Slache Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 This is a MIL post. And I'm adjusting to a new medication, so typos galore. Enjoy. Word salad is a gaslighting technique. The term is actually taken from a neurological problem I'm not touching on, I just want to be clear I'm talking about something completely different. So. Word salad is a way of changing the subject so the original content cannot be addressed. My MIL does this at at a spitfire speed ensuring that she won't be interrupted. I combat this by writing down my point so after she does her thing I can go back and readdress the issue. We did this fun little dance yesterday so I thought I'd share it with you. DH: I just wanted to be clear that we will not be doing X. MIL: Well I'm still wanting to do X so let me know. DH: I'm letting you know now the answer is no. MIL: Well I'm still wanting to do X so let me know, majorwordsaladwithallthewordsforaboutthreeminutesstrait, and regarding this separate matter what do you think? DH: We can discuss this later, right now I need you to acknowledge that X isn't happening. MIL: Well I'm still wanting to do X so let me know, majorwordsaladwithallthewordsforaboutthreeminutesstrait, and why are so mean about this other thing that is decades old, I don't think I can talk to you anymore right now. End scene. We will be sending an email nearer to the date with some essential info and reiterate the boundaries regarding X as well as consequences. This was a big deal for us because normally DH goes in with one conversation in mind and comes out all content until I ask about the thing and he has no idea what happened. I know some of you have cluster Bs (toxic people) out there who use this and I feel learning to identify the behavior is helpful. So go forth and ruin crappy people's days in my name. 6 1 1 Quote
Slache Posted June 25, 2020 Author Posted June 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said: You are very wise. I agree with this 100% but you say it particularly well. If you think this well on new brainfogging medication, I am impressed. My husband says that "yesterday" was actually Saturday, if that's any consolation. 3 Quote
Guest Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 That’s so obnoxious to deal with. Kudos to dh, though! That “let me know” that keeps popping up would drive me straight outta my mind. I’m not sure how I would keep from screaming, “I’M LETTING YOU KNOW! IT’S A NO! THAT YOU STILL WANT IT IS IRRELEVANT!” 3 Quote
Scarlett Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Good job! And being able to repeat the craziness to us is impressive too. 2 Quote
Slache Posted June 25, 2020 Author Posted June 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, Quill said: That’s so obnoxious to deal with. Kudos to dh, though! That “let me know” that keeps popping up would drive me straight outta my mind. I’m not sure how I would keep from screaming, “I’M LETTING YOU KNOW! IT’S A NO! THAT YOU STILL WANT IT IS IRRELEVANT!” It is. It's her "I don't acknowledge your no." But we said our piece and she will have no argument when we send our email. 1 minute ago, Scarlett said: Good job! And being able to repeat the craziness to us is impressive too. It's burned into my brain. 2 Quote
MercyA Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 I actually thought this was going to be about the word "salad." Like, is pasta salad really salad? What about potato salad? Jello salad? Sorry, Slache. What a pain! 10 Quote
TheReader Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Oh, ugh. I have people who do that, but did not realize there was a term relating to it. And then we have just the normal persistent people who ask over and over and over and over and over and.....look, people, no matter how many times you ask me that, or how many ways you rephrase that, or how persuasive you think it might be that if YOUR person asked this, there'd be no discussion (and it would go that person's way)......for us, the answer is NO. Period. Sorry, not sorry. Just NO. You can keep asking; the answer will.not.change. Good job for your DH sticking to "'kay, but X is not happening" even when she kept trying to shift to other stuff. 2 Quote
Guest Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 2 hours ago, MercyA said: I actually thought this was going to be about the word "salad." Like, is pasta salad really salad? What about potato salad? Jello salad? Sorry, Slache. What a pain! Lol, that’s funny! FTR, “Jello salad” is the worst to my mind! 1 Quote
Tanaqui Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 Ah, it sound funny from the outside, but I bet it's really frustrating to deal with in person. 1 Quote
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