When you have to do something hard ...

[Spryte]

Something very hard.  Emotionally fraught.  Something that makes your breath catch, and your body react physically... 

How do you make yourself Just. Do. It?

There’s a phone call I need to return.  And the news is going to be very bad, no matter what the news may be.  I can’t see any route to news that will be a relief, only news that will hurt, deep down. Either way, it’s going to feel like a gut punch, and I can’t even hope for one or the other.

I am having a physical, intense reaction to making the call.  

I guess this is more of a whine, vent, procrastination technique.  I just don’t waaaannnnaaaaa.

[PeterPan]

What happens if you don't return the call? You go to jail? 

If you already know what it's going to say, then returning the call is politeness. Don't return the call and let them catch up with you later.

[Innisfree]

I'm so sorry, that sounds hard.

No good advice, just hugs.

Is waiting and knowing you need to do it worse than getting over the hurdle?

[Spryte]

Just now, PeterPan said:

What happens if you don't return the call? You go to jail? 

If you already know what it's going to say, then returning the call is politeness. Don't return the call and let them catch up with you later.

Oh no.  I won’t go to jail. I don’t know what would happen if I didn’t call.  

I don’t know which way the news will go.  It could be A, which would mean this saga will be on-going but there might be justice at the end.  Which would be bitter, because I’ve essentially lost someone I love regardless of justice. 

Or it could be Z.  Which would mean we are at a dead end, there won’t be justice.  Which would be bitter.  

[Alicia64]

I seriously do this when I don't want to do something, I say over and over to myself: "I can do hard things."

Once I had to do a painful test at a hospital and the entire time I kept saying, "I can do hard things, I can do hard things, I can do hard things."

It really helped me.

Good luck!

A.

[Spryte]

3 minutes ago, Innisfree said:

Is waiting and knowing you need to do it worse than getting over the hurdle?

No.  Waiting is prolonging it, and I know it.

I just know that either way the news goes, I will dissolve into tears after the call.  There is no good news here.  There isn’t even a neutral.

Maybe I’m waiting to postpone that moment when it descends as real again.

I need to just do it.  

[klmama]

So sorry, Spryte.  Feeling a bit that way myself today. It's hard when you know the situation is bad and it's out of your hands. With such a phone call, I'd just pray for strength and get it over with. Better to know and start trying to deal with it.  ((Hugs))

[Spryte]

I’m going to ask DH to be in the room with me, I think.  Is that wimpy?

I have to know the answer, I just ... don’t want to know the answer because it means a new chapter.  
 

 

I can do hard things.  I can do hard things.  (Thanks for that.)

[Innisfree]

Not wimpy at all.

You can do hard things.

Big hugs.

[Lori D.]

((((Spryte))))

In the few times when I've had to work myself up to do a very hard thing or have a hard conversation, it has helped me to remember an idea from C.S. Lewis's book Perelandra, that by this time tomorrow, you will have done it and it will be over, which helps to reduce the emotional aspect of the difficult thing.

Here's the actual quotation: "... when he was screwing up his resolution to go and see a certain man in London and make to him an excessively embarrassing confession which justice demanded... the thing had seemed a sheer impossibility... and then... there had arisen before him with perfect certitude that, the knowledge 'about this time tomorrow you will have done the impossible'..."


I'm so sorry you have such a hard thing to deal with. Hold DH's hand tight, and we will hold you in the light / lift you in prayer.

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Lori D.

[Alicia64]

6 minutes ago, Spryte said:

I’m going to ask DH to be in the room with me, I think.  Is that wimpy?

I have to know the answer, I just ... don’t want to know the answer because it means a new chapter.  
 

 

I can do hard things.  I can do hard things.  (Thanks for that.)

Not in the least bit wimpy. Take support -- nothing wrong with that!!

A.

[PeterPan]

23 minutes ago, Spryte said:

Oh no.  I won’t go to jail. I don’t know what would happen if I didn’t call.  

I don’t know which way the news will go.  It could be A, which would mean this saga will be on-going but there might be justice at the end.  Which would be bitter, because I’ve essentially lost someone I love regardless of justice. 

Or it could be Z.  Which would mean we are at a dead end, there won’t be justice.  Which would be bitter.  

Then I wouldn't bother. Let them put it in writing and mail it to you if it's that important. 

[PeterPan]

16 minutes ago, Spryte said:

I’m going to ask DH to be in the room with me, I think.  Is that wimpy?

I have to know the answer, I just ... don’t want to know the answer because it means a new chapter.  
 

 

I can do hard things.  I can do hard things.  (Thanks for that.)

Is this something that can be done IN PERSON? Why over the phone? Or by zoom? 

I agree if you're going to do it, have your support person. Also have a plan to debrief afterward--who you'll talk with, something to eat, etc. 

[Junie]

(((Spryte)))

I'm so sorry.

[Laura Corin]

My best wishes

[mlktwins]

33 minutes ago, Spryte said:

I’m going to ask DH to be in the room with me, I think.  Is that wimpy?

