I need a realistic routine

[ktgrok]

Life is too chaotic. I need a better strategy. I'm a go with the flow person but that isn't working for me because stuff doesn't get done and then I'm anxious. And I suck at making a plan/schedule. So I thought maybe someone else with more experience could help me with it?

Family Basics

DH works outside the home, leaves around 8:15. Sometimes home at 7pm, sometimes home at 11pm (mondays and fridays). 

DS 20 works and leaves the house around 6:30am back around 2:45pm. He does his own laundry, fends for himself sometimes for food, sometimes eats with us. Will watch kids while I go to the store, etc. 

DD 10, DS7 are homeschooled. they have a "daily work" folder that has their math and language arts work in it, with dividers for each day of the week. At the end of the week I empty it and refill. It also has reminders in it for them to do independent reading (both), and typing and spelling for DD10. 

We also have group work, we rotate around either doing history or science or some other thing each day (ideally). Today we watched a mystery science video and did the activity, w which turned into building forts, etc. Other days we do a lesson from Gather Round (free samples), or The Good and the Beautiful History or Science, or we have some science kits, etc. 

Tuesday mornings we have homeschool PE (we skipped today so did group work this morning). That goes until nearly lunch. Then Tuesday evenings are cub scouts (which I regret signing up for with a passion) and Friday mornings until at around noon are our Wild + Free group outings - usually a nature hike or something similar. last week it was a Valentine party with nature crafts.

Twice a week, currently Wednesday and Friday, I have physical therapy in the afternoon for about an hour. 

I have a gym membership, they have child care hours from 8am-noon and 4:30pm - 8pm. Not getting there much. Probably going to cancel and switch to Daily burn or something. But I wanted the Sauna. Will probably resort to hot steamy showers instead, lol. 

I NEED to be writing - and it isn't happening. i have tremendous anxiety about not writing, and even more about writing, lol. 

I also need to set aside 10-20 minutes a few times a day to work with my dogs on training - one of them is a runner and although much improved still doesn't have a reliable recall (we adopted her last summer as an adult). 

And with all this I have a needy almost 3 yr old in the mix. Sometimes she naps, sometimes she doesn't. Often when she does she's up past 10pm, which isn't good. 

Kids wake up around 7:30, bedtime is 8:30 but often they are not in bed until more like 9pm. (routine is supposed to be documentary at 8pm and then bed, but DH tends to get them riled up around then)

I'm not sleeping well, back pain (hence physical therapy) plus some insomnia stuff, plus youngest wakes up in the early morning hours sometimes, plus last night the darned dog had to go out at 3am, lol. 

I need a plan for getting housework, school work, and writing done. And outside time, our activities, etc. 

thoughts?

[Scarlett]

Sounds to  me you get an amazing amount of work done.  Wow.  I would cut the gym out for now.  But you do need something.....Also, the only way I could work at home would be to do it early morning before any kids are up.  Even an hour a day would help right?  Same with housework....just dedicate half an hour a day to picking up and get your kids to help with this.  

Also, can the 20 year old take on any of the household chores?

Make use of grocery pick up.  I find that an amazing time and energy saver.  Maybe your 20 year old could swing by the store and pick up your order on his way home.  

[prairiewindmomma]

If you are a Writer (and you are), then make time for writing as a first priority. I think your anxiety will come down and you will have a better headspace.

If I were you, I would wake at 5:30, hit the gym, and come back by 6:30-7:00 to take over so dh can make it out the door.

I would slot school into the am hours of 8-12. Make lunch simple.

On Tuesdays and Fridays, I would school 1-3 to get the basics done (math and LA), and then I would end school time.

3-5 is whatever chore time you need. Early dinner. Little kids are in bed by 7:30 and you write 8-11pm daily. Writing, IME, needs uninterrupted time to just THINK so protecting that from interruptions is key.

 

[Slache]

I have a routine with essential start times. We don't do math from 9:00-9:45, Greek from 9:45-10:15 and Writing from 10:15-11. Instead we do math, Greek and writing at 9 and while I have snacks and screens scheduled for 11 that doesn't mean we work until 11.

