Would you be concerned...behavior of 6 year old? (Possible triggers)

[Ottakee]

A friend mentioned this last night and asked if she was wrong to be concerned.  Friend is seeing a divorced man with 6 & 12 year old boys.  They have been seeing each other for over a year but she just met the kids very recently.  Guy and ex share custody 50/50.

In this time the 6 year old has:

Tried to pinch her butt several times

Tried to pull down the back of her swim suit bottom at the the water park

Asked to sit on her lap and then tried to look down her shirt

Came into the bedroom where she was staying (dad was on the couch sleeping) and tried to look under the covers.

Tries to get into the bathroom when she is showering or using the toilet...trying to open the door and trying to look under the door.

Asked if he could come in to watch her use the toilet.

Boy is very careful to do these things when dad is out of sight but has done it with 12 year old brother around who then tells his little brother not to do that or stop, etc.

According the the friend they have been super careful when the boys are around and not even hand holding or kissing, etc when the boys are with dad.

She is concerned with this behavior as  I.  Amy input here?   She suggested to the dad that he take the child in for an evaluation by a s8xual abuse specialist. Child doesn't seem to have any other special needs, etc.

This is not typical 6 year old behavior is it?

[Rosie_0801]

Really no.

[Guest]

I think answers could be confusing because your title question might be answered with No (it is not a concern), while your last question in post could be answered Yes (it is typical). Or vice versa. 

I find it concerning, some instances more than others. The persistence with the shower and toilet bothers me, and the swimsuit bottom concerns me. 

I will say, though, that I know from past experience modesty in the home is widely varied and my family is on the conservative side by a lot. We are not walk-around-half-dressed people here. 

[Jentrovert]

All taken together, it does seem a bit much; however, a lot may depend on family culture and specifics.

My 7 year old is extremely curious about bodies, both male and female, and has been for a while. We are also a family that is not conservative at all when it comes to being fully clothed or not. (In my FOO, this gradually changed as kids got older, and the same is happening here). I've also always been very open in talking to the kids, my son isn't hesitant to ask anything. He has asked some very pointed questions and likes to know exactly how things work and look. Sometimes I just have to tell him that something isn't appropriate. 

I could see a very curious kid, who wasn't given the opportunity to have questions answered, trying to satisfy his curiousity by peeking. If there are some social thinking challenges as well, it may need to be explicitly taught what is appropriate or not with this new person. 

The pinching of the butt, I'm having a hard time finding a logical reason for.

Eta: Forgot to say, also the fact that he seems to know not to do it when dad is around, that could go either way. Maybe instinctively knows it's inappropriate, maybe Dad's very strict and he just knows no playing around, maybe a lot of things.

Like I said, all taken together, it does sound like, at the very least, it is something that needs to be explored. So, yes, I'd be concerned in that there's something that needs my attention.  Without knowing any other context, though, I wouldn't assume it means something is seriously wrong.

Eta again: I re-read . . . in what time frame did all this occur? All in one visit of a couple days? It's a lot to happen in such a short time, if so. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by Jentrovert

[ashfern]

I have a 6 yo. He will occasionally touch my chest and I immediately tell him to stop. It's mostly when he wants to cuddle and is patting me like I do on his back. Other times he has accidentally touched a sister when they are rough-housing. Again, he's told to be more careful about not touching girls chests. The other issues you describe are not normal. What is her response and the dad's response to this behavior? If the 12 yo brother is correcting him then he probably does this at his mom's house too.

[J-rap]

It doesn't seem normal.  I wonder what the dad says about it.  Has he not noticed it or been concerned?

[SKL]

I will say I have seen this kind of behavior in a similar-aged child who was not abused - he was just really curious.  I guess it could be normal curiosity for some kids (all kids are different).  He does need to be taught boundaries IMO.

Just remembered - a first grade teacher once told me that she quickly learned not to wear button-down shirts to work, because it is actually somewhat common for curious little boys to try to undo the buttons.  So again ... it seems to be within a range of normal for boys to ask / try.

[Junie]

I would be concerned, especially since the older brother knows that it is not ok.  It is not their family culture for this to be ok. (Nor would it be mine.)

Does the mother have a boyfriend?  Or is this maybe behavior that he learned from his dad?

I definitely think the problem needs to be addressed before the child reaches puberty.

[Carrie12345]

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be concerned. I also think it’s possible that there’s nothing concerning going on (other than boundaries needing to be taught and enforced.) I wouldn’t count either end out.

