wendyroo-- could you share your normal daily schedule?

[caedmyn]

I need to find a way to implement more structure, which is something I'm terrible at doing.  I know your family has a very structured schedule, so thought I might be able to glean some ideas from it if you'd be willing to share it.

 I'd also be interested in seeing a daily schedule/routine from anyone else who has very structured days (preferably with three or more elementary or younger kids...seeing a schedule for one or two kids probably isn't going to help me much since I have a bunch to manage).

[wendyroo]

Sure.

My cast of characters are: Peter, a week shy of 11, with ASD, ADHD and anxiety.  Elliot, 8.75 years old, with a whole host of very severe (destructive, violent) mental health challenges.  Spencer, 6.5 years old, with ADHD and anxiety.  Audrey, 4.25 years old, neurotypical except for a significant speech delay.

5am - I wake up and start getting ready for the day.
5:30am - We are an early to bed, early to rise household.  All the boys are waking up by this time.  They are allowed to turn on their lamps and read in their rooms.
6am - All boys take first dose of ADHD meds and get dressed, but they still must stay in their rooms reading while I do chores.
6:30 - Peter showers.  All boys are allowed to come downstairs and start schoolwork.  Otherwise they can continue to read in their rooms.  Audrey wakes around now, and I get her up and dressed.
7am - All hands on deck for pre-meal chores.
7:15 - Breakfast.  While eating the kids watch CNN10 and the free BrainPOP, BrainPOP Jr., and BrainPOP Spanish videos of the day.
8am - Done eating, table clean and wiped, teeth brushed.  When we aren't in the middle of a pandemic, this is when Elliot's ABA therapist arrives.

Each of the kids has:
- A checklist of what they need to accomplish each day (school, hygiene, daily chores, specifically how to get ready for the day's extracurricular, etc.)
- A check list of their chores that need to be done once a week.
- A school drawer that holds all of the supplies for their individual subjects

We have normal school days on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday.  On Mondays the boys go to three-hour art/music/gym class in the morning.  On Wednesdays all the kids go to a three-hour Spanish immersion class.

During our "school block" (8 - ~11:30) we do not have a fixed schedule of subjects.  The kids are welcome to work through the items on their checklist in largely the order that they want.  All of our curriculum is "do the next thing", so I do not do much prep ahead of time.  During school time, I loosely rotate between the kids.  I am careful to only use as many teacher-intensive curriculum as I can realistically support.  My kiddos are all STEM focused, so math can be done mostly independently.  Writing, OTOH, just about kills us all on a daily basis, so that requires a lot of my time and attention.

I have put together a bunch of school folders for my 4 year old.  Each one has a phonics worksheet or activity, a math worksheet or activity, a sheet of handwriting practice, a maze or word search, a page torn from a DK Science or Geography workbook, and something for her to cut/fold/glue.  When I make up the folders (I do about a month at a time), I put a fair amount of effort into balancing each - some new information, some review; some hard activities, some easy; some paper and pencil, some hands-on; some independent, some that I will help with; etc.

During school time no one leaves my sight.  I think of it very much like a one room school house.  I am constantly multi-tasking and switching focus and making sure no one gets lost in the shuffle.  My goal is to touch base with each child every (number of minutes equal to their age).  Sometimes that is really basic, just a "How's math coming Peter?  What strategy are you using on this problem?".  Other times it is more in dept, like if the 6 year old is struggling to identify nouns, and I can tell I need to step in for a more in depth lesson.  In cases like that, I will often call over the 4 and 8 year olds for an impromptu lesson/game...both because it will be good review for the 8 year old and a good introduction for the 4 year old, but also because if I focus on the 6 year old and leave the others unattended, they will quickly lose focus and things will spiral downhill from there.

My goal is for the younger two to be done with school around 10.  The 4 year old obviously doesn't work for that whole 2 hours; in between her school activities she will listen to an audio book, help me put in a load of laundry, play with a busy bag, etc.  Around 10, the 4 and 6 year olds go off and play.  I then have about an hour and a half to focus on the older boys' more teacher-intensive subjects.  As they finish they will also go off and play.

Lunch is at 12.  While they eat, I read from a couple books.  Currently a book of and about poetry, a picture book in Spanish , and a chapter of Farmer Boy.
By 1pm lunch should be done and cleaned up.  On Thursdays and Fridays we go to an extracurricular right after lunch.  Other days Audrey will take a nap while the boys have rest/quiet play time (no screens!).  At 3pm the house "wakes up" for free play until dinner.  I had cut out all non-academic screen time back in November, so from 3 to 5pm was a time for playdough, snap circuits, bike riding, board games, etc.

