by Pen

[Hunter]

These are scary times, and I wish it were not so, but I am understanding more and more of what used to just be stories in history books.

[MEmama]

10 hours ago, kdsuomi said:

I never said I was moving to a more conservative country, and I'm not. I just do not want to be in the country for what I see coming. My political beliefs are also based on the governing documents of the country that I'm in, and would be different in a country with different governing documents which afford different rights to citizens and different authorities to the government. Due to this, I absolutely have voted for some things to be legal when I think it is very wrong for people to do because i didn't feel the government had the authority to restrict said activities.

Cool, thanks!

I honestly didn’t intend to put you on the spot, and I hope you didn’t take my question to sound judgmental. 
 

This did inspire an interesting conversation at dinner last night, though! Lol
 

[Scarlett]

I have lived my entire life non mainstream.   Usually it is just a feeling of being different which I am ok with.  A few times I have felt unsafe, especially any time patriotism ramps up.  I can't imagine moving for that reason though.  Because things can change in another country over night too.  We just do our best to live our life.  And I have elderly parents to consider....and now grandkids being born that we don't want to leave either.  

[Terabith]

9 hours ago, Hunter said:

These are scary times, and I wish it were not so, but I am understanding more and more of what used to just be stories in history books.

Offering seriously.....if you really need a place to flee to, message me, and we can probably work out a way to get you here.  

[TechWife]

We moved in January and are very grateful we made the move before the pandemic hit. The house meets every one of our needs.

[TechWife]

43 minutes ago, Bagels McGruffikin said:

Refresh my memory - did you totally switch locations or was it just the house, itself? 

We moved within the same city - so same general environment, right down to the grocery stores.  It's a great community.

[hopeallgoeswell]

We moved from the southeast to the PNW four years ago because of my husband's job.  People who already lived here sold us on the beautiful scenery and plentiful hiking trails.  It didn't take long after we got here to realized we would be moving back to the southeast at some point before retirement. The COL is double what we are used to, the weather is too cold/bleak, and the overall vibe isn't for us.  The governor's response to the virus has accelerated our timeline by several years.  God willing, we will be moving back down south within the next 6-9 months.  

[popmom]

We are considering a move. I can't say it's directly because of COVID, but COVID may actually make it easier. My husband will be working from home--forever. This definitely frees us up a little--not having to worry so much about the commute. 

Actually, we are looking at moving out to the country and going totally off grid. Right now my husband and I can't agree on how far away is too far away. We have to stay somewhat close to where we currently live. My husband will have to go into the office on rare occasions, and my parents are getting older. I need to be within easy driving distance of them. I'm willing to go out 60-80 miles from our current location, but dh doesn't want to go that far. I'm looking for a fresh start. DH does not feel the same need. 

Unfortunately, we are not the only ones who have decided we'd like a little land. Lot's of folks jumping on the mini farm bandwagon around here. Prices on parcels over 10 acres have shot up over the past couple of years--one more reason I'd like to move further out. It's just cheaper.

I thought about starting an off grid thread, but I figure it's been done. 😉

Edited September 22, 2020 by popmom

[bethben]

Apparently half the country seems to be moving to Colorado Springs.  I have never seen a place grow so fast—something has got to give as housing prices are insane.  Houses are selling in a day with multiple offers over asking.  We have a ton of hiking trails writhing 30 minutes of our house.  I guess people felt that even if everything shuts down, at least they can hike.  Hiking has been our main activity with Covid.  Our economy has also recovered about 75%.  

[rainbird2]

We moved to acreage outside of a major city so we can have space for the kids to run around and be kids.  We have goats, chickens, a fruit orchard, and a huge garden.  It was so wonderful to have the space during Covid.  For years, we got along so well with our neighbors, helping each other with our properties and animals.  We would have them over for dinner.  Every year, we go caroling around the neighborhood.  It was pretty ideal...until Covid and the police protests.

Now some of our neighbors have put out their political party's very large flags on their fences, and my kids are a little terrified.  We are one of the only minority families in the neighborhood, and we're not feeling very welcomed right now.  There are some questionable groups popping up in our rural area, which makes us nervous, too. 

