When will you feel comfortable getting together with close family members again?

[J-rap]

All of our children are on their own now, so don't live at home.  One was living with us part-time, but she's now working in coronavirus tents so she stays somewhere else.  We have one other child who lives in town, and we don't see her.  Well, we take turns going to the grocery store for each other, and we do drop-offs and chat for a few minutes 6 feet apart, but that's it.  We have three other children who live further out so we're not making any plans to see each other.  This is all fine for now, but I was just thinking, when will we all feel okay about seeing each other?  I don't mean even extended family, but our own children and parents?  We're a close family and used to spending a lot of time together, visiting each other often, helping each other, etc.

My dh has complex health issues, and all of our kids are very nervous about what will happen if/when he gets Covid-19.  He had a surgery last week, and will have yet another next week, and probably more in the summer.  😩  I can't imagine not seeing our kids for a year -- waiting for a vaccine!  Maybe once some of us start getting it and if we learn we're immune?  Or maybe we just take our chances as things slowly open up again.  

[Pawz4me]

We've seen DS24 three times since this started (he lives about two hours away). We maintain social distance. We also see MIL about once a week. Again, maintaining social distance. These decisions were made after a thorough consideration of risk factors, mental health benefits, level of known disease activity in our area, etc. We weighed all the factors we could think of and made what we consider to be the best decision for us. 

[J-rap]

4 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

We've seen DS24 three times since this started (he lives about two hours away). We maintain social distance. We also see MIL about once a week. Again, maintaining social distance. These decisions were made after a thorough consideration of risk factors, mental health benefits, level of known disease activity in our area, etc. We weighed all the factors we could think of and made what we consider to be the best decision for us. 

I think my dh and I aren't as worried about it (if done carefully) as our kids are.  They're all being very careful!  But, I guess I can see us going on a picnic together, for example, once the weather is finally warm enough, sitting apart from each other...  If areas are even open where we can picnic!

[Annie G]

I would likely be ok going to see my dad because we never hug or anything anyway. Staying 6 feet apart is our jam. Haven’t seen him in a couple of months. However, I don’t think I could see my grands without hugging them. We FaceTime and zoom and it’s great and all but we miss being close. So...not sure about that. I would actually like to see them right now since we’ve all been being very safe. I’ll feel less confident when they are able to go to church again. Our state is starting to open but Dh and I are going to continue to shelter in place a good while longer. 

[Ottakee]

Ummm....next week, if allowed.   I was just talking about this with my mom.  Once rules allow, we will likely do a picnic, etc.   Technically we could now as she is elderly and needs help so fits under allowable contact 

We would be careful and likely no hugging, kissing, etc but while cautious, I am not paranoid.

Disclaimer....my kids and I likely already had covid.  I had pneumonia (doctor commented it looked weird on x ray) in early February, negative flu, no strep, and fit all the symptoms.

 

[Carrie12345]

Seeing my family, including my son, involves serious travel. (Flying, or long drives through many states.) So, probably not for a very long time. 😢 

[prairiewindmomma]

Theoretically, I would see my parents now since they've been on lockdown for weeks, and so have we.  I would not see another relative because she has been out nearly every day--Wal-Mart, plant nursery, restaurants for pickup 3x day, local hospital for an appointment, etc.  She has no desire to stay home and at her old age, that may be a rational choice for her.

In reality, we will not be traveling back to see family this summer.  This is a huge hardship, and will be the start of year 3 of not seeing some family. (We couldn't go last year for financial reasons.)

[ktgrok]

Ugh, I don't know. I miss my parents. They miss us, but more than that they miss their grandchildren. But, my had has heart disease and diabetes. My mom has COPD and is missing a lobe of a lung. They are both high risk. And over 65. So...I can't possibly see exposing them. 

And my mom has medical visits, so is exposed there, and she won't risk exposing us due to that. So, I don't know. 

This whole situation is a lot of "don't know". 

(and there is NO way to get a just turned 3 yr old to have "social distance" from her beloved Grandma. Just no way.)

