100% Overwhelmed

[kagmypts]

We have home schooled my sixth grader from the beginning.  Up until the spring of this year, he had been doing well.  He never loved school. but he got it done.  Starting in February. he became overwhelmed at the thought of school.  We had a psychevaluation done in March, and he was diagnosed with a speed processing disorder, a reading specific learning disorder, and ADHD.  Because of COVID, we wrapped up our year toward the end of April.  Anyway, we are now on day two of this school year, and it is a complete disaster.  Every lesson results in a complete meltdown.  We cannot continue like this, and we cannot afford to write off this entire year.  I don't know where to get him the help he so desperately needs right now.  I would love any advice from parents who have been where we are.

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, kagmypts said:

my sixth grader ...  Up until the spring of this year, he had been doing well. 

Hormones.

2 hours ago, kagmypts said:

We cannot continue like this, and we cannot afford to write off this entire year.

Well I call those years with my dd the *lost years* so you may not have a choice. You'll notice a lot of material from gr6-8 REPEATS and it's for this reason. My ds is spurting so I'm sure it's coming. I wouldn't assume you're doing something wrong. He may be 14, in 9th gr, before he turns into the student you remember.

What are you doing for the SLD Reading?

What do you think would be useful to him right now?

What would make a difference to him as a person right now?

Are meds for the ADHD on the table? They may stabilize things and make him more functional. They'll also bump the processing speed. Demands increase at this age (longer projects, etc), so the ADHD issues are more apparent.

You might consider going through something like Zones of Regulation. Could help him self monitor his level of ready to work (green zone, attentive, good to go) vs. yellow zone (becoming stressed, frustrated, less attentive or focused) vs. red zone (game over, losing control). So whether it's attention and needing to use strategies or his SLD and feeling frustrated or whatever, it puts him in the driver seat for responsibility. It's a whole year goal, something you can get while he's in puberty fog. 

[Susan in TX]

Has something changed with his schooling? Do you know what it is about school that is triggering the meltdowns? I would try to figure out what is causing the trouble and then adapt as needed. He may need an untraditional approach to schooling or he may just need some accommodations.

One thing I learned when I sent my struggling son to public school in 8th grade is that my expectations were a bit too high, and that he could have assignments adjusted as needed to meet him where he was at. For example note-taking was a struggle so instead of being made to struggle through taking notes, he was allowed to have notes that the teacher wrote for him. Spelling was something he had trouble with and so he was not marked down for spelling errors. So don't be afraid to change up the curriculum to make it work for him.

Susan in TX

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, Susan in TX said:

my expectations were a bit too high

Yup. And what I realized with my dd and her low processing speed was that she was FATIGUING. She basically never got the breaks that come with being in class. She was always ON and ON THE SPOT. 

So you think about the puberty and go ok, what would happen if he were in school and having an off day, a foggy year, fatigue with growth? He'd coast, answer one question the whole day. They'd get him through. And for some kids, that's the right call. Focus on what's really important (becoming a fine human being, learning emotional regulation, nurturing interesting hobbies, learning to self advocate) and just get him through. 

[kbutton]

Does he also have an anxiety diagnosis? It sounds like it might be part of the equation, especially with overwhelm and meltdowns. Anxiety doesn't have to look or seem like worry, especially with boys. 

I say this gently because with what you've described, calling the year a wrap could be the best thing to do in many instances. But, avoiding things is not good for anxiety from what I understand, and his increased meltdowns (see quote below) make me think that there is some serious anxiety going on at this point, regardless of how little/how much anxiety he might have had when you stopped last year. Obviously, you would not have done anything purposeful to provoke anxiety, so please don't think I'm suggesting that or criticizing your ending the year early! And I might not be at all correct that he's anxious. It's just something to consider.

10 hours ago, kagmypts said:

Anyway, we are now on day two of this school year, and it is a complete disaster.  Every lesson results in a complete meltdown.

 

[Miguelsmom]

We got very little done 8-1st 10th grade. What subjects don't cause his stress? What does he love?

[kagmypts]

On 8/13/2020 at 4:14 PM, Susan in TX said:

Has something changed with his schooling? Do you know what it is about school that is triggering the meltdowns? I would try to figure out what is causing the trouble and then adapt as needed. He may need an untraditional approach to schooling or he may just need some accommodations.