We put up security cameras on our property in case there is a fallout after the elections.  Imagine that.  Security cameras on our little slice of heaven on Earth.  How times have changed.

We don't want to leave where we are, but we do crave being around like-minded people.  We're considering making a change.  We definitely were naive in thinking that we would be fine in this area.  We're seeing everyone's true colors these days, and it's not pretty.

[EKS]

I would say that it has made me reappreciate where I live.  I was starting to feel like something more in town would be preferable, but now I'm grateful to be a good distance away from where the pandemic action is.

[popmom]

7 hours ago, rainbird2 said:

We moved to acreage outside of a major city so we can have space for the kids to run around and be kids.  We have goats, chickens, a fruit orchard, and a huge garden.  It was so wonderful to have the space during Covid.  For years, we got along so well with our neighbors, helping each other with our properties and animals.  We would have them over for dinner.  Every year, we go caroling around the neighborhood.  It was pretty ideal...until Covid and the police protests.

Now some of our neighbors have put out their political party's very large flags on their fences, and my kids are a little terrified.  We are one of the only minority families in the neighborhood, and we're not feeling very welcomed right now.  There are some questionable groups popping up in our rural area, which makes us nervous, too. 

We put up security cameras on our property in case there is a fallout after the elections.  Imagine that.  Security cameras on our little slice of heaven on Earth.  How times have changed.

We don't want to leave where we are, but we do crave being around like-minded people.  We're considering making a change.  We definitely were naive in thinking that we would be fine in this area.  We're seeing everyone's true colors these days, and it's not pretty.

The danger is NOT from your neighbors. Seriously. Continue to reach out to them. Best wishes.

[rainbird2]

2 hours ago, popmom said:

The danger is NOT from your neighbors. Seriously. Continue to reach out to them. Best wishes.

 

Would you mind clarifying what you mean by your reply?  Where is the danger coming from? 

I was leaving out details, but perhaps I was too vague.  I have a neighbor whose son is selling flags with machine guns, Thin Blue Line flags, and flags with political figures in front of the flag with fire and guns, on a corner of our street.  He and others in the neighborhood drive very fast up and down the road in front of our home, multiple times a day, with their flags flying from the back of their trucks.  We found a box of matches thrown by our fruit trees in the front yard.  My husband found a large razor blade in his tire.

Perhaps the current political climate has put me on edge, and these could all be coincidences.  Maybe they have always driven at warp speed, or maybe someone did accidentally drop their matches while driving by our property.  Years ago, I don't think I would have been paranoid about these things.  I'm trying to figure out why do I have these fears now?  What has changed in the last few years?

My Q-Anon neighbors don't want to talk with us anymore because we told them that what they were saying did not make any logical sense to us, and please provide proof.  I don't think we should go over there anymore anyway, since they keep a rifle by the front door at all times now.  Rifles are not very welcoming, lol.  These neighbors we the nicest church-going people we have ever met.  What has changed?

You are probably right, though.  Perhaps I should still reach out to them even though it now feels uncomfortable to do so.  They have always been kind and accepting people in my mind, and we have always been kind and accepting of them, despite our differences in beliefs. 

My previous post may sound like we believe all supporters of a certain political figure are racists and we are terrified of them.  Not true.  We wouldn't have the rapport that we have if they were blatant racists (well, maybe the son is leaning a certain way, but I haven't asked him so I cannot make that assumption).  But, I am pretty convinced that voting for a certain political figure is voting for someone who enables racists.  I'm not sure I can walk pass the sign or flag (or the rifle) and have small talk right now.  But that's just me.

On the flip side, I do have a neighbor who is afraid her rainbow flag will get destroyed if she puts it out right now.  She and I are writing post cards for swing states this week, so I have something in common with someone in the neighborhood.  That's good! 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 24, 2020 by rainbird2
Clarification

[Arcadia]

I did pick my current home based on accessibility to healthcare, groceries, banks and public transport. Grew up in a big densely populated city and if I move, it would still be to a densely populated city.  
I think I would only dare to move to the countryside if I live near a large regional hospital and have many major freeways to use as fire evacuation routes. 
My husband still have to go back to the office and lab every now and then. His work can’t be totally work from home. So even if we move, we would still be staying in this region. 

