Loss in the time of Corona

[Carrie12345]

My grandmother passed away last night. 

It wasn’t a huge shock, and we can’t say right now whether the virus was a factor. She’s had a difficult time for years with dementia, loss of sight, heart issues, a broken hip, subsequent falls...  There have been many times when we thought the time was coming.  This time, I got a call yesterday evening that she wasn’t doing well, and she passed just a few hours later.

I’ve been prepared for this for a long time, but I wasn’t prepared for the reality of facing it in isolation. There was always supposed to be a big party with everyone who loved her, a ridiculous amount of food and drink, and tons of stories about her amazing life.  We will have that some day, I’m sure, but not when we need it the most.

I have many friends and family who are in the same boat, delaying celebrations of their loved ones. As sad and difficult as it is, I sure do hope we all make safe decisions about when to schedule those plans.

[Melissa in Australia]

sorry for your loss

funerals are hard atm. Here there can only be 10 people which  means that often even immediate family cannot all attend the funeral service

 

[Carrie12345]

27 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

sorry for your loss

funerals are hard atm. Here there can only be 10 people which  means that often even immediate family cannot all attend the funeral service

It wouldn’t be wise even if we were permitted right now. Her kids have been in 3 different states and most of them and their spouses are in high risk groups.  90yos know a lot of old people. 😉 

[J-rap]

I'm sorry.  These are really difficult times.  Hopefully you can still have that big party someday!

 

[Another Lynn]

I'm so sorry!

[Kassia]

I'm sorry for your loss.  

[PrincessMommy]

My daughter-in-law lost her grandmother and it was incredibly hard for her.  Her family is very close.  She didn't go to the big family Chinese New Year celebrations this year because of other circumstances.  In retrospect it might have been the right decision, although I don't know of anyone in her family who has gotten CV, including grandma.  But, I know it makes my daughter-in-law feel even worse that she didn't see her grandmother one last time to say goodbye.

The hardest people it has to be for is those whose family member died suddenly and/or tragically.  I feel so bad for those people who are suffering alone with loss.

[catz]

We lost my MIL suddenly in the last couple weeks.  We had a very small outdoor graveside service.  It is a hard time to lose someone.  I’m sorry.  😢

[school17777]

I’m so sorry for your family’s loss and that you can’t celebrate her life with a party at the moment.

[Ausmumof3]

I’m so sorry for your loss 

[cintinative]

A friend died last week suddenly. The family has decided to postpone the memorial service until when we can meet.  

This week we had a zoom meeting where we thanked God for her life. It was a mix of prayers and memories. Even though it was not the same as meeting in person, it truly was a healing thing.  I wonder if your family could consider something like this.  

[Valley Girl]

I'm so sorry for your loss (and everybody else's) and the added pain not being able to grieve with loved ones brings. I have family who recently lost both a grandparent and a new grandchild within the space of a week. With the current situation, there's little we can do to be of comfort or real help to them--to the extent that anyone can truly comfort such heartache.

There will be so many stories of all kinds of very real losses when this time has passed. I read the other Covid threads and wish people could give each other more grace and more benefit of the doubt. This is a time when we really need to be able to put our virtual arms around each other.

 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Valley Girl
Typos, typos

[stephanier.1765]

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine going through loss right now. I feel for you and your family and all the other families suffering through this. 💗

[Kfamily]

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

[vonfirmath]

My husband's grandmother died years ago -- in September.  They ended up burying her privately and scheduling a memorial for Christmas so everyone could be there. (a lot of teacher/students among those they wanted able to attend)  I figure that is what is happening now.  a big memorial scheduled for later.

[Innisfree]

I am so sorry. Missing the family gathering really would increase the sense of loss. I hope you can all gather together as soon as possible.

[Arcadia]

My husband’s grandma just passed on Thursday of old age. She was 100 years old and it was expected. If we fly back, we have to be in 14 days quarantine on arrival and they allow only 10 people at the wake anyway. My husband flew back a few times in the last two years so he is sad but his grandma’s passing is not a shock. She had dementia and sometimes could not recognize anyone.

[BusyMom5]

I'm sorry for your loss.

This is such a difficult situation for all families.  I am not in the exact situation,  but a similar one.  I'm sure there are families everywhere with sick grandparents- not Covid-19- who arent visiting or seeing them that one last time.  My grandparents have kids in 3 states, one working in a hospital.  They may not ever see them again.  Travel is impossible,  and a visit might bring the virus.  Its heartbreaking.   I feel like this week I entered a different stage of grief- acceptance- whatever you want to call it.  I've cried.  This isnt how it was supposed to be.  We've lost a lot of family members during our marriage, but as they declined we visited.  We said those goodbyes, we held hands, we hugged.   And when they passed our families came together and celebrated the lives they led, the family  legacy they left- pictures, memories, stories.  We have all lost that.  You are grieving both the loved one and the loss of tradition and family togetherness.   

 

Again, I am so sorry for your loss, and for the loss of tradition.