Edited April 21, 2020 by Ktgrok

[Kassia]

Our state just said today they want us to stick with our own "clan" for the foreseeable future when asked about kids playing with other kids this summer.  I haven't seen my adult sons this year (two are OOS), but would like to.  As of now, they've been pretty good with stay at home orders, but I know they are anxious to get back to the gyms when they open up.  If things start opening up and they are out in the community more in the future, I don't know how comfortable I would be getting together with them, but it would be hard to refuse if the opportunity came up.   I would not travel to see them, though, until the situation with the virus is much better.  

[TrulySusan]

We saw my parents yesterday. It was ds 18th birthday and they came for lunch and cake. We had a deck picnic with our household on the top deck and the two of them on a smaller lower deck, with their own table and disposable dinnerware. We probably were about 12 feet apart the whole time and they never came insde the house. We could see each other and talk while we ate.  It was so nice to see them and really brightened ds quarantine bday.  Biggest risk was probably the birthday card they gave him, but he washed his hands after opening.

[J-rap]

Yeah, it's not even that I'm paranoid...  but I want to be smart about it.  From what I understand, we'll all get it eventually?  It's more a matter of spacing it out, and quite possibly protecting the most vulnerable until a vaccine is out.  And of course, I want to protect my dh's health.  But it does seem like picnics where people are distanced from each other and outside would be okay.  But I guess indoor extended-family parties will be put off for awhile, for sure.

[Shoeless]

I have no idea.  My family all live 1200-1800 miles away.  We'd have to fly or make a heck of a drive with hotel stops, and then quarantine for 2 weeks once we got back home. 

I am actually less afraid of picking up the virus while traveling than I am about getting stuck far away from home because "something" changes and travel is further restricted.  Until the mandatory quarantine for re-entry to the state is lifted, I don't feel like it would be wise for us to attempt a visit. 

[JustEm]

Whenever they want to see us.  We regularly see 3 of my siblings and their families, so 18 people.  And by regularly I mean at least once a week sometimes twice.  We also see dh's 2 sisters, their families,h is mom, and grandmother once a week.  We miss everyone so much!!! We are 100% open to seeing any of them when they are comfortable. 

We actually saw dh's side of the family on Sunday.  We all drove over to one of his sister's houses and socially distanced while we sang her happy birthday and she showed off her newborn from afar. it was nice but sad.

[mommyoffive]

We don't live close to family 2 hour drive each way.  We are not that close.  Usually see them 2-3 times a year and that is fine. 

We have also not to our knowledge had Covid.  If we had or had antibodies if that is helpful it would change my idea.  We are also not at risk.  Our family is though.  

So with that.  I don't think they would want to see us because of the risk it is to them.  And that is fine with me.  I am not mad about it.  I don't think I would either if it was me.   I also don't think I will resume life until there is a treatment. 

[stephanier.1765]

For long distance family, my fingers are crossed for August. For my local adult children, I've already seen one but at social distance and I'm hoping to definitely see the other by May (his birthday) but I can almost guarantee it will be sooner. My parents, on the other hand, is a more delicate situation. They are in the risky age range and my mother doesn't have the best health any way. I think I'll give Mother's Day a try with a picnic in their yard so at least we can see each other and talk. 

[historically accurate]

I see my brother often. I deliver his groceries and sometimes some other stuff. He always comes down to the car from his apartment and we only talk through the car window (me in driver, him outside passenger side) at this point.

I don't know about DH's family. MIL is 80, and she is very lonely since FIL passed in October. But I don't feel comfortable in case one of us is brewing the virus. So really I guess I will leave it up to her. I just don't know. I like the idea of a Mother's Day picnic where she can sit a little ways off. That might work.

My mom lives in FL, so I see her rarely anyway. 

I don't figure I will see my aunt and uncle until vaccine as he had a lung transplant a few years ago. I can't bear to think about that. 

[Joker]

I still see my mom every week. We sit outside and more than 6 get apart while we chat for about an hour.

We drove to see ds last weekend and chatted outside. I told him he can come home for a few days whenever he wants. He plans to stay with us for a few weeks when the semester ends.

