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Catholic moms- Confirmation question


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My 6th grade dd is making her confirmation this year. We got a note home with the confirmation dress code and it specified white dresses for the girls. 

I understand white is traditional for First Communion but I have never understood this to be a Confirmation thing. I also remember Confirmation just being dress clothes with usually a note about not being strapless or too short and not wearing flip flops. But a dignified Easter type dress or nice top and skirt or other nice and conservative clothing always seemed like the standard attire for girls. That was the case when I made my Confirmation 30 years ago. My three older boys made Confirmation over the last 6 years and two different parishes and it was never white dresses for the girls.

I don't want to find and buy a white dress and my dd does not want to wear a white dress. I'm sure she has something in her closet or we can pick up something inexpensive and Target or Old Navy that she will be comfortable in and she will wear again if we are not limited to white. 

I hate hate hate complaining or questioning our DRE. Totally not my style. So, before, I point out that this is an unusual requirement I wanted to take a quick survey of other Catholic moms. So, in your experience is Confirmation typically all white dresses for girls or no? Am I wrong to find this unusual?

Thanks.

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When I was confirmed ( 20 to 25 yrs ago) dress code was a white dress.  Now, it didn't have to be like ONLY white...mine had pastel rainbow embroidery trim.  But yeah, for my class at least (a small CCD class, not part of a larger Catholic school class) white was the dress code.  

 

ETA: my class was very small, I want to say there were 10 of us.  Also, when I had my children all baptized, although white was encouraged for all 4, my younger ones were all baptized at the same time in a super small family ceremony after a mass, and not a single one of them wore white.  In fact, I think DS7 actually had jeans on cause it was all we had.  No one was concerned with this...in fact, the priest was wearing jeans under is his mass robes lol.  All of these events occurred in different parishes, and I think that just means that a lot probably depends on the parish and the particular situation.  

Edited by happysmileylady
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When my dd2 was confirmed, we bought the dress and a week (!) before  confirmation, the DRE told the class the girls had to wear white.  Dd's dress was white on top with a coral skirt. Honestly, none of my other kids had a dress code for confirmation and I was not buying another new dress, so she just wore it. 

It was fine until they took pictures and dd2 (the smallest girl in the class) was moved to the back row so no one could see her or her dress. 

Just another nail in the coffin of our time at that parish and my children's love for the Church. The damage those people did- I regret ever stepping foot in that parish.

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Can you borrow a dress? Many years ago, I wore a friend's first communion dress for my confirmation. Except for my wedding day, I think that was the last time I wore white...

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My daughter did not wear white and I don’t remember white dresses at confirmation last week.

At our official parish (we usually attend Latin Mass elsewhere), the have the kids wear adult baptismal robes for confirmation probably so everyone is reasonably covered up.  There is quite a range of opinions on what constitutes an appropriate dress for church.

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Our parish doesn't have a white dress code for confirmation or First Communion for that matter although most people do white for Communion. Confirmation is anything nice.

I wouldn't even mention it to the DRE. If your DD doesn't want to wear a white dress then don't make her wear a white dress. They can't deny her the sacrament because she didn't wear a white dress.

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One of my daughters was confirmed last year. The first dress code instructions were clearly a c&p from the FHC instructions. (It was more than the dress code which gave that away.🙄) I talked with the head of CFF about it and the instructions were changed to basically a nice dress with some obvious restrictions on sleeveless and décolletage. 

I don’t recall any of the young ladies wearing all white. 

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I got confirmed a number of years ago.  But I was a 9th grader.  And I wore a navy blue plaid dress.  There was no white requirement.  There was no white requirement for first communion ether, though most people did do white dresses on the girls.  I do think that is weird.  

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I've seen both. I'd say neither one is unusual. 

If the tradition at your church is white, dd should ponder whether she will truly be comfortable being the only one, or one of a very few, to not be dressed in white. The church we were at when my dds made their first communion stated that white was traditional but not required. The vast majority of girls wore white dresses, not all of them ornate but generally a noticeable step above a nice dress from Target or Old Navy. The ones who didn't (I think it was two girls each time) were rather uncomfortable, and there were some tears. They were probably on board with the (very cute) dresses they were wearing ahead of time, but it was hard on them to be so out of place when the actual day came. 

Your dd is a lot older and can think it through more clearly, but I would definitely try to talk to a few moms and see what the real deal is in that particular parish. If white is a strong tradition, I do think there's something to be said for participating in the tradition. Even an extremely plain and inexpensive white dress will look more in place than a nicer dress in colors. 

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1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

Our parish doesn't have a white dress code for confirmation or First Communion for that matter although most people do white for Communion. Confirmation is anything nice.

I wouldn't even mention it to the DRE. If your DD doesn't want to wear a white dress then don't make her wear a white dress. They can't deny her the sacrament because she didn't wear a white dress.


This is almost exactly what I was going to say.

Also, until this post, I had no idea that it's traditional/required in some places to wear white for Confirmation. I've never seen or heard of it. So, I definitely wouldn't be forcing a daughter who didn't want to wear white to do so.

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13 minutes ago, katilac said:

I've seen both. I'd say neither one is unusual. 

If the tradition at your church is white, dd should ponder whether she will truly be comfortable being the only one, or one of a very few, to not be dressed in white. The church we were at when my dds made their first communion stated that white was traditional but not required. The vast majority of girls wore white dresses, not all of them ornate but generally a noticeable step above a nice dress from Target or Old Navy. The ones who didn't (I think it was two girls each time) were rather uncomfortable, and there were some tears. They were probably on board with the (very cute) dresses they were wearing ahead of time, but it was hard on them to be so out of place when the actual day came. 

Your dd is a lot older and can think it through more clearly, but I would definitely try to talk to a few moms and see what the real deal is in that particular parish. If white is a strong tradition, I do think there's something to be said for participating in the tradition. Even an extremely plain and inexpensive white dress will look more in place than a nicer dress in colors. 

White is not a tradition in this church. This is a new requirement. 

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2 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

White is not a tradition in this church. This is a new requirement. 

Then I would just talk to a few other parents. They may feel more comfortable going the non-white route if they know somebody else is as well!

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1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

Our parish doesn't have a white dress code for confirmation or First Communion for that matter although most people do white for Communion. Confirmation is anything nice.

I wouldn't even mention it to the DRE. If your DD doesn't want to wear a white dress then don't make her wear a white dress. They can't deny her the sacrament because she didn't wear a white dress.

This is what I am thinking. I’m pretty sure she won’t be the only one and she says she is okay with it even if she is. In fact when the paper was handed out in class all the girls reacted badly because it is not standard in our parish and the girls were not planning on all white. Even the teacher said that surely light colors would be okay and just maybe don’t wear black. So everyone kind of bristled at the new dress code.

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Just now, katilac said:

Then I would just talk to a few other parents. They may feel more comfortable going the non-white route if they know somebody else is as well!

I think this is what will happen.

 

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