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Calizzy

Who takes care of your kids if you get Corona?

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I've been trying to come up with a plan, but there don't really seem to be any options. What would you do with your young kids if you and dh get corona and are unable to care for them? My kids are 11, 9, 6, and 4. I would assume that they would be contagious so no would could take them. I would need 11 yo to take care of everything😬 I think the older 2 would be ok, but taking care of the younger 2 would be a huge thing for them to do for a week or so. 

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Me.  Like always.  

I am in an age group where severe illness is unlikely and I have no other complicating issues.  

I spent most of January “laid up.”   I had a tooth pulled on12/31.  Then I had a bad reaction to the meds they gave me in 1/1, which landed me in the er.  Then I got sick with something, probably caught in the er. Then my female visitor showed up and was among the worst episodes (some months are better than others).  Then I developed dry socket where my tooth was pulled. And THEN...that whole thing developed an infection that required antibiotics   Yeah, January sucked.

And guess who still cooked food and made kids do school and reminded DH to take out trash.  All me all the time 😁

 

my DH took his temp 3 times last weekend.   Then insisted that the brand new thermometer was broken when it showed that no, he didn’t have a temp.  

It will always be me dealing with kids while sick.   Unless I am actually in the hospital.  Which is extremely unlikely.  

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For us, it would be my older kids, followed by somebody local from church if my older kids were also sick, then my parents or my in laws (both out of state) if no one around here could do it, then one of my brother or sister in laws (also out of state). Any of the above would be glad to take my kids even if it meant exposing themselves to greater risk if DH and I really were incapable of caring for them. I would do the same for any of them.

Do you not have any family or friends anywhere that would step up in an emergency?

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When I was in the hospital DH did it, with some church family help.  The same would hold true.  

If he was sick I’d do it, and if we were both sick we have friends and some family members who could help, though unfortunately those most desirous of helping in the family are also ones who would be most at risk of catching it from the kids.

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10 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Me.  Like always.  

I am in an age group where severe illness is unlikely and I have no other complicating issues.  

I spent most of January “laid up.”   I had a tooth pulled on12/31.  Then I had a bad reaction to the meds they gave me in 1/1, which landed me in the er.  Then I got sick with something, probably caught in the er. Then my female visitor showed up and was among the worst episodes (some months are better than others).  Then I developed dry socket where my tooth was pulled. And THEN...that whole thing developed an infection that required antibiotics   Yeah, January sucked.

And guess who still cooked food and made kids do school and reminded DH to take out trash.  All me all the time 😁

 

my DH took his temp 3 times last weekend.   Then insisted that the brand new thermometer was broken when it showed that no, he didn’t have a temp.  

It will always be me dealing with kids while sick.   Unless I am actually in the hospital.  Which is extremely unlikely.  

I assumed she meant if we were both in the hospital. But yeah ... If we're both still at home ... then it's all me 😛

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This has been a big question for us, because I have a kid who requires very specialized medical care.  Without someone who can provide that care, we couldn't keep our kid at home, and there's really no other option.   When this hit, we had 3 adults who could provide that care, Mom, Dad and DH's brother.   Together we decided that DH's brother would isolate from us, so that if things get really bad, we have someone who would hopefully be healthy and able to step in.  

DH also has a sister, and if we needed a place to send the other kids, they could go there, but she and her husband don't have the skills to care for DS10.  

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Mostly I pray that this isn't necessary. Our oldest is only 9. I just...don't know who would step in. Most of our friends also have families/kids, some of whom are high risk. So I wouldn't want them taking the risk, you know? I mean, if we are confirmed to have it/hospitalized, our kids are/have been exposed. As for family...we have none super close that isn't high-risk. I am sure both my mom and MIL would absolutely be willing to step in, but i hate the thought of them taking that risk at their ages. 

So I fall back on plan A...pray that this isn't necessary. (St. Roch, pray for us!)

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I thought that kids who are exposed need to be isolated for 14 days. If mom and dad are hospitalized, I am not sure who is even allowed to come in contact with isolated kid. Maybe the county will provide assistance? I ask because I know a family in this situation, only the “kid” is 19, kicked out of dorm, father on ventilator, mother with confirmed covid isolated at home and young man with nowhere to go because their county banned anyone from entering the house of an infected person. He is now living in a hotel and mother is almost out of the 14 days of isolation.

i live in a badly affected area and hope everyday that this does not happen to any family here.

