So, If you had to bring a college student home with COVID...

[easypeasy]

What would you do? What steps would you take?

*IF* DD were to catch COVID, her university would give her a solitary room in which to quarantine and they would bring food (and I trust that this school administration would, indeed, do just that).

DD has had a couple friends her age contract COVID and none of them have been walks in the park. Although her university is doing an excellent job at containing COVID, DD just had her first friend (as opposed to someone-who-knows-someone-else-at-school) go down with COVID and he feels awful and says his head feels like it is about to crack open at any moment. 😞

I told DH that I would just drive up and bring her back home. And I wouldn't wait for it to GET bad either... as soon as she tests positive, I want to be on the road. He was very surprised and against this suggestion (I have a couple monitored/controlled health issues and am the "highest risk" one in the family). We've had several discussions since then (lol) but I'm curious what others would/are doing if this pops up?

* If she came home, we'd bring over our RV and park it outside and she could stay there during her quarantine. We'd just need to bring food out to her.

But - it's the GETTING her home that's problematic. Suggestions? I want to be prepared to leave the house the second she gets a positive test back (if that were to happen, of course... praying it does not!).

* We have a minivan. She could sit in the back. I guess I'd have to bring a portable toilet along with us, since we surely don't want her going inside anywhere. Fun times.

* We'd both wear N95s the whole time?

* Leave windows down partially? Are there better vehicle cabin filters we could get? hmmm...

* I'd have food already stocked up for her in the back so I wouldn't need to pass anything back to her on the drive... and I would just eat food outside while stopped for gas or something so I wouldn't have to have my mask off inside.

It'd be around a 12-14 hour drive back home. I'd probably drive up and stay in a hotel for the night and leave the next morning.

And, of course, once getting home, I'd stay home and isolate myself from the others in the family for several days and then would go get tested (tests are easy to come by in our area for some reason). If the test was neg, I'd come back out in the house, but stay home for a full 14 days.

[prairiewindmomma]

It was talking through this point that led Ds to stay home this next year.

Your vehicle has a HEPA cabin air filter, but your best bet is a N95. I can tell you after driving in a N95 for many hours while leaving a wildfire situation this week that it is doable but not fun. 
 

I can drive 12 hrs in a day, no problem. I would stay in a hotel that night before picking her up, and then bring a she-wee with travel John’s and a cooler of food for her. Yes on windows down.

[ktgrok]

Can you tow the RV and have her ride in it the whole way home?

[katilac]

Is it not possible for dad to go get her instead? 

[marbel]

25 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Can you tow the RV and have her ride in it the whole way home?

I'm pretty sure this is illegal in many (most? all?) US states.  

OP, your plan sounds good to me. Though I also wonder why it would be you, with risk factors, and not her dad. 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2020 by marbel

49 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Can you tow the RV and have her ride in it the whole way home?

I believe that would be illegal and certainly unsafe.

[Spryte]

I would want to be with my child, too.

I think a 12-14 hour drive would be risky for both of you.  You, because you would be exposed.  You’d need to quarantine when you got home, hard core, away from DH and anyone else.  And risky for her because she would be potentially ill, and you’d want to have hospital access, and ways to get help, should the need arise.

Since you are high risk, what about changing the plan just a bit?  Maybe you can be all loaded up to leave at a moment’s notice, and plan on going to a hotel.  You could put DD in a room, and you could stay in a room nearby.  Bring food and supplements, and comfort items to her as you would in the RV, be there if she needs you.  Wear a mask at her door, stay in phone contact.

To share a crazy, similar story - my family once went down with a European strain of flu that Dh brought home.  It sent most of his Munich office home for a month.  I thought it would kill us.  We had just had Flu A earlier that year, and I remember thinking Euro Flu was soooo much worse.  We had few or no antibodies, I guess.  Anyway, my mom came and stayed in a hotel nearby, dropped food at our door, and checked in through the window daily.  She didn’t catch it, thankfully.

Not sure if that would work, just wanted to suggest one more option as you decide what to do.

[easypeasy]

15 hours ago, marbel said:

OP, your plan sounds good to me. Though I also wonder why it would be you, with risk factors, and not her dad. 

 

This is what DH proposes. But his work is incredibly busy right now & I honestly don't think I could handle DD being ill and me not being the one to help her. ITS ALWAYS me who handles those types of situations - not dad. The thought of staying home (while she is sick and alone) triggers intense anxiety. I would, by far, prefer to go to her myself. If we can feasibly her as safe as possible, that's what we'll do. 
 

But - the safe as possible part is important! So many moving parts to keep track of!

Thanks for the input so far!!

Edited September 17, 2020 by easypeasy

[Bootsie]

Personally, I would try to have the student stay at school.  I have known some college students who have had COVID and have felt horrible for a day--draggy for a couple of days, and then felt OK; some have reported having felt worse from colds, flus, allergies, and migraines than they have from COVID.  I would not want to make a long trip and risk additional exposure if it turned out to be a mild case.  If it is where the student feels really bad, she probably isn't going to feel up to a long car trip; I would think staying put and getting rest would be better.  If the student felt very bad I might go get a hotel room nearby to monitor the situation.  