I’ve definitely had 4yos of my own who’ve leaned touchy-feely, and I don’t think it’s out of the realm of normal for a child around 6ish to be a little slower on the bodies/space/boundaries development curve, especially if there’s a (non-abusive) touchy-feely parent half the time.  The pinching is what I find the most odd.

I also don’t think there’s anything off about a 12yo recognizing boundaries better than a much younger sibling. I sure hope they would!

I’d want to know more about Mom’s parenting style.  I married into a family with MUCH different boundaries than my own, and it was incredibly uncomfortable when I had to explicitly explain and enforce things with my young kids. It was not abusive, but that didn’t make it okay with me. There were just very different norms at play.

[Ellie]

I would be concerned. IME, none of that, taken together, is normal behavior.

[Ailaena]

I wonder if mom maybe said something derogatory about new GF that 6yo misinterpreted and is trying to see if it’s true.   Doesn’t explain the butt pinching, really, but again, maybe she said something like “Daddy thinks he can pinch a butt and get whatever he wants.”

Idk, I agree with everyone else about it being overall worthy of some level of concern.  

[JustEm]

It is not normal.   Some of my children have been very interested with bodies but by 6 years old they know that behavior isn't appropriate.  They would still walk around the house naked if allowed or if they accidentally walked in on someone in the bathroom they would probably stand and look until reminded to leave.  But they have never sought that out.

 

[Ausmumof3]

Is the child neurotypical?  I know we tend to jump to abuse but the other possibility is a developmental disorder that makes understanding appropriate behaviour and boundaries more difficult.

[Tanaqui]

Six year olds can be weird. Almost any of that could be normal if it was the only thing, but all of it together plus the fact that the kid is apparently careful not to do any of it where Dad will see is... concerning.

I, too, would recommend therapy - for both kids. If it's nothing, it's nothing. But if it's something....

[Ottakee]

26 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

Is the child neurotypical?  I know we tend to jump to abuse but the other possibility is a developmental disorder that makes understanding appropriate behaviour and boundaries more difficult.

Appears to be.  Dad said no concerns.

[Ottakee]

Kids just know my friend as a friend of dad.  They show no romantic overtures at all around kids.  

My friend has only seen the kids a few times .....so this is not like normal family teasing, etc.  She was a new adult to him.

Not jumping to he has been abused but also thinking it is something that warrants some attention.

[Katy]

If he knows not to act that way in front of Dad but acts that way when he's not around it's a clue something's up.   It may be boundary issues.  Most likely he's been exposed to something (a crude movie, maybe porn) that isn't appropriate for his age.  Since he has an older brother and the behavior is directed towards a woman he isn't close to this is most likely in my mind.  It's possible it's sexual abuse.

It can be difficult to get a kid in for an evaluation with a qualified person for this.  It's often someone with dual training in pediatrics and psychiatry and specialist forensic certifications, many states only have 1-2 people like this.  You want someone who is trained because doing it badly can cause trauma and behavior problems that didn't exist before.   If you know anyone locally involved in foster care they probably know the office to call for an appointment (or they can get the information in less than a day).  Or they may be able to tell you the name of a good family therapist who while isn't certified in forensic sexual abuse cases may be well trained to evaluate him without creating problems.

If I was a single woman and this was an ongoing problem and the parents weren't taking it seriously I would end the relationship because it's a big red flag on many levels.

[Carol in Cal.]

I vote weird.

I used to participate (for about 3 years) in a large, organized, institutionalized parent coop preschool.  Age range was about 3-5 mostly.  4 classes of about 24 kids each.  So over the year I got to observe a lot of kids in that age range, and got to be friends with their parents as well.

A year after finishing that up, I took DD to a ‘parents stay’ birthday party for one of them.  A bunch of the kids had gone on to a parent participation elementary school by then, including the birthday boy.  (DD went to a Lutheran kindergarten, and then on to homeschool). And he was exhibiting that kind of behavior—trying to pull down the girls’ pants repeatedly, pulling up their shirts, touching their butts.  His mom kept wading in and redirecting him, very consistently, but it was really strange and out of the norm for these kids, although he had always been more physically aggressive than the other kids, the kind of boy who would poke an animal hard at a petting zoo to see what would happen, which was unthinkable to the others.  

Anyway, we were all kind of embarrassed for him and trying to help reign this in and have the other kids feel safe, for the entire party. Again, these were kids and parents that I knew well and this was STRANGE.

