If you homeschooled through 8th, and then sent them to public HS....

[Meadowlark]

What has been your experience? I must admit, nearly every.single.person I talk to locally has horrible things to tell me about high school here. Everything from identity crisis to drugs to depression to low teacher expectations to no consequences...the list goes on. I'm pretty darn scared. Does anyone have an experience to share?

[mom2scouts]

Well, I'm just thankful this week that we decided not to send our teen to the high school. Everyone thinks we have a wonderful school district and the community is always supportive of the schools (never turned down a tax levy!), but this week they're dealing with a high school teacher who's been sexting recent graduates. Even worse, his wife is also a teacher at the high school so she gets the fallout from all this too. This is just one in a long line of inappropriate teachers. My older kids went to school there and I was surprised at the things they told me after they graduated and I'm happy to have my younger kids bypass it all and concentrate on learning.

 

[PeterPan]

Well the people I know who put their kids in ps for hs did it for social and were glad they did it. Social trumps a lot at this age, so if the kid is asking to go to school or it has been on your mind, you'll want to know why and have a plan to solve those issues if you keep him home. Social is a BIG DEAL in high school. Around here you can get high school specific co-ops if you're willing to drive. Drop-off rate from homeschooling by high school is really high. 

[mom2scouts]

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Well the people I know who put their kids in ps for hs did it for social and were glad they did it. Social trumps a lot at this age, so if the kid is asking to go to school or it has been on your mind, you'll want to know why and have a plan to solve those issues if you keep him home. Social is a BIG DEAL in high school. Around here you can get high school specific co-ops if you're willing to drive. Drop-off rate from homeschooling by high school is really high. 

Unfortunately, this is true.  Homeschoolers can't find enough friends for their high school students so they send them to the local school and then there's less homeschooling high schoolers which makes it harder for homeschoolers to find enough friends for their high school students. Considering some of the things happening at our local high school recently, we're pretty sure our youngest will stay home for high school, but I'm already worried about the social part. Her siblings will all be out of the house and it's going to take a lot of effort on my part to get her out of the house and meeting people. We've never been co-op people, but I'm already checking out the co-ops to see which ones might provide a peer group.

[Soror]

I planned to hs all of mine the way through but my ds asked to go for 8th. It has been a good experience for him. He has a great friend group and solid classes, and so many more extra curriculars. Ds primarily wanted to go for the social aspect (he was the only boy at home and no true hs friends) but he was also craving academics with other kids- in person- not online and is enjoying the honor's courses. My daughter is wanting to go in 8th next year, we'll see how her experience goes. I am not making any bets as she is a different kid, I think they will find different aspects good/bad. If she doesn't like it then she'll come home. NBD. There are positives and negatives to everything, around here the HS community is small enough, it is non-existent for the older kids. Ds only kind of hung out with 2 kids and they went to school, there weren't many left, none that were friendly (some I'd prefer he not be friends with anyway as they just weren't nice kids). What I've figured out is a lot of the anti-school sentiment here among hs'ers is BS and fear mongering and each kid is going to have their own experience. 

All that said, I'd still hs mine through highschool if they wanted to stay home, I'd love to have them. I hold out hope that maybe the younger ones will want to stay home and I'll actually get to teach highschool. But once they hit the teenage years they have that choice. I won't be putting the elementary ones in without dire reason as I'm not a fun of b&m school for young ones at all mostly b/c the day is too long and I want the time with them and the chance to mold them and believe parent's opinion outweighs theirs at that age.

Now, if the area was different, if we had more opportunities and options as hs'ers I'd love that maybe there would be some middle ground that would work but there is nothing here and we've got to work with what we have.

[MerryAtHope]

Mine were glad we homeschooled through high school, even with the social challenges. There are pros and cons to each choice, that's for certain. Pray about it and see where God leads!

[Pen]

We made switch at 8th if that counts.

There have been ups and downs.

 My son needed social time. And probably also needed teachers who were not mom. He got both those things.  

There also have been difficult parts. Sometimes flip sides to the positive parts. 

[EKS]

My son decided to go to the public high school for 9th grade after being mostly homeschooled prior to that.  Overall, it has been a good experience for him.  Even though our local school is well regarded, like the OP I had heard horror stories, but thank goodness, that has not been our experience.  Part of it may have been me informing my son that if he did any of that stuff, I'd not only pull him out of that school so fast that his head would spin, I would also take him to a distant mountaintop to homeschool him in seclusion for the rest of high school.  I was serious, and he knew it.