[ElizabethB]

A long car ride when you're sick is no fun.

I'd vote adjoining hotel rooms in the area of the school.

My daughter's school has had several cases, we know several of the students who had it, they all had it very mild, one slightly worse than a normal flu, the others didn't even notice they had anything. The have had 56 off campus students and 17 on campus students have it so far--they are being very strict with on campus procedures, masks at all times except in your room, no visitors in rooms, cannot even visit other rooms in your dorm.

The students were the first cases where we've actually known anyone with Covid.

[GoodGrief]

The least risky course of action for the majority would be for her to stay in the quarantine room at the school, with you in a hotel nearby to minimize your anxiety. Taking her to a hotel increases the risk for others staying at the hotel and workers there. Obviously you driving with her and making stops (even of she does not get out) increases the risk of spread. If you are high risk, it does seem like a bad idea for you to have contact with an infected person, even with precautions in place.

 

[athena1277]

The recommendation I’ve heard from health officials and universities is to leave the student at the university.  As much as you want to be there to take care of your child, if all/most of the Covid positive students go home, that will greatly further the spread to other communities.  I know some universities are doing a better job than others at caring for sick and quarantined students.  Maybe talking to someone at the school will help you feel better about letting her stay if she’s sick.

[matrips]

You’re planning to get her before she feels sick? Does she drive, and would you be able to arrange a rental car to her college for her to drive home?

[ktgrok]

2 hours ago, marbel said:

I'm pretty sure this is illegal in many (most? all?) US states.  

 

 

2 hours ago, Mom2mthj said:

I believe that would be illegal and certainly unsafe.

i honestly have no idea what I was thinking! I guess in my head I pictured an RV you drive..but then of course you wouldn't be towing it, lol. 

[ktgrok]

There really is NO safe way to be in a van for 12 hours with a Covid positive person. 

I vote you stay in a hotel or VRBO near the school if she is positive. She stays in her dorm. 

[Farrar]

Some people apparently tack up shower curtains in the car between front and back to add an extra barrier. It would still be a big risk.

I would personally leave her there.

[Junie]

Our plan is to leave our students at school in quarantine if they test positive.  I am high risk as well and I would certainly not risk being in the same vehicle for that long with a person who had even been exposed.  I definitely wouldn't risk it with someone who was known to be positive.

[KungFuPanda]

If I was sick, I would greatly prefer to sleep it off in a dorm room rather than ride 12 hours in a vehicle and live in an RV AND risk getting my mother sick. That all sounds miserable.  Health-wise it seems like she’d get more restorative rest staying put and being young she’ll likely recover in days. 

[easypeasy]

4 hours ago, Bootsie said:

Personally, I would try to have the student stay at school.  I have known some college students who have had COVID and have felt horrible for a day--draggy for a couple of days, and then felt OK; some have reported having felt worse from colds, flus, allergies, and migraines than they have from COVID.  I would not want to make a long trip and risk additional exposure if it turned out to be a mild case.  If it is where the student feels really bad, she probably isn't going to feel up to a long car trip; I would think staying put and getting rest would be better.  If the student felt very bad I might go get a hotel room nearby to monitor the situation.  

 

4 hours ago, ElizabethB said:

A long car ride when you're sick is no fun.

I'd vote adjoining hotel rooms in the area of the school.

My daughter's school has had several cases, we know several of the students who had it, they all had it very mild, one slightly worse than a normal flu, the others didn't even notice they had anything. The have had 56 off campus students and 17 on campus students have it so far--they are being very strict with on campus procedures, masks at all times except in your room, no visitors in rooms, cannot even visit other rooms in your dorm.

The students were the first cases where we've actually known anyone with Covid.

The young ppl dd has known have gotten pretty severe cases. None have wound up on the hospital, but they’ve been very ill with very high fevers. That probably skews my perception and causes me to panic a little at the though of dd having it and being so far away. 

3 hours ago, matrips said:

You’re planning to get her before she feels sick? Does she drive, and would you be able to arrange a rental car to her college for her to drive home?

I’d drive her back. Easy enough. She does drive, but her car would still be on campus...

2 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

There really is NO safe way to be in a van for 12 hours with a Covid positive person. 

I vote you stay in a hotel or VRBO near the school if she is positive. She stays in her dorm. 

ugh. The 12+ hours really is the problem, here. 😞 

Yeah - a hotel or Vrbo could work... actually...I could rent an Airbnb or vrbo and if she got very sick, could bring her there. Then just make sure the lease goes a few days after her recovery and thoroughly clean and air out the place...

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

If I was sick, I would greatly prefer to sleep it off in a dorm room rather than ride 12 hours in a vehicle and live in an RV AND risk getting my mother sick. That all sounds miserable.  Health-wise it seems like she’d get more restorative rest staying put and being young she’ll likely recover in days. 