Fast forward another year—it came out that in the elementary school there was a 5th grade girl who was sexually abusing the little kids, male and female, in the bathrooms during the recess and lunch breaks.  Suddenly the weird behavior and the large change from the previous year made sense.

That’s just one anecdote, but it’s what makes me vote ‘weird, be careful, dig deeper’.

I should add—these kids as a group had unusually involved parents and it was amazing to me that no one ‘told’ for 2 years.  Not what I would have expected at all.  So, somehow this girl got the kids to maintain the ‘secret’ for a long time, even with involved parents who discussed EVERYTHING and were welcoming of concerns and generally calm and positive.  That surprised me most of all.

[sassenach]

I’ve known 2 kids like this at this same age and both were later diagnosed with severe ADHD. One was further diagnosed with bipolar, but that was in his teens. While I don’t think it’s completely off base to worry about sexual abuse (or exposure to porn), I also think it could be major impulse control issues combined with normal body curiosity. 
 

It’s good that she felt like she could flag this for the dad. I imagine that’s not a comfortable situation after just meeting the kids. I would do some major and direct boundary setting in partnership with dad. Every time he does one of these behaviors, it needs to be named and the boundary needs to be reiterated. 

[Laurie]

7 hours ago, Ottakee said:

 .  They have been seeing each other for over a year but she just met the kids very recently.  Guy and ex share custody 50/50.

 

I'm worried for your friend.  It seems strange to me that she's only meeting his kids now.  I think the 6yo's behavior is very concerning and may be the tip of the iceberg that the father has been trying to hide from her.  

She wouldn't like my advice...RUN!  

[Jentrovert]

1 hour ago, sassenach said:

I’ve known 2 kids like this at this same age and both were later diagnosed with severe ADHD. One was further diagnosed with bipolar, but that was in his teens. While I don’t think it’s completely off base to worry about sexual abuse (or exposure to porn), I also think it could be major impulse control issues combined with normal body curiosity. 
 

It’s good that she felt like she could flag this for the dad. I imagine that’s not a comfortable situation after just meeting the kids. I would do some major and direct boundary setting in partnership with dad. Every time he does one of these behaviors, it needs to be named and the boundary needs to be reiterated. 

This is what I have in mind. If I imagine a child with the curiousity of my son and the impulse control issues of my daughter, this behavior would be right in line with that. 

On one hand, you'd think she would have seen the lack of impulse control in other areas as well. On the other, I don't find that people in general are that good about recognizing any part of ADHD except extreme hyperactivity. So I still think this is possible. 

I've been thinking more about it this morning, and still, the two things that stand out to me are the butt pinching and not doing it when dad is around. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by Jentrovert

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, Ellie said:

I would be concerned. IME, none of that, taken together, is normal behavior.

I'd guess something picked up at school perhaps. Not appropriate, at all. Pulling clothing off of an adult? Pinching an adult's butt? No way. Not normal. 

[Garga]

1 hour ago, Laurie said:

I'm worried for your friend.  It seems strange to me that she's only meeting his kids now.  I think the 6yo's behavior is very concerning and may be the tip of the iceberg that the father has been trying to hide from her.  

She wouldn't like my advice...RUN!  

Maybe yes, maybe no.  Some adults want to be sure that a love relationship is very stable before introducing a new adult into a child’s life. They don’t want the child to get attached, because if the adults break up, the child mourns the loss of the relationship they had with the girl/boyfriend.

Edited September 10, 2020 by Garga

[gardenmom5]

Very concerning.  Just because dad is careful, doesn't mean the mom is.

 

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Laurie said:

I'm worried for your friend.  It seems strange to me that she's only meeting his kids now.  I think the 6yo's behavior is very concerning and may be the tip of the iceberg that the father has been trying to hide from her.  

She wouldn't like my advice...RUN!  

There are many recommendations to NOT introduce your kids to a significant other until you reach the point in a relationship you're thinking of marriage.  It's not fair to children to be introduced to S/O and bond with them - and then they're out of their life when the relationship between adults doesn't work.  It can do a lot of damage to kids.

[Laurie]

47 minutes ago, Garga said:

Maybe yes, maybe no.  Some adults want to be sure that a love relationship is very stable before introducing a new adult into a child’s life. They don’t want the child to get attached, because if the adults break up, the child mourns the loss of the relationship they had with the girl/boyfriend.

How nice for the parent and the child.  But what about the person like Ottakee's friend?   To be kept in the dark about the guy's children and not be allowed to "see for herself" what his kids are like for at least a YEAR sounds very unfair to me.   But she's a grown woman and if she wants this kind of arrangement then I'll just keep my 2 cents to myself.   