Then dinner at 5pm, head up stairs for baths and books at 6pm, and bedtimes shortly thereafter.  Audrey goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:30 depending on if she napped.  Spencer and Elliot are lights out around 6:45 to 7.  Peter can read in his room until 7:30.

We haven't had to change our schedule too much in the time of lockdown.  On Monday and Wednesday mornings, while they would have been in classes, instead the kids have been splitting their time between watching all the virtual field trips and lessons that have sprung up and playing on educational websites that are currently free.  I have also been implementing daily walks and kids' exercise videos to make up for the lack of gym and swimming in their lives.

Let me know if you have any questions.  I would be happy to help you trouble shoot your schedule.
Wendy

[caedmyn]

So my main reasons for wanting a schedule/more structure are to give the older three boys (11, 9, 7) minimal free time, minimal time to spend together, and minimal unsupervised time.  They do not follow rules on any reliable basis and when they're together, they're generally either bickering, actually fighting, seeing what rules they can break together, or being super wild and tearing up the house.  I really can't closely supervise them for any substantial length of time because I have too many kids and too many brain fog issues, so I need them in separated spaces that are close enough for me to easily check on them, but far enough apart for them not to be able to interact with each other.  The spaces I have that would work for this are the dining room, the living room, one bedroom (all on the main level), and the family room downstairs.  They share bedrooms (3 & 11 yo's in one, 7 & 9 yo's in the other) and only the one is really usable for schedule purposes because the other is in the basement next to our bonus room, which has closets they're not supposed to get into (but of course do) and other things they aren't supposed to mess with, so they can't be in it during the day.  Ideally I'd have them read for a good chunk of time each day, but they're all dyslexic, the 7 yo can barely read at all, and the others avoid reading as much as possible.  They listed to audiobooks some, and it's a good way to occupy them for a while, but tablets in general are problematic because when they have one they tend to spend a bunch of time trying to figure out how to work around whatever parental controls I have set up (I have spend so much time figuring out multiple safeguards to limit tablets to their intended uses. and they are still not 100% secure even using a combination of parental controls apps, passcodes, and interaction control.  I don't think it's even possible to have 100% secure tablets when your kids are a bunch of hackers in training).  I also have a 3 yo who is a cross between Houdini and a tornado but am mostly including him in the schedule because it feels too overwhelming and impossible to schedule him too (not to mention impossible to keep him in one spot).

This is what I was thinking for a schedule:
7-8 am: the three boys all get up between 7 & 8 so was thinking that once two of them are up, they can go in separate rooms upstairs and stay there til 8
8-8:30 am: chore time then sit at table with activity book (dot-to-dot, etc) once finished; I make breakfast
8:30-9 am: breakfast & morning time
9-12: school block--we do school in our family room and I have pretty good structure and separation set up for this though Mondays are generally awful; once someone finishes up I'll try bribing them to play with the 3 yo for 15 or 20 mins though this hasn't been very successful in the past...otherwise they just watch a movie til we finish
12-12:30 pm: outdoor playtime
12:30-1 pm: 7 & 9 yo play together in living room, 11 yo helps me make lunch
1-2 pm: eat lunch; kitchen cleanup (done by 9 & 11 yo's); put 1 yo down for nap; after kitchen cleanup 11 & 3 yo play together in bedroom, 7 yo in living room, 9 yo in family room
2-3 pm: nap time for me; 3-11 yo's watch a movie
3-3:30 pm: 30ish mins of game time on tablets (this is non-negotiable as they lose game time for certain infractions like hitting...it's about the only thing that motivates them)
3:30-4 pm: snack at table and listen to audiobook
4:30-5 pm: outdoor playtime
5-6 pm: I make dinner; 7 & 11 yo play together and 9 & 3 yo play together
After 6 DH is usually home and he is very schedule disrupting so I won't try to schedule our after-dinner time right now.

We do school M-Th so I'll need to come up with an alternate school for the 9-12 block for non-school days.

[Jentrovert]

50 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I'll probably have more thoughts, but one thing that jumps out at me is how little physical activity your kids have.  My 9 year old, who is also my wildest/most impulsive kid, does best with several hours of intense physical activity a day.  