Oh, she probably would too. No one wants to get me sick. But if she’s sick and so far away, I am going to be a mess. I’d much rather get to her somehow and staying in a hotel or air bnb close to her campus sounds reasonable. I could even wait to leave if she wasn’t showing symptoms (oh, how I pray for asymptomatic cases!!)...(although, staying in the Rv wouldn’t be too miserable... it’s a comfy one! lol)

I just hate that it’s all so darn complicated!!! 

Edited September 17, 2020 by easypeasy

[ktgrok]

Also, as much as you'd be anxious if she gets sick and can't care for her....how would she feel if she gets YOU sick, and you end up hospitalized or dead? Is that a burden she can live with? 

Stay nearby if you must, but stay SEPARATE. 

[I talk to the trees]

OP, I completely understand how you feel! My dd is doing her classes remotely this semester, and hopefully next as well, so we don’t have to deal with this scenario. Given how W&M has responded to student emergencies in the past, and the abysmal way they have dealt with the Covid situation so far, I would NEVER trust them to care for dd if she was sick. 
 

It sounds like the idea of you staying close by in a hotel while she recovers might be the best idea. (And I’m filing that one away for use myself, should the need arise.) 
 

Sending lots of virtual hugs to all my fellow boardies with kids living in dorms right now! 

[brehon]

I would leave her at her school. That’s what our plan is if ds gets sick. No, it’s not what we *want* to do. However, given the distance and risk of spread, it’s the only prudent and safe thing to do. The other considerations are whether her university will allow you on campus. My son’s campus is closed. Also, do you cross state lines? Depending on your home state and the state where your dd’s school is located, you may not be allowed to book at a hotel or VRBO or Air B&B. 

[Pen]

If she is currently well, consider having her come home ***now***, using masks and other precautions as if she might already be asymptomatic sick. 

 It does not sound like you are adequately able to handle the possibility of her getting sick at school. 

1) emotionally you can’t handle letting her stay at school sick

2) a sick, potentially feverish person driving 12 hours is a bad idea

3) no matter how careful you would try to be on a 12 hour car trip with a sick person, you may catch the illness ... 

4) it doesn’t sound like your husband would be able to care for both you and your daughter if you both were sick, or go help you if you got sick while at a hotel near your daughter’s campus

 

 

 

Alternatively, work on your emotional comfort level for allowing her to stay at school and to isolate there if does get sick. 

Consider sending her a prep package of things for self care now, and for self care in case sick. 

Consider suggesting she do / refrain from doing what might help her not to get sick, or to have mild case if she does. (High quality masks, not partying, excellent nutrition, vitamins and supplements, hydration, regular and plentiful sleep...)

[catz]

I would definitely think the best course of action is to leave her there if possible.  Possibly getting a hotel in the area to monitor.  If she is not taking supplements I’d get her on a good multi and vitamin D.   Is she all online?  If things aren’t looking great on campus can you bring her home to work online and try to quarantine her from 12-14 days while she is hopefully well.  

 I have a kid 4 hours away.  He’s in a private apartment and pretty locked down with 2 roomies and they all have their own bedrooms.  They have air purifiers running and get groceries delivered, etc.  He is on a big 10 campus though and numbers aren’t great there.  All his stuff is online, he may throw in the towel if he can’t do anything in person and things aren’t turning around.  

Anyway MANY students at his school have had Covid with minor to no symptoms at all.  They are testing dorm kids constantly so they are picking up lots of minor cases that might otherwise fall through the cracks.  There are theories that if you have minimal exposure you have a more minor case.  So encourage the mask wearing, meetings outdoors, etc. 

if you HAD to bring a Covid + student home, I’d have back and front windows at least partially open, air flow on always with outside air, and I’d hang a shower curtain or clear drop cloth.   Masks and eye protection.  And make sure you have a good quarantine area at home.  Riding 12 hours to live in an rv sounds fairly miserable to me too.  But I know some kids have completely lost it when they got sick too and so you may be making a least bad choice.  

Edited September 17, 2020 by FuzzyCatz

[Starr]

Can you rent a car and have her drive herself home?

[SKL]

I would be glad that the university has a plan in place to take care of the students while they remain on campus.  Unless a young adult has a significant risk factor, it would be very unlikely that having Covid would be worse for them than other things college students get, like a bad cold, flu, hangover etc.

Also, even if I felt pretty sick in my dorm, I don't see how having to move home while sick would make me feel better.  I would rather just be left alone to rest and recuperate.

I assume you're encouraging him to take is vitamin D and do other things to stay as healthy as possible in case he is exposed.

[Pen]

7 hours ago, easypeasy said:

 

The young ppl dd has known have gotten pretty severe cases. None have wound up on the hospital, but they’ve been very ill with very high fevers. That probably skews my perception and causes me to panic a little at the though of dd having it and being so far away. 

I’d drive her back. Easy enough. She does drive, but her car would still be on campus...

ugh. The 12+ hours really is the problem, here. 😞 

Yeah - a hotel or Vrbo could work... actually...I could rent an Airbnb or vrbo and if she got very sick, could bring her there. Then just make sure the lease goes a few days after her recovery and thoroughly clean and air out the place...