[catz]

Since he isn't  neuroatypical, I would wonder about him needing to be screened.  I would expect a child this age to take correction about other people's boundaries and not need 8 million warnings.  My mind doesn't quickly jump to abuse necessarily but I would want him screened.  I'd also be curious about behavior in a school setting and with mom.   I'd be worried about mental health generally.  But plenty of kids aren't IDed as neuroatypical until well past age 6.  

It's very normal among our social circles for kids not to be introduced to a divorced parent's SO for a long time.  I'm always more alarmed when people have transient relationships in and out of their kid's lives and those types of relationships are often more subject to abuse.  The kids should be the priority.  If an adult is dating someone and isn't ok with  that they should move on.  

Edited September 10, 2020 by FuzzyCatz

[Ottakee]

2 hours ago, Laurie said:

How nice for the parent and the child.  But what about the person like Ottakee's friend?   To be kept in the dark about the guy's children and not be allowed to "see for herself" what his kids are like for at least a YEAR sounds very unfair to me.   But she's a grown woman and if she wants this kind of arrangement then I'll just keep my 2 cents to myself.   

My friend knew about the kids all along.  That was never hidden.  They just made the decision to not have her meet the kids until after they knew each other for quite a while.

[Jean in Newcastle]

3 hours ago, Laurie said:

How nice for the parent and the child.  But what about the person like Ottakee's friend?   To be kept in the dark about the guy's children and not be allowed to "see for herself" what his kids are like for at least a YEAR sounds very unfair to me.   But she's a grown woman and if she wants this kind of arrangement then I'll just keep my 2 cents to myself.   

Kid's safety and emotional wellbeing always trumps that of an adult. 

[Garga]

3 hours ago, Laurie said:

How nice for the parent and the child.  But what about the person like Ottakee's friend?   To be kept in the dark about the guy's children and not be allowed to "see for herself" what his kids are like for at least a YEAR sounds very unfair to me.   But she's a grown woman and if she wants this kind of arrangement then I'll just keep my 2 cents to myself.   

Yeah, it’s very, very common.  Like, I was just watching an episode of Gilmore Girls the other day and two single moms on the show were talking about they date a person for a good year before introducing the kids to the boyfriend. They were saying it all matter of fact like, “duh, of course this is how it works.”

Dating with kids is not easy. And yes, it’s hard on the person they’re dating to fall in love with someone only to be blindsided with a concerning issue with the person’s kids a year into it.  

It’s just hard all around when kids are involved. 

[Laurie]

8 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Kid's safety and emotional wellbeing always trumps that of an adult. 

I still don't understand how people do this.  If my husband had already had children when I met him, I would've wanted to meet them sooner rather than later...and I think a year is really late!   I would think kids, even young ones,  would like to know who their parents are dating.   Aren't people (of all ages) allowed to be curious anymore?  I guess not.   One person gets to keep everyone else in the dark until he's good and ready to merge the group, then the rest of them just have to accept it  or end up in family therapy if they don't all blend well together.   This doesn't sound very emotionally healthy.   It sounds more like controlling behavior and even dishonesty if "issues" are perhaps already being hidden from the other person.

I don't know how a person could deal with another person calling all the shots like this.  I think I'd rather get a makeover, go to Weight Watchers, sign up for E Harmony or something in order to cast a wider net in the sea of love, but again, that's just my 2 cents.  

 

 

 

[ktgrok]

6 minutes ago, Laurie said:

I still don't understand how people do this.  If my husband had already had children when I met him, I would've wanted to meet them sooner rather than later...and I think a year is really late!  .

I don't know how a person could deal with another person calling all the shots like this. 

 

You might WANT to, but that doesn't mean you should. Those kids are NOT well served by having people come in and out of their lives. It's a pretty common bit of advice given by counselors, etc for parents who are divorced, in fact. 

I'm assuming it isn't the other person calling the shots as much as both acknowledging it is best to hold off getting the kids invested in the relationship until it is serious. You might not be okay with that, and rather find another person to date. But as a parent, if someone wasn't okay waiting to meet my kid until I felt fairly secure in the relationship, I'd be the one looking for someone else to date. 

We didn't wait a year, but we did wait. 

