Mental health and our college students

[Penguin]

So many disappointments and crushed hearts.

What can we do to support their mental health? Our own?

I finally let myself have a good, sobbing cry last night. 

I have a first-year student who was very lonely during high school. College changed EVERYTHING for him. He was thriving socially and academically. He was having a nearly perfect first year. I am deeply concerned about supporting his mental health. We are currently en route to clear out his dorm. 

I have a grad school student studying in the EU (full time not study abroad). He is set to graduate in May and we were planning to attend graduation. He is still in the EU but now in a different country with his girlfriend and her family. Not perfect, but a bit less scary.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Penguin

[Kassia]

Struggling here, too.  It's hard.  So many disappointments and disruptions with all the closings and cancellations.  😞

[marbel]

Yes, we are in the same place. Neither of my kids had much of a social life as teens, even while in local community college; when both transferred and moved to campus, they finally found themselves with friend groups, etc. Now that is all gone. We are clearing out dorm rooms this week too. 

I'm particularly worried about my son, who made the decision and effort to "reinvent" himself from a shy, socially awkward loner to... someone new. He joined several clubs, has a nice friend group, and is even dating. But now they are all scattered to the 4 winds.  He had also applied for some internships at museums (history major) for the summer and even if he would be accepted, who knows if museums will even be open this summer?  (I'm betting they won't.)

My daughter is a little better off, as her long-term boyfriend lives 50 miles away so she is used to having a lot of their "get-togethers" via facetime, etc. But she is already missing her friends from college. She also had two severe disappointments due to cancelled study-abroad opportunities. 

I'm really worried about them in so many ways. 

Edited March 18, 2020 by marbel

[klmama]

My college dc is getting together with friends online via Zoom.  There were three or four of them "hanging out" with dc last night.  It sounded like they were having a great time.

 

[8filltheheart]

Lots to texting and group/video chats going on in my house. 

We are also having honest and frank discussions concerning job security and $$ (extra expenses that might in the near future go from being normal to unaffordable expenditures.) We are having discussions in terms of what is occurring and encouraging them to keep things in perspective.  (They are not alone, surrounded by family with loving support, food, shelter, not facing homelessness, starvation.......)  Our 14 yr old is the one who is struggling the most bc she  is missing all of her outside activities.

Not going to interest a lot of college kids, but my dd just signed up for https://www.staceysumereau.com/be-not-afraid-conference

[lewelma]

I'm thinking the students will be losing the fall semester as well.  All the models I am seeing are saying a year. 😞 

And not all students will be financially able to return, so when the Universities open back up, it will be a subset of their friends who will return.

 

[8filltheheart]

5 minutes ago, lewelma said:

I'm thinking the students will be losing the fall semester as well.  All the models I am seeing are saying a year. 😞 

And not all students will be financially able to return, so when the Universities open back up, it will be a subset of their friends who will return.

 

Yes, between portfolio and job losses, lots of students will face different lives.

[Lori D.]

So sorry for the loss of in-person social time for everyone. 😞

While it's not exactly the same, some fun socializing can still happen electronically. Gaming and movie watching (or just chatting) can be done with a friend or small group of friends via Skype/Video Chat. When DS#1 was away at college, he and I would each set up through our Netflix account the same next episode of the TV series we were watching together, and then get on Video Chat together. He would count us down, and we'd hit play at the same time. If we somehow got off, we'd look at the minutes/seconds count down bar at the bottom of the screen, and realign as needed to stay in sync. It was actually a lot of fun, and closed the physical distance a lot.

Gaming could probably be done similarly -- even if all the people involved don't have the game, one person could "host" and move the pieces for everyone else on their turns.

Maybe students could do some networking re: jobs. For portfolios, where possible, perhaps students could make a video blog with short videos of projects in process and as projects get finished. I think this is the time where those who can be creative and innovative about showing what they've done while continuing self-studies and projects will really help them later on... Again, not perfect, and maybe it wouldn't help. Just trying to start some brainstorming of out-of-the-box ways to move forward...

