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Has anything like this ever happened to you?


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How common is this experience? Has anyone in your life (friend, boyfriend, partner, coworker, parent, spouse, etc.) gotten so annoyed with you while driving you somewhere that they asked you to get out of the car or pushed you out or threatened you that that would leave you at the side of the road/highway/ deserted area/in the middle of the night/far from home/etc. so that you were in danger or in a dire predicament? Or, have you heard of this happening to a good friend?

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This has never happened to me.  The only person I know of that had a similar thing happen was with a verbally-abusive-and-toxic-as-heck partner, who moved on to becoming physically abusive. 

This isn't a normal way to resolve conflict.  If this happened to you, I hope you are now safe. 

Edited by MissLemon
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Well, I do know someone who does not allow passengers to take the Lord's name in vain. They get a warning. If it happens again, he drops them off somewhere safe. The important point being somewhere safe...they get out of the car at the soonest point when it's safe to do so.

But, no, I've never heard of it happening the way you describe.

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24 minutes ago, Teaching3bears said:

How common is this experience? Has anyone in your life (friend, boyfriend, partner, coworker, parent, spouse, etc.) gotten so annoyed with you while driving you somewhere that they asked you to get out of the car or pushed you out or threatened you that that would leave you at the side of the road/highway/ deserted area/in the middle of the night/far from home/etc. so that you were in danger or in a dire predicament? Or, have you heard of this happening to a good friend?

THAT'S abuse.  It just is.

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No and no. That is abusive behavior in any dynamic. 

When we were little, my mom did sometimes threaten it in that, “I-am-going-to-stop-this-car...” way but AFAIK, she never actually did and I doubt she ever would have. My mom was Queen of Dreadful Threats, though. We were always about to be “slain,” “slapped into next week,” “throttled,” or given “something to cry about.” Such effective parenting. 🙄

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I grew up in patriarchy and I know gender based control designed to protect you from harm like buses for women only and family insisting you are at home earlier because it is unsafe. I bristled at that, but none of it compromised my safety.

This is terrifying abuse of control and power. Get out now whoever it is. Scary ! Get out now. 

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Back when I was young 20s, my friends and I went to a theme park, about 2 hrs drive away.  At some point my friend and her bf got into an argument and he up and left the park saying he was going home.  

He was gone for about an hour and ended up coming back.   And in the end, a few years later they got married.   They are still together too.   I don’t think he has done anything like that since and I don’t remember what the fight was about.  

But that’s the only time I know of that anyone I know has done anything like that or had such a thing happen.  

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A lady I knew once loved to tell the story about how her ds9 was being disrespectful so she pulled over and kicked him out of the car.  She said they were only a few blocks from home, but after 20 minutes when he didn’t show up, she went looking for him and the cops were there with him.  From what she says, they just handed him over 🤷🏻‍♀️
 

The best part about the story was always the awkward silence that followed it.  

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No.  I have on two occasions asked for the driver to pull over in a not safe area so I could get out because I felt safer walking than remaining in the car with them.

I would consider being kicked out of a car to be abusive unless the person being kicked out was being unsafe or overly inappropriate.  I have this feeling like I've been in that situation before (doing the kicking out or being ok with the kicking out) but I can't remember the details.  I know it wouldn't have been dropping them off in an unsafe area and it seemingly had to do with drug.  Possibly the person had drugs in the car and the drivers and passengers did not want to be associated with them so they got the person out of the car asap.

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I volunteered in the domestic violence division of the county DA's office helping people fill out restraining order requests, so heard a number of stories like this..  I have seen a woman pushed out of car by her boyfriend while driving behind them, but it wasn't in a deserted area and plenty of people were around to help.   It's physical abuse and threatening to do so is emotional abuse.  It's not a healthy situation by any means. 

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There was a case in the national news a few years ago where this happened to siblings (I think).  We discussed it on this board.  The mother got in trouble with the law or possibly CPS.  I actually don't really remember the details. 

