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Starting Over with a Social Life as an Adult


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Our family is a bit lost now. We left our church. We moved here for work and our families don't live close. Our social lives revolved around church and work. 

DD is fine. Thankfully she still has friends from when she was in school. 

I realized that here I am, middle-aged in the middle of a pandemic and I have no idea how anyone even goes around finding non-work related friends. Working and homeschooling take just about everything out of me so there isn't much bandwidth for volunteering or things like that. 

And to add it, I think I have a bit of PTSD from how everything went down at our old church. I told DH I just can't go through the whole trying to be what other people want you to be to fit in anymore. 

We decided to go back to being Catholic again and I know how hard it is to meet people at the Catholic church. Plus the bishop isn't allowing anything social now. 

I belonged to a book group but meetings are cancelled indefinitely. My DH gets along better with women than other guys. He can't stand macho stuff although he's a big baseball fan. My DH is the kind of guy that all of the older ladies like because he listens to them. 

So how do you find like-minded friends as an adult? 

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fwiw, the Catholic church near you may be better than your previous parishes. I mean, I can't guarantee it, but it may surprise you (once things settle down). When we moved last year, that's where we've made most of our acquaintances -- if not exactly friends -- and it does feel like a support network even though we aren't close-close. (eta: we probably could be close, it's that type of place, but that is more a fault in myself than in my stars or in the parish, just a lack of interest on my part)

If you don't have much bandwidth for a weekly obligation, maybe attending short conferences on an interest you have, or 1-day events (or volunteering at 1-day events) in your community may be a good start, if you put in the effort afterwards to keep up the people you meet. 

Also, my main social outlet is an online forum 😉 , maybe something like that can fit your needs during the pandemic and then branch out to in-person after restrictions are lifted? 

OOC, do you feel like you need or want friends, or is this something you feel like you should do/have? And are you looking for company you and your husband can enjoy together, or is this looking just for you?

Edited by Moonhawk
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24 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

fwiw, the Catholic church near you may be better than your previous parishes. I mean, I can't guarantee it, but it may surprise you (once things settle down). When we moved last year, that's where we've made most of our acquaintances -- if not exactly friends -- and it does feel like a support network even thought we aren't close-close. 

If you don't have much bandwidth for a weekly obligation, maybe attending short conferences on an interest you have, or 1-day events (or volunteering at 1-day events) in your community may be a good start, if you put in the effort afterwards to keep up the people you meet. 

Also, my main social outlet is an online forum 😉 , maybe something like that can fit your needs during the pandemic and then branch out to in-person after restrictions are lifted? 

OOC, do you feel like you need or want friends, or is this something you feel like you should do/have? And are you looking for company you and your husband can enjoy together, or is this looking just for you?

I think it's actually more for me than for my DH. I would like to have some local friends to do things with. IDK. I have work friends but there's always work in the background so there are some things I can't discuss with them. 

 

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I am not starting over....but yet a bit lost now that I am divorced.  So many things are couple focused.

Are there any outdoor exercise classes or waking groups you might feel comfortable with?  Does your library host anything?

Seriously, pandemic time is horrible for meeting new people.   I did though reconnect with a friend from years ago....it was a casual friendship/friendly acquaintance then as she was my daughter's riding instructor.   She posted on a local group that she was starting to hike so I messaged her and said I would love to get together.  So this summer we have been meeting 1-2 times a week to kayak or hike.  It has been great and we are socially distanced and getting our exercise and vitamin D.

Edited by Ottakee
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I think this is a tough thing but I did want to mention that my current Catholic church Is very friendly and feels like family. I never experienced that in a Catholic church in the same way. In our situation we are the only Catholic church for a couple of counties smack in the heart of the Bible Belt and we stick together. It is a very diverse and quirky crowd but it is as if everyone is very accepting because we are all misfits in the rest of society. Lol. So you could find a quirky Catholic church and find friendships more easily than you might anticipate. Do you have a college campus nearby? I think some of the Catholic parishes on campuses are nice for something a little different. There are obviously lots of students but also people that just appreciate a more laid back atmosphere and usually plenty of social things.

Other than that I don’t know. We moved five years ago. My friends have been made at church mostly. I tried the homeschool crowd and that was a bust and I seem to be past the prime age for making friends with the moms at kids’ activities. 

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1 hour ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

Our family is a bit lost now. We left our church. We moved here for work and our families don't live close. Our social lives revolved around church and work. 

DD is fine. Thankfully she still has friends from when she was in school. 

I realized that here I am, middle-aged in the middle of a pandemic and I have no idea how anyone even goes around finding non-work related friends. Working and homeschooling take just about everything out of me so there isn't much bandwidth for volunteering or things like that. 

And to add it, I think I have a bit of PTSD from how everything went down at our old church. I told DH I just can't go through the whole trying to be what other people want you to be to fit in anymore. 

We decided to go back to being Catholic again and I know how hard it is to meet people at the Catholic church. Plus the bishop isn't allowing anything social now. 

I belonged to a book group but meetings are cancelled indefinitely. My DH gets along better with women than other guys. He can't stand macho stuff although he's a big baseball fan. My DH is the kind of guy that all of the older ladies like because he listens to them. 

So how do you find like-minded friends as an adult? 

Well, we church shopped on our last move to find a Catholic Church that felt like a fit.  We went to quite a few of the area churches and then revisited our favorites.  Dh joined the Knights of Columbus, and the kids got involved with altar serving and such.  I will say that being part of the volunteer group at church made all the difference.  It’s a family- like subset.  So while you might not meet friends by just going to Mass, I bet you would if you and dh got involved in some of the ministries.  