[Rosie_0801]

6 minutes ago, Laurie said:

I still don't understand how people do this.  If my husband had already had children when I met him, I would've wanted to meet them sooner rather than later...and I think a year is really late!   I would think kids, even young ones,  would like to know who their parents are dating.   Aren't people (of all ages) allowed to be curious anymore?  I guess not.   One person gets to keep everyone else in the dark until he's good and ready to merge the group, then the rest of them just have to accept it  or end up in family therapy if they don't all blend well together.   This doesn't sound very emotionally healthy.   It sounds more like controlling behavior and even dishonesty if "issues" are perhaps already being hidden from the other person.

I don't know how a person could deal with another person calling all the shots like this.  I think I'd rather get a makeover, go to Weight Watchers, sign up for E Harmony or something in order to cast a wider net in the sea of love, but again, that's just my 2 cents.  

 

There are a lot of things that are considered best practice that seem quite the opposite to me, but that's what people do because it is considered best practice. It beats me who decides what best practice is though. They must have lived very different lives to the one I've had. 

[ktgrok]

I should add that we waited until I thought the relationship had marriage potential, but also was willng to call it off if my son and now DH had not been able to tolerate each other or whatever.  It wasn't a matter of "this is who I'm marrying and you can just deal with it" or anything. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by Ktgrok

[Scarlett]

11 minutes ago, Laurie said:

I still don't understand how people do this.  If my husband had already had children when I met him, I would've wanted to meet them sooner rather than later...and I think a year is really late!   I would think kids, even young ones,  would like to know who their parents are dating.   Aren't people (of all ages) allowed to be curious anymore?  I guess not.   One person gets to keep everyone else in the dark until he's good and ready to merge the group, then the rest of them just have to accept it  or end up in family therapy if they don't all blend well together.   This doesn't sound very emotionally healthy.   It sounds more like controlling behavior and even dishonesty if "issues" are perhaps already being hidden from the other person.

I don't know how a person could deal with another person calling all the shots like this.  I think I'd rather get a makeover, go to Weight Watchers, sign up for E Harmony or something in order to cast a wider net in the sea of love, but again, that's just my 2 cents.  

 

 

 

I am with you on this.  I would never continue to date a man for a year who wouldn’t introduce me to his kids.  I can see that moving a gf in to the home with the children might be too much.  But introducing the gf as a friend or someone I am dating seems more normal to me. 

[ktgrok]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

I am with you on this.  I would never continue to date a man for a year who wouldn’t introduce me to his kids.  I can see that moving a gf in to the home with the children might be too much.  But introducing the gf as a friend or someone I am dating seems more normal to me. 

I think it is so kids (who don't think like adults all the time) are not "getting their hopes up" or wondering "is that my new step parent" each time a person goes on a date. I dated I think 5 different people after my divorce. No need for my son to meet them. I only introduced him to now DH. (but a year does seem long to know if a relationship is going to have marriage potential!)

[Scarlett]

6 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

You might WANT to, but that doesn't mean you should. Those kids are NOT well served by having people come in and out of their lives. It's a pretty common bit of advice given by counselors, etc for parents who are divorced, in fact. 

I'm assuming it isn't the other person calling the shots as much as both acknowledging it is best to hold off getting the kids invested in the relationship until it is serious. You might not be okay with that, and rather find another person to date. But as a parent, if someone wasn't okay waiting to meet my kid until I felt fairly secure in the relationship, I'd be the one looking for someone else to date. 

We didn't wait a year, but we did wait. 

I mean, what do you mean by ‘come in and out of their lives’?  Not every person you introduce your children to in other parts of your life continue to be part of children’s lives.  I really think the wisdom here is more matters of degree.....

[Ottakee]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I am with you on this.  I would never continue to date a man for a year who wouldn’t introduce me to his kids.  I can see that moving a gf in to the home with the children might be too much.  But introducing the gf as a friend or someone I am dating seems more normal to me. 

In this case it was a mutually agreed on decision.  

[ktgrok]

23 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I mean, what do you mean by ‘come in and out of their lives’?  Not every person you introduce your children to in other parts of your life continue to be part of children’s lives.  I really think the wisdom here is more matters of degree.....

But they don't really expect them too either, in the way they might with a potential stepparent. 

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

But they don't really expect them too either, in the way they might with a potential stepparent. 

Well, I think it would be on the parent to explain this is just a person I am getting to know.  Shrug.  Hey don’t listen to me.  I met Dh at a friends house and ds was with me.  If Dh and I had not ended up married Dh would be a man he met through mutual friends that he might run in to again someday.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

Regarding the OP’s actual question:  could the six year old have picked up on the dating even without physical demonstrations of affection (since I would doubt that he has other women friends sleeping over on the couch)?  Could he be testing her boundaries to see how she reacts to him crossing those boundaries?  