I use time blocking. First I put sleep, then appointments, then meals, then school, then the rest.

[ktgrok]

PE is a drop in class, and free. So yes, we can go whenever. This month is basketball which my kids don't love, so we skipped today. 

The gym...I pay a month in advance, so yeah, i'm going to cancel. The idea was it would help me with my SAD (sauna is supposed to help with depression) but by the time the prepaid month is done (since I paid this month, and next month would still be covered) SAD should basically be better anyway - yay spring! Ive done daily burn before for workouts and it is cheaper and faster. 

Writing, I tend to put off until quiet in the evening but by then I'm so tired I can barely think well enough to be creative. I don't know if I'm just out of will power ro what by then. 

[ktgrok]

Ok, DD fell asleep, which as a late nap means she will tolerate scouts better but be up late. But - i sent the other kids to their room so the house is quiet (ish). I'm going to write! Ugh....that's scary!

[Scarlett]

Just now, Ktgrok said:

PE is a drop in class, and free. So yes, we can go whenever. This month is basketball which my kids don't love, so we skipped today. 

The gym...I pay a month in advance, so yeah, i'm going to cancel. The idea was it would help me with my SAD (sauna is supposed to help with depression) but by the time the prepaid month is done (since I paid this month, and next month would still be covered) SAD should basically be better anyway - yay spring! Ive done daily burn before for workouts and it is cheaper and faster. 

Writing, I tend to put off until quiet in the evening but by then I'm so tired I can barely think well enough to be creative. I don't know if I'm just out of will power ro what by then. 

I would definitely have to do it in the morning.  What time does your dh get up?

[regentrude]

If evening writing does not work because you're tired, identify a time that would work for you and structure your day around it. You need to consciously make it a priority, otherwise it won't get done because you tend to put everybody else's wants before your need.

Can you write first thing in the morning when the house is quiet and nobody is up making demands on you or distracting you? Like 5:30 or 6? (It may not be possible; I can journal in the morning, but can't do creative work until later in the day.)

Can you schedule a mid-day break for everybody to have quiet time where they have to be in their rooms and listen to audiobooks or color or nap? And write then?

And maybe build a routine to go to the gym in the afternoon with the kids? Like, 5pm or so? And do dinner closer to 7? 

 

Edited February 18, 2020 by regentrude

[Carol in Cal.]

Personally I was very jealous of morning time, because it seemed like learning happened so much faster in the morning.  So looking at your schedule I'd drop the PE.  I'd go for a walk with DH the three nights of the week that he was home early, leaving the littles watching the documentary with the 20yo and then going to bed.  I always allowed reading but not screen time until however late DD wanted once she was in bed--maybe that would get them into bed sooner for him? Oh, and, bring the dogs when you go for those walks.

I agree with Regentrude about the midday break and writing then.  I'd also schedule some specific cuddle time with the 3YO a few times per week to keep her tank filled with love--they really need that at that age, and although you don't have to tell her when it's going to be, keeping it regular for you is nice.

I'd plan some kind of family pleasurable outing for Saturday or Sunday afternoons each week--a picnic to a big playground, or visiting a natural history site or nature walk or history spot together.  This can be very inexpensive--join a local place (zoo or museum or park) and go every week for a long time, and then switch the next year.  Everyone having something to look forward to together goes a long way toward making other difficulties easier to stand.  

 

[catz]

I would ferociously guard 2-3 hours in the mornings to crank out school work.  Any school work that wasn't done early at our house was just MUCH harder later in the day with my kids at those ages.  Maybe once or twice a month we'd sign up for an early field trip.  But I'd almost always knowingly sacrifice school work or push kids to get a little bit done before we left the house.  I'd set up or look for an early afternoon play group that focused on outside play.  I just found it way easier to prioritize and schedule other stuff if we were reliably getting school done early.  Even with teens.  We've never been a sleep as late as you want kind of house.  My kids have always had busy afternoons and evenings.  