The high school is the only game in our semi-rural town, and he went for social reasons.  Knowing this going into it, I was less frustrated with some of the academic issues.  

Even so, he decided to return to part time homeschooling in the middle of his 10th grade year.  Homeschooling part time has worked out really well.  At home, we do the hyper-intellectual stuff he craves, and he gets to see his friends every day at school as well.  Because we don't have to conform to the school's graduation requirements, we have been able to pick and choose his classes based on his interests and who the teachers are.  This is huge.

Unfortunately, being able to use the public schools part time isn't something that all (or even most) states allow.

 

[EKS]

10 minutes ago, square_25 said:

I'd guess we'll come to a similar arrangement with some private school or another around here by high school, but that's obviously not as cheap ;-). 

We did private school here for a few years.  It's much harder to remain philosophical about the experience, given that you're paying for it.  With the public school, I can at least console myself with the idea that it's "free."

[Meadowlark]

I appreciate you all chiming in. Here's where I'm at-

I'm thinking that he WILL go. A little background-this kid is as social as they come. I mean, he used to wait on the curb at age 2 for the school bus to come and if the little neighbor girl didn't come over to play, he cried and cried. He's just wired to be around people. He was homeschooled until 5th grade and went for 5th and 6th. He loved it of course but each grade had some serious negative consequences. One was a newly born technology addiction/manipulation and another was just a watered down Catholic School that I was paying a lot for, and I was constantly disappointed in the leadership's choices. And so, because of a number of factors, he was brought home for 7th. I will say, things are going pretty well. I feared him to be a total monster because of the way he acted this summer when we broke the news to him. But all in all, it's been pretty darn okay. He's even working hard at Latin, so that's just a bonus.

Now, our school does have dual-enrollment, which was mentioned above. Here's my hesitation with that (along with the fact that he's counting the days until he gets to go to HS)....someone told me that he thinks kids would have a really hard time fitting in, finding their "group" when only going 1/2 the day. What do you all think about that? Do you think there is any validity in that? It's a pretty awesome thing that we have here and I think it'd be the perfect compromise-unless I really am stunting his high school experience by doing so.

Sometimes I think I just need to "let go" and pray for the next 4 years. Other times, I wonder what in the world I'm even thinking when I'm considering sending him there. I never set out to homeschool high school, but oh how things change. We have the added bonus of him being the oldest of 6, and so whatever precedent I set for him-I most likely have to follow for the next in line-who might surely sink in HS due to his low self-esteem and not so great social skills. Ahhh, decisions are never easy.

[Emily ZL]

16 hours ago, Meadowlark said:

I appreciate you all chiming in. Here's where I'm at-

I'm thinking that he WILL go. A little background-this kid is as social as they come. I mean, he used to wait on the curb at age 2 for the school bus to come and if the little neighbor girl didn't come over to play, he cried and cried. He's just wired to be around people. He was homeschooled until 5th grade and went for 5th and 6th. He loved it of course but each grade had some serious negative consequences. One was a newly born technology addiction/manipulation and another was just a watered down Catholic School that I was paying a lot for, and I was constantly disappointed in the leadership's choices. And so, because of a number of factors, he was brought home for 7th. I will say, things are going pretty well. I feared him to be a total monster because of the way he acted this summer when we broke the news to him. But all in all, it's been pretty darn okay. He's even working hard at Latin, so that's just a bonus.

Now, our school does have dual-enrollment, which was mentioned above. Here's my hesitation with that (along with the fact that he's counting the days until he gets to go to HS)....someone told me that he thinks kids would have a really hard time fitting in, finding their "group" when only going 1/2 the day. What do you all think about that? Do you think there is any validity in that? It's a pretty awesome thing that we have here and I think it'd be the perfect compromise-unless I really am stunting his high school experience by doing so.

Sometimes I think I just need to "let go" and pray for the next 4 years. Other times, I wonder what in the world I'm even thinking when I'm considering sending him there. I never set out to homeschool high school, but oh how things change. We have the added bonus of him being the oldest of 6, and so whatever precedent I set for him-I most likely have to follow for the next in line-who might surely sink in HS due to his low self-esteem and not so great social skills. Ahhh, decisions are never easy.