In the beginning, I was more strict about things but I miss my kid and missed seeing my mom. So, this is what I'm comfortable with now. None of us do anything other than the grocery store these days so I'm ok with it.

[Tenaj]

We ended up breaking our separation with my ds, his wife and three grandkids over the past weekend because they were moving and they needed help.  They live nearby but we hadn't seen them since the beginning of March.  My other independent ds is single and had been at our house multiple times a week though he doesn't live here.  I do his laundry and he eats any healthy meals he gets here plus I was doing his shopping.  These two son's work together (essential) so they were together all the time anyway.  When the move came up we knew we would help.

My DD and other grandson live about an hour away.  We haven't seen them at all and probably won't for a while.  Grandson was a premie before Christmas (23 weeks) so I worry more about him than anyone else.

[Meriwether]

Unless there is clear reason not to, we will see my parents in June or July.

[Syllieann]

I take my kids to my parents twice a week.  We are their only outside contact and they are the only outside contact for the kids.  DH is alternating a week of working from home with a week of working in the office.  He has a single group of co-workers and observe social distancing.  They don't have contact with the public, so we would be notified if anyone in his group tested positive.  My mom has diabetes, which makes her high risk, but she would rather take the risk than live without contact with us for the next year.  Let's face it, it will probably go on that long.  Meanwhile, my 96 year old grandmother will probably spend the last year of her life in isolation with no family.  My 85 year old grandfather might outlive this, but I assure you he would prefer to live happier and die sooner.  As soon as we are allowed to see them we we will, but with precautions.

[alisoncooks]

My parents are making plans to see us at the end of May. Idk if it'll happen...but they're planning. 

[DesertBlossom]

It's complicated. 

We have ceased our monthly large family gatherings since this started, but I have been going to my sister's house once a month to help fill my Dad's weekly pill boxes. He was diagnosed with dementia a few months ago and he is going pretty steadily downhill. Last week I took my teenage daughter with me to visit and my dad couldn't remember her name. I want to protect him and I definitely wouldn't want to get him sick, but if I wait months until it's "safe" to bring my kids to see him, the dementia may have taken what's left of him already.

[Amira]

It’s not so much about comfort for us, but when it will even be possible.  My two oldest children and all of my extended family are on a different continent, and I honestly don’t foresee international travel being possible for us this summer.  When borders closed so quickly in March, I don’t want to get caught away from home if there’s a second wave. So I guess the answer is, when I’m comfortable that my current country will let me come back home if I leave.

[J-rap]

5 hours ago, Syllieann said:

I take my kids to my parents twice a week.  We are their only outside contact and they are the only outside contact for the kids.  DH is alternating a week of working from home with a week of working in the office.  He has a single group of co-workers and observe social distancing.  They don't have contact with the public, so we would be notified if anyone in his group tested positive.  My mom has diabetes, which makes her high risk, but she would rather take the risk than live without contact with us for the next year.  Let's face it, it will probably go on that long.  Meanwhile, my 96 year old grandmother will probably spend the last year of her life in isolation with no family.  My 85 year old grandfather might outlive this, but I assure you he would prefer to live happier and die sooner.  As soon as we are allowed to see them we we will, but with precautions.

I should add that I do see my dad (92).  He moved into an independent living apartment right before this happened so that he could be near my mother (severe dementia in a 24-hour-care unit right near him), but now he's unable to see her.  My sister and I take turns visiting him, not at the same time.  My sister brings him meals (she lives under a mile away from him) and I help him with any of his practical needs:  bills, technical, etc., but mostly we just chat and have coffee together across the room from each other.  He would way rather live happier and spend time with his family and die sooner.  But, he's another reason why we're not gathering with our kids right now ~ to minimize exposure to him via me.

The funny thing is, the two people we're most trying to protect (my dh and dad) aren't worried about getting CV at all!

[J-rap]

2 hours ago, Amira said:

It’s not so much about comfort for us, but when it will even be possible.  My two oldest children and all of my extended family are on a different continent, and I honestly don’t foresee international travel being possible for us this summer.  When borders closed so quickly in March, I don’t want to get caught away from home if there’s a second wave. So I guess the answer is, when I’m comfortable that my current country will let me come back home if I leave.

