Does it matter who shops?

[BlsdMama]

DH is still working from home.  He's taken over all the grocery shopping and we've minimized trips to every 2-3 weeks.  I need to pick up frozen fruit and Suja.  I'm thinking of going myself.  

I'm thinking it doesn't matter which of us goes. If the other gets it, it's going to spread in this house, especially when you're asymptomatic for a long while, regardless of the fact our family no longer does even kisses good night in favor of "jazz hands" - sigh.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

In our family we both go out for essential items (not at the same time).  But we both mask.  And wash well once we return. 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I have no science or even pseudo-science to back this up.  But I have always had a better immune system than DH, and he has asthma.  So I'm going out for essential shopping.  The hope is that if I get a small dose of virus, my body will shut it down before it starts.  Absolutely NO reason to believe this is true, but it made instinctive sense to send the stronger immune system out into public spaces if someone has to go.  

[PeterPan]

11 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

I need to pick up frozen fruit and Suja.

That isn't very much. Is it more that you're squirrelly? Maybe you can find a safer place to go? Or can you order online and pick up? 

If my dh goes into a store, he's not going to spend as long as I do. He's going to go in, buy his brief list, pick up ice cream that wasn't on the list, and leave. Me, I'm like 2 hours later with plants and pretty things and who knows what, lol.

[mathnerd]

No. It does not matter who shops because this virus is extremely contagious and if one gets it, chances are that everyone else will get it. But, if one of you is more cautious and takes more precautions than the other, then, the person who can stay the safest should venture out to keep risks minimum. In my house, no matter who goes out, I take over the entire disinfecting of the produce process because I am meticulous about it and the risk is lessened if I do it.

[Farrar]

I think the person with the most robust system should go. There has been a lot of talk about how much exposure you get being a big part of how sick you get - at least potentially. That may be why so many healthcare workers get sick - they end up with a bigger viral exposure. So I would think that the person with the best immune system should go out in general.

I've been trying to make a plan for if one person gets sick. I think that person will take the upstairs. I'm thinking of buying some plastic tarping. Everyone else will just have to go without a bath since the downstairs only has a half bath.

[maize]

Another way of looking at it is the person who will be more careful does the shopping.

When I go, I wear mask and gloves. Dh is unlikely to do either.

So I prefer to go.

Large family+relatively small space means I see no way at all too avoid spreading this if someone gets it. I would still do my best as viral load may impact outcomes, but realistically if one of us gets it we will all get it.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

15 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I think the person with the most robust system should go. There has been a lot of talk about how much exposure you get being a big part of how sick you get - at least potentially. That may be why so many healthcare workers get sick - they end up with a bigger viral exposure. So I would think that the person with the best immune system should go out in general.

I've been trying to make a plan for if one person gets sick. I think that person will take the upstairs. I'm thinking of buying some plastic tarping. Everyone else will just have to go without a bath since the downstairs only has a half bath.

 

I picked up two shower curtain liners at the grocery store, as well as duct tape.  The ONLY person I could actually isolate is DH though.  If I get it, we all go down.  But I could easily block off master bedroom (where DH's office is) and a full bathroom from the rest of the apartment.  

[May]

Even though I’ve had a couple of autoimmune diseases, I’m the one who gets a cold, maybe once a year. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had the flu. When I was a teacher, I can count on one hand the number of sick days I ever took. So I’m happy to go to the store and do errands. 

[athena1277]

I’ve always been the one to do the grocery shopping, so I’m the one that goes out.  DH has had some lung issues in the last few years, so we figure he’s the most likely to be severely sickened if he gets it.

[LarlaB]

DH does all errands now because I am high risk due to asthma, high BP, blood thinners and underlying conditions.   

We have elected to use Instacart when possible (usually scheduling 5 days in advance) OR parking lot pickup at our grocery store (4 days advance).  The pickup takes a LONG time but I'm grateful to lower exposure risk even though it can linger on surfaces no matter what.   
 

[Tanaqui]

The least at-risk person should go, and if you're sharing a household with an at-risk person then the official go-outside-er should self-isolate as much as possible - stay in their room, use a separate bathroom.

[Farrar]

3 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

 

Can someone explain how this works?  Is it just the viral load when you're exposed that matters?

For example, let's say that Dad is out with a child, maybe they're taking a walk and someone gets too close.  It's a very small exposure, but they both get it.

Dad gets a mild case, in part because his exposure was mild.  But still sick enough that mom ends up doing the care for the toddler, who is about as good at observing precautions as every other toddler on the planet.  So, she's holding him, and maybe running a nebulizer that sprays his secretions everywhere, and she ends up with a much higher exposure than her husband.  Does that meant that she'll probably get it worse?  Or did the fact that Dad was also doing those things contribute to his viral load, even if he already had it?