If I asked him to "do school" for 3 hours immediately after sitting still at the table for an hour, and when he hasn't been outside since 5 p.m. the previous day, it would be a disaster.  

How do they do when playing outside.  What is the barrier to more outside time?

I only have two, but I noticed this too. Dd8 (ASD, ADHD) needs a ton of movement, the heavier the better. Both kids are outside much of the day (weather permitting). They switch on and off with me for seatwork, but if I had more I would have them switch on and off outside time.

If I had multiples of dd, I would need to have a more rigid schedule than I do. She does best with set periods of undirected time, as opposed to long stretches. While she can amuse herself well for long stretches, she's better regulated with more structure.

I wonder if the screen time would work better as a reward for good behavior? Instead of losing minutes for infractions, require earning minutes with good behavior. Just an idea, I think this will vary by kid, but maybe something to think about.

We have dyslexia here too. Audiobooks do work well, and last longer if they are doing something else quiet (lego, drawing, building, puzzle, etc) while listening. 

I know I'm not the target group, but hope these thoughts are ok.

Edit: One more thought. I notice in the 9-12 block, if I understand correctly, those who are finished and waiting watch a movie? I have nothing against screen time, but for us this would not work well in the morning. It seems to work ok to have some structured screen use during the day, for school activities. But if they have more than 15 min (I've experimented with times) of free-type screens during the day, it is extremely difficult to both control behavior and get them back on track with what we need to be doing. So currently they have 15 min free time - after their morning list is completed and inspected - and that's it for free, for entertainment, screen time until evening family tv time. Ymmv, just something to consider.

 

Edited March 23, 2020 by Jentrovert

[caedmyn]

1 hour ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

Do you use Guided Access on the iPads?  

Oooops, my brain was turning tablet into iPad, since that's the tech I know.  I have no idea if there's an equivalent of Guided Access for other tablets.

Interaction control is the android version of guided access.  But one of our tablets doesn't have the option to put a pin on interaction control (old tablet), so they can just turn it off at will, and apparently our new tablet is glitching and not requiring the pin to turn it off.  So guided access is only a reliable option for one of the three tablets they use.

[caedmyn]

1 hour ago, Jentrovert said:

I only have two, but I noticed this too. Dd8 (ASD, ADHD) needs a ton of movement, the heavier the better. Both kids are outside much of the day (weather permitting). They switch on and off with me for seatwork, but if I had more I would have them switch on and off outside time.

If I had multiples of dd, I would need to have a more rigid schedule than I do. She does best with set periods of undirected time, as opposed to long stretches. While she can amuse herself well for long stretches, she's better regulated with more structure.

I wonder if the screen time would work better as a reward for good behavior? Instead of losing minutes for infractions, require earning minutes with good behavior. Just an idea, I think this will vary by kid, but maybe something to think about.

We have dyslexia here too. Audiobooks do work well, and last longer if they are doing something else quiet (lego, drawing, building, puzzle, etc) while listening. 

I know I'm not the target group, but hope these thoughts are ok.

Edit: One more thought. I notice in the 9-12 block, if I understand correctly, those who are finished and waiting watch a movie? I have nothing against screen time, but for us this would not work well in the morning. It seems to work ok to have some structured screen use during the day, for school activities. But if they have more than 15 min (I've experimented with times) of free-type screens during the day, it is extremely difficult to both control behavior and get them back on track with what we need to be doing. So currently they have 15 min free time - after their morning list is completed and inspected - and that's it for free, for entertainment, screen time until evening family tv time. Ymmv, just something to consider.

 

There really have been no limits on outdoor time but they aren't spending that much time outdoors.   I think it's partly because we have a big house and apparently it's more fun to jump on the furniture and climb on the wet bar and the door frames and run around the house screaming than to play outside.  They like to climb and we have nothing to climb outdoors (no climbable trees) and no swing set or fort (DH says he'll build them this spring/summer, which may or may not actually happen).  Maybe we just need to get a trampoline and hope nobody breaks their neck.  They do have bikes, scooters, roller blades, and wiggly boards to ride.  They actually get quite a bit of exercise...but lots of it is in the form of indoor wildness.  I really don't know what else I can do to get them more outdoor exercise since I have the 1 & 3 yo's to watch (and the 3 yo is a runner and can easily climb over our backyard fence, so he has to be watched all the time outdoors).

I have tried game time as a reward but then they have no incentive at all to not hit, kick, etc each other.

