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making decisions about vacation with COVID


cintinative
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I feel like I just can't wrap my mind around this.

My husband's family goes to FL every year and they plan to go again this year since the ban on vacation rentals in the area has been lifted (just the area they go to). It would be at least three different family units plus ours getting together. As far as I know, they have not been together. They will have to fly.  We would drive.

My concern has been that if my husband gets it, he would be a higher risk of a bad case because of his health conditions. He has inactive Sarcoidosis of the lung (no symptoms), he is prediabetic, he has Fatty Liver Disease, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. He also has sleep apnea.

So I had him talk to his doctors. I hoped that they would speak to his risk level. The lung doctor said he didn't think he was high risk. His GP, who I had more hope for, said that 80% of the population will get it in the next two years, so we'll get it eventually. He said, "The more we are out there the sooner it will happen. Each of us has to make a decision on out risk tolerance and proceed accordingly.". He didn't speak to the specific risks for my husband.  It seems like he was unwilling to say either way, and his statement kind of makes him sound pro-herd immunity. 

Now that I know that the doctors are not going to discourage the trip, I am only left with my personal concerns, which largely revolve around what will happen if he gets sick (or worse; that both of us get sick) while we are away.  We will be 20 hours away from home. Coming back home with one of us driving while the other is sick would mean exposure for my kids in the car.   Staying in FL means expense, the need to find a place to stay, and being away from our support system.  

I realize that it is a worst case scenario that I am imagining.  We might not get sick at all. We might be just fine and have a great vacation.  

I tend to be a planner and a glass half full person. 

I don't want this to turn into a big fight, but I think my risk tolerance and my husband's are very different. He is not worried at all about catching this.  

Hive, WWYD in these circumstances? Would you arrange for a contingency plan with the relatives who will be in FL if something happened (like would you ask if someone would be willing to drive us home if we both got sick)?  I tend to overthink things, and this is no exception.

Of course, prayers appreciated. 

Thanks in advance Hive.

 

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When are you going?    Florida is one of those places that I'm not really comfortable with how they are handling opening up again.  I'd want to give it more time to see if there's going to be a surge.  I also would be uncomfortable spending time in an enclosed place with people who had flown on a plane, unless I was completely comfortable that they took appropriate safety precautions while in airports/on planes.   

If getting someone to help you out if one or both of you do get sick is enough to make you feel okay about the trip, then I would go with that plan.  Are you likely to get a good response or will they brush you off?  

I'm sorry your husband's doctors were so wishy-washy.

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I have no idea how they will respond. My husband's family generally sees us this one time a year, and other than his mom, we don't hear from them at all. 

My oldest has Celiac disease, so I worry about them taking care of him and not accidentally getting him sick.  

This is the northern part of FL near Bradenton.  My brother lives about 5 hours south. There is a possibility he could drive up if we are desperate, but then he is risking himself as well. 

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10 minutes ago, square_25 said:

I probably wouldn't go right now :-/. Not unless everyone else has been super careful. 

Is there any way people could get tested before you meet up? I know that's probably asking for too much, but I've been thinking about what would make me comfortable myself, and testing would be one of the things. 

 

I don't think they have but I have no information. His mom most likely already has  had COVID but she has not been tested, and we doin't know if she will be able to get the antibody test. She is 84 and a lung cancer survivor. I am really uncomfortable with that aspect also but she is determined to go.  

 

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I would not be going, but thankfully am not in that situation with my family.  No big family vacations for us ever.  But..even my family of 4 will not be vacationing this summer - anywhere.  We thought about renting a house, but people will be in the house (checking out) the same day we would be checking in.  Yeah...not happening.  People are not doing what they are supposed to be doing to stay safe.  

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3 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Is the vacation rental such that all families will be socializing and cooking and eating in their little pod?  Or are they going to going out to (possibly) crowded beaches, going to restaurants etc.  Will they mask in airports and on flights?  (Some airports and airlines are requiring this now.)

 

I assume shared eating and socializing. We will cook all our own food due to the Celiac but others will be there.  They will be going to beaches and restaurants. Typically the rest of them eat out at least two meals a day.  We will not go out to eat (because of the Celiac).  They will mask for flights but that doesn't mean they won't unmask for drinks, and that others on the flight won't unmask. No guarantees on the flights at all. 

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1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Would your kids be willing to stay home with you if your dh went alone?  Would they be resentful?  Would your dh be resentful? 

