Which college and dorm or commute?

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

We were hoping to have ds live in dorms to get a taste of independence from us whether he went to school nearby or farther away. He has been accepted to several schools and we are trying to decide between George Washington University, U of Maryland College Park, and U of Virginia for computer science. He may want to do double major with humanities in the mix.

He could commute to 2 of these schools and the 3rd one he could not. With the Covid 19 it has me concerned about living in dorms which I was really hoping for developing his independence.

Any thoughts on dorm or no dorm and which school?

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Wanted to add, sorry I have not posted for a while. DS went to a charter school after homeschooling which we were grateful for the Well Trained Mind Community:)

[MerryAtHope]

One thing I would say is that you don’t have to make a decision now for all four years. He could commute the first semester or the first year and live in the dorms after that.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Thanks for your thoughts. UVA and UMD do not guarantee housing for upperclassmen but UVA claimed no upperclassmen has been turned down for housing. UVA he would have to live there since 3 hours away.

 

Do you think dorm living is critical to adult skills?

[Lanny]

RE: UVA 

If Financial Aid is something you are looking for, UVA has a very large Endowment and is one of few Public Universities that can provide a lot of Financial Aid.  Also, I remember when studying their recommended and their required high school units, they were more demanding than any of the other schools DD was looking at. I never saw that for another school she was looking at.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

To clarify, my son is an only child and also has mild social skills issues and independence issues. I am hoping a study dorm environment may be helpful even though the dorm setting was not helpful for me at all. I figure dorm living may be a relatively safe opportunity to live away from us especially when most college grads end up coming back home to live with parents due to cost of living. I just want him to have the opportunity to live away from us in relative safety since he is likely to come back to us after college. But now this Covid 19 thing has thrown a wrench at us:(

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

UVA definitely seems more challenging but for us it is the most expensive since we make too much for aid and they offer no merit aid but there are merit scholarhsips for upperclassmen though. UVA is $ 10,000 more per year which makes me hesitate.

[ieta_cassiopeia]

Housing can be very helpful for independence skills, but it does not have to be dorms and it does not have to be straight away (unless, of course, your son is going to the 3-hours-away college and doesn't have an option for off-campus housing), Starting as a commuter and arranging to share a house with friends for second year is a perfectly valid choice. It might even be worth having your student call the university - potentially as late as halfway into the first semester - to see if starting in dorms in the second semester of freshman year would be an option under the circumstances (most universities have a certain amount of churn in students due to dropouts and transfers, and would probably prefer to be paid for the spring semester rather than not, given the room continues to exist either way).

[Bootsie]

When you say that dorms may be a "safe" way to gain independence, what are your concerns about something not being safe?  Being able to be independent as far as scheduling coming and going without having to worry about cooking?  Or, are you more concerned about physical safety?  

Personally, I am not overly concerned about communicable disease issues in dorms.  Although I would not want a college student to get COVID, I am more concerned about other health issues, such as meningitis, which can seem like a mild illness and turn deadly in a college-aged student very quickly.  

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

9 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

When you say that dorms may be a "safe" way to gain independence, what are your concerns about something not being safe?  Being able to be independent as far as scheduling coming and going without having to worry about cooking?  Or, are you more concerned about physical safety?  

Personally, I am not overly concerned about communicable disease issues in dorms.  Although I would not want a college student to get COVID, I am more concerned about other health issues, such as meningitis, which can seem like a mild illness and turn deadly in a college-aged student very quickly.  

Covid has me a little concerned since ds had mild reactive airway disease and had 2 pretty bad bronchitis/pneumonia episodes about 3 years ago. Then DH and I are both high risk for Covid 19 which has me more concerned and we live in small 2 bedroom apartment so isolation would be hard.

[Farrar]

Congrats to him and you for great options.

I wouldn't pick UVA over UMD or GW if it was that much more - not without a super compelling reason like a very specific program and plan he has or unless you just have a ton of money and it's his top choice by far. I know that UVA is a higher ranked school. Charlottesville is definitely a great place. But UMD and GW are both excellent and that's a big price jump.