Oh, she probably would too. No one wants to get me sick. But if she’s sick and so far away, I am going to be a mess. I’d much rather get to her somehow and staying in a hotel or air bnb close to her campus sounds reasonable. I could even wait to leave if she wasn’t showing symptoms (oh, how I pray for asymptomatic cases!!)...(although, staying in the Rv wouldn’t be too miserable... it’s a comfy one! lol)

I just hate that it’s all so darn complicated!!! 

 

It sounds like you need to work on your own emotions around this whole situation.  

 

It sounds like the school has a system set up and it’s unlikely that you can do better in a hotel or rental trying to provide meals etc., plus if she is in a hotel it potentially endangers more people via air systems, staff etc. 

 

If sick she will be (supposed to be) in isolation — your presence at a nearby hotel is actually unlikely to help much if she is properly in isolation in a room at her campus. You won’t be allowed to see her, and you could just as easily send her care packages to have ready now from a distance using stores and methods you can, rather than trying to hand deliver care packages while in unfamiliar hotel circumstances. 

 

[SKL]

The other consideration is, if you are this worried about having a low-risk adult sick away from you, aren't you going to worry even more about having a Covid+ person near you, given your risk status?  Won't you stress about yourself catching it after being on a long car ride with a Covid+ person?  I would think it would be more healthy for you to work on accepting the low risk over the high risk.

Staying at a hotel has been suggested, but that is a risk also.  Anyone in the hotel could have Covid.  Or in the restaurant you would eat at etc.  If you are an at-risk person, staying home seems by far a better choice.  Your kids don't need you getting sick.

Edited September 17, 2020 by SKL

[katilac]

11 hours ago, easypeasy said:

This is what DH proposes. But his work is incredibly busy right now & I honestly don't think I could handle DD being ill and me not being the one to help her. ITS ALWAYS me who handles those types of situations - not dad. The thought of staying home triggers intense anxiety. I would, by far, prefer to go to her myself. If we can feasibly her as safe as possible, that's what we'll do. 
 

But - the safe as possible part is important! So many moving parts to keep track of!

Thanks for the input so far!!

Remember that dads need the chance to look after their kids, too. 

I just noticed you have a senior in high school, so I'd be super reluctant to expose him (and you going to get dd, and then having her in the RV or whatever, is a decent amount of second hand exposure). It would also be harder for me personally to be home but yet not home; I'm home, but can't actually see my family, can't go to my room, and so on. 

Is driving up in the RV and having you be the one to stay in it a possibility? 

And, remind yourself that this isn't actually happening yet and may never happen. 

[Pen]

9 minutes ago, SKL said:

The other consideration is, if you are this worried about having a low-risk adult sick away from you, aren't you going to worry even more about having a Covid+ person near you, given your risk status?  Won't you stress about yourself catching it after being on a long car ride with a Covid+ person?  I would think it would be more healthy for you to work on accepting the low risk over the high risk.

 

A bit similar to this is that it seems like emotional distress is driving a plan that is likely to be more dangerous for more people than the university’s own plan. 

Even 24 hours of driving while emotionally distressed is likely to be an increase in actual risk for both mother and daughter over the daughter staying in a designated isolation single. 

 

Anyway, addressing the OP question as asked, I would avoid making a long car trip like described at all.

 

(And I’d try to work on my own anxiety, including looking at my own vitamin D level etc.) 

 

Edited September 17, 2020 by Pen

[catz]

Are you the parent who earlier this spring was struggling with the uncertainty of sending your student to college during Covid and your daughter was doing a theater program?  To me it is sounding like you need to work on YOUR anxiety.  And I get it.  I am not thrilled having my kid on campus right now and the numbers at his large school are awful and the university and city isn’t cracking down on parties nearly as much as it should be.  He is in a music program and he was able to do a few safe in person things earlier this month.  
 

You might actually asks how your daughter how she feels about it.  If I had a kid that I kNew was anxious and would be frantic to be home after exposure or contracting Covid 12 hours from home,I would have them gap a semester or do online at home.  Many kids would have a hard time if they passed it on to a high risk parent.  Most parents I know who sent their kid to campus more than a few hours from home intend on leaving their low risk student there if they are exposed or test Covid+.  Being the parent of a young adult is hard stuff.  

[Pen]

 

 

Quote

Most parents I know who sent their kid to campus more than a few hours from home intend on leaving their low risk student there if they are exposed or test Covid+.  Being the parent of a young adult is hard stuff.  

 

This is the case for people I know too.  Sending a kid to a campus is being looked at a bit more like if a kid goes into military, or perhaps like going overseas when that involved a long ship journey — much more of a they are gone out of parental sphere feeling this year. 

Even if campus is only a couple of hours drive, kids aren’t going back and forth like they used to.  

 

@FuzzyCatz wrote: “  If I had a kid that I kNew was anxious and would be frantic to be home after exposure or contracting Covid 12 hours from home,I would have them gap a semester or do online at home.  “

 

I agree. 

Edited September 17, 2020 by Pen
Quote function troubles

[easypeasy]

2 hours ago, Pen said:

If she is currently well, consider having her come home ***now***, using masks and other precautions as if she might already be asymptomatic sick. 