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I live with two other adults who could step in.  In the extremely unlikely event that all three of us were hospitalized at the same time, I assume my kids would have to be with extended family one way or another.  Either someone could come and live here or they could go live with someone temporarily.  (Pretty much all of my family lives within 1.5 hours drive of my house.  Nobody wants to be exposed to the virus, but there are some who could safely do so in a real crisis.)

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Mine is 13 and perfectly capable of keeping everyone fed healthily, providing she has cash. Most likely her custodials wouldn't think to ask it of her and she doesn't like them enough to offer. I don't know if they'd send her back to me if they were actually unwell enough to be hospitalised, or if they'd leave her 16yo stepsister in charge. Dd would teach her how to shop cheaply if they were left on their own. Or maybe they have some other plan. I don't ask.

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Our approach has been we will do everything we can not to get the virus mainly because we live in a city with no family, only friends. Yet there is always that but.

1. If DH or I fall sick we can each take over seamlessly. We have built a life style around that because we often need to travel alone to another country for our aged parents. Same scenario hospitalized.

2. If both of us fall ill at the same time which I pray to God we don't, our son who is 13 will take over. He has been trained in bit of cooking, he can do it, but we don't want to have nightmares about house being burned down especially with our young daughter 4 as his only help. I have been basically cooking, baking and freezing with the object of him being able to assemble simple things. Essentially a lot of flat breads, cooked chicken, fish, meat. I boil eggs in shell and keep which we constantly rotate.. I've baked and sliced bread then froze it. We have a lot of different condiments from hummus to mayo, mustard, dressings, pickles. We cut and freeze fruit. They will make smoothies. He knows how to load the dishwasher. Lots of things like dried fruits, nuts, cereal, chips, cheese will be there. They may not eat a green thing if hubby and I are down, but they will eat and will leave food outside the bedrooms for us. I even see to it that laundry is always caught up. . The house may be trashed, they will watch TV, sleep and awake at odd hours, school will be tossed but they and we will survive this if it comes down to this. He is a good kid. We have talked about him being responsible at some time. You can only prepare and leave the rest to God. We also have wonderful neighbors who will look in on them and leave food for them and us outside on the porch if need be. We are also planning to do the same for their kids if they are down and the kids are in charge. Hopefully both sets of parents are not down at once. This is why we do not socialize now at all in person when we used to share dinner often and kids would constantly be in each others houses. 

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I can’t imagine a scenario where both DH and I get sick from this at the same time, but assuming both of us are in the hospital*, DS 15 would fend for himself for a couple days and then go to his BFF in NYC (ha!)—thenother mom would pick him up, and DD8 would go to the neighbors we are sort of in a bubble with.  And we’d take their three littles if the two of them ended in the hospital. 
 

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I think the most likely is that the 13 yr old would be in charge until their uncle could get here.  He has no other family and works by internet anyway so he could get here and isolate with them.  

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Dd16 would be in charge, but the next three would be pretty well self-sufficient. They would all look after Dd5. We should have plenty of food in the house, but they could ask a neighbor to drop milk off by the door.

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I have put the phone number of family friends on the white board. If something should happen and both my husband and I end up in the hospital, my 12 year could call the Shumans and they'd take care of things as necessary. They also have my parents number they can call and either my parents or my sister would come and take care of them (Both parents and sister are 2 hours away so I feel the need for local friends as well as family) 

 

I'd prefer it be my sister due to the age of our parents. But I'll be in the hospital -- it's not my decision to make.

 

(My daughter would NOT be well off in this situation. She already gets really upset when she's home alone *with her brother* for an hour and cannot get a hold of me.

 

Edited by vonfirmath

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 I don't know.  I have bad lungs so could get sick quickly.  My mother is over 70 and also has bad lungs.  Ds13 might be OK for a little while but is not a reliable cook and might burn the house down.  He is not legally able to look after his brother or be without supervision.  He could stay with someone but ds10 would struggle and anyone else would struggle with him.  If I could stay home we may be OK as I do have people I could ask to get food.  It just better not happen.

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I really don't know. My in-laws are kind of in the area, but none of them are really capable of caring for a child.  They all are considered at-risk people, too.  This is part of my anxiety about covid and why I want to move closer to my family. My in-laws are not people I can count on in an emergency. 

 

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In the unlikely event we both got sick enough to be incapacitated the older 2 would have to step up and take care of things, they are 15 and 13 and more than capable. They were a big help when I had the flu last year and dh was working. MIL lives next door but we are not getting close to her as she is high risk and she is isolating from everyone.