 

I haven't had that conversation with my kids yet. I am not sure. We all want a break, kwim? 

 Dh threatened to take them without me about a week ago.  He was pretty angry at the time but I assume he was serious. I had really hoped the vacation rental ban would stand, and when that didn't happen, that the doctor would have some sage wisdom.  =(

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3 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

According to my FB feed half my friends are on vacation this week.  One coworker is in the outer banks and two of the RNs I’m friends with are at Myrtle Beach.  Among several others.  I honestly am planning a trip to Florida to see my sister, but we’d be flying and staying at her house.  My friends who have flown have reported the airplanes are cleaner and emptier than ever.  My sister is going to the beach daily, but also she and her family have tested positive for antibodies.  
If your husband is the one who is at risk and his doctors okay it and he’s comfortable with the risk, I personally wouldn’t worry about it . But also, my risk tolerance with this is very high and I believe Covid-19 is here to stay and it will be a while for a vaccine. 
There are no guarantees for anything and everyone is going to have different risk comfort levels.  I’d leave the decision up to your husband and his doctors, but I *personally* would be comfortable with the situation of staying in my own condo and not eating out.

I agree.  I would even be comfortable eating outdoors at restaurants.  My mother is down there and says that the restaurants she has been in have been very good with spacing out people. 

Edited by itsheresomewhere
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What will the accommodations be like?  Is it one big rental with all four families?  Or will each family have their own rental unit?  My answer would probably depend on how much tight, indoor space you would be sharing and how much would be outdoors.

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I can’t get past meeting up with three related family groups for a vacation. Florida is happy times to me; all of DH’s family, not so much. Hard no from me. Fortunately, my DH would have said no before I had time to think up a polite way of getting out of it!

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2 hours ago, cintinative said:

I feel like I just can't wrap my mind around this.

My husband's family goes to FL every year and they plan to go again this year since the ban on vacation rentals in the area has been lifted (just the area they go to). It would be at least three different family units plus ours getting together. As far as I know, they have not been together. They will have to fly.  We would drive.

My concern has been that if my husband gets it, he would be a higher risk of a bad case because of his health conditions. He has inactive Sarcoidosis of the lung (no symptoms), he is prediabetic, he has Fatty Liver Disease, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. He also has sleep apnea.

So I had him talk to his doctors. I hoped that they would speak to his risk level. The lung doctor said he didn't think he was high risk. His GP, who I had more hope for, said that 80% of the population will get it in the next two years, so we'll get it eventually. He said, "The more we are out there the sooner it will happen. Each of us has to make a decision on out risk tolerance and proceed accordingly.". He didn't speak to the specific risks for my husband.  It seems like he was unwilling to say either way, and his statement kind of makes him sound pro-herd immunity. 

Now that I know that the doctors are not going to discourage the trip, I am only left with my personal concerns, which largely revolve around what will happen if he gets sick (or worse; that both of us get sick) while we are away.  We will be 20 hours away from home. Coming back home with one of us driving while the other is sick would mean exposure for my kids in the car.   Staying in FL means expense, the need to find a place to stay, and being away from our support system.  

I realize that it is a worst case scenario that I am imagining.  We might not get sick at all. We might be just fine and have a great vacation.  

I tend to be a planner and a glass half full person. 

I don't want this to turn into a big fight, but I think my risk tolerance and my husband's are very different. He is not worried at all about catching this.  

Hive, WWYD in these circumstances? Would you arrange for a contingency plan with the relatives who will be in FL if something happened (like would you ask if someone would be willing to drive us home if we both got sick)?  I tend to overthink things, and this is no exception.

Of course, prayers appreciated. 

Thanks in advance Hive.

 

Nope. And what relative would be willing to be trapped in a car for hours on end with two positive, symptomatic, contagious people breathing in recycled air? I mean, that's just not a fair thing to even ask. 

And really, if even one of you gets sick, you can't come home. You have to quarantine until 2 weeks after the last person gets sick. That's to prevent you stopping at bathrooms, etc along the way, infecting others. And that rental place is unlikely to let you stay there, so that means looking for a hotel or other rental, one where you can cook, but how are you going to do that when you are both ill, etc etc?

52 minutes ago, cintinative said:

@Ktgrok you live in FL. Care to chime in?

Yeah, no way on God's green earth would I do this - not with two other families who I have no idea what kind of risks/exposure they have, in close quarters (most likely way to catch it), after they were on a plane and likely taking the masks off while on it, and in a busy airport, etc. 