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So far, we've mostly met parents of my kids' classmates or homeschool friends. That's how I found good friends in Austin, anyway. 

I don't yet have good friends in NYC, though, but it's still the case that I practically only talk to parents of my kids' friends. So if I do find friends, that'll be how. 

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Could your book club meet over Zoom? That's what we've been doing. We meet once a month with it. The first time was more about figuring out how it worked, etc. but now it's great. We meet longer, as we all want to chat too. 

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19 hours ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

Our family is a bit lost now. We left our church. We moved here for work and our families don't live close. Our social lives revolved around church and work. 

DD is fine. Thankfully she still has friends from when she was in school. 

I realized that here I am, middle-aged in the middle of a pandemic and I have no idea how anyone even goes around finding non-work related friends. Working and homeschooling take just about everything out of me so there isn't much bandwidth for volunteering or things like that. 

And to add it, I think I have a bit of PTSD from how everything went down at our old church. I told DH I just can't go through the whole trying to be what other people want you to be to fit in anymore. 

We decided to go back to being Catholic again and I know how hard it is to meet people at the Catholic church. Plus the bishop isn't allowing anything social now. 

I belonged to a book group but meetings are cancelled indefinitely. My DH gets along better with women than other guys. He can't stand macho stuff although he's a big baseball fan. My DH is the kind of guy that all of the older ladies like because he listens to them. 

So how do you find like-minded friends as an adult? 

Another thought is a neighborhood coffee club.  We had one neighbor start a monthly mug club, pre- covid, and it was so popular!  Everyone was thrilled to finally meet neighbors and get to know their neighbors.  It just took one person to start it.  Then they added a monthly happy hour so spouses could attend as well.

maybe you could have a driveway version of one?  Bring a chair, mask and coffee mug?

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19 hours ago, Ottakee said:

I am not starting over....but yet a bit lost now that I am divorced.  So many things are couple focused.

Are there any outdoor exercise classes or waking groups you might feel comfortable with?  Does your library host anything?

Seriously, pandemic time is horrible for meeting new people.   I did though reconnect with a friend from years ago....it was a casual friendship/friendly acquaintance then as she was my daughter's riding instructor.   She posted on a local group that she was starting to hike so I messaged her and said I would love to get together.  So this summer we have been meeting 1-2 times a week to kayak or hike.  It has been great and we are socially distanced and getting our exercise and vitamin D.

There is nothing outdoor here this time of the year. I live in Arizona. It is supposed to be 112 degrees today. Outdoor activities will begin again in October. 

5 hours ago, QueenCat said:

Could your book club meet over Zoom? That's what we've been doing. We meet once a month with it. The first time was more about figuring out how it worked, etc. but now it's great. We meet longer, as we all want to chat too. 

People refused to do Zoom. They claimed to be tired of doing Zoom. 

 

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1 minute ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

There is nothing outdoor here this time of the year. I live in Arizona. It is supposed to be 112 degrees today. Outdoor activities will begin again in October. 

People refused to do Zoom. They claimed to be tired of doing Zoom. 

This is not much of an answer, but I've spent a lot of the pandemic getting to know the people on this forum better, lol, including finding a couple of people who are local to me. Realistically, this is THE WORLD'S WORST TIME to meet people except online, so why not lean into it? 😉 

Edited by square_25
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32 minutes ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

There is nothing outdoor here this time of the year. I live in Arizona. It is supposed to be 112 degrees today. Outdoor activities will begin again in October. 

People refused to do Zoom. They claimed to be tired of doing Zoom. 

 

Arizona?! Why didn't you say so?! lol

So, do you like astronomy? I know Tucson area has a ton of things you could do for that, I'm sure Phoenix has similar. Both colleges have some good outreach things for the community in normal times. There are hiking groups and also volunteer groups about cleaning up the desert from invasive species, which I never got to actually do but always have wanted to. 

If you give a couple interests you have maybe we can come up with something!

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Well, I am 42 going on 43 so nearly middle age, but my kids are young and yeah....mom friends lol

But things my mom has done.  She's young 60s, hasn't attended church in decades, and we moved a lot when I was younger so she didn't have a long standing set of relationships.

First, she has retained some mom friends from when my youngest sister was still at home. 

Also, she used to bowl.  She quit a few years ago but has maintained a couple of friends from that.  She was just on a random ladies league for people her age....the center set up teams of 3 with random women.  Most years, she maintained the same team, but some times things got changed up.  She was on that league for like 10 yrs, and is still friends with a couple of the ladies from that league.  I am not suggesting you take up bowling in corona times, but rather suggesting that some sort of interesting easy going sport or group, that meets outdoors, could provide some friendships.

 

One other idea is to volunteer.  Not like on a regular basis, but if you sign up to distribute food at the food bank, you never know who you might meet.  I have found that this sort of thing isn't a regular commitment like work and as such, you might find more people who are like minded, that you otherwise might not encounter.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

There is nothing outdoor here this time of the year. I live in Arizona. It is supposed to be 112 degrees today. Outdoor activities will begin again in October. 

People refused to do Zoom. They claimed to be tired of doing Zoom. 

 

So start a Zoom-based book club on MeetUp.

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22 hours ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

We decided to go back to being Catholic again and I know how hard it is to meet people at the Catholic church. Plus the bishop isn't allowing anything social now. 

Welcome home. ❤️

 

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