 It does not sound like you are adequately able to handle the possibility of her getting sick at school. 

1) emotionally you can’t handle letting her stay at school sick

Alternatively, work on your emotional comfort level for allowing her to stay at school and to isolate there if does get sick. 

Consider sending her a prep package of things for self care now, and for self care in case sick. 

Consider suggesting she do / refrain from doing what might help her not to get sick, or to have mild case if she does. (High quality masks, not partying, excellent nutrition, vitamins and supplements, hydration, regular and plentiful sleep...)

 

2 hours ago, Starr said:

Can you rent a car and have her drive herself home?

She's not old enough to drive a rental car! lol The drive back would be super easy, I'm not worried about that even a little bit.

2 hours ago, Pen said:

 

It sounds like you need to work on your own emotions around this whole situation.  

 

*snort* I'm not exactly sitting around, frantically obsessing about the situation. I do feel "panicked" at the thought of her being in a tiny room, all alone, while very sick because that goes against every single maternal instinct I have in my body. My aunt, for instance, is currently IN the hospital DYING but no one can visit her because she is in quarantine for 14 days - then they moved her to another wing, so she had to quarantine for another 14 days... repeat a few times and she's not seen a family member in months. I "panic" at the thought of her being alone during this time. It all sucks. Leaving my daughter alone while sick feels contrary to every fiber of my being.

But, I'm not an anxious person for whom this is keeping me up at night or anything. I'm just a little exciteable! lol All's good!

1 hour ago, SKL said:

The other consideration is, if you are this worried about having a low-risk adult sick away from you, aren't you going to worry even more about having a Covid+ person near you, given your risk status?  Won't you stress about yourself catching it after being on a long car ride with a Covid+ person?  I would think it would be more healthy for you to work on accepting the low risk over the high risk.

Staying at a hotel has been suggested, but that is a risk also.  Anyone in the hotel could have Covid.  Or in the restaurant you would eat at etc.  If you are an at-risk person, staying home seems by far a better choice.  Your kids don't need you getting sick.

Weirdly enough - no. I'm much less worried about getting sick myself than I am about having her being sick with no one to care for her. *shrug*

 

1 hour ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Are you the parent who earlier this spring was struggling with the uncertainty of sending your student to college during Covid and your daughter was doing a theater program?  To me it is sounding like you need to work on YOUR anxiety.  And I get it.  I am not thrilled having my kid on campus right now and the numbers at his large school are awful and the university and city isn’t cracking down on parties nearly as much as it should be.  He is in a music program and he was able to do a few safe in person things earlier this month.  
 

You might actually asks how your daughter how she feels about it.  If I had a kid that I kNew was anxious and would be frantic to be home after exposure or contracting Covid 12 hours from home,I would have them gap a semester or do online at home.  Many kids would have a hard time if they passed it on to a high risk parent.  Most parents I know who sent their kid to campus more than a few hours from home intend on leaving their low risk student there if they are exposed or test Covid+.  Being the parent of a young adult is hard stuff.  

Um, no? That wasn't me!!!!! 🙂  For us, it was never a consideration of sending DD to school or keeping her home! She was bound and determined to go! We watched the updates with fingers crossed that they would allow on-campus classes and she would have been devastated if she had to stay home! 🙂

Her school is doing a good job of keeping the numbers down and I haven't been concerned (eg. lack of having a plan in place...) until a good friend of hers came down with it. THEN it got "real" and I realized that we needed to have a plan in place because it's "crossed the border" into her territory now.

So - that's all this is - making a plan and talking out loud to see where the holes are! The *thought* of her being alone if she were to get sick makes me unhappy - but the thought of her being at school during all of this ... isn't a problem for me at all! She's having a great time and no way will I bring her home early to bubble wrap her!

I am not concerned about making a 12+ hour drive. That's a super easy day's drive with very minimal stops.

[Bootsie]

9 hours ago, easypeasy said:

 

The young ppl dd has known have gotten pretty severe cases. None have wound up on the hospital, but they’ve been very ill with very high fevers. That probably skews my perception and causes me to panic a little at the though of dd having it and being so far away. 

 

I understand that it can be scary have a child at school so far away right now.  My dd is in school in a foreign country that I cannot even travel to right now because of restrictions and I don't know what I would do if she got COVID.  We asked her if she wanted to come home, and she chose to remain.  I have to focus on the fact that she is an adult now and respect her decisions rather than focusing on my comfort level.  Personally, I know it has been years since I wanted my own mother to be the person who was around me when I was ill.  

I would try to focus on, if your child does get sick, what would really be the best for her comfort and care.  Could you really provide her more care and comfort for a speedy recovery with such a long drive?  Or, would that put more stress and anxiety on her, which no one needs when their body is trying to heal.  Also, I would be concerned about the message that it sends to her; all of the guidance is that someone who is COVID positive should be isolating and not traveling long distances in a car; it puts the health of others in jeopardy.  Is there really some reason why that guidance should not apply in her situation?