Put it this way, we normally go to the beach for 4 days with my sister and my parents, and we all agreed to cancel that. And for us we only had a 3 hour drive. 

49 minutes ago, square_25 said:

I probably wouldn't go right now :-/. Not unless everyone else has been super careful. 

Is there any way people could get tested before you meet up? I know that's probably asking for too much, but I've been thinking about what would make me comfortable myself, and testing would be one of the things. 

Yeah, i mean, that sort of helps, except the rapid test isn't very accurate, none of the tests are very accurate actually (at least 20-40 percent false negatives) plus they take days to get the results, plus that does nothing for the exposure in airports, rest stops, planes, and restaurants they will have after the leave home (so after testing). 

16 minutes ago, cintinative said:

 

I assume shared eating and socializing. We will cook all our own food due to the Celiac but others will be there.  They will be going to beaches and restaurants. Typically the rest of them eat out at least two meals a day.  We will not go out to eat (because of the Celiac).  They will mask for flights but that doesn't mean they won't unmask for drinks, and that others on the flight won't unmask. No guarantees on the flights at all. 

Yeah, no. They will be going out, getting potentially exposed, and bringing it back to a closed house situation - again, THE most likely way for it to spread. 

Also, my research showed that 1/3 of celiac patients have lowered immune response due to hyposplenosis, but we dont' test for that so no way to know if your kid is one of them. And a lot of kids with celiac have low vitamin D. 

6 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

According to my FB feed half my friends are on vacation this week.  One coworker is in the outer banks and two of the RNs I’m friends with are at Myrtle Beach.  Among several others.  I honestly am planning a trip to Florida to see my sister, but we’d be flying and staying at her house.  My friends who have flown have reported the airplanes are cleaner and emptier than ever.  My sister is going to the beach daily, but also she and her family have tested positive for antibodies.  
If your husband is the one who is at risk and his doctors okay it and he’s comfortable with the risk, I personally wouldn’t worry about it . But also, my risk tolerance with this is very high and I believe Covid-19 is here to stay and it will be a while for a vaccine. 
There are no guarantees for anything and everyone is going to have different risk comfort levels.  I’d leave the decision up to your husband and his doctors, but I *personally* would be comfortable with the situation of staying in my own condo and not eating out.

Weren't you very very ill with likely Covid19 yourself? I'm trying to imagine someone that ill, but no where near home, trying to get home, or quarantined most likely, while trying to care for family members who have special dietary needs, in a place that is not home, potentially a hotel. I'm sure the airports are cleaner, but it isn't the surfaces that would concern me, it is the breathing in an enclosed space. 

3 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

I agree.  I would even be comfortable eating outdoors at restaurants.  My mother is down there and says that the restaurants she has been in have been very good with spacing out people. 

The neighbors told me just the other day that the restaurants are no where near following the social distancing requirements around here - they were going to eat out the ohter night but turned around and went home because of it. And mind you, these are the neighbors that are out socializing in a group every night with no mask, so they are NOT overly cautious. Also, it's HOT so eating outside isn't that pleasant. (heat index of 100 this weekend to give you an idea, very humid and gross) and most places don't have that much patio seating. 

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9 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

What will the accommodations be like?  Is it one big rental with all four families?  Or will each family have their own rental unit?  My answer would probably depend on how much tight, indoor space you would be sharing and how much would be outdoors.

One big rental, shared common spaces. Possibly shared bathroom.

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2 hours ago, cintinative said:

We will be 20 hours away from home. Coming back home with one of us driving while the other is sick would mean exposure for my kids in the car.    

You're driving 20 hours there and 20 hours back? Have you considered the bathroom situation, lol? In my recent experience, lots of normally public bathrooms are still closed. It's something to investigate, along with the availability of quick stops for food in certain areas. 

I don't know if anyone could actually stop you, but I think that driving 20 hours with a Covid-positive passenger is a reckless plan for sure. It can worsen very quickly, and certainly it's a risk to others for people in the car to make multiple stops for gas, food, and bathrooms. The sick person can hardly not use the bathroom for 20 hours, so you can't just plan on them staying in the car. 

5 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

 I *personally* would be comfortable with the situation of staying in my own condo and not eating out.

If I understand the OP correctly, it is a shared condo situation with at least three other families from varying parts of the country. 