The 3 yo ends up watching a movie for part of school time, and once I turn one on for him I really can't prevent anyone who's finished from joining him.  I try to hold off on turning on a movie for him as long as possible, and sometimes manage to avoid it all together. 

Edited March 23, 2020 by caedmyn

[caedmyn]

8 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

 

I'm not seeing where they are running around in the house screaming either.  I think somehow there needs to be more exercise.  

Can they be outside safely alone?  

Well, one of the ways they could earn is by not hitting, kicking, etc . . . I realize that seems like it's all the same thing, but somehow psychologically it has worked better.  

 

I wonder if you're in a pattern where the movie follows bad behavior, but not good.  When you say you're trying to hold off, and asking the kids to play with him as a way to hold it off, then turning it on when it's not possible, that makes me think the boys behavior is working.  

We're not actually following the schedule I posted, it's just what I want to do.  They currently have lots (far too much) free time to run around being wild.

They can be outside safely alone but bickering/fighting is an issue. 

I don't generally ask the other kids to play with the 3 yo during school time because it doesn't usually work out.  Either the one I ask to play with him goes off and does their own thing and ignores him, or they decide to play something loud and wild which disturbs others.  So I keep him occupied with activities as long as I can and then turn on a movie for him.  We've had sitters during school time off and on this year which is great when we do, but we're unlikely to have one for the rest of the year.

[SamanthaCarter]

Lurking. This is inspiring. I have kiddos much like Caedmyn (eerily!) but I have never been one that’s good with structure for myself our my children, even though I know we’d all function much better with it. 

[Jentrovert]

Re things to do outside, we've gotten a ton of mileage out of a fort and swingset. My dad and I built it; if your dh is handy it would be a great investment.

We also have one of these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004K0Q8LG/ref=cm_sw_r_apa_i_MrlEEbHGNK3WC and it has been well worth it. Quicker than a fort to put together, so maybe he'd more likely have time for that.

The other thing that's been the biggest hit is just a dump truck load of dirt. We had several loads one time, for filling in part of the yard, and I put off spreading it out for a long time bc the kids had *so much fun with them.

Maybe one or two things that require less time than a fort could be added. And then rotate one or two kids outdoors, grouped by whoever causes the least trouble together.

[wendyroo]

A few things that stand out to me...

1 - Movies cause way more trouble than they prevent around here.  At times I am tempted to use TV as a babysitter, and morally I am not above that at times, but practically, with my kiddos, it simply doesn't work that way.  My ADHD kids need WAY more stimulation than passively watching a movie...and it I am not providing it then they are all too willing to make their own fun in the form of fighting, climbing, destroying the house, etc.  Also, TV (and all screens) are like a drug to them.  So, 1) if anyone is watching TV or playing on a screen (even educational games like typing practice) then they all flock to it like moths to a flame and simply cannot concentrate on anything else.  And 2) they all start to obsess and fixate about even the possibility of screens to the point that they cannot engage in anything else...and to the point that I want to kill them for their incessant pestering.

2 - I very much operate on the "Broken Windows" theory of law enforcement.  For every little misbehavior that I let slide, the kids start acting even wilder and more disregulated.  My kids do not have the ability to "ramp down" or control themselves on their own, so I have to be VERY strict about not allowing behaviors to get out of control in the first place.  More of less, my kids are constantly tomato staked.  I keep everyone separated, but under complete supervision at all times, so that I can step in and stop fighting, climbing, rough housing, destruction, etc. immediately before it ramps up, and especially before one child's misbehavior "infects" the other kids.

3 - I cannot ask my boys to just "play" with my 4 year old - that is just too vague.  Instead, I want one of them to entertain her for 15-20 minutes, then I have to tell them exactly what to do...and keep them within my sight so that I can ensure that they are following instructions.  So, I might dump the tub of plastic animals on the living room floor (where I can see them, but the couch blocks them from the view of kids working at the table) and tell the 6 year old to teach the 4 year old about herbivores and carnivores and sort the animals accordingly.  Or I might dump out the Mr. Potato Head stuff and tell the 8 year old to help the 4 year old build with it (she loves doing it, but doesn't have the finger strength to put all the pieces together by herself).  Or I might set the 4 and 11 year olds up at the table with paper, crayons, and some cool coins and have the 11 year old help the 4 year old make rubbings.  My kids know exactly what is expected of them when they are "babysitting" and I hold both the older and younger child to strict (age-appropriate) standards.  Again, I have to nip misbehavior in the bud right away, because it will get out of hand very quickly, to the point that it can take the rest of the day to reign them back in once they become disregulated.