This is so hard. I'm not there yet and I don't know what the answer is, and I don't know what I will actually do vs what I want to do. I only know my own experience. I was not homeschooled but went to a small Christian school from K-8 and then went to public high school in a fairly nice, good suburban district. My mom pretty much thought of me and my brothers as "done" by that point - like she had raised us and put in the time and we went to the Christian school and the cake was pretty much baked and we were good kids. My older brother only had one year of public high school (12th) and he did fine. My younger brother and I had both lost our faith by the end, and I had gotten into trouble with drugs. It wasn't the school's fault at all, it's just the bubble of high school, the constant drama, the very very nice sweet kids who have access to a lot of free time/money/internet and become less than great influences. Everyone says "the social piece is really important" or "he went for social reasons" but that's my concern. I'd like it if I can find a way to get my kids some social outlets without linking it to 8-10 hours in that seething hormone drama bubble plus trying to get learning done. But my experience is likely outdated and now kids are dealing with stress and hyper competition over grades and tests and extracurriculars and getting into a good college, and I also don't want that.

OTOH my kid will probably really want to go to school and I don't know what that fight will look like. Sigh. That's hard. But it is still our decision. He has 60 more years of his life to make his own decisions and he can be as free as a bird and as social as he chooses. Maybe I will try to get him a volunteer position during day hours to get some outside contact. And find more social stuff to do. And local co-op classes with a classroom experience one or two days per week.

I hope you have peace with your decision whatever you choose!

[ByGrace3]

Well, not exactly the exact demographic for this post as we chose to keep homeschooling in high school....but oh did we face the same hard battle of a decision. Older dd asked to go to the local Christian school for high school (her friends go there and it was a social request). I weighed the decision heavily, but ultimately to put her in the expensive school I would have to go to work full time and put all the kids in school . . . we can't afford for me to stay home and her go there. We found a compromise and I went to work part time and increased her live online classes. She enjoys the online classes, still would like to go to the school, but even then she wavers as to what she would really like to do. 

Homeschool high school friends have definitely been a struggle. There are quite a few around here but they don't homeschool the way we do and that has come to frustrate dd. Why does she school 6-8 hours a day and "other homeschool high schoolers" do 1-3 hours and that's it. 

I feel like we made the best academic decision and she suffered for awhile due to the social decision. Now, in the last few months a family moved here from another state with two homeschooled high schooler that my dd has become amazing friends with and Voila ... no more social frustration. We are very thankful things worked out but can totally understand why people make the decision for social reasons. It is a valid concern. 

[Meadowlark]

1 minute ago, square_25 said:

 

I'm sure it's true that it's harder to fit in if you're in any way different, and this does make you different. But that doesn't mean you can't make good friends!

I also think not being in school all the time gives you very valuable perspective. I do think this is a really, really good option -- you'd get to stay on top of what's happening at school more, you'd have more time together, and he could also use the extra time to follow a passion. 

To me, the pros of this would outweigh the cons :-). What does he think? 

I think it sounds like a pretty great option too. Problem is, he wants to go full-time. Where we live, there just aren't very many homeschoolers and the there is no such thing as coops and large gatherings. I think he just finally wants to feel like everyone else. He just doesn't understand why his few good friends get to go to school, and he can't. No matter what explanation I give, he rolls his eyes and thinks I'm being overly protective. Sometimes I second guess myself and think I am..but then I run into someone who tells me the horribleness of high school, and then I rethink that. And funny thing is, those kids want to be homeschooled! But my kid doesn't (and never has) drunk the homeschool juice, sadly.

[Meadowlark]

1 minute ago, square_25 said:

Hmmmm. Any way you could sweeten the deal for him? Is there anything fun he'd want to do at home that he couldn't do at school? 

I went through this "sweetening" thing last year too, and he's not buying it. I even offered Disneyworld! But like I said, he's doing fine being homeschooled but sometimes I think he's just biding his time. I actually think if he did 1/2 the day in HS, he would be fairly satisfied. Gosh, idk. I just had someone tell me I was crazy that I wouldn't consider HS because after all "I went there" and I"m fine. (We live in the same city as I grew up and it's the same HS). But obviously, we know how things have changed.