I know that young people can have severe cases, but most of the cases among young people are not serious.  Yes, a high fever is uncomfortable, but your having her in a car won't change the fever.  There is no reason to believe that IF she does get COVID that she will have a severe case.  

[easypeasy]

6 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

I would try to focus on, if your child does get sick, what would really be the best for her comfort and care.  Could you really provide her more care and comfort for a speedy recovery with such a long drive? 

YES!! lol 🙃

Or, would that put more stress and anxiety on her, which no one needs when their body is trying to heal.  Also, I would be concerned about the message that it sends to her; all of the guidance is that someone who is COVID positive should be isolating and not traveling long distances in a car; it puts the health of others in jeopardy.  Is there really some reason why that guidance should not apply in her situation?

You're right. True. Logical minds shall prevail! 😄

 

🙂

[catz]

If you aren't that anxious though this plan doesn't really make sense?  Even sitting upright safely in a vehicle while not feeling well sounds extremely uncomfortable and not the best way to heal.  You used the words "intense anxiety" about your feelings on the matter  and aren't even comfortable letting the lower risk parent take the reigns so that just reads outside the normal level of parental nervousness.  And this is an awful time to be the parent of a young adult.  It sounds to me like she is comfortable with protocols being taken on campus and is happy to be there.   You risk not only exposing yourself, but others and certainly the rest of the family even if you are able to avoid all public stops on your drive.   It seems like if you drove her, then you should quarantine separately as well.  

And you might drive 24 hours and need to turn around and do it again in less than 2 weeks assuming she has a normal young adult recovery.  If you really need to be close, I'd maybe look at renting a 2 bedroom preferably 2 bath cabin/rental closer to campus where you could safely look over her in a closed setting.  

[Lanny]

If one is in extremely good health, being in a car for 12 to 14 hours a day on the highway is rather brutal. BTDT when I was much younger. Not recommended.

Some of this would depend upon the college or university involved and what kind of help they can provide to the students. Some small schools only have a School Nurse. Other, very large schools, like the one my DD attends, have their own Medical centers.  I suspect they can provide much better assistance to a student with COVID-19 than a family in their home and without risking their family members.

[Pen]

23 minutes ago, easypeasy said:

 

She's not old enough to drive a rental car! lol The drive back would be super easy, I'm not worried about that even a little bit.

 

 

What people “worry” about does not necessarily fit with actual statistical risk.  And vice versa. 

 

 

23 minutes ago, easypeasy said:

*snort* I'm not exactly sitting around, frantically obsessing about the situation. I do feel "panicked" at the thought of her being in a tiny room, all alone, while very sick because that goes against every single maternal instinct I have in my body. My aunt, for instance, is currently IN the hospital DYING but no one can visit her because she is in quarantine for 14 days - then they moved her to another wing, so she had to quarantine for another 14 days... repeat a few times and she's not seen a family member in months. I "panic" at the thought of her being alone during this time. It all sucks. Leaving my daughter alone while sick feels contrary to every fiber of my being.

 

It does suck.  

23 minutes ago, easypeasy said:

But, I'm not an anxious person for whom this is keeping me up at night or anything. I'm just a little exciteable! lol All's good!

 

I am glad you aren’t being kept up at night.

 

nonetheless

Your possible bring a sick person home plans seem anxiety driven, not logic driven. 

They don’t fit with what I know of public health best practices so long as not absolutely necessary such as university closing down and sending all students home so that you really do have to have someone pick her up. 

 

23 minutes ago, easypeasy said:

Weirdly enough - no. I'm much less worried about getting sick myself than I am about having her being sick with no one to care for her. *shrug*

 

Um, no? That wasn't me!!!!! 🙂  For us, it was never a consideration of sending DD to school or keeping her home! She was bound and determined to go! We watched the updates with fingers crossed that they would allow on-campus classes and she would have been devastated if she had to stay home! 🙂

Her school is doing a good job of keeping the numbers down and I haven't been concerned (eg. lack of having a plan in place...) until a good friend of hers came down with it. THEN it got "real" and I realized that we needed to have a plan in place because it's "crossed the border" into her territory now.

So - that's all this is - making a plan and talking out loud to see where the holes are! The *thought* of her being alone if she were to get sick makes me unhappy - but the thought of her being at school during all of this ... isn't a problem for me at all! She's having a great time and no way will I bring her home early to bubble wrap her!

I am not concerned about making a 12+ hour drive. That's a super easy day's drive with very minimal stops.

 

I would strongly suggest that you go for a plan in place for her staying on campus in the planned isolation facilities if necessary.  

For example, get her a supplies pack of things like pulse oximeter, Vitamin D and vitamin D level test to start now to know her actual level so she can be optimized ASAP , Vitamin K2, Vitamin A, Quercitin and Vitamin C and zinc, and excellent multivitamin with  200 mcg Selenium and proper daily iodine included in it or those separately if you can’t get a multi with them ...  IRL the young people I know now getting sick who are good on their D and other vitamins etc and were wearing masks are having truly mild cases, not feeling like head is being cleaved with hatchet.  I realize that’s just anecdotal...