Because of the shared condo and being so very far from home, I doubt that I would be comfortable going. OP, when is it planned for? The good thing is that you aren't committing to plane tickets. I think it's quite unfair of him to put you in the situation of being the bad guy with the kids - reasonable people can differ on this, but we always gave veto power to the parent who had the greater genuine concern or worry about something, and we always presented a united front. Honestly, if my dh threatened to take them without me, I'd probably say, "A guys' trip for you and our two wiggly boys, awesome! Have fun doing that 20-hour drive by yourself! I'll be at home, relaxing and enjoying the quiet." 

We started phase one of reopening about a week go, and we've barely done anything. I'll confess to a few not-strictly-necessary trips to the Dollar Tree a mile away, but it would be tough to go from that to driving 20 hours for a multi-family beach vacation. My view may be skewed, as I'd probably jump off of a bridge before I drove 20 hours one way to share a condo with dh's parents and sibs. I mean, I love them, but not that much 😂

 

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27 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Would your kids be willing to stay home with you if your dh went alone?  Would they be resentful?  Would your dh be resentful? 

 

I thought I answered this but I don't see it so I must not have.

My husband was pretty upset with me over the idea of my not wanting to go. That was before the vacation rental ban was lifted. He threatened to take the kids without me. If I say no, I would say, yes, he would be resentful. He would probably also be resentful of my attempting to keep the kids home.

I am not sure what the kids will do. I would be really sad to be put in a position of making them choose. I have not talked with them about it.

As a family we have been really careful. We have not been out with other people at all. I just saw my dad for the first time last week and that was just because he needed a ride to get his car from the shop. My mom is very vulnerable health-wise. I am not willing to risk getting her sick, so we have been pretty locked down.

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3 minutes ago, cintinative said:

 

I thought I answered this but I don't see it so I must not have.

My husband was pretty upset with me over the idea of my not wanting to go. That was before the vacation rental ban was lifted. He threatened to take the kids without me. If I say no, I would say, yes, he would be resentful. He would probably also be resentful of my attempting to keep the kids home.

I am not sure what the kids will do. I would be really sad to be put in a position of making them choose. I have not talked with them about it.

As a family we have been really careful. We have not been out with other people at all. I just saw my dad for the first time last week and that was just because he needed a ride to get his car from the shop. My mom is very vulnerable health-wise. I am not willing to risk getting her sick, so we have been pretty locked down.

Does he maybe just need some time to process being upset? I can be like that. then later realize you are right?

Because this is a terrible idea. 

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9 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

 Also, it's HOT so eating outside isn't that pleasant. (heat index of 100 this weekend to give you an idea, very humid and gross) and most places don't have that much patio seating. 

Right. I think the OP's family would be cooking at the condo regardless, but the people who usually eat out twice a day might get cranky as heck about the situation. Which will add to the fun. 

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4 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Does he maybe just need some time to process being upset? I can be like that. then later realize you are right?

Because this is a terrible idea. 

 

He has only been emboldened by the doctor's response. Also his sister has a master's in public health and has declared this no big deal. That's enough for him. He and I think very differently on this. He does not think he will get it, or me, or the kids, or if he thinks he will, he thinks it will be very mild.  He generally thinks the whole thing is overblown. I can't control that aspect. I have really tried to talk about the science. He's not hearing it.

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1 minute ago, cintinative said:

 

He has only been emboldened by the doctor's response. Also his sister has a master's in public health and has declared this no big deal. That's enough for him. He and I think very differently on this. He does not think he will get it, or me, or the kids, or if he thinks he will, he thinks it will be very mild.  He generally thinks the whole thing is overblown. I can't control that aspect. I have really tried to talk about the science. He's not hearing it.

Can you approach it from a money angle - how much it would cost to stay there in quarantine if anyone in the extended family shows symptoms or gets it? Because even if YOU don't get it, if any of them do, you all have to stay and isolate for 2 weeks. Ask how he would handle that. Accept his premise that whomever gets it might have a very mild case, and be fine, but then address the financial impact, because no matter HOW mild it is, y'all still have to stay put for 2 weeks. 

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Well, I wouldn't make a decision for another adult.  Ie.  My husband and I each make our own decisions on things like this.  So in my situation, I would stay home and dh would go (if he were inclined).  Because I can't imagine going under duress and spending that time worrying about every interaction while there.  I still would worry about my family while I was at home but I know that my kids would be guaranteed one healthy parent if an emergency happened. 