Edited March 18, 2020 by Lori D.

[MerryAtHope]

Yes, the lost social aspect for our kids that have had to work harder at that is especially disappointing. Lots of prayer here, trying to have encouraging family times, more game nights etc...

[Penguin]

1 hour ago, lewelma said:

I'm thinking the students will be losing the fall semester as well.  All the models I am seeing are saying a year.

 

I am secretly thinking the same thing. I am sure this possiblity has not entered my son’s mind yet.

[lewelma]

I hate to talk about it, but I am already thinking about how students will stand out for grad school if all their classes are pass/fail.  I'm thinking teacher recommendations and publications as undergraduates will become more important.  However, I do think that a lot of students will reorient their goals to be more 'help humanity' than just get job xxx.  

[lewelma]

And it could be worse.  The UK is talking about having all the students repeat a year because they are likely cancelling the GCSE and A-level exams, and their qualification system is based on a single exam for the year. 

[Lori D.]

32 minutes ago, lewelma said:

I hate to talk about it, but I am already thinking about how students will stand out for grad school if all their classes are pass/fail.  I'm thinking teacher recommendations and publications as undergraduates will become more important.  However, I do think that a lot of students will reorient their goals to be more 'help humanity' than just get job xxx.  

An entire 4 years worth of college students are being hit by this, so they'll all be in the same boat as far as possible future grad school. That's where I think doing self-motivated projects and documenting them in some way might help for the future.

And... totally agree about "help humanity" goal. Goodness, I've been wishing this for decades now! I keep hoping with each new president for a variation of JFK's call and commission to that generation in the early 1960s ("Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country..."), but, alas... All I can do is try and inspire my own small co-op classes of students with these ideals. 😉 

[8filltheheart]

41 minutes ago, lewelma said:

I hate to talk about it, but I am already thinking about how students will stand out for grad school if all their classes are pass/fail.  I'm thinking teacher recommendations and publications as undergraduates will become more important.  However, I do think that a lot of students will reorient their goals to be more 'help humanity' than just get job xxx.  

Summer REUs, internships, etc have all vaporized.  Job offers for srs are being rescinded.  The next couple (few) yrs will  not a good time to be graduating. 😞  I'm had a hard look at our budget today to see where we can start cutting corners.  We just bought a new car in early Feb bc we needed a car for our dd who is planning on commuting.  Now I wish we hadn't.  Who knows if in person classes will even be occurring in the fall.  We absolutely don't need the car if her classes are going to be online. 😞  I'm afraid our Aspie is going to be laid off and that means we will have to cover 100% of his bills (he currently manages to pay for his rent with his job).

In terms of helping humanity, my college dd is looking into what it takes to do librovox recordings.  She has already signed up to do something for Guttenberg.  She figures she may as well do something volunteer-wise even if it has to be virtual. 

[easypeasy]

This is so utterly depressing. 

[frogger]

It is so hard. My son is disappointed he is back to studying alone but he can game with his friends at least. He could study online with them too if he really wanted to but yay. It is the pits.

 

I'm more worried about my high school daughter. Every outside activities gone. She gets down and out as it is.  

 

As far as I know my son is still getting actual grades. I don't know about the pass/fail thing but I know a lot of classes are hands on and then there are labs.  I hadn't thought about internship jobs drying up. I do hope he is able to keep his construction job this summer. 

They are blessed to be at home though. We have food and they aren't getting behind on rent living out on their own with hourly wages evaporating. So I can't complain.

 

I hope they find a way to help others and make a difference when all is said and done. The whole economy will be a different world when we re-emerge from this. 

Edited March 19, 2020 by frogger

[lewelma]

6 hours ago, 8FillTheHeart said:

In terms of helping humanity, my college dd is looking into what it takes to do librovox recordings.  She has already signed up to do something for Guttenberg.  She figures she may as well do something volunteer-wise even if it has to be virtual. 