[mlktwins]

On 3/10/2020 at 1:49 PM, MerryAtHope said:

Mine were glad we homeschooled through high school, even with the social challenges. There are pros and cons to each choice, that's for certain. Pray about it and see where God leads!

Mine are almost done with 9th.  They are both glad they decided to continue at home.  There are pros and cons for sure (mostly about the social part), but they still say homeschooling is worth it.

[Meadowlark]

Just now, square_25 said:

So there's nothing in particular he'd want to study and no way he'd want to spend his time other than school? I don't mean temporary things; I mean things like "well, if you stay home, you'll have more time for X." 

But yeah, kids have this annoying way of having their own preferences ;-). What would you be focusing on next year if he stayed home? 

Well-the only thing he's getting to do because I'm not paying private school tuition, is Farm camp. I do run a pretty tight ship (kind of have to) with 6 kids, so I admit I'm pushing him pretty hard academically and he knows it. After 2 years in school, he had a lot of holes. He kind of resents any kind of grammar study (says public school kids don't have to learn it) and then there's Latin, which *I* can see is doing wonders for all of my kids, but again, he doesn't see it. When he was in school, he literally loved it. He couldn't see any drawbacks-he loved being gone all day and never had a negative thing to say. He's the type of kid that wakes up early and has to be busy busy busy all day every day. i'm the opposite, so I just can't understand that kind of extrovertism (if that's a word?). One thing we did this year was buy a ski pass so there were a few times that he went early, around 2:00. But not very many because we just don't get done with school that early. We have gone on some field trips, but again, that doesn't really do it for him. I'm not sure what else I could do? He would love to get a job so that may be an option when he turns 14.

Next year is his 8th grade year, and I have him enrolled with 1 online class which I think he'll love. I'm hoping after he gets a taste for it, maybe he'll see that taking 2-3 online classes could be acceptable. He's also doing a literature discussion group which I think will have the same flavor. 

[Meadowlark]

30 minutes ago, square_25 said:

 

I run a very kid-centric homeschool in some ways -- I want to have buy-in from my kids. (And I only have 2, only one of which is being actively homeschooled, so that's just a different set up.) I do run a very academic homeschool myself, so I can absolutely relate to that! 

If he's clamoring for school, anyway, could you give him some more freedom? What subjects does he actually like? Is there anything he could spend time digging deep into instead of the classes you'd like him to do? 

That is a good point. I've been so focused on closing the holes that I saw that I haven't given him much input into school at all. He's just not that academically motivated. He's not into science or math at all, and doesn't seem to jive with history either. He loves to fish, farm and cook. Oh, and be around anything that breathes. So what could I offer him that would fit into one of those categories? And I've searched and searched for a local farm that he could work or volunteer at, to no avail. 

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[EmilyGF]

DS15 wen to a local public school for one quarter last year and HATED HATED HATED it. It was loud, chaotic, messy, etc.

We sent him to a gifted high school this year that requires a 20 minute public bus ride and he has been doing so well. He's taken leadership on the math team and made it to the finals (which are, of course, canceled). He's made it to city-wide science fair (canceled). He tutors people in his physics class. He has awesome time management skills. He can't believe how there are kids that don't want to learn at school. He knows how to set goals and achieve them. The choir teacher has heard him practicing piano and told him he could be the accompanist for the choir when he's a junior, if he wants, and get an "Advanced Piano" fine arts credit while learning to accompany and warm up singers, etc. He's learned personal hygiene in a new way (one kid at school told him he needed to shave, so he started shaving). He comes home happy most days, and tells us everything.

He hasn't made any friends. His closest "friends" are still from a math enrichment that unfortunately meets only 12 times per year. He has upped his leadership at Boy Scouts, which of course he could have done anyways. He's shocked that there are kids in his Spanish class who don't seem to care to learn the language. He's experienced some level of bullying from a small group of students to the point that we're now keeping a written log as well as having him give evidence (inappropriate notes left in his backpack and locker) to the counselor.

Now that he's home due to COVID-19, he seems terrified that I'm going to start assigning him work again... because I'm a lot harder than his gifted high school. And that makes me sad, because it seems like his tolerance for hard work has gone down.

Will he keep going next year? I think so. Will we send our next kid? She is a lot more influenced by peer pressure, and she's a totally different person. We'll see.

Emily