Serious question re: racism

[PinkTulip]

I’ll start with my question and then give background:

What can I do as a white, middle-class suburban housewife to help prevent the racist actions that seem to be pervasive in our country right now?

Background: I fully recognize my privilege that I have in life. I grew up with parents that held doctorate degrees, DH and I both hold doctorate degrees, and that has given us myriad opportunities not afforded many (most) people. I live in a city that is 93% Caucasian, 2% African-American, in a state that is close to 90% Caucasian. The overwhelming majority of the people in my neighborhood, community, schools, workplace, etc. are white. 

I am horrified by the racism I am seeing in our country. While I don’t condone violence, I understand why people are so angry and feel that peacefully hoping something will change has done nothing. 
 

I have posted my horror on social media, talked with my friends and neighbors about how wrong the recent racist events are, and plan to vote in November accordingly. 

Please be gentle with me - I truly want to do something, but don’t know what or how. 

Edited May 31, 2020 by PinkTulip

[Carol in Cal.]

One thing I feel very strongly about is ALWAYS speaking up.  Don’t let assumptions of complicity in bigoted attitudes stand—politely but firmly state your disagreement, adding opposing facts if available.  Make sure that folks know that you disagree.

Also, my view is, don’t look to be the spokesperson for the oppressed.  Instead, look to be a servant of their being able to speak out, and a clear friend.

[Tanaqui]

Recognizing that there's a problem, and that acknowledging the problem doesn't harm you as a white person is an important first step. Like, you are already well ahead of a lot of people. Don't rest on your laurels, but you're already moving ahead.

The second thing is to recognize that while individual bigotry is definitely a thing, and not one we've remotely licked yet, structural issues play a part too. It's like we're all caught in this web of inequality, and we can't quite see the threads that tie us all down. If everything is just slightly tilted in favor of white people, and slightly tilted against black people, then sooner or later all those little imbalances add up, even without you or anybody actually going out to be a bigot. Or maybe it's more like climate change - we can't say for sure that THIS storm was caused by climate change, that THIS day is five degrees warmer than it would've been without it - but we know that it's having a huge cumulative effect. We can't say for sure that THIS cop stopped this black driver because the driver was black - and if that's the case, if the cop did it because he's a bigot or if he did it because of implicit bias that he's not wholly aware affects his thought processes - but we can know that if you take a whole bunch of black drivers and white drivers in identical cars, driving identically, the black drivers are more likely to be stopped by the cops.

The third thing is to listen to people when they tell you things. If somebody tells you that they're often followed around in the store, and you're thinking "I've been to that store, they're nice people" - stop. They can be nice people and still follow your black friend around in the store "just in case". Or maybe your friend IS mistaken, but that's because years of experience have taught her that this is a thing that happens all the time so it's probably happening now and isn't just a weird coincidence where the store owner is always going down the same aisle she is. Of course, you might not have a ton of black friends who are willing and eager to tell you stuff like this, so I suggest google. Search terms like "anti-racism 101" or "intersectionality faq" will work wonders.

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Also, my view is, don’t look to be the spokesperson for the oppressed.  Instead, look to be a servant of their being able to speak out, and a clear friend.

 

https://local.theonion.com/woman-needs-to-shut-up-and-allow-man-to-be-ally-1843751585

[Slache]

Raise your children to be logical, loving human beings.

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[PinkTulip]

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. This is a topic that has been on my mind for a while, and even more at the forefront given recent events. 

I have 4 teenage/young adult boys and talk to them a lot about how as a white male, they will inherently live life with different experiences and opportunities than a woman or a person of color. So I have tried to teach them they have a responsibility to stand up and speak out against things they see are wrong. 
 

You all have given me a lot to think about, and I hope I can be aware of the things going on around me, speak up and speak out when I can, and try to really make connections with people who have lived with different experiences I have. Love and peace to each of you! 

[MercyA]

Wondering this myself. Thank you for posting. Please, would love to hear from more of you.

[Harriet Vane]

https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[Carrie12345]

8 hours ago, PinkTulip said:

. I live in a city that is 93% Caucasian, 2% African-American, in a state that is close to 90% Caucasian. The overwhelming majority of the people in my neighborhood, community, schools, workplace, etc. are white. 

I do think that makes it harder to take a whole lot of action in the ways one might otherwise. If there happen to be any NAACP or similar organizations in the area, support them.

Speak up any time an ignorant or purposefully racist comment is made. This is something I’m constantly trying to navigate better. When I get downright angry, it interferes with my ability to have a productive exchange or conversation. I just want to tell people how gross and stupid they are and the rest of my vocabulary gets tangled up.  On the other hand, I sometimes, with certain people, I just freeze up out of concern for things like my social standing or how people not liking what I say might impact my husband or my kids or whomever else is our connection. I’m working on moving past that because, when I put it in the bigger context, it’s pretty insane. Ignoring racism for my personal comfort? 🤢 It is’t easy to flip that ingrained switch, but I do know it’s possible because I just caused a bit of a ruckus yesterday with very close friends.  😬 Anyway, that’s an area I’m working on.

Raise good kids. My oldest three have been able to take what I’ve taught and live it and speak it better than me.  I’m learning from them. (The younger two don’t have social media for me to stalk and see how they’re handling their voices.)

There are lots of “what can white people do” articles and lists online that take the pressure off of POC to continue repeating themselves and are way better advice than can be found from other white women who are also trying to figure it out.