[Ottakee]

4 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Regarding the OP’s actual question:  could the six year old have picked up on the dating even without physical demonstrations of affection (since I would doubt that he has other women friends sleeping over on the couch)?  Could he be testing her boundaries to see how she reacts to him crossing those boundaries?  

That could be.....but why would a 6 year old have those sorts of boundary crossings?   Things like being sassy, refusing to do as asked, being hyper, etc....those are much more typical 6 year old boy things.

[Jentrovert]

4 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

That could be.....but why would a 6 year old have those sorts of boundary crossings?   Things like being sassy, refusing to do as asked, being hyper, etc....those are much more typical 6 year old boy things.

Possibly he did the first thing just for fun or whatever, realized it annoyed her, and then began pushing? 

[Jean in Newcastle]

12 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

That could be.....but why would a 6 year old have those sorts of boundary crossings?   Things like being sassy, refusing to do as asked, being hyper, etc....those are much more typical 6 year old boy things.

Well, I've been pinched by kids that age and a bit younger who were definitely testing me.  And an adult butt is right at six year old pinching height.  (ie.  He might not necessarily think of that as sexual.)  But I do agree that when you put everything together, it seems concerning. 

[SounderChick]

Each incident alone is not concerning but altogether is such a short time is definitely concerning.  

A year is long but it's absolutely the normal advice to not introduce kids until it's serious.  

[Laurie]

Now I'm wondering if his school uses the 3RS curriculum for sex ed.  

Lately I've been hearing about this curriculum on a local talk radio show.  I just looked at a sample Kindergarten lesson.  (It is on a website for a local parents' group that is opposed to this curriculum, and their notes appear in red boxes and the yellow highlighting is done by this group as well, just to be clear.)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VTE2XQEVI3Bmrin4_MbddzbZNt6Yp4jA/view    (The group is called Informed Parents of Washington if anyone would prefer to look for their website rather than follow this link.)

Anyway,  this lesson does talk about what bathing suits cover,  urination,  etc. in very explicit language.  He might be looking for real world examples rather than just diagrams with post-it note labels?  

Just a thought...

 

[Tanaqui]

33 minutes ago, Laurie said:

Now I'm wondering if his school uses the 3RS curriculum for sex ed.  

Lately I've been hearing about this curriculum on a local talk radio show.  I just looked at a sample Kindergarten lesson.  (It is on a website for a local parents' group that is opposed to this curriculum, and their notes appear in red boxes and the yellow highlighting is done by this group as well, just to be clear.)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VTE2XQEVI3Bmrin4_MbddzbZNt6Yp4jA/view    (The group is called Informed Parents of Washington if anyone would prefer to look for their website rather than follow this link.)

Anyway,  this lesson does talk about what bathing suits cover,  urination,  etc. in very explicit language.  He might be looking for real world examples rather than just diagrams with post-it note labels?  

Just a thought...

 

 

Wow, I'm already annoyed with those red comments and want to say something very strong to those people. And I'm only two comments in!

[Tanaqui]

19 minutes ago, square_25 said:

We're not very modest and we've certainly tried to use correct terminology for body parts, and there's no way my kids would behave like this... (they are girls, but I don't see that this would matter.) 

 

Yeah, none of this is very different to how my kids were raised, and we certainly are "walk out of the shower naked" people (though, of course, if anybody in the family was uncomfortable with that we'd try to rein it in!) and they didn't do any of the stuff described in the OP's post.

[MercyA]

3 hours ago, Laurie said:

Now I'm wondering if his school uses the 3RS curriculum for sex ed.  

I'm a proponent of open and frank discussion in the home, using proper terminology. I don't think kindergarten is too young to be learning about some of this.

BUT--this curriculum looks just awful to me. Totally inappropriate for kindergarten. What in the world?!?

[SKL]

6 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Regarding the OP’s actual question:  could the six year old have picked up on the dating even without physical demonstrations of affection (since I would doubt that he has other women friends sleeping over on the couch)?  Could he be testing her boundaries to see how she reacts to him crossing those boundaries?  

I agree - depending on the individual child, he may be able to pick up on things the parents intended to play down.  One of my kids is like that, and it's kind of amazing to me how much she figures out from practically no information.  (I am not like this at all, LOL.)

I'm not sure how that connects to the behavior in the OP, but yeah, I could see a kid doing something to force the parents to define the relationships at play.