We have been operating on the assumption that if one of us gets it, we'll all get it.  So, we aren't taking precautions in the house, but this makes me wonder if I should take some precautions to reduce the exposure of our most vulnerable family members, even if it won't be perfect.  So, for example, if I send my son's great-grandfather out of the room during nebulizer treatments, does that do anything to protect him, if I'm still letting him be with DS at other times?  

I don't know, but I have had similar questions.

I agree with the above about not going out unless super necessary. Like, if we don't have the ingredients for a thing, then I'm not running out to get it. But it's a balance. If we are down to beans and rice and nothing else, I'm not trying to push it. More like, oh, you can't have chicken parmesan because you just realized you're out of canned tomatoes and you want to run out of get some? Find a different use for the chicken and pasta.

[Pawz4me]

Both DH and I are high risk. I consider him higher risk than me because if it came down to it and ventilators were being rationed it's unlikely he would stand a chance of getting put on one. Plus I'm the one who normally grocery shops and does most errands. I know where specific items are in all the stores. I can get in and out fast. Fast is my normal shopping mode--I am NOT a browser, I want to get it done and get out even in normal times. He's more of a dilly dallier. I'm also much more aware of contagion danger points and hygiene. So . . . it makes the most sense by far for me to do all the shopping and errands. 

[Shoeless]

I go out because DH doesn't really know the layout of stores or what we need. He would take too long and buy a lot of weird stuff if I sent him. Also, I have a little training on wearing/removing ppe and staying "clean" from vet med, so I am super aware of where my hands are, how far I am from someone else, how to carefully decontaminate myself when I get home. DH isn't as aware and has a more scatter shot approach, so it is better if I go and not him. 

[KungFuPanda]

1 hour ago, BlsdMama said:

DH is still working from home.  He's taken over all the grocery shopping and we've minimized trips to every 2-3 weeks.  I need to pick up frozen fruit and Suja.  I'm thinking of going myself.  

I'm thinking it doesn't matter which of us goes. If the other gets it, it's going to spread in this house, especially when you're asymptomatic for a long while, regardless of the fact our family no longer does even kisses good night in favor of "jazz hands" - sigh.  

I go because I’m the one with the cast iron immune system. If anyone in this house has a shot at not catching it, it’s me. Also, I can get in and out of the stores faster because I know where everything is. 

[mommyoffive]

I would say the one who has less risk factors should go.  Dh and I are equal in that we don't have any that we know of.  But he took it over.  He would rather be the one who gets and try to prevent any of us from getting it.   

We do have a bedroom with a connected bathroom that he could isolate in if sick.  

He is also very into wearing masks and gloves, has for weeks.   

[MEmama]

DH is more at risk of serious complications than I am, so I insist that I do the (very minimal) shopping. While I assume that if one of us gets sick we all get sick, I’d rather it be me that takes the biggest hit (idk if it works that way, but it makes me feel like I’m helping protect him anyway). 

Plus, while he buys more fun and different items than I do, I’m super fast and efficient. 

[medawyn]

In my house it does, because if I go out I’m the one more likely to come home with the things we need to actually, you know, eat and make meals.  If I send DH, even with a list, the likelihood decreases.  Add possible shortages in, and I might find myself with a pantry full of Oreos, Cheetos, and white bread, which would delight several in my house but probably not contribute to our ongoing health.

[marbel]

We are mixed here.  I can shop much faster than my husband. I know where things are in the store; I know what things look like; I know what I can sub and what I can't.  (Huh, cauliflower looks bad, how's the cabbage instead, and if I use cabbage is there anything else I'll need? ... Why the heck is celery so expensive? I'll skip it.) I'm also better at noticing things that are not on my list.  (Here I am getting some half and half.... oh wait! Sour cream is right here, we're almost out, I'll grab it)  He needs a very detailed list.  

However, in general he is more aware and is probably safer than I am. He know not to touch his face, or to touch anything unnecessarily. I know those things, but often move through life rather mindlessly. I am working hard on it! 

For me, the best shopping experience is with my 21 year old daughter. She also knows what we need/want, and where stuff is. She watches me to be sure I am not doing anything stupid. (She also greatly misses shopping, though a grocery run is not nearly as fun as Target.) But of course we are trying to have one family member at a time in the store.  I am irrationally against her grocery shopping alone. 

We have gotten a Walmart grocery delivery and are expecting our first Instacart order (Costco and Sams) tomorrow.  But we will need to go out at some point.