[Arcadia]

On 9/20/2020 at 6:18 PM, Liz CA said:

Wow, this is so different from my corner of the same country. (Are you in the US?) There were mornings when I wished I could step up to the side of the street (no curb) and hail a cab. 

I just call Yellow Cab and always can get one even if I can’t get Uber. 

[easypeasy]

The pandemic made me realize that, politically, I reeeeally do not fit in here.

However, the pandemic made DH and I both sort of decide to stay living in this area because the economy here held stable.  His particular area of expertise has actually increased in demand and we felt financially "safe" throughout this whole ordeal (knock on wood).

[Ottakee]

2 hours ago, rainbird2 said:

 

Would you mind clarifying what you mean by your reply?  Where is the danger coming from? I was leaving out details, but perhaps I was too vague. 

On the flip side, I do have a neighbor who is afraid her rainbow flag will get destroyed if she puts it out right now.  She and I are writing post cards for swing states this week, so I have something in common with someone in the neighborhood.  That's good! 

 

 

 

 

 I am sorry you are facing that.  At first but was hoping that maybe your neighbors were "one issue" voters meaning that they were voting for a certain party just because of one issue even if they didn't agree with/support the stance on other issues.   Sadly, with more information that doesn't seem to be the case, at least for some of your neighbors.

[Happy2BaMom]

On 9/21/2020 at 12:10 AM, Hunter said:

I think the pandemic is shining a light on how different some states are from others, and I think the differences are growing. I feel like we are reverting to pre-civil war state governments. I think people are going to start shifting where they live according to political beliefs instead of job opportunities.

I don't think I will ever feel safe living in anything that feels bottle-necked again, especially a high-rise building.

I have some very democratic beliefs, but I don't want to be in a democratic state right now, and I have felt that way even before the pandemic. I think a lot of people with democratic beliefs suddenly change their behavior when tested, and I don't like being present while they figure all that out. People got tested and it wasn't pretty how they chose to behave. Too often, their behavior was worse than the worst of what they professed to be so against.

I have limited resources to choose to where I live. I did react to the immediate situation, and think that was smart. I had an opportunity to flee to a "covid-bunker" as my relative has named my apartment, and we both know that this is unlikely to be where I stay. He was the only person willing to help me, and I was really in trouble. I am SOOOO grateful to be where I am right now. This is working so far. But the world keeps changing, and I expect politics to become increasingly critical to where people live. 

If people are going to reach the true bottom of what they will do when pushed, at least conservative is ... I am not prepared to get into political discussions. Not even a little. So I need to just be quiet. And if things go as I think they will go, I need to move where I think best for me to be, and be even more quiet. I need to lay low and keep my mouth shut for awhile. This is not my time. Whatever I am on this earth to accomplish. I just need to live and to wait for it. 

And where I live, the conservatives are much more like rainbird’s. God help you if you express the tiniest hint of anything that isn’t 100% extreme far right. My (one) minority neighbor family no longer feels safe & has put their house up for sale. The POTUS won't commit to a peaceful transfer of power if he loses and, if he does lose, I expect we will see a lot of social unrest and possibly a constitutional crisis.

The idea that bad behavior or low standards is limited to one political party is extremely naive. 

Edited September 24, 2020 by Happy2BaMom

[KungFuPanda]

19 hours ago, bethben said:

Apparently half the country seems to be moving to Colorado Springs.  I have never seen a place grow so fast—something has got to give as housing prices are insane.  Houses are selling in a day with multiple offers over asking.  We have a ton of hiking trails writhing 30 minutes of our house.  I guess people felt that even if everything shuts down, at least they can hike.  Hiking has been our main activity with Covid.  Our economy has also recovered about 75%.  

My brother can’t wait to leave that area and he’s encouraged by how much his house has appreciates in just a few years. He has chickens, but finds gardening very discouraging between the clay soil and lack of rain. He’ll definitely move back east when his daughter graduates. I think those water bills are tough to swallow for people who just expect free water to fall from the sky. 🤣

[Hunter]

On 9/21/2020 at 7:30 AM, Terabith said:

Offering seriously.....if you really need a place to flee to, message me, and we can probably work out a way to get you here.  