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1 minute ago, Ktgrok said:

Can you approach it from a money angle - how much it would cost to stay there in quarantine if anyone in the extended family shows symptoms or gets it? Because even if YOU don't get it, if any of them do, you all have to stay and isolate for 2 weeks. Ask how he would handle that. Accept his premise that whomever gets it might have a very mild case, and be fine, but then address the financial impact, because no matter HOW mild it is, y'all still have to stay put for 2 weeks. 


He mentioned driving to my brother's in that case, but they only have one guest room, and I don't think that's fair to them at all.  They would bend over backwards for us, but I would not feel right. I need to bring this up again.

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1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Well, I wouldn't make a decision for another adult.  Ie.  My husband and I each make our own decisions on things like this.  So in my situation, I would stay home and dh would go (if he were inclined).  Because I can't imagine going under duress and spending that time worrying about every interaction while there.  I still would worry about my family while I was at home but I know that my kids would be guaranteed one healthy parent if an emergency happened. 

 

This is how I am leaning.  I will have to talk to him about it, but I don't think i will have peace about going.

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2 minutes ago, square_25 said:

 

That seems to be the evidence -- transmission largely happens in enclosed spaces. However, I'm not sure if that's as true if there are family groups constantly hanging out together, even outside, because that's a LOT of shared air. 

 

Last year when we stayed separately we were still there every day, so I am not sure if would make a huge difference.  We had to stay elsewhere last year due to bringing the dog.

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15 minutes ago, cintinative said:

One big rental, shared common spaces. Possibly shared bathroom.

Everyone being in the same rental would make it more difficult for me.  

Do you know what it is that your husband is wanting most from the trip?  Just some time away?  Time at the beach?  Seeing his family?  Since you would be driving 20 hours and everyone else flying, is there somewhere else the family could meet this year that would reduce the travel for at least some of the family, if the underlying desire is to be together as a family?

 

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22 minutes ago, cintinative said:

One big rental, shared common spaces. Possibly shared bathroom.

This would be a flat-out no to us even before COVID, simply because of the celiac/food allergy issue.  We are actually supposed to be in FL right now at my BIL's now-postponed wedding, and the idea was floated that three households (ours, FIL, and SIL) could split a large rental house together.  NOOOOOOOPE nope nopey McNopersons.  No kitchen sharing with gluten people.  We had rented our own house for the trip (darn, it only sleeps five...).

I should be sitting at my private pool side tiki bar right now, sigh.

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4 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

 

Do you know what it is that your husband is wanting most from the trip?  Just some time away?  Time at the beach?  Seeing his family?  Since you would be driving 20 hours and everyone else flying, is there somewhere else the family could meet this year that would reduce the travel for at least some of the family, if the underlying desire is to be together as a family?

 

Probably seeing them and the beach.  Super long story but this is the only way he will see them. They will not come see us.  His mom is the only one who comes out at all and that is about every two years or so. HIs brother was out maybe four years ago? The others--easily ten plus years. For the others, if we don't go to their state to see them, or meet them in FL, we do not see them.  To drive to see them is a longer drive than to FL, so we normally go to FL (also my brother's family lives in S.Florida).

 

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2 minutes ago, BarbecueMom said:

This would be a flat-out no to us even before COVID, simply because of the celiac/food allergy issue. 

I think the reason it has largely worked out before is that they don't really cook.  They eat out at least two meals a day, sometimes all three.  They do very little cooking.  

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50 minutes ago, cintinative said:

 

I thought I answered this but I don't see it so I must not have.

My husband was pretty upset with me over the idea of my not wanting to go. That was before the vacation rental ban was lifted. He threatened to take the kids without me. If I say no, I would say, yes, he would be resentful. He would probably also be resentful of my attempting to keep the kids home.

I am not sure what the kids will do. I would be really sad to be put in a position of making them choose. I have not talked with them about it.

As a family we have been really careful. We have not been out with other people at all. I just saw my dad for the first time last week and that was just because he needed a ride to get his car from the shop. My mom is very vulnerable health-wise. I am not willing to risk getting her sick, so we have been pretty locked down.

 

Nope.  I would not go.

 Husband can go on his own.  Quarantine 2 weeks when he returns.  

Not sure about kids.  I think I would probably try to keep young ones at home, let teens —especially if already drivers— decide for themselves (your kids age might be in signature or mentioned above but I cannot see signatures and did not see it above.).  