Edited April 7, 2020 by marbel

[catz]

I have read of several cases where one person in a household got it and others did not.  Including a couple sharing a room on a cruise ship and a couple in a very small apartment in Wuhan. Because we haven't been aggressive with testing, there's no way to know if maybe they had an asymptomatic case or were just not exposed enough to develop.  Actually  the cruise ship couple were both tested many times.   But if someone here develops symptoms, we will try to isolate them and we do have the space to try and make that work.  Doctors are asking people to try and do that.

That said if you've been isolated and reading the latest science on masking, hand washing, cross contamination, safely bringing items into your home, etc, I do think a well planned grocery store run is a  low risk thing to do.  I think part of the reason they don't want people out while they are reaching peak is they also don't want other issues to deal with - falls on the sidewalk, petty crime, car accidents, etc.  I think telling people not to go out for the next 2-3 weeks is a mixed bag.  These big news announcements brings EVERYONE out to the stores at once.  That to me is higher risk than waiting until traffic is lighter and stocks are better and you can get in and out faster crossing less people's paths and it's easier to keep distances.  

[Carrie12345]

I feel like I”m more observant of potential contact points, so I’m more comfortable with being the one going out. That said, I haven’t shopped in person in I can’t remember how many weeks. I’m trying to talk myself out of getting a ham for Easter, because I’m struggling to find a pick up slot anywhere.  It definitely doesn’t meet the “life-sustaining” aspect of my stay at home order. It’s purely emotional.

[Arcadia]

Both my husband and I go at the same time because the grocery runs are after my medical appointments and I need my husband to drive me (I don’t drive and public transport to my area is halted). He also helps me get the food items that are too high for me to reach so I don’t need to call a staff for help. 

If any store starts allowing only one person per household, then I would be the one going in because I know all my kids preferences and what quantities of food to get to last at least two weeks. 

[katilac]

It definitely matters who goes! Your dh getting it puts you at risk of getting it, it doesn't mean you will get it. A truly high risk/compromised person should not go, even if it means beans and rice or crackers and cereal for a few days. Do not go for fruit and juice (she says bossily). I would visit a friend with social distancing before going to the grocery store. 

3 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

So, for example, if I send my son's great-grandfather out of the room during nebulizer treatments, does that do anything to protect him, if I'm still letting him be with DS at other times?  

Yes. Don't give up on good just because you can't manage perfect. If ds is prone to infections (as opposed to asthmatic), you should always send out anyone unnecessary. 

[hopeallgoeswell]

I don't think it does as long as your family is healthy.  I go out because I know where stuff is and what my family likes/how much to get.  But, like some posters have already said, it's contagious.  If one person gets it, everyone in the house is exposed even if that person is asymptomatic or not yet symptomatic.  If a family member of mine was in the high-risk category, I would think he/she would be self-isolating indefinitely, in a master bedroom suite if possible, and have no contact with anyone in the house because if one person goes out, even just once, he/she could possibly bring it in and expose everyone, therefore exposing the high-risk person not in isolation. 

[catz]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

It definitely matters who goes! Your dh getting it puts you at risk of getting it, it doesn't mean you will get it. A truly high risk/compromised person should not go, even if it means beans and rice or crackers and cereal for a few days. Do not go for fruit and juice (she says bossily). I would visit a friend with social distancing before going to the grocery store. 

 

I don't disagree that if you are more high risk, not to go out if you don't have to.  But people really have mitigated it in their own homes by following common sense isolation, hand washing, etc.  Him getting it doesn't mean you will.  I even read about one woman who was taking turns with her family in the kitchen because it took a week to get her test results back and she didn't know.  No one else in her family got it.  I watched an interview with a NYC doctor that said with good common sense rules, 99% of people can avoid this illness.

That said I would NOT visit with a friend using social distancing OVER a well planned grocery store run.  The most common and obvious means of proven transmissions is being in someone else's space that has it for at least 10-15 minutes or longer.  If you are sitting outside with a friend for an hour at 6 feet and the wind is wrong, you may well be in their bubble.  When I am out, I am intentionally either avoiding anyone's bubble entirely.  I shoot for 10+ feet.  Or I am passing through someone's bubble in a matter of seconds and I am moving away from that person never to cross their path again.  I may turn away, etc.  The only exception I might see is if friend and entire live in family had been entirely isolated for 3 weeks or more and it were a necessary visit for some reason.  That visit would be against our state's policies right now.  

