Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

DH's dad passed yesterday - horrible situation.

StaceyinLA

By StaceyinLA,
in The Chat Board

 Share

Recommended Posts

StaceyinLA

StaceyinLA

Posted
Posted

We lost my stepson last August, and 2 months later, dh's dad went in for neck surgery. He had complication after complication and they didn't think he was gonna make it, he coded once and we were all called to the hospital, and ultimately, he had a stroke and was paralyzed, had a trach, and got put on a ventilator. My dh nor his brother wanted this for him, but FIL's wife was insistent that he be on the vent for life support. After a month or so in the ICU, they moved him to a LTAC facility where he remained on a ventilator until early last week (nearly SEVEN months). He has had periods of awareness, but complete loss of function from the neck down. His wife finally signed to remove the vent, and also signed a DNR.

Friday they sent him home with hospice. Yesterday morning at 5:30 a.m. he passed away.

My husband found out from a friend of his dad's when he stopped by a gas station for gas yesterday afternoon. No one had called him nor his brother. As of now, they have STILL not had a call from their stepmother or stepsister to confirm this has happened (we did verify with the funeral home that they had his body late yesterday evening).

I am just sick for dh and his brother. Their stepmother has not only driven a wedge between them and their father over the last 10 or so years, she didn't even have the common decency to let them know their father died - not even a text message. At LEAST 6 other, unrelated people knew before his own sons.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing - I guess I just needed to vent. The depravity of some people is just difficult for me to fathom, and my dh has just been on an emotional roller coaster since August when he lost his son. 

If you have any prayers or good thoughts to spare, send them his way. They are expecting to have a lot to deal with in the coming months with the stepmom, even though FIL's will/directives are very clear. They just feel like she is gonna make it all a living hell.

  • Sad 50
Acadie

Acadie

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry, Stacey. Some people really are that awful.

Seasider's advice for the legal side sounds solid--go high (with legal documentation) when she goes low. 

And most of all, may your dh and family eventually find a way to God's peace, which passes all understanding, around the loss of his father. 

  • Like 2
Lori D.

Lori D.

Posted
Posted

(((hugs))) So very very sorry for your DH losing his dad, but esp. in the way it happened.

Totally not excusing DH's MIL, but critical illnesses do seem to make some people lose their minds about how to deal with it, and also in how they deal with other family members. I'm so sorry.

  • Like 1
gardenmom5

gardenmom5

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm sorry.   I hope your husband or his sibling/s have a current copy of his will.  (or it was file somewhere.)

  I do understand - my brother tried to cause trouble when my mother died,  dh was the executor.  (even got a threatening letter sent by a military legal aid idiot - an actual lawyer wouldn't take his case after they got a look at the will.  Our lawyer got a good laugh out of it.) He was objecting he didn't get a larger share than our sister or myself.

eta: just an fyi - I hope the step-mom doesn't resort to this, but something to consider and defend against up front.  My brother got access to DH's computer one time when he was in our house.  He deleted files pertaining to our mother's estate.   He's no longer welcome in my house - for any reason.  (Dh's background is auditing - his back-ups have back-ups.  My brother isn't nearly as savvy as he thinks he is.  He only deleted the main copy.)

 

Edited by gardenmom5
Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
Posted

That is horrible.  I am so sorry for your Dh and his brother.  
I am a step mother.....dhs oldest put him through about 7 years of torment before he grew up sufficiently to see how life really is.  Even during the worst of those years I would not have with held vital information from dss about Dh.  In fact I did text dss  several times when Dh had health crisis.  So yeah, I can’t imagine how cold and cruel  you would have to be to do what she did.  

Janeway

Janeway

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, StaceyinLA said:

 

My husband found out from a friend of his dad's when he stopped by a gas station for gas yesterday afternoon. No one had called him nor his brother. As of now, they have STILL not had a call from their stepmother or stepsister to confirm this has happened (we did verify with the funeral home that they had his body late yesterday evening).

I am just sick for dh and his brother. Their stepmother has not only driven a wedge between them and their father over the last 10 or so years, she didn't even have the common decency to let them know their father died - not even a text message. At LEAST 6 other, unrelated people knew before his own sons.

 

I am so sorry!!!! I found out my mom died via social media...a couple days after she died. No one had the decency to tell me. I am so sorry for your husband too. Seeing all that happened with my mom has made me step up and write out very specific directives and give copies to the people who are in charge of certain things.

J-rap

J-rap

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry ~  that's awful.  When I've found myself in situations that don't make any sense emotionally or logically and yet I know I still have to deal with it anyway, I try and focus off of any emotions and just act in "practical" mode.  

StaceyinLA

StaceyinLA

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you all. I believe dh already has main copies of most of the legal stuff - they had to make some changes a few months back to the business structure while dfil was still able. I looked over the documents and it looks like it's all fairly well spelled out. DH just thinks she's not going to want to accept or come to grips with it, though she will be well taken care of, and so will her daughter (their stepsister).

I think for dh there was a lot of relief that it was over for his father. He knew he did NOT want to live how he was. It'll just be a bumpy road going forward I'm sure until this is all finalized.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...