I was on a date where my date just flipped - I mean, he just started ranting and screaming at me.  Everyone in the restaurant was staring at us.  I left him there since I had driven there.  I was seriously shaken up and never could figure out what had flipped that switch since there was no preceding argument or anything.  But I knew that he was only a few blocks from where he lived so it wasn't like he couldn't easily make his way home.  Needless to say, we never went on another date. 

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Not to me, but a friend's husband did this to their teenage daughter. They are both aggressive fighters, so staying in the car wasn't a safe option. It was evening (not night) and he went back for her later.

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not long after We were placed with the twins, and they were still in their very bad trauma state I had to take them on public transport to meet up with case manager who was then going to escort me to a access visit.. it was a 4 hour trip by public transport. both twins started screaming, and one started self harming ( punching and slapping  himself in the face). the bus driver wanted to put us out in the side of the highway. this was on a stretch that was at least 30 km from the nearest town.  I was so shocked  that I just laughed and treated it like he was joking... it was an awful awful experience. so glad the twins are not so traumatized anymore. 

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8 hours ago, Quill said:

No and no. That is abusive behavior in any dynamic. 

When we were little, my mom did sometimes threaten it in that, “I-am-going-to-stop-this-car...” way but AFAIK, she never actually did and I doubt she ever would have. My mom was Queen of Dreadful Threats, though. We were always about to be “slain,” “slapped into next week,” “throttled,” or given “something to cry about.” Such effective parenting. 🙄

when I was little my parents said those exact things, and they did stop and whatever child was taken out of the car, given a few smacks on the bottom, put back in the car and we all kept driving.

 My parents also had a strap hanging on the kitchen wall that they would use frequently . it was the way things were back in those days.

Edited by Melissa in Australia
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During my rebellious phase, I remember once yelling at my mom while she was driving me somewhere. She threatened to stop and make me walk the rest of the way. It was full daylight in summer or fall and my walk would only have been a mile.

ETA: I was yelling a lot and for an extended time. If my kids were driving someone who was talking to them like that, I would want them to have a way out of the situation.

Edited by EmilyGF
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I have stopped the car and told my kids to either quiet down or walk home a few times.  And when they were particularly fidgety I have dropped them at the corner and got them to run the last bit.  In daylight and on a safe road.

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When my nephew was in his early 20s he was driving and one of his friends was having a meltdown of some sort.  I suspect drugs were involved but not sure.  Friend demanded to be let out of the car.  It was night time.  My nephew let him out and a short time later  friend was hit by a vehicle and killed.  I believe they think he jumped in front of a vehicle.  

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So if I had a friend or anyone tell me she had been put out of a vehicle, I would definitely tell her that is abusive or toxic or both. 
 

As for the boy who put me out of the truck when I was 16....I mostly think that was major immaturity but he and I did/do have very strong personalities and it is probably best he and I did not have a future.  I still know him, and his wife.  

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I do not recall that happening, though I dated a guy who probably would have done it if the mood struck him at the wrong time.  (I'm still a little afraid of him.)

I have been tempted at times when disrespected behind the wheel.  I mean there is no escape.  People should not take advantage of that.  But it's one thing to feel an impulse, and another thing to follow through on it.

I am not sure if that would be a crime or not.  If it was in a truly unsafe place, I hope it would be a crime.  But I'm not sure how that crime would be classified.

On the other hand - I've had someone actually hit me while I was driving.  If you feel unsafe while driving in the middle of nowhere, what are your realistic options?  Would it be OK to kick the person out, drive off and call the cops to come rescue the person?

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13 hours ago, Teaching3bears said:

I was wondering because I heard several people say that they were threatened with this as children and it happened to a couple of girlfriends in dating relationships. I agree, it is abuse.

I have threatened to make my kids walk home, but never from an unsafe place or distance.  [My kids know I would follow through if they didn't chill.]

I don't think it's abuse to make a kid walk a safe walkable distance while getting over himself.

Edited by SKL
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6 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

when I was little my parents said those exact things, and they did stop and whatever child was taken out of the car, given a few smacks on the bottom, put back in the car and we all kept driving.

 My parents also had a strap hanging on the kitchen wall that they would use frequently . it was the way things were back in those days.