As for the dorm life... I think a lot of parents are making really hard choices around this right now. I think it's very possible that the dorms won't even be an option at any of them in the fall, so definitely keep that in mind.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

20 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Congrats to him and you for great options.

I wouldn't pick UVA over UMD or GW if it was that much more - not without a super compelling reason like a very specific program and plan he has or unless you just have a ton of money and it's his top choice by far. I know that UVA is a higher ranked school. Charlottesville is definitely a great place. But UMD and GW are both excellent and that's a big price jump.

As for the dorm life... I think a lot of parents are making really hard choices around this right now. I think it's very possible that the dorms won't even be an option at any of them in the fall, so definitely keep that in mind.

Thanks, Farrar. I hope you and yours are all well:)

Yes the cost differential is a big thing and will likely rule out UVA. GWU and UMD will be about the same since GWU gave him a generous merit award. I wish we had seen UMD. It is tempting to do a closer drive by UMD to at least see campus up close and hopefully not break any stay at home orders to do so. We would literally just drive by and through campus as much as possible with masks on:) Have you heard comparisons of the UMD and GWU? Catholic U is also an option and about the same price as the other 2 but I am concerned not as strong in computer science.

[Farrar]

44 minutes ago, NoPlaceLikeHome said:

Thanks, Farrar. I hope you and yours are all well:)

Yes the cost differential is a big thing and will likely rule out UVA. GWU and UMD will be about the same since GWU gave him a generous merit award. I wish we had seen UMD. It is tempting to do a closer drive by UMD to at least see campus up close and hopefully not break any stay at home orders to do so. We would literally just drive by and through campus as much as possible with masks on:) Have you heard comparisons of the UMD and GWU? Catholic U is also an option and about the same price as the other 2 but I am concerned not as strong in computer science.

Do it. Just fill up the tank and go take a drive through. It's not as pretty a campus as UVA - that's for sure. Parts of it are not so hot. But the main, big lawn and the quads and all that are pretty. We've been many times over the years for Maryland Day so we've been in a lot of the buildings - some are older, but it's a giant campus with a ton of space. The performing arts center is great and very nice - the theater is great. Just go get a sense. I'm sure you've already done the virtual tours?

I don't know comparisons specific to CS, so I think you should probably focus on that. I wouldn't put CUA in the mix unless being at a Catholic school is important to him... it's got a very Catholic vibe (not a judgment, just a truth). The campus sure is pretty though.

[BookwormTo2]

Congrats to your son -- UVA, GWU and UMD are all great schools! We walked through parts of GWU last summer and my DD wanted to go there. It's really pretty, the location seems great for networking and internships, but the drive there (depending on where you live) and parking might not be fun.

[GoodGrief]

It seems like picking one of the commutable schools would give you the best of both worlds. He could try dorms, but ultimately live at home if it didn't work out.

I don't think that dorm life is essential to developing adult skills, though it can be a tool for learning to adapt, and also a way to connect with same-age peers. It is a nightmare for some young people though.

[G5052]

Mine went to the local community college and now commute. The main driver was finances, but that school was also the top pick for both. Both are in nationally-ranked programs that match their interests. Being commuters hasn't affected their involvement in anything that I know of. When face-to-face classes were going on, they'd generally get to campus early and spend most of the day there if they didn't have evening classes. They did a lot of their studying there, and relaxed when they came home or went to the gym, to work locally, out with friends, etc. in the evening.

It helps that they actually take a commuter bus most of the way. Some of the buses have wifi and bathrooms, so it works out well. 

Both have a variety of friends on and off campus, but love having their own quiet space at home. Neither has ever liked large group events, so I'm not surprised.

[MerryAtHope]

8 hours ago, NoPlaceLikeHome said:

Do you think dorm living is critical to adult skills?

 

No, dorms are an artificial environment. Not that a student can’t gain some positive skills there, just that dorms don’t replicate general adult daily living. Living away from home in some way does have positives when a student is ready. My kids start at the cc and then transfer. So they get an independent experience (dorm or apartment) at some point.