Thank you! I am good for now. I would not have found my situation ideal before Covid, but in CONTEXT of NOW, this feels as good as it gets for me. I am sitting tight and waiting to see what happens next. This all feels pretty unsustainable to me, both the parts of life that have not changed and those that have changed.

[MEmama]

@rainbird2 ((hugs)).
Your posts made me cry. 

[Hunter]

On 9/20/2020 at 10:25 PM, Plum said:

Hello neighbor. 🙂 I might complain a lot about Vegas, but I also acknowledge it's been very good to us. It's an interesting city where most everyone you meet is from somewhere else. We've been here for 17 years and my grandparents lived here so I visited a lot growing up. I trust this city will get through these hard times as we have a history of boom or bust. Vegas is in a constant state of renewal. It is a place where second chances are a part of the culture. I hope it's as good to you as it has been to us. 🙏❤️

 

Hello Neighbor!

When I tell people that I moved to Las Vegas, they picture what was.  I showed up during lockdown and stayed locked down in a small gated community at the edge of Henderson and mostly only went as far as I could walk, early in the morning, to the few essential shops open. Other than that, I paced the edge of the gated community after dark, studying Spanish as I chanted along to the audio files. The rest of the time I was indoors and alone.

Now I am in one of the Spanish-speaking areas, still on foot, and still hiding from the heat and sun during the day. I am no longer an internally displaced person because I do have a lease now, but that has helped less than I thought. The casinos are open, but the government agencies are a mess. I cannot do even online classes here for at least a year. I had planned to stay when I got here, but no attempts to settle have been successful and I gave up even before I left my relative's home. Now that I am isolated in this Spanish-speaking area that feels like another country, I am unable to imagine anything that would feel like home, here.

If I had a car and I started here pre-Covid, I don't know what it would be like for me now. But that is not how I am living. This only feels like I am a refugee living in a bunker. I have no desire to go anywhere else right now, but I feel nothing that feels like "home". I cannot imagine staying here or what might be possible here, beyond the perimeter of how far I can walk, or what might come after Covid.

I don't think we have scratched the surface of what Covid will bring, anymore than the first few months after the stock market crash of 1929 was the full Great Depression that lasted another decade.

This is my Covid-bunker for at least this stage of the crisis. I have shelter, food, internet, and my most critical medical needs met, and that is enough for now, while I wait to see what comes next.

One surprising development is that my college in Boston asked me to write a 600 word piece to be included in a Boston Globe article and there is a chance I will be doing online classes at my old Boston school in January. That makes this place feel even more temporary and ... not even real. If I continue to transition to a more virtual world, and that virtual world is all in Boston or general USA, how much am I really in Las Vegas?

It is so segregated here, that I wonder what is Las Vegas. Are the gated communities with the Styrofoam houses, plastic shutters, fragile imported plants and fleets of security guards and Spanish-speaking grounds-keepers Las Vegas? Are the Spanish-speaking communities Vegas? Are the casinos Vegas. I look up at the mountains and look at maps of Nevada and wonder what is beyond what I can see when I walk. I think there is a chance that I will leave Las Vegas and have never seen farther than I can walk. And that is okay. The goal is to survive, and make it to the next leg of my journey, which I feel looming ahead.

The longer I am here, the more questions I have about this place. And I expect to leave with them unanswered.

[Hunter]

7 hours ago, rainbird2 said:

Perhaps the current political climate has put me on edge, and these could all be coincidences.  Maybe they have always driven at warp speed, or maybe someone did accidentally drop their matches while driving by our property.  Years ago, I don't think I would have been paranoid about these things.  I'm trying to figure out why do I have these fears now?  What has changed in the last few years?

Trust Yourself! Trust yourself! You are the one with boots on the ground there. Please trust yourself. 