There have been a couple well covered cases of super spreaders and I would find it fascinating to know more about that.  There was a church choir with an older population in Washington.  That seems like a no brainer.  60 people singing in close range in a closed space?  No - not now as much as I love singing.  Some people are very loud and spitty when they speak. Some people are very handsy with hand shaking and arm grabbing and get up very close when they talk.  I also think in some of these cases, there could have been multiple people present who had it but were never diagnosed.  I certainly hope people are avoiding these types of risky behavoirs entirely right now.  If anyone I don't live with started singing in close range of me or tried shaking my hand they'd get an earful.  And both my teens are singers.  

Edited April 7, 2020 by FuzzyCatz

[katilac]

4 minutes ago, hopeallgoeswell said:

I don't think it does as long as your family is healthy.  I go out because I know where stuff is and what my family likes/how much to get.  But, like some posters have already said, it's contagious.  If one person gets it, everyone in the house is exposed even if that person is asymptomatic or not yet symptomatic.  If a family member of mine was in the high-risk category, I would think he/she would be self-isolating indefinitely, in a master bedroom suite if possible, and have no contact with anyone in the house because if one person goes out, even just once, he/she could possibly bring it in and expose everyone, therefore exposing the high-risk person not in isolation. 

OP is high risk, but has young children and can't self-isolate. 

[BlsdMama]

6 hours ago, PeterPan said:

That isn't very much. Is it more that you're squirrelly? Maybe you can find a safer place to go? Or can you order online and pick up? 

If my dh goes into a store, he's not going to spend as long as I do. He's going to go in, buy his brief list, pick up ice cream that wasn't on the list, and leave. Me, I'm like 2 hours later with plants and pretty things and who knows what, lol.

no, lol, I actually don’t mind being home, lol. 
I’m essentially on Wahls. Without smoothies and Suja, I’ve knocked out an entire meal. Those are my main. I need packaged greens because I won’t touch a thing open to stupid teens with a hankering for a viral video.

We have a large amount of meat but I don’t do grains and dairy.... No veggies and I’m left with like .... coconut cream and sardines. 😉

[katilac]

51 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

Can you explain why you make that distinction?  

When I get bacterial bronchitis, I'm contagious. When I have exercise-induced asthma, I'm not. I use a nebulizer for both, but only one is contagious. 

[hopeallgoeswell]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

OP is high risk, but has young children and can't self-isolate. 

Apologies.  I did not find that info anywhere in the thread.

[katilac]

9 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

So, I feel as though we need to assume that he's contagious.  

Since he and I are the only people going anywhere but the house and backyard right now, it's likely that we'd be the ones to bring the virus home.  

Yeah, I agree.

[EKS]

I do the shopping for three reasons. 

(1) I know where everything is in the store, what exactly it is we need (otherwise I need to write down every last detail on the list), and what to do if what is on this list isn't there (which is more of a problem these days than normal).

(2) My husband is over 60 and I'm not.  He also gets sick far more often than I do.

(3) I don't trust my 18yo son to protect himself properly in public.

[katilac]

17 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

But the problem is, that if we're doing nebulizer treatments 4 x a day, and as I understand it the stuff lingers in the air for hours, that's a lot of time to keep the family separated.  Which is why I think that if he gets it, we all get it.  And I'm back to whether it's worth splitting us up if it's inevitable, or whether say halving someone's exposure would at least mean they'll get it less badly.

I would split up while actively using the nebulizer. Yes, some will linger, but it's still better. Our nebulizer is too noisy to chat whilst using, anyway. 

Now, I'm assuming his treatments are like 20-30 minutes, not hours! 

[Guest]

DH is going, and is sleeping upstairs and using a seprate bathroom. I am rarely within 6 feet of him. I miss him :(. 

[madteaparty]

We both go out (not at same time). Both wear masks etc but I’m healthier than he is generally plus I have that BCG vaccine, so I lick all the shopping carts 😂

actually normal non pandemic grocery shopping takes a lot out of me, the people depress me. Now it’s an ordeal even though I don’t fear this disease personally (meaning for me.)  But there is no one else here that can do the shopping, it’s the logical thing for me to be the one. 

Edited April 8, 2020 by madteaparty

[Amber in SJ]

No one is going anywhere here!  I was running errands on March 16, when everyone got the notification that the shelter in place would start the next day.  I had planned on going to the grocery store anyway so 20 minutes later I was in the middle of some lunacy, that I never want to see again.  Since then we have had deliveries from Sprouts grocery, the imperfect produce weekly delivery, added some things to my Amazon subscribe and save and had normal prescription refills come in the mail.  We are not going out.  DH is pretty adamant.  Dh has left the house only to take a daily bike ride or walk when the weather is cooperating.  Dh’s asthma and chronic bronchitis put him in a higher risk category than most our age.  