My dh may lose his job because he works for Immigration NZ, and they are funded by Foreign visas. Effective at midnight tonight, NZ just closed its borders to ALL foreigners, so Immigration NZ just lost all its funding. But he has very high-end IT capabilities. If his job is cut, he plans to offer his services for free to help the NZ government in any way he can, as he doubts anyone will be actually hiring. Volunteering is better than sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. And honestly, if dh loses his job, my oldest will go to work tutoring high-end math students in the USA.

[JennyD]

12 hours ago, lewelma said:

I hate to talk about it, but I am already thinking about how students will stand out for grad school if all their classes are pass/fail.  I'm thinking teacher recommendations and publications as undergraduates will become more important.  However, I do think that a lot of students will reorient their goals to be more 'help humanity' than just get job xxx.  

 

FWIW, I think that if colleges are still doing distance learning in the fall it is going to look quite different than the makeshift way it is being done now.  There will be assessments, and grades.

Also, while I am no Pollyanna I am pretty optimistic that colleges, at least, will reopen back in the fall.  While the models do have us fighting this for a year (or longer), I suspect that the longest-term restrictions are going to have to do with places like nursing homes and hospitals.  And perhaps international travel. 

[frogger]

50 minutes ago, JennyD said:

 

FWIW, I think that if colleges are still doing distance learning in the fall it is going to look quite different than the makeshift way it is being done now.  There will be assessments, and grades.

Also, while I am no Pollyanna I am pretty optimistic that colleges, at least, will reopen back in the fall.  While the models do have us fighting this for a year (or longer), I suspect that the longest-term restrictions are going to have to do with places like nursing homes and hospitals.  And perhaps international travel. 

 

Yes, I agree. Models say years but I really think these measures long term would be costly (and probably even take lives) in other ways. It could turn us into a third world country!  I'm praying for creative ways to have better connection with others. That teachers will come out of this with some mad online skills. That test kits can be mass produced and used to narrow down outbreaks and stamp them out much like South Korea is doing. Costly? Sure. But less costly to society than a total shut down of our economy and the mental health of all our young kids. 

 

It would be totally cruel to have extreme isolation for years of the their childhood. As a severe asthmatic I honestly would rather die than let an entire generation be imprisoned and unconnected for years.  

 

PS.  I think this buys us time. I think we have to find a balance by next winter. Yes, in the midst of flu season we may need to try to self isolate again but I think that at some time we have to allow larger groups than 10!  That would mean my children can't see their best friends for years since they are all part of a large family. 

Edited March 19, 2020 by frogger
Just sentence structure

[Penguin]

This site might be worth keeping an eye on. I never heard of them before today, so I am not sure yet how much info is available to non-members. Twitter feed is active.

American College Health Association

https://www.acha.org/COVID-19

Edited March 19, 2020 by Penguin

[Bootsie]

What irony:  We have been complaining that this generation does not know how to interact with people and that they spend to much time in virtual relationships!  Now that is exactly what we ARE telling them to do.  

I had one of my college students express his frustration to me today.  He said "all of these older people want to shut things down, limiting my education, my ability to pursue my hobby and exercise, and damaging the economy.  Then they want the government to send everyone $1000 to make up for it.  Well, it is my generation that will have to be paying back the money that was borrowed to send the $1000 to the older people.  The economy is going to be so wrecked , how will my generation ever pay this debt back." 