People have told me so many times that I was paranoid and wrong. Time has proved that they were wrong, not me. I have learned to trust myself, and I have learned not to explain myself and just MOVE when I need to. I don't need anyone's permission. I don't need to be able to explain myself at all, and certainly not to their expectations. I am the one that suffers the consequences of my choices, not them. I have to live the aftermath. NOT trusting myself has been what has hurt me 99% of the time. Trusting myself has saved my butt 99% of the time. Sure I have been wrong 1% of the time, but I am not going to focus on the 1%; I am going to focus on the 99%, because that is what has kept me alive.

One of the very worst things about being a victim is learning the need to be silent about the abuse. Much of the literature about secondary wounding can be applied to racism. https://secondwound.com/

Quote

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 24, 2020 by Hunter

[TravelingChris]

22 hours ago, bethben said:

Apparently half the country seems to be moving to Colorado Springs.  I have never seen a place grow so fast—something has got to give as housing prices are insane.  Houses are selling in a day with multiple offers over asking.  We have a ton of hiking trails writhing 30 minutes of our house.  I guess people felt that even if everything shuts down, at least they can hike.  Hiking has been our main activity with Covid.  Our economy has also recovered about 75%.  

We are having the same thing here.  We have much smaller mountains but yes, plenty of places to go outside and hike.  And yes, our economy is mostly recovered too.

[Hunter]

3 hours ago, Plum said:

You are not the only one that lives here and feels like they have one foot out the door.  ... Vegas is so strange because it has such an iconic identity, but that identity is really only for the local 20-30 crowd and tourists, not for families or people who live here. I don't know what to tell you, I'm still coming to terms with living here. But we have nice weather for half of the year, no state taxes, lots of trails, mountains all around, some great museums, and a lot of quirky people. 

I am deeply grateful to be here. When I first came here, both regular people and government people were telling me to go "home" and that I should not have come here. I told them that my only relative took me closer to him, so that he could assist me, as I was had lost my ability to be independent in the situation where I had been living. They told me that was no excuse and that unless he was willing to take full responsibility for me, including putting me on his lease, he had no right bringing me here. 

That has eased up, especially since the casinos has opened up, and I have a lease of my own. I did not get a warm welcome. And I am failing to get a toe hold here. I think it was SIX times I had to go to the library and show proof of residency in the most ridiculous ways that have not been updated to reflect the reality of more and more things being done online and not through the mail, including the postmarks on the mail that actually is posted. Never mind the reality of Covid. 

I was meant to land here for now. I am 100% comfortable with my choice. I felt really bad about the imposition that I was to my relative, but no hardship was not worth it to me. I do not want to be in a high-rise building or major city this winter. It scares the crap out of me. It scares me so badly that my fear alone, even if there were nothing to back it up, is enough to act upon. 

The doors that all open outside make me feel safe. I even prefer to be in this "unsafe" neighborhood, rather than a gated community.  My door has a gate on it, but I have the key, and it opens outside with no way to easily barricade people any stage.

Despite the high unemployment in Las Vegas, rental and houses are the seller's market. I am not the only one lured by the geography here, to ride out this pandemic. The virus passes slower here, and isn't exploding despite the casino's because of all our doors that open outside. High-rises are incubators. We have seen random high-rises quarantined over the past few months, but not widespread quarantines. I expect that this winter and I refuse to be in one of them, if I have any way to escape that.

Give me a desert right now. Any desert will do. Thank you very much.

[rainbird2]

On 9/24/2020 at 7:06 AM, Seasider too said:

Can I ask you a question? And feel free to take this to pm if preferred. 
 

What would be the best way for someone to reach out to a family like yours? Would it be weird for a Caucasian neighbor to bring over some cookies with a note that says something like, hey, these are anxious times, please know that you have friends at our house. Because I live in an area that was, decades ago, proudly exclusive to POC. Now the neighborhood demographics are changing, but there are still folks that, well, fly those flags. And I don’t want my neighbors to feel afraid in their own home. 
 

I honestly, sincerely want to extend a hand of friendship without being just a suburban white homemaker trying to look woke, kwim?

Moderators, rainbird, others, please let me know if this is an inappropriate question. I just find myself here in suburbia, on the edge of urban, wanting to make legitimate peace as best I can, with my immediate neighbors. And I trust this forum is a safe place to ask this sort of question and get an honest answer, without being condemned for asking it.
 