But everyone going would need to quarantine at return.

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23 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Well, I wouldn't make a decision for another adult.  Ie.  My husband and I each make our own decisions on things like this.  So in my situation, I would stay home and dh would go (if he were inclined).  Because I can't imagine going under duress and spending that time worrying about every interaction while there.  I still would worry about my family while I was at home but I know that my kids would be guaranteed one healthy parent if an emergency happened. 

I agree with this. I would also handle the situation in this way if this were happening to my family.

1 hour ago, cintinative said:

 

 Dh threatened to take them without me about a week ago. 

Let your kids decide if they want to go on the vacation or not. If you stayed home alone, I think that one of you will be safe and available for the kids if your husband gets infected.

Another issue that you have to bring up is the lack of public restrooms along the highways. I think that most in my area are still closed. Please rethink the idea that you could quarantine at your brother's house if you got exposed to the virus or ask your brother to drive over if you needed CV19 related help - this is a pandemic and the death rate is above 300K and there is no medication proven to cure it - in my opinion, it is not acceptable to expose a relative and their spouse and kids to this virus because of my need to go to the beach in Florida. 

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29 minutes ago, cintinative said:

Probably seeing them and the beach.  Super long story but this is the only way he will see them. They will not come see us.  His mom is the only one who comes out at all and that is about every two years or so. HIs brother was out maybe four years ago? The others--easily ten plus years. For the others, if we don't go to their state to see them, or meet them in FL, we do not see them.  To drive to see them is a longer drive than to FL, so we normally go to FL (also my brother's family lives in S.Florida).

 

 

If it has been ten plus years, why does it need to be this year of all years?

 

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1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

The neighbors told me just the other day that the restaurants are no where near following the social distancing requirements around here - they were going to eat out the ohter night but turned around and went home because of it. And mind you, these are the neighbors that are out socializing in a group every night with no mask, so they are NOT overly cautious. Also, it's HOT so eating outside isn't that pleasant. (heat index of 100 this weekend to give you an idea, very humid and gross) and most places don't have that much patio seating. 

My mother is just a bit north of you.  Where she is, the restaurants have been very good, even inside.  Yesterday, she reported they had a whole section to themselves. But they do eat at 4.  

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39 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

If it has been ten plus years, why does it need to be this year of all years?

 

 

I think I confused you. What I meant was, they haven't been to see us (where we live) in 10 years.  They have seen us more recently than that, because we drive to see them.

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1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

Can you approach it from a money angle - how much it would cost to stay there in quarantine if anyone in the extended family shows symptoms or gets it? Because even if YOU don't get it, if any of them do, you all have to stay and isolate for 2 weeks. Ask how he would handle that. Accept his premise that whomever gets it might have a very mild case, and be fine, but then address the financial impact, because no matter HOW mild it is, y'all still have to stay put for 2 weeks. 

Now it doesn't mean 14 days from the first person showing symptoms, if I understand correctly, but 14 days from the last.

So if person A gets sick, and then three days later (day 4) B does, and two days later (day 6) person C does, your 14 days start with person C, which is 20 days.

Of getting GF groceries delivered (hopefully from a grocery chain you're familiar with?), nobody getting to use the beach, of paying for accommodation, of not going back to paid work unless it can be done from the condo...

That's not a fun prospect.

Edited by whitehawk
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In the past day or two I have received emails about Universal Orlando and/or Disneyworld opening up early in June. The emails I get from the eBay Seller we rented the Timeshare from come frequently, and I had been thinking about who would go there when the parks are closed. Now, if they are going to open, I can see that.  Probably not good to be where the windows are closed and the a/c is turned on and there is no fresh air. We are in Colombia where there are no airline flights and things are pretty much locked down, so reading what I do seems to be careless. But, perhaps, the number of people who are dying is not much more than from the normal flu? Seems like Covid-19 is much worse than the normal flu. I'm over 70 so in the group that is under lengthy quarantine. Two of my cousins in Southern California are being VERY careful about what they do.  They are wise IMO.

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1 hour ago, cintinative said:

 

He has only been emboldened by the doctor's response. Also his sister has a master's in public health and has declared this no big deal. That's enough for him. He and I think very differently on this. He does not think he will get it, or me, or the kids, or if he thinks he will, he thinks it will be very mild.  He generally thinks the whole thing is overblown. I can't control that aspect. I have really tried to talk about the science. He's not hearing it.