[Corraleno]

I am so heartbroken for DS, who has worked and trained so hard and sacrificed so much this year. He not only won his conference and regional championships and qualified for the NCAA Championship as one of the top seeds, he medaled at the last Olympic Qualifier, was one of the top seeds for the US Championship (which is also the final Olympic Qualifier), and was on the Olympic selection list. NCAA cancelled the championship just days before it was scheduled to start, the US Championship has been "postponed indefinitely," and his university closed and sent everyone home on short notice. In less than 72 hours he went from being super excited about making his first NCAA Championship to saying goodbye to all his friends (many of whom are seniors so he will not see them again) and packing his belongings for a 2500 mile drive home. And he still has half a semester of cobbled-together online classes to slog through, while essentially being housebound with no way to train or even work out for months (gym is closed, club is closed, etc.). I feel even worse for all the seniors who lost their last chance to compete in a championship, lost out on the graduation ceremony they worked so hard towards for 4 years, and will miss out on so many senior year traditions and celebrations. 😥

[mumto2]

I am sad for my kids.  They really have/had 😉 a great group of friends and were having such a good time.  Now they are back to school online and hanging out with the parents.  Their friends had been having sort of a monthly themed dinner club and tonight should have been Southern Night.......I felt so sad for them while I was preparing a pretty typical mom meal for dinner. 
 

Btw, most recent U.K. news on A levels and GCSE is they plan to use mocks and coursework so far.  Retakes in the fall if student contests grade.  Uni there finely canceled, I am saying finally because many foreign students can longer find a plane as borders are closing.  Friends are taking in their daughter’s roommate for who knows how long.  Ds has been getting reports on the attempts to get the roommate home.....every time she gets a flight it connects through Germany and that is apparently why it gets cancelled.

[lewelma]

11 minutes ago, mumto2 said:

 Uni there finely canceled, I am saying finally because many foreign students can longer find a plane as borders are closing.  Friends are taking in their daughter’s roommate for who knows how long.  Ds has been getting reports on the attempts to get the roommate home.....every time she gets a flight it connects through Germany and that is apparently why it gets cancelled.

My ds's friend goes to Cambridge, and luckily for him, NZ put out the call on Monday for all kiwis to come back home.  DS's friend was just barely able to get a flight, and arrived back to NZ last night with no time to spare. 

Edited March 20, 2020 by lewelma

[lewelma]

MIT has just released the academic guidelines for the rest of the term.  And all final exams will be taken during the assigned 3 hours slot Eastern Standard Time regardless of the time zone the students live in (yes, it very clearly says that!).  Well, my ds has two 9am exams, so that will be 1am-4am NZ Standard Time.  Good thing he likes to stay up late! We had a good laugh at the plight we are all in, and the sacrifices we are making. 

[Bootsie]

1 hour ago, StellaM said:

Spent ages on the phone to dd, who is in another state for university, and whose classes were only just cancelled. 

She's in her last year, and is supposed to complete a work placement of a semester as part of her degree. She got the placement she wanted, met the director last week - this week, cancelled. She won't be finishing her degree this year 😞

She has no internet, 'cos she and her partner just moved into a flat, and for some reason there are huge delays in getting the internet connected, so she can't do any of her uni work online from home. 

She's worried because they are low income, and all the staples they normally buy - beans, tomatoes, rice, pasta - are out of stock. They've got no toilet paper and no tissues. 

And she's sick. 

Oh, did I mention she has health anxiety?

Yeah, mental health not good 😞

I am sorry to hear your daughter is having such a difficult time.  Are there any resources at her university that could be of help to  her?  

[regentrude]

On 3/18/2020 at 5:37 PM, lewelma said:

I hate to talk about it, but I am already thinking about how students will stand out for grad school if all their classes are pass/fail.  I'm thinking teacher recommendations and publications as undergraduates will become more important.  

They can still do theoretical research, still take the GRE, still get recommendations from professors. Those are already much more important than the grades.

Students can also take more challenging coursework; in my field, the strong students often have some graduate level classes by the time they get done with undergrad.

[DawnM]

We are having a hard time.  As I posted in the community board, my middle son's 8 month internship was cancelled.  He needed a gap year.  He has been floundering and not really sure what he wanted to do, so a gap year made a lot of sense to him and to us.

Now we are scrambling, trying to figure out if he should continue school next year or try to find another opportunity for a gap year.

[Bootsie]

 

Here are a couple of  short videos about helping college students, and their families, with this transition