(I know there are causes to support financially- that’s a separate type of action and not what I’m asking about here - I’ve found info about that.)

Seasider, you made me cry.  In a way, you reached out to me with your post, and you gave me a little hope.  I'm pretending you live down the road and you are referencing me in your post.  🙂

How you should proceed is a hard one.  I do believe that in any situation, one can be a kind neighbor.  If you haven't met them before, maybe make an effort to introduce yourself to them.  Do you garden?  Do you have an extra plant you can bring over to them?  I understand your desire to not be the "woke suburban white homemaker", but you are a human being simply being neighborly.  That's how I would see it, and I hope and pray that they would understand that.  If you and your family feel comfortable doing so, I would bring over a plant or some cookies with the rest of the family, and just say, "Hi!  We haven't met before and we wanted to introduce ourselves to you.  We're happy to have you as a neighbor.  Here's our contact information if you need anything."  I wouldn't do much more than that. 

I think your heart is in the right place and your intentions are good.  I pray that you have confidence in your decision and all goes well. 

 

 

[Sneezyone]

On 9/20/2020 at 9:13 PM, EmseB said:

I think I am misreading sarcasm because lol at Russia or Iran being a good place for American conservatives or libertarians to move to, especially Christians.

I actually have had American conservatives tell me they felt better living in Bahrain. The restrictive employment rules and male/female separation norms gave them comfort. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Edited September 27, 2020 by Sneezyone

[rainbird2]

On 9/24/2020 at 3:55 AM, Happy2BaMom said:

And where I live, the conservatives are much more like rainbird’s. God help you if you express the tiniest hint of anything that isn’t 100% extreme far right. My (one) minority neighbor family no longer feels safe & has put their house up for sale. The POTUS won't commit to a peaceful transfer of power if he loses and, if he does lose, I expect we will see a lot of social unrest and possibly a constitutional crisis.

The idea that bad behavior or low standards is limited to one political party is extremely naive. 

We think we are going to move.  We don't want to, but if things don't go well post election, we can't stay here.  It simply isn't safe for our family.  My husband and I are okay with this, but the kids are going to be devastated.  This is the only home they have ever known.  We can't even fathom having a conversation with our kids about why our particular family would have to leave our area.  They are so sweet and so innocent.  My heart breaks and the stress is inescapable.

It's just crazy.  Last year, our family was considering moving to a very large city for school opportunities for a certain child.  It is a huge city, completely opposite of where we live now.  I had a non-minority friend ask me today, "Aren't you so happy you didn't move to the city?  Can you imagine living in a city during a pandemic?  I bet you guys are so happy to be where you are now!"  I laughed.  She has no clue about another pandemic we are living through.  This other pandemic is almost worse for our family than Covid.  We're all young and healthy and have a good chance of surviving Covid.  We don't have much of a chance if there's civil war in the street and we are a clear target. 

I cannot understand how it has come to this. 

[madteaparty]

nm 

Edited September 27, 2020 by madteaparty

[MEmama]

8 hours ago, rainbird2 said:

Seasider, you made me cry.  In a way, you reached out to me with your post, and you gave me a little hope.  I'm pretending you live down the road and you are referencing me in your post.  🙂

How you should proceed is a hard one.  I do believe that in any situation, one can be a kind neighbor.  If you haven't met them before, maybe make an effort to introduce yourself to them.  Do you garden?  Do you have an extra plant you can bring over to them?  I understand your desire to not be the "woke suburban white homemaker", but you are a human being simply being neighborly.  That's how I would see it, and I hope and pray that they would understand that.  If you and your family feel comfortable doing so, I would bring over a plant or some cookies with the rest of the family, and just say, "Hi!  We haven't met before and we wanted to introduce ourselves to you.  We're happy to have you as a neighbor.  Here's our contact information if you need anything."  I wouldn't do much more than that. 

I think your heart is in the right place and your intentions are good.  I pray that you have confidence in your decision and all goes well. 