 

I assume you have some way of doing Skype or FaceTime if she’s in isolation. If not, work on getting that. 

 

A big wheeled grocery carrier or big wheeled duffle with large capacity so that she can easily move to her isolation room, prepacked would be a good idea.  Kids I know of have had a very hard time packing/moving from regular dorm to isolation while feeling sick, so nearly everything entirely ready to go  (toothbrush, paste, soap, comfortable clean clothes, towel, wash cloths, water,  pulse ox, salt etc for gargle, maybe cough syrup, aspirin etc, set of  supplements etc, maybe some rehydration fluids or rehydration powders to add to water, maybe some easy and nutritious snack foods—so she is only needing to add computer and cellphone, keys and wallet type items and is all set )  would likely help if people I know’s kids had situations similar to your daughter’s campus.  

 

Edited September 17, 2020 by Pen

[catz]

14 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

 

Sorry, no idea why I got a double post.

Edited September 17, 2020 by FuzzyCatz

[easypeasy]

10 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

If you aren't that anxious though this plan doesn't really make sense?  Even sitting upright safely in a vehicle while not feeling well sounds extremely uncomfortable and not the best way to heal.  You used the words "intense anxiety" about your feelings on the matter  and aren't even comfortable letting the lower risk parent take the reigns so that just reads outside the normal level of parental nervousness.  And this is an awful time to be the parent of a young adult.  It sounds to me like she is comfortable with protocols being taken on campus and is happy to be there.   You risk not only exposing yourself, but others and certainly the rest of the family even if you are able to avoid all public stops on your drive.   It seems like if you drove her, then you should quarantine separately as well.  

And you might drive 24 hours and need to turn around and do it again in less than 2 weeks assuming she has a normal young adult recovery.  If you really need to be close, I'd maybe look at renting a 2 bedroom preferably 2 bath cabin/rental closer to campus where you could safely look over her in a closed setting.  

I'm not anxious like 24/7. She's not sick NOW. I feel anxious when I think about her being very sick and alone and my natural instincts say GO TO MY CHILD. I really don't see how this is confusing? 🙂 I'm not sitting here all day, wallowing in stress and anxiety about something that might not happen...

But when I HAVE to imagine it happening (because it is a possibility...), I feel ANXIOUS when I think about her being all alone and I feel GOOD about the thought of going to her!

Another thing that's being lost in translation a bit is the drive time. Yes, it's a long time when you are trying to avoid stopping BUT our family has driven ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY. We are pros at traveling on the road! Road trips ALL the time since they have been babies!! We have driven with someone sick in the car before!!! So, for US - the drive time is not prohibitive. I have driven 25+ hours away with only minimal stops, rested for a night and headed straight back home. 12 hours with an overnight sleep is literally nothing as far as being "difficult" for me to manage as the driver.

Yes, I'm taking into consideration that she might not feel thrilled at the drive while sick, but she's expressed that her friends, if they were to get sick, would all automatically go home to their parents and she didn't love the thought of having to stay on campus. So, we're making plans in case that is what she strongly prefers at the time. I obviously am not going to drive up there and haul her home with her lamenting in the back seat that she would rather stay on campus! OMG! lol She's an adult and I'm not kidnapping her in the middle of the night because mama's nervous!

Edited September 17, 2020 by easypeasy

[easypeasy]

4 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

I would strongly suggest that you get her a supplies pack of things like pulse oximeter, Vitamin D and vitamin D level test to start now to know her actual level so she can be optimized ASAP , Vitamin K2, Vitamin A, Quercitin and Vitamin C and zinc, and excellent multivitamin with  200 mcg Selenium and proper daily iodine included in it...

already done

I assume you have some way of doing Skype or FaceTime if she’s in isolation. If not, work on getting that. 

also done 🙂

A big wheeled grocery carrier or big wheeled duffle with large capacity so that she can easily move to her isolation room, prepacked would be a good idea.  Kids I know of have had a very hard time packing/moving from regular dorm to isolation while feeling sick, so nearly everything entirely ready to go  (toothbrush, paste, soap, comfortable clean clothes, towel, wash cloths, water,  pulse ox, salt etc for gargle, maybe cough syrup, aspirin etc, set of  supplements etc, maybe some rehydration fluids or rehydration powders to add to water, maybe some easy and nutritious snack foods—so she is only needing to add computer and cellphone, keys and wallet type items and is all set )  would likely help if people I know’s kids had situations similar to your daughter’s campus.  

also done! 🙂  We're well-prepared for her to be sick on campus because when we packed before she left, it was all in "theory." Now I'm pacing through the steps of it being a true possibility. lol My brain needs time to adjust. 😄

 

 

[Pen]

34 minutes ago, easypeasy said:

 

 

 

 

All the already dones  are great!

what is her actual tested D level ?  

 

 

Okay.  If she must needs be picked up, how about clear plexiglass between back of van (her area) and front (your area), with malleable plastic for all the edges, and she keeps her windows down and a respirator/mask on her, portable loo and all she’d need plus her belongings back in her area. Close all vents that would recirculate air between her area and driver area.  Bring sleeping bags etc in case you need to stop to sleep in vehicle on way—which could happen due to weather events or road accidents not involving you even if you are the world’s greatest long distance driver.   