Marriages are challenging in the best of times.  Now, it's really challenging.  Could you get a mediator?  Some times it's helpful when needing to suss out a multifaceted issue, really get to the core issues, and find an agreeable compromise  

 

I am in the camp of "the science is not yet settled."  To say one person (you) is 100% right and the other (him) is 100% wrong (or vice versa) is not, in my opinion, productive, especially when we know so little and are speculating about nearly everything related to this virus and the "right" things to do are constantly changing depending on which expert you ask at which time of the day. If his doctor and his sister, who have backgrounds in this, say he would be ok going, maybe you could talk to both of them and share all of the research you have with them in the hope that they will change their minds, thus changing your dh's mind?  Or maybe they could put your mind at ease with different research?  Or maybe he can go to a different MD and get a second opinion?  
 

I think if you agree to go, a contingency plan is important and that you are both the same page.  A "battle plan" for being in the house might also come in handy, like maybe your immediate family could wear N95 masks while inside or stay in your rooms while inside with a really good air purifier and only socialize with extended family outside?  Also, maybe keep an eye on the numbers to see if they spike without also a spike in testing: https://mymanatee.org/departments/public_safety/coronavirus_information.  It sounds like your husband is very excited to go, but maybe that could change if his probability of getting it increases exponentially?  It is broken down by zip code.  

Best wishes on an agreeable outcome. 

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1 hour ago, cintinative said:

He has only been emboldened by the doctor's response. Also his sister has a master's in public health and has declared this no big deal. That's enough for him. He and I think very differently on this. He does not think he will get it, or me, or the kids, or if he thinks he will, he thinks it will be very mild.  He generally thinks the whole thing is overblown. I can't control that aspect. I have really tried to talk about the science. He's not hearing it.

Maybe leave the science out of it and talk more about your feelings? Reasonable people can disagree on what's okay to do right now, but kind people will take their loved ones' feelings into account. Have you tried telling him that you would be too anxious to enjoy yourself, regardless of the chances of y'all getting it? Whether you are right or wrong about covid, does he truly want you to endure a miserable vacation? 

 

1 hour ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

Is renting your own place a possibility?

There's usually not a ton of single-family rentals, but even then it sounds like they're together most of the time, so my own place wouldn't relieve me very much. 

1 hour ago, cintinative said:


He mentioned driving to my brother's in that case, but they only have one guest room, and I don't think that's fair to them at all.  They would bend over backwards for us, but I would not feel right. I need to bring this up again.

Is your brother aware of this, lol? That's a really unfair expectation for sure. Maybe your brother could make it clear ahead of time that he doesn't intend to jeopardize his own wife and family so that your dh can have a vacation, sheesh. I mean, I just said no to an out-of-state visitor who doesn't have covid (who offers to buy their young adult offspring a ticket across the country to one of the hottest hotspots, who does that??)

 

57 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

I keep thinking about this thread and, CV aside, I think it’s probably not a bad idea for dads to take at least one vacation with kids, without their spouse. Because I think most dads/husbands have no idea just how much work a vacation actually is for a mom of young (and even not so young) children. I always came home exhausted, then had to face the next week with a mountain of dirty laundry and a week of kid attitude adjustments. 

Preach!! 

51 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

My mother is just a bit north of you.  Where she is, the restaurants have been very good, even inside.  Yesterday, she reported they had a whole section to themselves. But they do eat at 4.  

Memories of living in Florida and all the seniors lining up for the early bird specials! 😂 

 

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As far as the bathroom situation, where I live, the big chain stores, like Walmart/Target/big grocery stores, have the bathrooms open. The small businesses, like Mom and Pop's restaurants, don't have theirs open. Not sure about the gas stations because I avoid them after encountering many nasty ones. 

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Imposing on your brother does not seem right. 

If your husband has a brother in that area who is part of the whole get together gig and would volunteer his house if there’s an emergency that could be okay.

 Or the public health sister.

 

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8 minutes ago, Pen said:

Imposing on your brother does not seem right. 

If your husband has a brother in that area who is part of the whole get together gig and would volunteer his house if there’s an emergency that could be okay.

 Or the public health sister.

 

 

I'm sorry that I was unclear. No, I am not willing to impose on my brother. My husband suggested it, but I would not do that.  

His family all is from out west (the same city). No one owns property in FL. There is no one else who we could stay with in that area. We would be forced to stay in a hotel or a house. I don't believe any of them could stay on to take care of sick people either. 