4 - Free time is hard...on all of us.  I know to many moms of neurotypical kids, it seem easy to say "just let them play!", but my kid simply cannot safely do that.  In my experience, if my kids are being wild and annoying, and I "give up" and just tell them to go play, things go downhill quickly...people get hurt, things get destroyed, etc.  Instead, the more wild they are being, the more structure I need to impose...preferably in a way that will help them burn energy and get back to a place where they are in control and following directions.  One of my go-to activities is a 15 minutes cleaning burst.  So, the instant our school day is going off the rails, I bring them even closer to me and announce that as a group we are going to change all the sheets or pick up sticks in the yard or scrub the kitchen floor.  I try to keep it fun, interactive, and cooperative - it is not a punishment, but a re-centering activity.  Then after that burst of energy, I try to bring them all back down to calm.  Currently I am using the Cincinnati Zoo Home Safari videos for this - they are very slow paced, interesting, informative, appropriate for all the aged kids, and at about 20 minutes they are a good length to allow a calm-down break before we get back to school.

Wendy

[caedmyn]

3 hours ago, wendyroo said:

A few things that stand out to me...

1 - Movies cause way more trouble than they prevent around here.  At times I am tempted to use TV as a babysitter, and morally I am not above that at times, but practically, with my kiddos, it simply doesn't work that way.  My ADHD kids need WAY more stimulation than passively watching a movie...and it I am not providing it then they are all too willing to make their own fun in the form of fighting, climbing, destroying the house, etc.  Also, TV (and all screens) are like a drug to them.  So, 1) if anyone is watching TV or playing on a screen (even educational games like typing practice) then they all flock to it like moths to a flame and simply cannot concentrate on anything else.  And 2) they all start to obsess and fixate about even the possibility of screens to the point that they cannot engage in anything else...and to the point that I want to kill them for their incessant pestering.

2 - I very much operate on the "Broken Windows" theory of law enforcement.  For every little misbehavior that I let slide, the kids start acting even wilder and more disregulated.  My kids do not have the ability to "ramp down" or control themselves on their own, so I have to be VERY strict about not allowing behaviors to get out of control in the first place.  More of less, my kids are constantly tomato staked.  I keep everyone separated, but under complete supervision at all times, so that I can step in and stop fighting, climbing, rough housing, destruction, etc. immediately before it ramps up, and especially before one child's misbehavior "infects" the other kids.

3 - I cannot ask my boys to just "play" with my 4 year old - that is just too vague.  Instead, I want one of them to entertain her for 15-20 minutes, then I have to tell them exactly what to do...and keep them within my sight so that I can ensure that they are following instructions.  So, I might dump the tub of plastic animals on the living room floor (where I can see them, but the couch blocks them from the view of kids working at the table) and tell the 6 year old to teach the 4 year old about herbivores and carnivores and sort the animals accordingly.  Or I might dump out the Mr. Potato Head stuff and tell the 8 year old to help the 4 year old build with it (she loves doing it, but doesn't have the finger strength to put all the pieces together by herself).  Or I might set the 4 and 11 year olds up at the table with paper, crayons, and some cool coins and have the 11 year old help the 4 year old make rubbings.  My kids know exactly what is expected of them when they are "babysitting" and I hold both the older and younger child to strict (age-appropriate) standards.  Again, I have to nip misbehavior in the bud right away, because it will get out of hand very quickly, to the point that it can take the rest of the day to reign them back in once they become disregulated.

4 - Free time is hard...on all of us.  I know to many moms of neurotypical kids, it seem easy to say "just let them play!", but my kid simply cannot safely do that.  In my experience, if my kids are being wild and annoying, and I "give up" and just tell them to go play, things go downhill quickly...people get hurt, things get destroyed, etc.  Instead, the more wild they are being, the more structure I need to impose...preferably in a way that will help them burn energy and get back to a place where they are in control and following directions.  One of my go-to activities is a 15 minutes cleaning burst.  So, the instant our school day is going off the rails, I bring them even closer to me and announce that as a group we are going to change all the sheets or pick up sticks in the yard or scrub the kitchen floor.  I try to keep it fun, interactive, and cooperative - it is not a punishment, but a re-centering activity.  Then after that burst of energy, I try to bring them all back down to calm.  Currently I am using the Cincinnati Zoo Home Safari videos for this - they are very slow paced, interesting, informative, appropriate for all the aged kids, and at about 20 minutes they are a good length to allow a calm-down break before we get back to school.

