How to get a child to slow down?

[Teoderik]

My 7 year old daughter is receiving a classical education in every respect: I teach her mathematics and Latin, and she takes fencing, riding and piano lessons every week. She also goes to a Montessori School, which happens to be the best school where I live. We also hire a drawing instructor that comes to our apartment, teaching her once a week. Everything goes well and she is multi-talented, creative, empathic etc, except...she ALWAYS rushes away and does everything too quickly (sometimes impatiently). This is the one, general, bombastic weakness that she has, no matter what. In life, she has been very fortunate in getting the best possible teachers and tutors. Her first Montessory teacher, in Kindergarten, was legendary. Her piano instructor was a long-time pupil (and one of the foremost) of Shinichi Suzuki, her godmother a national champion of equestrian sports, her fencing instructor likewise the national champion of foil in the country where I live, etc. They all, without exception, tell her the same thing, constantly, as do her current school teacher, her parents and grandparents: "Dear little friend, take it...e-a-s-y. Slow down."

Things have always come to her easily. She is ahead of her classmates in math and reading, even though this is a tough school that generally accepts only the "best" of children. If she is focused she can solve complex problems very quickly. Now, however, because of this Achilles heel that she has, much is lost due to carelessness and recklessness. She wants to get through a piano piece as quickly as possible, she wants to get ahead of that horse in front of her as soon as possible, causing the riding instructor to get angry since you need to have a safety distance between one horse and another, she makes unnecessary errors in her math book because she is not paying attention. I don't think she has ADD since she can perform very well and absorb absolutely EVERYTHING when actually focusing. As mentioned, it seems her only problem is that she wants to get ahead of things, all the time. This is simply making us crazy.

Thus: What can one do to make a child hurry less and slow down? Could one, for instance, teach her to meditate? If so, how? I have tried to have her sit down and meditate with me, but it is simply impossible. I have even tried Sam Harris's Waking Up App, which contains a meditation course for children, but unsuccessfully. 

So what can we do?

     

[sweet2ndchance]

Math and Latin, fencing and piano, drawing and horseback riding, then Montessori school too.... when does she have time to just be a 7 year old? Does she have time to herself to explore and wonder about the world on her own? That sounds like a huge load of things, never mind that she is only 7 and still has a lifetime ahead of her to learn some of these things. My personal opinion is that if you want her to slow down and enjoy life as a child, then it is the adults in her life that need to slow down so she can slow down. Having the greatest teachers in the whole world won't make up for a lost childhood.

If I were in your shoes, I would have her pick the activity outside of school things (so the fencing, piano, drawing or horseback riding) and do just ONE of those for a season. See if she slows down and enjoys life when she has more free time to just be a kid and enjoy it.

Just my 2 cents....ymmv

[Clemsondana]

Sometimes kids rush because they are bored, don't enjoy an activity, or want to get done so that they can move on to something else.  Some people just like the  mental stimulation.  But, we have also found that if we have a stretch of 'frantic busy' time then it translates to everything - it's like people get used to moving on 'fast forward' and do everything quickly - skim books, eat quickly, and run everywhere instead of walking.  If adults can get sucked into this, I can only imagine how it is for a kid.  Even with homeschooling and more afternoon free time, I limited my kids to 2 activities at a time in elementary school.  We aimed for 1 with physical activity (a sport, martial arts, dance) and 1 that was something else - music, acting, scouts. 

As they have gotten older, that has been a blessing because everything takes more time.  The cute little T-ball that had 1-2 games each week for an hour becomes daily conditioning and travel for games in high school, for instance.  Band class in middle school becomes daily after school practice, Friday night halftime, Saturday competitions, and practice for honors band try-outs in high school.  In other words, even with just 1-2 activities, elementary school may be the last time that there is the possibility for lots of true free time.  Exposing kids to activities is excellent, but it's not going to be possible to sustain all of them at a high level forever so it might be good to start paring out ones that your child doesn't love to give her brain a chance to slow down.  

[PeterPan]

On 7/10/2020 at 1:50 PM, Teoderik said:

I don't think she has ADD since she can perform very well and absorb absolutely EVERYTHING when actually focusing. As mentioned, it seems her only problem is that she wants to get ahead of things, all the time. This is simply making us crazy.

Well sorry, but you're describing ADHD in girls, so you might as well start reading about it. 

https://www.amazon.com/Superparenting-ADD-Innovative-Approach-Distracted/dp/0345497775/ref=sr_1_1?crid=HXP09D0QX9QJ&dchild=1&keywords=superparenting+adhd&qid=1594508590&sprefix=super+parenting+%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

On 7/10/2020 at 1:50 PM, Teoderik said:

Could one, for instance, teach her to meditate? If so, how? I have tried to have her sit down and meditate with me, but it is simply impossible. I have even tried Sam Harris's Waking Up App, which contains a meditation course for children, but unsuccessfully. 

Yes, mindfulness is a recognized strategy for ADHD, so this is a good plan! Have you looked at https://www.shambhala.com/sittingstilllikeafrog/ 

Also consider the work of Kelly Mahler on Interoception or anything from the Social Thinking people including We Thinkers (which it sounds like would benefit her) and Zones of Regulation. 

[Momto6inIN]

She's 7. Even brilliantly talented 7 year olds will rush through what they consider to be work in order to get to do what they want to do instead. This is not a character flaw or an Achilles heel, it's normal child development.