One thing I learned when I sent my struggling son to public school in 8th grade is that my expectations were a bit too high, and that he could have assignments adjusted as needed to meet him where he was at. For example note-taking was a struggle so instead of being made to struggle through taking notes, he was allowed to have notes that the teacher wrote for him. Spelling was something he had trouble with and so he was not marked down for spelling errors. So don't be afraid to change up the curriculum to make it work for him.

Susan in TX

We have not changed anything with our schooling.  We have been doing the same thing for 6 years.  I have no idea what is triggering his meltdowns, but I know that he despises anything that requires writing.  He cannot even write one or two sentences without a full blown meltdown.  With math, he is fine as long as he can do everything mentally.  As soon as he has to show his work, it's another meltdown.  He never used to be like this.

 

On 8/13/2020 at 6:34 PM, PeterPan said:

Yup. And what I realized with my dd and her low processing speed was that she was FATIGUING. She basically never got the breaks that come with being in class. She was always ON and ON THE SPOT. 

So you think about the puberty and go ok, what would happen if he were in school and having an off day, a foggy year, fatigue with growth? He'd coast, answer one question the whole day. They'd get him through. And for some kids, that's the right call. Focus on what's really important (becoming a fine human being, learning emotional regulation, nurturing interesting hobbies, learning to self advocate) and just get him through. 

I do think that fatigue is part of the issue, but even at the beginning of the day, my son is worn out. 

On 8/13/2020 at 10:52 PM, kbutton said:

Does he also have an anxiety diagnosis? It sounds like it might be part of the equation, especially with overwhelm and meltdowns. Anxiety doesn't have to look or seem like worry, especially with boys. 

I say this gently because with what you've described, calling the year a wrap could be the best thing to do in many instances. But, avoiding things is not good for anxiety from what I understand, and his increased meltdowns (see quote below) make me think that there is some serious anxiety going on at this point, regardless of how little/how much anxiety he might have had when you stopped last year. Obviously, you would not have done anything purposeful to provoke anxiety, so please don't think I'm suggesting that or criticizing your ending the year early! And I might not be at all correct that he's anxious. It's just something to consider.

 

 

He does not have an anxiety diagnosis.  When he was tested in March, his anxiety and depression markers were within normal range.  However, I do feel that we are missing a huge piece of what is going on with him.  He is my youngest, and I never experienced anything like this with either of our older kids.  My youngest is melting down at any and every writing assignment... even if it as little as 2 sentences.  I don't know how to handle this or where to go for help.

On 8/15/2020 at 11:57 PM, Miguelsmom said:

We got very little done 8-1st 10th grade. What subjects don't cause his stress? What does he love?

He stresses when we has to write.  He likes listening to me read to him.

[PeterPan]

2 minutes ago, kagmypts said:

He does not have an anxiety diagnosis.  When he was tested in March, his anxiety and depression markers were within normal range.  However, I do feel that we are missing a huge piece of what is going on with him.  He is my youngest, and I never experienced anything like this with either of our older kids.  My youngest is melting down at any and every writing assignment... even if it as little as 2 sentences.  I don't know how to handle this or where to go for help.

What was his SLD? Are you implementing everything the psych recommended? Tech for writing? Two sentences would be an astronomical amount for my ds. His IEP says scribe for anything beyond a sentence.

3 minutes ago, kagmypts said:

I do think that fatigue is part of the issue, but even at the beginning of the day, my son is worn out. 

Does it improve with a break? Like if you take 3 weeks off school and just do puzzles and legos and movies and hike, what will happen? If he'll still be tired, then puberty. If it will improve, then brain drain, cognitive fatigue.

I've been in a splint fora month now. Everything is harder and my normally verbose self becomes really short and snippy for writing. It's incredibly obvious how the disability would do this to a dc.

6 minutes ago, kagmypts said:

He stresses when we has to write.  He likes listening to me read to him.

Read this and see where he is for narrative language. https://mindwingconcepts.com/pages/methodology

[PeterPan]

7 minutes ago, kagmypts said:

With math, he is fine as long as he can do everything mentally.  As soon as he has to show his work, it's another meltdown.  He never used to be like this.

Problems getm longer, working ,memory drain becomes higher, puberty fog overwhelms his bit of skills. So he was masking before and now he's toast.

It's probably not ONE THING. It's the combo sinking his ship.

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, kagmypts said:

We have not changed anything with our schooling.  We have been doing the same thing for 6 years.  I have no idea what is triggering his meltdowns, but I know that he despises anything that requires writing.  He cannot even write one or two sentences without a full blown meltdown.  With math, he is fine as long as he can do everything mentally.  As soon as he has to show his work, it's another meltdown.  He never used to be like this.