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15 minutes ago, hopeallgoeswell said:

As far as the bathroom situation, where I live, the big chain stores, like Walmart/Target/big grocery stores, have the bathrooms open. The small businesses, like Mom and Pop's restaurants, don't have theirs open. Not sure about the gas stations because I avoid them after encountering many nasty ones. 

That's the case around here as well, although even bigger restaurants mostly have them closed when doing only pickup and delivery. You can probably really on bigger stores to have an open bathroom, but, in my travel experience, you often have to drive further off the interstate to get to them, which can really increase the time on a 20-hour drive. And, of course, there are plenty of areas that don't have Walmart, Target, or big grocery stores! We often have to drive through what we call a dead zone, as in, "Do we need gas, food, or the bathroom before we hit the dead zone?" because we are not getting any of those things while in the dead zone, lol. 

 

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3 hours ago, cintinative said:


He mentioned driving to my brother's in that case, but they only have one guest room, and I don't think that's fair to them at all.  They would bend over backwards for us, but I would not feel right. I need to bring this up again.

So one - isolation/quarantine doesn't mean driving an hour to yet another family's house and exposing them! 2. Have you spelled it out for him, that he's asking you to ask your brother if a family of people who are contagious with the worst virus in decades could come crash at their house for an indefinite amount of time? That he's asking your brother to risk his own health, life, finances (if out of work sick), etc so that your family can go to the beach?

3 hours ago, Bootsie said:

Everyone being in the same rental would make it more difficult for me.  

Do you know what it is that your husband is wanting most from the trip?  Just some time away?  Time at the beach?  Seeing his family?  Since you would be driving 20 hours and everyone else flying, is there somewhere else the family could meet this year that would reduce the travel for at least some of the family, if the underlying desire is to be together as a family?

Is there a place you all could go, and rent a house, for a vacation that is close and not with family? A staycation? Just as a compromise? Maybe a cabin with a lake or something?

2 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

My mother is just a bit north of you.  Where she is, the restaurants have been very good, even inside.  Yesterday, she reported they had a whole section to themselves. But they do eat at 4.  

North of me is definitely less crowded in general and yes, at 4pm that would be different, lol. 

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1 hour ago, cintinative said:

 

I'm sorry that I was unclear. No, I am not willing to impose on my brother. My husband suggested it, but I would not do that.  

His family all is from out west (the same city). No one owns property in FL. There is no one else who we could stay with in that area. We would be forced to stay in a hotel or a house. I don't believe any of them could stay on to take care of sick people either. 

 

What would your brother do if your husband shows up on his doorstep, sick, with how ever many kids, possibly also sick?

Would he be able to say, “no. Go away.” ?

 

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Well I told him I wasn’t going but they are welcome to go. He was angry and says they can’t go without me. Also that I am being unreasonable and how many families do we know where both parents got sick, etc? Also that “I guess we are going to have hole up here for another year”, etc. In short he doesn’t think there is a risk and thinks I am being stupid. Sigh. He doesn’t understand there is a difference about taking risks close to home vs 20 hours away. And he rejects the idea that being with his family poses any risk. 
 

At this point I just need prayers. 

eta: someone asked our ages. He will be 49 in July. I am 47 in June. I have an autoimmune neuro condition. I forgot to mention he is also missing part of a kidney due to a tumor being removed four years ago. My kid’s ages are in the siggy 

 

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15 minutes ago, cintinative said:

Well I told him I wasn’t going but they are welcome to go. He was angry and says they can’t go without me. Also that I am being unreasonable and how many families do we know where both parents got sick, etc? Also that “I guess we are going to have hole up here for another year”, etc. In short he doesn’t think there is a risk and thinks I am being stupid. Sigh. He doesn’t understand there is a difference about taking risks close to home vs 20 hours away. And he rejects the idea that being with his family poses any risk. 
 

At this point I just need prayers. 

eta: someone asked our ages. He will be 49 in July. I am 47 in June. I have an autoimmune neuro condition. I forgot to mention he is also missing part of a kidney due to a tumor being removed four years ago. My kid’s ages are in the siggy 

 

 

Can not see siggy. (Nor my own Which is probably years out of date!🤔)

Are you willing to give dc ages for people who cannot see siggy?

 

Autoimmune condition is a yet more reason for No .  But there was already reason enough. 

 

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/03/my-whole-household-has-covid-19/608902/

 

 

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