That must be really tough, especially since there's no definite time frame.  Our dd lives in another country and got tickets a long time ago to visit here later in the summer with her beau, but even if they were able to come here, they might not be able to return.  The country they're in is in a very strict lockdown.

[BlsdMama]

15 hours ago, J-rap said:

All of our children are on their own now, so don't live at home.  One was living with us part-time, but she's now working in coronavirus tents so she stays somewhere else.  We have one other child who lives in town, and we don't see her.  Well, we take turns going to the grocery store for each other, and we do drop-offs and chat for a few minutes 6 feet apart, but that's it.  We have three other children who live further out so we're not making any plans to see each other.  This is all fine for now, but I was just thinking, when will we all feel okay about seeing each other?  I don't mean even extended family, but our own children and parents?  We're a close family and used to spending a lot of time together, visiting each other often, helping each other, etc.

My dh has complex health issues, and all of our kids are very nervous about what will happen if/when he gets Covid-19.  He had a surgery last week, and will have yet another next week, and probably more in the summer.  😩  I can't imagine not seeing our kids for a year -- waiting for a vaccine!  Maybe once some of us start getting it and if we learn we're immune?  Or maybe we just take our chances as things slowly open up again.  

We’ve been asking the same thing. We have decided when DH returns to work we will be exposed anyway. We have not seen our oldest daughter and her family or our oldest son since March 16. We haven’t peaked here with nearly 500 new cases yesterday. But we expect two more weeks. He really can’t do his work from home forever. 
 

We always accepted I would eventually be exposed. Our goal was just to not get it at the peak point so I’d have the best chance for care.

 

[Ausmumof3]

I have seen my parents and family similar to you from a distance, dropping groceries etc.  dh did work in the hospital when it was kicking off here so I didn’t want to go near them for a bit.  We won’t do dinner or anything unless there’s been a month or so of zero cases at this stage.  The situation may change and that might become completely unlikely and the I’ll rethink it.  But while there’s a good chance of almost eliminating local cases we may as well go hard.  
 

im nervous about schools starting up next week though.

[ktgrok]

This thread made me really acknowledge what I've been avoiding thinking about - missing out on my family. Sigh. 

But as I said, no way to get a barely 3 yr old to social distance. She would insist on a hug from Grandma, or forget and run up to the cousins, etc. And my parents are just so high risk. And even though DH works from home, and we only go to the store, while masked, and have had zero other contact, i'm fully aware that we could stil have picked it up. Last time I was at Walmart I quickly detoured down the craft/sewing aisle to see if they restocked the thread (for mask making). There was an older woman there looking at craft supplies hacking up a lung. I tried to move past as quickly as I could but the aisles are such that we were not 6 ft apart for that few seconds, and she was not masked, although used a hankerchief to cough into. Ugh. 

And we still have close to 1K new cases a day in my state, and thats just the known cases. And my county is a hotspot. (oh! So far looks like yesterday we were down to under 700 new cases! That's good!)

[SKL]

With healthy people, any time.

With most of my family members - parents, siblings with health issues - I believe I'll have to be careful until I'm sure my immediate family / household has all had this bug and gotten over it.  And then it depends on other info like can many people get it again.

At some point we need to be creative about how to visit our folks with stuff going around.  Some fun mask designs and keeping distance while still having animated conversations ....  Old folks on the porch while kids play in the yard ....

[TravelingChris]

17 hours ago, J-rap said:

I think my dh and I aren't as worried about it (if done carefully) as our kids are.  They're all being very careful!  But, I guess I can see us going on a picnic together, for example, once the weather is finally warm enough, sitting apart from each other...  If areas are even open where we can picnic!

This is  my situation.  Dh and the kids are worried about me.  I am worried about some of them.  DD2 has had very limited contact with anyone since March 9th (except once her sister, once her boyfriend who lives 90 miles away so they normally saw each other once or twice a week in person), and her work IT repair guy who probably gave her either COVID 19 a few weeks ago or another very bad no flu virus- like one of the very strong adenoviruses.  