I do think that fatigue is part of the issue, but even at the beginning of the day, my son is worn out. 

He does not have an anxiety diagnosis.  When he was tested in March, his anxiety and depression markers were within normal range.  However, I do feel that we are missing a huge piece of what is going on with him.  He is my youngest, and I never experienced anything like this with either of our older kids.  My youngest is melting down at any and every writing assignment... even if it as little as 2 sentences.  I don't know how to handle this or where to go for help.

He stresses when we has to write.  He likes listening to me read to him.

I would get testing with a speech therapist that has an expertise in his reading-based learning disorder.

If you haven't had a recent doctor visit, that would be good. I would get vision checked if you haven't recently. Be sure they look at eye teaming (convergence, etc.).

I am glad it doesn't seem to be anxiety, but I think this is very extreme for the diagnoses discovered, FWIW, considering that you've not changed anything. Hormones? Maybe. 

Are you open to considering ADHD meds? We've found them to be a really big help.

[Susan in TX]

20 hours ago, kagmypts said:

We have not changed anything with our schooling.  We have been doing the same thing for 6 years.  I have no idea what is triggering his meltdowns, but I know that he despises anything that requires writing.  He cannot even write one or two sentences without a full blown meltdown.  With math, he is fine as long as he can do everything mentally.  As soon as he has to show his work, it's another meltdown.  He never used to be like this.

Limit the amount of writing he has to do. How does he do with typing? Can he type assignments instead of write them? You can have him tell you the answers to some things rather than make him write everything. Adapt the curriculum to make it work for him.

With math, if he is getting the answers correct, then don't make him show his work. Or maybe have him show his work on one or two problems. It might help to have him do the problems he has to write out on a dry erase board. 

I do think that fatigue is part of the issue, but even at the beginning of the day, my son is worn out. 

Is he getting enough sleep? Could he be depressed? My daughter struggled with fatigue in high school and it turned out she had asthma and low vitamin D levels. I would get him to the Dr for a check-up if you can. Also, how much exercise is he getting? Sometimes fatigue can be caused by lack of exercise.

He does not have an anxiety diagnosis.  When he was tested in March, his anxiety and depression markers were within normal range.  However, I do feel that we are missing a huge piece of what is going on with him.  He is my youngest, and I never experienced anything like this with either of our older kids.  My youngest is melting down at any and every writing assignment... even if it as little as 2 sentences.  I don't know how to handle this or where to go for help.

Could be ASD? My son who had similar struggles went to public school in 8th grade and that is how we found out he was on the autism spectrum. I am not sure how one goes about getting a private evaluation.

He stresses when we has to write.  He likes listening to me read to him.

Then read to him. Make that the core of your homeschooling. Keep the writing to a bare minimum right now. Has he ever done copywork? Would he stress about copying a sentence or is it only a problem when he also has to think about what to write?

Susan in TX

 

[City Mouse]

It is only day 2. If it makes you feel any better, I made a 2nd grader cry today because I made her write (Braille actually, but that part is not important) the entire alphabet which is a task she successfully completed many times before school shut down last spring.

if it is writing is causing the meltdowns, what about taking away writing tasks for a while. You could used something like this for math. https://mathwindow.com While this product was originally designed for Braille readers, they do offer one that comes without Braille (“math challenged”). The child mentioned above used the large print version today and loved it.

The closest thing I can find for words is Poetry Tiles, but maybe there is something 

Does he do better with typing than writing? Then let him type. 
Will he dictate and you type? Or use voice to text software? My reluctant writer was offered voice to text software through school, but he found it so cumbersome that he would rather write.

i know these may not be permanent solutions, but it may allow you to still get school work completed while working on his core issues.

[happycc]

I need info about writing in braille. Maybe that might help my son who has no visual memory. 

He learns things kinesthetically. How do we get a braille writer? Do we just push pins in a paper? 

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, happycc said:

I need info about writing in braille. Maybe that might help my son who has no visual memory. 

He learns things kinesthetically. How do we get a braille writer? Do we just push pins in a paper? 

Have you ever tried him with ASL?

[happycc]

Yup been using ASL but he prefers to talk even if we don’t understand him. Today I said what? And he signed “wait”. I was surprised. 

[happycc]

I have the Bedrock Literacy curriculum and planning to get Modal Math signed. His DHH teacher is suggesting Fairview for him