Edited by soror

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I just want to send virtual hugs to those with all littles. If this were 2010 or thereabouts, I have no idea what our plan would be. We’ve never had any family nearby, and didn’t have any real community ties at the time, so there weren’t even bad options. My best guess is that we might have sent dh elsewhere and 100% isolated myself and the kids in order to prevent that situation, but I really can’t say for certain.

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Yes, I agree, this would have been so hard when the kids were younger. The plan was to redo our will this fall when our daughter went to college.  Bless her heart, she is in the will as any other future children.  Since they are 25, 23 and 18, they would figure it out.  Though they were not normally, the 25 and 23yo are living with us while this is going on.  I would feel bad about them figuring out what to do with the house and stuff.  But, we have friends and family (a few hours away) that could help them figure it out. 

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Our kids are all older now, but my siblings would have taken mine and I would have taken theirs (contagious or not). I am lucky enough to have local family. 

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I was thinking weeks in the hospital, and my kids, though 13, aren't comfortable being home alone that long.  They would survive though.

After reading and thinking some more, I could also see my kids staying home "alone" but having someone they could contact if they needed anything / to check in with.  That might be the more logical solution where the kids could be carriers.  Because thinking about it, most of my siblings as well as my parents have risk factors.  My youngest sister, while healthy, has 2 younger kids.  My niece, who is healthy, single, and childless, is the one always posting memes about how she thinks the world would be a better place if people didn't have kids.  So ... I'm thinking maybe the favorite aunt (with risk factors) does a drive-by every couple few days just to make sure the kids are fine.  She would probably offer to lend them one of her German Shepherds too (for protection), LOL.

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In the event DH and I “just” get sick, DS 17 can take care of us and himself. He would be perfectly capable of taking care of the house should we both be hospitalised, but if it were worst case, we don’t really have a great plan. We used to think he could live with one BIL who has a family and lives in the city where DS was born and still has a BFF. We have a pretty good support system there. But now, heading into his senior year that would be off the table. I can’t go to the worst case scenario without a ton of anxiety. At least I know for the more likely scenarios in which DH and I eventually recover he’d be ok. 

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My kids are older - 14 and 12 - although ds14 is nobody you want in charge of anything (ASD).   

If I were the one sick, dh would handle everything without a hiccup.  He already does all the grocery shopping and all the cooking.   He might have trouble setting up school for the kids, but between the three of them, they could probably figure out something.   He's always been able to take care of the kids if I couldn't for any reason, even from a young age.  Breastfeeding was about the only thing he couldn't do.

IF both of us were sick, my oldest daughter who is 26 would come here to stay with them.   She's the one who "inherits" the kids if anything happens to dh and I.   She'd probably have the same struggles with school that dh would, but that would probably be the least of their problems. 

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My husband is an essential worker. But if I went to the hospital he'd be "exposed" and unable to work anyway. So he could care for the kids. I doubt as much school

work would get done though.

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All of you are assuming your kids don’t get sick too.  That’s what I worry about.  My 17yo dd could handle things if no kids are sick.  I hate to think what would happen if she was trying to care for 4yo dd while either of them or ds12 were sick.  If we came to a worst case scenario, my mom would come help, even though she’s 6 hours away.  As much as I would hate to put others at risk, I’m sure people from our church would help also.

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Add me to the list of those so glad I have older kids (4 boys ages 8-13). Not old enough to be alone if dh and I were both in the hospital, but old enough to fend for themselves for a week while we were sick.

I have about a weeks worth of food my 8yr old can make himself in case everyone is sick except him. I’m hoping that was overboard, but it was something I was worried about. He can open cans of fruit and vegetables, make himself peanut butter and crackers, and microwave frozen food. We also have a stash of paper plates and other paper products for in case both adults are sick. 
 

I am also staying caught up on chores and stuff so the kids will have a clean house, clothes, dishes, etc to start with.

If dh and I were both sick enough to be hospitalized, I think one of our siblings would come get the kids-they all live a few hours away. He has one 20 something brother with no family-he would probably do it.

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At our ages, I think it's unlikely Dh and I would both end up in hospital, but Ds18 could handle everything for a few weeks if he had to. If Ds were also sick or having a hard time, one of Dh's siblings would likely come over. His sister's boyfriend has already had the coronavirus, so he might be another candidate. 

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