Anyway, I have already invited dd2 and her boyfriend to come to dinner at our house in the future== we are still in shutdown until April 30th at a minimim.  But I am in the process of making proper virus compliant masks and I currently have an N95 mask and I am more willing to meet with them then any of them are willing to meet with me.

It is and will be hard.  Ds has a birthday next month, dd has a name day  the day after, and my name day and Mother's day is coming up too.  I had a super, super lousy Mother's Day last year and I am hoping for a better one this year.

We don;t have other relatives we see regularly or at all.   Now after reading other posts, I have to say I will not be seeing dd1 and her husband in person in my house or there's and outside from 13ft away for at least two weeks after I drop off their masks for them. I have no idea why she hasn't made any masks or my other dd or ds either.  All three kids have masks and are at home.  I have materials I can drop off too.  All three kids raided my sewing supplies so I do not have any fabric pens or pencils, no marking paper, no pin holder (I used to have a few),  dd2 has insisted that an iron that is mine (I got it from mistakenly losing our household one by taking it to a charity sewing project day and forgetting to put it back in the laundry room), etc, etc.  DD1 has been going to Walmart and Lowe's unmasked.  Dsil goes to work unmasked (I think) and also to Lowes.   Again, it will be a long time until they are allowed here unless they have been following masking recommendations for several weeks. 

Edited April 22, 2020 by TravelingChris

[sassenach]

We won’t be distancing from family. We’ll be careful, and we are careful, but I’m not living like that. We’ll probably still take our summer trip to my mom’s. Dd can come visit whenever she’s able to get away from work. We live 7 hours away from them so it’s not a question of daily behavior but of twice a year visits. 

Edited April 22, 2020 by sassenach

[VaKim]

We have never stopped. I see my mom several times a week. We go walking on the trails together, sometimes with her older sister (they are 74 and 75). We had to help my in-laws move last month and part of this month. We live in a rural area and things are pretty much the same around here as always, except for some of the things that are closed.

[Wheres Toto]

We've seen my mother and oldest daughter, who live together, and dh has gone down to see his mother.   

Dh is shopping for my mother so already sees her once a week or so.  He's working from home and shopping is basically the only time he's out of the house and he's careful about masks and washing.   I don't go anywhere except the science center, where I"m the only person who has been there in over a month.  We went over to my mom's for Easter.   Dd and my mom are supposed to come here this weekend for dd's birthday.  

Dh went down to visit his mom a couple hours a way for a few days a couple weeks ago.  He did a bunch of shopping and fixed things around the house.   There isn't really anyone else to check on her who isn't out and about a lot more than he is (or he doesn't feel like they will be careful enough).   She lives alone and has only gone out to drive-throughs like the bank and pharmacy.  

[LucyStoner]

My younger brother and his kids are "in our bubble" + none of us are going anywhere besides local walks and my husband going shopping 1x a week or less for both us and my brother's family.  We are operating like one household under two roofs.  We made this decision because he's disabled and needs help/support as a low income single parent.  

My dad isn't taking this very seriously and goes lots of places every week for no discernible reason.  I won't see him until all restrictions are lifted. 

We won't do any non-essential travel until the restriction on non-essential travel is eased.  

I'm not sure about my other local niece and nephew.  

[lmrich]

I see my parents for grocery store deliveries. 

I hope to do a social distancing dinner/lunch for my mom's birthday which is on Mother's Day. We have a great patio where we can sit at a distance but still be together. I will deep clean the closest bathroom to the patio for them to use as well. 

My niece came by to borrow a sleeping bag; it was good to see her in the driveway. Not the same as hugging her - she is going through a lot right now. 

[madteaparty]

I am comfortable now but whatever family I have in the states does not share that comfort. It’s caused heartbreak.

my dear friend visited from NYC a couple weeks ago to drop off her boy. We hugged. It’s important to preserve that shred of humanity, she’s having such a time of this and I needed the hug too. Before I get jumped all over on this thread, yes even if I get sick it’s worth it.