Our 22 yo, who is also at high risk due to asthma, heart condition, Ehlers-Danlos & Fibromyalgia is also employed as a personal caregiver at a residence home so she is essential and still goes to work almost everyday.  Last year Dh completed her tiny house in the backyard so she can effectively isolate herself from us.  I check on her once a day through texting or calling her Alexa from my Alexa and I leave her groceries and dinner on her little door step and text her when it is there.  

If any of us were to get it it would be pretty difficult to isolate that person in our little house, but we’d do our best.  

If one of us had to go out it would be me.  I am more likely to be able to focus and get done what needs to get done keeping in mind the safety protocols.  

Dh barely remembers his own food allergies/ sensitivities, much less anyone else’s.  That combined with shortages and the inexperience with making substitutions on the fly means I’d end up with a few bags of weird stuff and a new roofing nail gun.  

That last thing has actually happened.

Amber I  SJ

 

[TrixieB]

8 hours ago, MissLemon said:

I go out because DH doesn't really know the layout of stores or what we need. He would take too long and buy a lot of weird stuff if I sent him. 

This is why I do the shopping.  I make a master list by aisle (I shop for our family and for my mom during the same trip) - so I can be as efficient as possible, load up the cart quickly and get through the checkout and out of the store.  I have always been the one who does the grocery shopping.  No reason to change that now unless I get sick.  

[Guest]

Here, it was me, because I am the most meticulous about contamination. However, now that dd has finished her post-France quarantine, she has been to the grocery store twice because she is squirrelly and wants to go out. Since that is the only justifiable reason she can go out, she has done the shopping twice.  She is also careful, though maybe a bit less meticulous than I am. She does have health and youth on her side, though. 

[Lanny]

18 hours ago, Monica_in_Switzerland said:

I have no science or even pseudo-science to back this up.  But I have always had a better immune system than DH, and he has asthma.  So I'm going out for essential shopping.  The hope is that if I get a small dose of virus, my body will shut it down before it starts.  Absolutely NO reason to believe this is true, but it made instinctive sense to send the stronger immune system out into public spaces if someone has to go.  

 

I agree with this. I am over 70, so I am restricted to the house, until June 1, 2020, like everyone else in Colombia over 70 years of age. My Stepson is doing our shopping. One person from the house can go. My wife told me, 2 or 3 days ago, that she believes that I am "stronger" than he is health-wise, and that he has had a tendency to have Lung issues during his lifetime and that he is probably  more likely to get Covoid-19 than I would be.  Who knows?  IMO it is in the air, everywhere, and eventually everyone will have been exposed to it and then it will be less of an issue than it is now.

I don't think they do this in every Colombian  city and town, but where we live, the day of the week and the hours one can go shopping are based on the last digit(s) of the national identity card (Cedula in Spanish). His date just changed, from Saturday (bad) to Tuesday (good).

The ACS in the U.S. Embassy in Bogota sent an email yesterday, that included, among other information, that the National Quarantine in Colombia was extended by the Colombian government, from 13 April to 27 April 2020.  I wonder if they will also extend the date when International flights can begin operating to/from Colombian airports?

[BlsdMama]

Maybe I am mistaken? I see a lot of, “If so and so gets sick...” But that’s the exact problem - once so and so starts showing symptoms, you’ve likely been exposed for a solid week. 
 

With three teens, two middle school kids, and four ten and under, we are under no illusion that we could avoid family spread. Any hopes I had of that were dashed with Influenza 2020 - the most impressive family outbreak we’ve ever had.

 

[Miss Tick]

1 hour ago, BlsdMama said:

Maybe I am mistaken? I see a lot of, “If so and so gets sick...” But that’s the exact problem - once so and so starts showing symptoms, you’ve likely been exposed for a solid week.

 

I agree with you. No-one here is high-risk, so my base concern level is lower, but my goal is simply to offset infection times by as many days as possible to limit overlap. I'm hoping that someone will be healthy enough to take care of whoever is not.

[Pen]

I have been going because while I have autoimmune problem, I am also the most careful.

 I would call before going to be sure it’s not a wasted trip.  

Frozen fruits section had almost bare shelves last I saw in my store. 

OToh , fresh was plentiful if you were able to freeze some and or juice some yourself. 

[Plateau Mama]

DH & I are both healthy.  I normally do all the grocery shopping and cooking so I am doing most of the shopping.  I know where everything is in the store and I can adapt my menu on the fly if something is out of stock.  So, I feel I can be in and out faster thus less exposure.  The kids (12, 18, 19) are pretty much at home.  They go for walks/runs pretty much daily, weather permitting.