Wendy

I get what you are saying here, and this is all probably what my kids need, but I cannot do it.  Trying to do divided attention tasks/multi-tasking is really hard for me due to brain fog issues and closely supervising a bunch of kids who have no real interest in cooperating requires a great deal of divided attention.  I can do it a few times a day for short periods, but even then it's highly stressful and exhausting.   I can't do it all day long.  I need to do more of a triage method, or something.

How do you even get them to do whatever activity you assign when they're playing together?  I have tried assigning activities, but pretty much every time one or both kids just refuses to do it so I've given up on doing that.  Cooperation/obeying is a huge issue here.

[caedmyn]

22 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

What are things that your kids enjoy, and that they would choose to do more of, if they were in charge of the world

games on the tablet 

climbing 

movies

Playstation

eating candy/treats/junk food

playing with their friends

going to the park

going for a walk with me

going to work or run errands with DH

What are things that your kids don't enjoy, but you need them to do, and that they'd never choose to do, if they were in charge of the world?

chores

go to bed

follow rules of any sort

take meds (7 yo with reflux) or vitamins

eat at the table

 

 

 

[wendyroo]

1 hour ago, caedmyn said:

How do you even get them to do whatever activity you assign when they're playing together?  I have tried assigning activities, but pretty much every time one or both kids just refuses to do it so I've given up on doing that.  Cooperation/obeying is a huge issue here.

Stubborn perseverance. 

Well, first I try very hard to "assign" play tasks that aren't too much of an imposition for anyone.  If I assign the almost 11 year old to make a hopscotch course with painters tape in the hallway and then play there with the 4 year old by throwing bean bags and hopping over and around them...the 10 year old is going to have a good time too.  So it will be an imposition because he doesn't have a choice of activities for that time period, and he has to work and play around an excited 4 year old, and he is in charge of babysitting (I have specifically coached the boys on "babysitter" voices: direct and no-nonsense when a charge is not cooperating, excited/encouraging/approving when the charge is being cooperative)...but, he recognizes that it is a much better assignment than doing chores or more school work.

The bottom line, however, is that all the kids know through copious personal experience that not following my instructions is simply not an option.  I can't force them to do as I ask, but I can and will prevent them from doing ANYTHING else until they have completed my assignment thoroughly and correctly.  This is right out of the ABA playbook - I have seen my 8 year old's therapist tell him that according to the schedule they made it is time for handwriting practice, and then the 8 year old spends 2 hours tantrumming, and then another hour cleaning up the mess and destruction he made, and then right as he finishes the therapist directs him over to the handwriting paper because by golly that is what the schedule says is next, and no amount of tantrumming or disobedience can get him out of it.

I also do make a concerted effort to be the bearer of good things as CuriousMomof3 mentioned above.  Pavlov showed us the power of intermittent reinforcement.  My kids never know when I am going to announcing that those who have had a productive, cooperative morning are invited to a snack and board game break.  I have always emphasized to my kids that one hand washes the other.  If they take care of their obligations, are helpful and cooperative, keep their hands to themselves, etc, then I will be highly motivated to pull out the slime making supplies, take them to the park, let them make contraptions with the hot glue gun, etc.  All good things come from me - all the screens, all the outings, all the fun foods, all the messy craft supplies, all the privileges...when it comes down to it, even things like cooked meals, laundry service, chauffeuring to their extracurriculars, etc are all things that I can withhold if necessary.  I've only had to so with one of my children, and that was under the direction of his psychologist.  Ultimately, all my kids know that Daddy and I are benevolent dictators...and that while we want to share all the good things with our children, we would not feel like responsible parents if we rewarded poor citizenship.

Wendy

[caedmyn]

7 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

 

Awesome, that's a nice long list!  You've got lots of things they can enjoy.  I know so many families where just coming up with a list is a struggle.  

I have to do some more thinking, I'll come back and post.  Before I do, quick question

If you went for a walk, or to play outside, could you leave one behind if they were misbehaving, do you have a second adult maybe sheltering in place at home who could supervise?

No 2nd adult at home, but I'm ok with leaving the 11 yo or 9 yo at home alone for a short period of time.  I've only done it a handful of times, mostly the 11 yo, but it's gone ok each time so far.