We had a neighbor who, when driving kids with friends, would warn that he was going to stop the car and whip every child in it if they didn't quiet down.  I didn't think he was serious, until one day he did exactly that.  Thereafter, people were quiet in his car!

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So the only non abusive story I know related to this is a family with several daughters. The dad was driving the van with the two older girls (probably 7th/8th grade) and several of their friends for a spring break trip.  The mom was behind in the car with the younger sisters.  Apparently one of the daughters was having an extended teenage moment, including but not limited to be rude to dad.  After several warnings, he called mom, asked her to pull over at a specific mile marker, pulled off and made daughter drive with mom.  Obviously she was never in any danger.  I imagine my parents had wished they could do similar between the ages of 12-14.

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As described that is abusive.

 

 

There are a variety of other situations (the driver is actually hit by a passenger, the passenger feels so shaken/unsafe that the passenger chooses to get out of the car rather than stay in the car with the driver, the driver is so angry/distracted that the driver pulls over and stops to take time to pull it together, more) that are not abusive.  

I have myself pulled over, parked the car and informed too-loudly-bickering-for-far-too-long children I cannot drive safely with this commotion. I am too rattled to drive. We're going to sit here by the side of the road until we've all managed to tamp it down for 10 consecutive minutes.  No, I do not care how boring or artificial that is, or that soccer practice starts in 5 minutes.

But any of that is different from what's described in the OP. As described, abusive.

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I wouldn't find it abusive behavior on the drivers part if the passenger themselves were creating an unsafe situation in the car.  I've been a back seat passenger when the front seat passenger was screaming uncontrollably at the driver. They would also on occasion push the driver in the shoulder.  I wish the driver would have kicked them out of the car.  Instead, I was the one who asked to be let out in the unsafe area because I felt my chances were better out there then in the car.  They didn't get into a car accident that day.  But they did get into one under the same circumstances a few months later.  

All the people involved were adults and had cell phones, so the passenger making things unsafe could have found a way home

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Happened few years ago to a lovely, kind you lady I work with.  She married the man that did it.  I was concerned but other co-workers who knew her better said she seemed happy.  I hope it works out for her; they have one baby and are expecting their second.  Sadly she works remotely now that she moved back to their small town her beau did not wish to leave.

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My mom used to threaten my sister and I that we’d have to walk home when we were fighting in the car. She never would have actually done it though. 
It did happen on a school bus, though, in middle school. There was a kid who was always causing trouble on the bus....fighting with other kids, swearing at the bus driver, etc. The driver had given him multiple warnings, and he responded by throwing an apple at her. She pulled the bus over and made him get off. He was about a mile from his house. It wasn’t an unsafe area, but I can’t even imagine something like that happening today without the driver being fired. (This was in the early 1980’s)

Edited by HSmomof2
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My mum. She walked for a while along the freeway, it was better than being repeatedly punched in the face in the car. She ended up getting back in fairly quickly, as we kids were screaming and crying in the back seats. Broad daylight. Haven't thought about that incident for ages. 

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I've "kicked out" my 13 year old son. He is very 13. Nobody was angry. Nobody was in danger. But the noises that child can make. Once, maybe twice, I had him get out before we were all the way home. I told him if he couldn't be quiet, he obviously could use some exercise. The time I remember actually dropping him off he made it home before I did, so it was close enough for him to run faster than I was going down the last street in our remote, very safe development. In anger in an unsafe area or at night is so completely not okay.

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15 hours ago, HSmomof2 said:

My mom used to threaten my sister and I that we’d have to walk home when we were fighting in the car. She never would have actually done it though. 
It did happen on a school bus, though, in middle school. There was a kid who was always causing trouble on the bus....fighting with other kids, swearing at the bus driver, etc. The driver had given him multiple warnings, and he responded by throwing an apple at her. She pulled the bus over and made him get off. He was about a mile from his house. It wasn’t an unsafe area, but I can’t even imagine something like that happening today without the driver being fired. (This was in the early 1980’s)

I think in the 80s a kid having to walk a mile was no big deal at all.  In today's numbers it would raise any more eyebrows than making a kid walk a suburban block.  I mean someone will always complain but most figure the kid deserved to be mildly and harmlessly inconvenienced.

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