No activity in Large Family WTM’ers club!

[Carrie12345]

Where in the world do I go for help??? Lol.  It seems like there are no active large family boards anywhere on the internet. Is it because YouTube sucked them all up? I’m looking for more interaction than that.

I’ve been really calm about the general concept of bringing our niece and nephew into our home. I’m a mom of 5, one’s out of the house, so 2 more didn’t seem like a huge jump, even knowing that they’d have greater needs than usual. But then my brain started looking at it from a different perspective. Stupid brain.  I’ve gotten used to having 4 pretty self-sufficient kids in the house. In addition to greater needs, we’re jumping the numbers by FIFTY PERCENT!  That’s got to be a big deal, right?

I can’t stop wondering what I may be overlooking. Bedrooms are set up, but they haven’t been filled with more *stuff yet. We know we’ll have to take 2 cars if the whole family goes somewhere together. (We can fit 1 adult and all kids; it’s only if dh wants to come or ds comes for a visit from out of state that we’re out-seated.) I do already cook pretty big, and have one picky eater, one pescatarian, and one egg allergy, so I’m accustomed to juggling food needs.

Other than the obvious trauma and legal issues, are there things I should be bracing myself for?

[Carrie12345]

Adding: They’re early elementary aged, so that’s winding the clock back a bit more than 3 years for us.  Not an enormous amount, but definitely noticeable!

[mommyto4]

Two and a half years ago we expanded our family from four kids to six kids by adopting my cousin's two little kids. They were three and five when they came.

 Roght from the start, we noticed that our time was being taken up so much by the little ones. Especially at the beginning, there was so many transitions and work to be put into those transitions. Going to church became a big ordeal, and visiting others and having visitors had to be stopped while we attached. Things that we just did routinely became very difficult and sometimes filled with conflict.  There were a lot of open discussion about how things were changing and how the older kids were feeling about it.   It was especially difficult for our youngest biological daughter. 

We really made it a priority to set aside time for the bigger ones. My husband would take the bigger ones out for breakfast on Saturday morning or be sure to drive them to their activities and use the time in the car to connect with them.

It was also a big strain on our marriage. We had a very strong marriage.  But expanding our family with two little ones, and their so many needs, was a very difficult and trying. Make sure that you communicate a lot and take time for just you and your husband.

It also means a lot more of school meetings, doctor's appointments, lunch making, laundry, buying clothes, and all the stuff that comes with adding kids. It has made me very very busy!

For us, the change was permanent. That meant dreams were changed, the future is changed.  New dreams had to develop, and a new future had to be envisioned

 I will pray for you and for the new little ones in your house.

We are 2 and 1/2 years in, and it's so much easier now. 

Julie

[sweet2ndchance]

1 hour ago, Carrie12345 said:

Where in the world do I go for help??? Lol.  It seems like there are no active large family boards anywhere on the internet. Is it because YouTube sucked them all up? I’m looking for more interaction than that.

I've found that large family groups/boards were always a bit slower than most boards, I always assumed it was because they have large families, lol. More kids = less free time, less free time = less time to devote to social groups.

When by brood were still all or mostly at home, I had much less free time than I do now that 3 have flown the coop. I worried about the car situation as well but it worked itself out. Once I had teens old enough to drive, they usually preferred to drive themselves when we all went places. It wasn't long before we weren't all going places as a large family any more because they were graduating and becoming young adults with their own schedules and commitments. It was really a very short time when the logistics of getting a large family into vehicles was a 3 ring circus.

I have noticed that my youngest, that isn't getting as much of the big family experience, isn't as independent as my older kids were. I have the time to do more things for him and I don't have to delegate as much just to keep the house maintained. My older kids were much more responsible and independent at his age because they had to be. I'm not sure what I think about that yet.

[katilac]

On 3/8/2020 at 7:15 AM, mommyto4 said:

Roght from the start, we noticed that our time was being taken up so much by the little ones. Especially at the beginning, there was so many transitions and work to be put into those transitions. Going to church became a big ordeal, and visiting others and having visitors had to be stopped while we attached. Things that we just did routinely became very difficult and sometimes filled with conflict.  There were a lot of open discussion about how things were changing and how the older kids were feeling about it.   It was especially difficult for our youngest biological daughter. 

In addition to the normal adjustment of readjusting to younger kids, there's the added complication that 7 for a kid coming into your family through trauma is likely going to look a lot different than 7 did for your own kids. It's not like winding the clock back; it's a completely different scenario.