I drove from my rural home to a nearish city yesterday and it took more than twice usual time due to smoke conditions, road closures, low visibility...  (I had to detour several miles to take a different / less favorable route when I got to a sign that said the next 26 miles of my preferred route was closed, for example.) 

 

Despite your great driving prowess, I would not want to drive 12 hours wearing a respirator.  

So I would want ***major*** separation between the vehicle areas, plus the sick person to be masked. 

 

 

Trying to fix problems and they are just getting worse.  I expect gist is clear.

 

All the already dones  are great!

what is her actual tested D level ?  

 

 

Okay.  If she must needs be picked up, how about clear plexiglass between back of van (her area) and front (your area), with malleable plastic for all the edges, and she keeps her windows down and a respirator/mask on her, portable loo and all she’d need plus her belongings back in her area. Close all vents that would recirculate air between her area and driver area.  Bring sleeping bags etc in case you need to stop to sleep in vehicle on way—which could happen due to weather events or road accidents not involving you even if you are the world’s greatest long distance driver.   

I drove from my rural home to a nearish city yesterday and it took more than twice usual time due to smoke conditions, road closures, low visibility...

 

Despite your great driving prowess, I would not want to drive 12 hours wearing a respirator.  

So I would want ***major*** separation between the vehicle areas, plus the sick person to be masked. 

Edited September 17, 2020 by Pen
Posting troubles

[Pen]

Deleted 

Edited September 17, 2020 by Pen
Posting troubles

[Pen]

Quotes really weird today!   Can’t properly quote others and my post seemed like quote of myself instead of quote of OP with comments from me.  🤷‍♀️

[mathnerd]

Wondering if you have anything against staying at a rental close to her university and helping her with adequate social distancing (for providing medicine, food, supplies) if it turns out that she is very sick and needs help. If you bring her home when she is sick, there is a 100% chance of you getting infected with a 12 hour exposure and then you will be increasing the chances of your other child and husband getting exposed and sick on top of it. So, even though your daughter lives away from home, she would potentially make all of you sick.

This is a highly contagious respiratory disease and you cannot assume that since you have driven in the past with other sick people, it will be OK for you to drive a Covid+ person this time. Traveling while positive for Covid is not the right thing to do assuming you will get out of your car to use restrooms etc. 

I will repeat much of the advise given by others above: If this were my child, I would temporarily move to his city and get a rental house or apartment so that I would not have to live in a hotel (where my child could give others covid or I could get it from others) and do my best to care for him without bringing it to other family members.

Edited September 17, 2020 by mathnerd

[Pen]

Deleted - posting trouble

[ktgrok]

Another issue is that one of the possible complications of Covid is blood clots. Driving for 12 hours is ALSO a risk factor for blood clots. I would NOT want a Covid positive person sitting in a car for 12 hours. Nope. I'd be worried about creating a clot - which can cause stroke or heart attack. 

[Pen]

4 minutes ago, mathnerd said:

Wondering if you have anything against staying at a rental close to her university and helping her with adequate social distancing (for providing medicine, food, supplies) if it turns out that she is very sick and needs help. If you bring her home when she is sick, there is a 100% chance of you getting infected with a 1 hour exposure and then you are increasing the chances of your other child and husband getting exposed and sick on top of it. So, even though your daughter lives away from home, she would potentially make all of you sick.

 

I don’t think there’s a 100% chance of getting infected, but certainly no matter what precautions are taken there is some chance. 

4 minutes ago, mathnerd said:

This is a highly contagious respiratory disease and you cannot assume that since you have driven in the past with other sick people, it will be OK for you to drive a Covid+ person this time.

 

I totally agree. 

 

4 minutes ago, mathnerd said:

Traveling while positive for Covid is not the right thing to do assuming you will get out of your car to use restrooms etc. 

I totally agree. 

 

4 minutes ago, mathnerd said:

I will repeat much of the advise given by others above: If this were my child, I would temporarily move to his city and get a rental house or apartment so that I would not have to live in a hotel (where my child could give others covid or I could get it from others) and do my best to care for him without bringing it to other family members.

 

A temporary rental could be worth looking into. 

 

[SKL]

I am curious what most parents do / would do if their college student developed any other uncomfortable illness while in school?  I think it would be unusual for parents to take young adults home for that, but maybe I'm old-fashioned.

I guess it's natural to wish to be there for your sick kid, but I also think this is a normal part of growing up / having your kid grow up, Covid or no Covid.

[Selkie]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

I am curious what most parents do / would do if their college student developed any other uncomfortable illness while in school?  I think it would be unusual for parents to take young adults home for that, but maybe I'm old-fashioned.

I guess it's natural to wish to be there for your sick kid, but I also think this is a normal part of growing up / having your kid grow up, Covid or no Covid.

My college kids like to come home and sleep in their own comfy bed when they're sick. They go to school fairly close to home, though - and they're living at home now and taking online classes, in order to avoid the Covid mess at their school.