I have to know the answer, I just ... don’t want to know the answer because it means a new chapter.  
 

 

I can do hard things.  I can do hard things.  (Thanks for that.)

Spryte, you've got this girl!!!!  It is fine to cry and it is fine to have DH with you!!!

It will just hang over you until you make the call!!!  Just do it!  You can't know what you are dealing with if you don't call.

Catch me up when you can!  I'm praying for you!

[happi duck]

(hugs)

 

[gardenmom5]

sometimes - knowing that getting it over with will feel better, because it's done.  even if it's unpleasant.

[Spryte]

Thank you.

I made the call. DH sat beside me.

It was the second scenario, with a caveat - some evidence results still not in. So I could be in the same situation at some point in the future, facing another call.

It is, weirdly, some small consolation that even though there likely won’t be justice, I now know the name of the person who likely caused all of this.  I don’t know why, but that’s better than not knowing.  That may change as I process things.

Thanks for the support.

 

[KungFuPanda]

2 hours ago, Spryte said:

Something very hard.  Emotionally fraught.  Something that makes your breath catch, and your body react physically... 

How do you make yourself Just. Do. It?

There’s a phone call I need to return.  And the news is going to be very bad, no matter what the news may be.  I can’t see any route to news that will be a relief, only news that will hurt, deep down. Either way, it’s going to feel like a gut punch, and I can’t even hope for one or the other.

I am having a physical, intense reaction to making the call.  

I guess this is more of a whine, vent, procrastination technique.  I just don’t waaaannnnaaaaa.

The sooner you make the call the sooner that call will be over and you can quit dreading it. 
 

eta: I missed the update. I’m glad it’s over and you had support. 

Edited June 16, 2020 by KungFuPanda

[4kiddies]

@Spryte if I am confusing you with someone else I apologize but if this situation has something to do with the horrible thing that happened to your mother then I am very very sorry that justice is not being served.

 

[Spryte]

8 minutes ago, 4kiddies said:

@Spryte if I am confusing you with someone else I apologize but if this situation has something to do with the horrible thing that happened to your mother then I am very very sorry that justice is not being served.

 

You are not confusing me.  You nailed it.

My mother never recovered from the trauma, and her neurologist says that happens sometimes with elderly and trauma.  So she doesn’t dwell on the event, or even remember it often.  Which is good. But it leaves me processing it, and with a lot of questions.

The investigation gave lots of answers about what happened that night, a timeline, and we even have a probable who.  Just not justice.

I would have liked justice.

[klmama]

((Spryte))  

[4kiddies]

I'm so very sorry....

[Harriet Vane]

I am so sorry there is no justice. That is the case more often than not, and it really, really hurts. I am praying for you and your dear mom today.

[Scarlett]

I would definitely feel better knowing The Who even if justice isn’t coming yet.  Lately, I have seen cases solved years after the assault.  

 

[Meriwether]

29 minutes ago, Spryte said:

You are not confusing me.  You nailed it.

My mother never recovered from the trauma, and her neurologist says that happens sometimes with elderly and trauma.  So she doesn’t dwell on the event, or even remember it often.  Which is good. But it leaves me processing it, and with a lot of questions.

The investigation gave lots of answers about what happened that night, a timeline, and we even have a probable who.  Just not justice.

I would have liked justice.

I'm sorry. When you mentioned justice, I thought of your mother. I'm so sorry.

[Lori D.]

Oh Spryte, so very very sorry. Lifting you and your mom in prayer.

[Ottakee]

So sorry.  It is sad that in cases like this, justice rarely comes.

[Alicia64]

My heart is breaking: I'm so very sorry.

A.

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry

[kbutton]

I remember the original posts; I am sorry there wasn't a more just outcome to this. Hugs. 

[Spryte]

Thank you all.  It’s a heavy weight today.  
 

 

[mominco]

(((hugs))) Spryte I remember your original post 😞 

[Innisfree]

I remember, too. I'm so sorry. 

[Annie G]

I’m so sorry. 

[Spryte]

3 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

I also remember. I am so sorry that it appears justice will not be served.  
I also know that just because we cannot physically see justice in our lifetimes doesn’t mean it won’t happen.  This person is now on the police radar, and I guarantee they’ll be watching in case another, similar case comes up.

Thanks.  I just said something similar to DH.  I know if this man’s name appears again, at least this one detective will recognize it and remember my mother.

I did tell her that one of my mom’s friends still living in the facility had a recent experience that was worrying.  The detective actually seemed more concerned than I expected.

It’s been a terrible experience, but I have to say that I am grateful that we’ve had a female detective, who genuinely seems to care for elderly people.  She was certainly irritated at the first police officer that came out and basically blew us off because my mom was 78, and who would do that? 

[wintermom]

I'm so sorry your mother, you and your family are going through this. Hugs. I really hope that there will be justice eventually, and that through your actions others will not be victimized.