 

 

I used the pandemic as an “excuse” to finally meet a next door neighbor. We’ve lived next to each other for 9 years but I rarely see them and when I do I’ve never had luck catching their eye. I wave, but somehow they are always looking away (usually frantically shoveling snow lol). So early this spring, when everyone was outside, I made little contact sheets with my name and phone number to give to neighbors in case they needed groceries delivered or anything at all. One day my next door neighbor was out and I practically jumped in front of him (well, distanced anyway! Lol) and introduced myself, apologising we hadn’t connected before. As I assumed, he is so friendly and he seemed glad to finally meet. 
 

Ours is as safe a neighborhood as one can come across in this country, and the vast majority of houses have BLM and similar lawn signs and the outward community support to back up the sentiment, and it felt really really weird to me to not at least be on first name terms with next door neighbors. I should mention my state is one of the least racially diverse in the country and sadly my town isn’t much better, and I guess there probably is a part of me that felt it was important for them to know we are allys in addition to being generally neighborly. 
 

@rainbird2 your reality breaks my heart. 😞 I hope you find a home in a supportive, inclusive community. Do your kids have to know the reasons you need to move? 
 

eta: idk why the “I” is bolded but it looks so obnoxious and my temperamental iPad won’t let me change it back! 

Edited September 27, 2020 by MEmama

[mommyoffive]

On 9/24/2020 at 9:06 AM, Seasider too said:

Can I ask you a question? And feel free to take this to pm if preferred. 
 

What would be the best way for someone to reach out to a family like yours? Would it be weird for a Caucasian neighbor to bring over some cookies with a note that says something like, hey, these are anxious times, please know that you have friends at our house. Because I live in an area that was, decades ago, proudly exclusive to POC. Now the neighborhood demographics are changing, but there are still folks that, well, fly those flags. And I don’t want my neighbors to feel afraid in their own home. 
 

I honestly, sincerely want to extend a hand of friendship without being just a suburban white homemaker trying to look woke, kwim?

Moderators, rainbird, others, please let me know if this is an inappropriate question. I just find myself here in suburbia, on the edge of urban, wanting to make legitimate peace as best I can, with my immediate neighbors. And I trust this forum is a safe place to ask this sort of question and get an honest answer, without being condemned for asking it. 
 

(I know there are causes to support financially- that’s a separate type of action and not what I’m asking about here - I’ve found info about that.)

Not the op, but I am a person of color.    I think the best course of action is to be a friend.   Not just a one time action, which  is a nice gesture.    But to continually be a neighbor to that family.   Talk to them.  Hang out with them when you can (covid wise).    For me that means more than a person saying the have no problems with poc, but then their lives don't include any. 

Just my personal opinion. 

[Happy2BaMom]

15 hours ago, rainbird2 said:

We think we are going to move.  We don't want to, but if things don't go well post election, we can't stay here.  It simply isn't safe for our family.  My husband and I are okay with this, but the kids are going to be devastated.  This is the only home they have ever known.  We can't even fathom having a conversation with our kids about why our particular family would have to leave our area.  They are so sweet and so innocent.  My heart breaks and the stress is inescapable.

......

I cannot understand how it has come to this. 

(Saying this gently....)....but..... it makes absolute sense how it has come to this. It is *no* mistake. Four years of openly mocking & belitting those designated as "others", whethe that's by race, religion, beliefs, politics, or country. Non-apologetic attempts to limit international students, immigrants from certain religions/countries, & attempting to limit voting from anyone not fitting a certain profile leads to this.

As painful as it will be, use it to teach your kids (when they are old enough, if they aren't already). Teach them who their enemies are. Yes - enemies....not enemies as in you-need-to-hurt-those-people, but enemies as in these-people-don't-care-about-your-experience (and will belittle & deliberately twist your concerns to make you feel wrong if you try to tell them). Teach them how to identify others who will help them. Build a strong minority community around them. Give them understanding and resources. Teach them their legal rights & how to limit their risk when traveling or out and about.  Read to them (as appropriate) from MLK, Jr., WEB DuBois, Langston Hughes, whomever. Be courageous enough to tell it as it is. Give them the gift of truth.

And, yes, move. While your lives are hopefully not in danger, I'd bet our retirement money that you're in for a long road of non-stop small harrassments and trip-ups where you are now.

Because it *has* come to this.

Edited September 27, 2020 by Happy2BaMom