I'd see if DH could do cub scouts.  I'd also see if DH could maybe establish an evening read aloud with your kids.  He is out of the house many hours and that would drive me nuts so I'd want to structure some evening time so kids are getting their tanks filled by him too and maybe that is when you get to step away for a bit.

 

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Personally I was very jealous of morning time, because it seemed like learning happened so much faster in the morning.  So looking at your schedule I'd drop the PE.

Yes, that definitely. I found that schoolwork was most effectively done between 8am and noon, and we never participated in events during these hours. At those ages, all schoolwork should be easily accomplished by lunch time, leaving the afternoons free for extracurriculars, errands, unstructured pursuits.

[ktgrok]

3 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Yes, that definitely. I found that schoolwork was most effectively done between 8am and noon, and we never participated in events during these hours. At those ages, all schoolwork should be easily accomplished by lunch time, leaving the afternoons free for extracurriculars, errands, unstructured pursuits.

The problem is there just aren't that many things to do in the afternoon. All the homeschool stuff is in the morning. And I'm trying to get them to have some group time with other kids - the 10 yr old is really craving that. And I'm finding that cub scouts in the evening is HARD for me. I have to go too because DH is meeting us there from work, he worked 30 minutes the other side of where the meeting is, and nearly an hour from the house. So no way for him to get home and get the kids first. 

I really think we will drop it next year. I HATE being out of the house in the evening, and with DH teaching two evenings, plus once a month he has another event in the evening, plus sunday evenings he has an 8pm conference call...I just don't want more evening stuff. And the kids really don't, either to be honest. 

I'd rather have that time as family time. And I'm realizing I'd rather do family campouts, or just with one other family/friends than cub scout camp outs. 

Edited February 18, 2020 by Ktgrok

[regentrude]

5 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

The problem is there just aren't that many things to do in the afternoon. All the homeschool stuff is in the morning.

Does it have to be a specific homeschool activity? My kids did several extracurriculars, and they were all in groups that consisted of public schooled and homeschooled kids. And of course anything for ps kids is in the afternoons! So why seek out an activity limited to homeschoolers? Mine rode horses, sang in choir, did TKD and judo and bjj, none of them in specific homeschool groups.

Edited February 18, 2020 by regentrude

[Carol in Cal.]

2 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Does it have to be a specific homeschool activity? My kids did several extracurriculars, and they were all in groups that consisted of public schooled and homeschooled kids. And of course anything for ps kids is in the afternoons! So why seek out an activity limited to homeschoolers? Mine rode horses, sang in choir, did TKD and judo and bjj, none of them in specific homeschool groups.

I did this, too.  There were some teachers who would not give me an after school hours spot once they found out we homeschooled, like for instrument lessons, and I did not stay with them.  My schedule worked because I really made it work (I was working 55 hours per week) so I had to be ruthless about stuff like that.  But DD did a choral group for many years that met during after school hours, and she made a ton of friends there.  We also participated for a few years in a Friday after school hiking/nature group that was mixed homeschool and PSers, and that made the schedule work with ours.  Now that so much art/music/sports is not taught in schools, the opportunities for outside classes in the late afternoons have proliferated a ton.

[Ausmumof3]

To me you are going to inevitably have a somewhat late schedule because your dh works late and your dd stays up late.  I’ve worked out when our family is running like that there’s no point going against the natural flow.  There’s no way I could do gym at 5.30 if my dh was coming in at 11 the night before.  
 

do you work better in short or long bursts? You could do two short 10 minute sessions with the dog at the time of day when you feed her rather than trying to fit in a big chunk.

for simplifying kids activities I would actually ask them and drop anything they don’t want to do.  The only proviso is they would have to do at least one thing a week.  They can’t totally self isolate.  This has usually worked for us, my kids recognise when they’re getting burned out. 
 

Are your ADD meds still working?  Just wondering because if the dosage is off for some reason that could be contributing to a sense of overwhelm. 
 

I need to rehash our routine as well.  We are doing ok with school but the house is chaotic again.

[ktgrok]

22 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Does it have to be a specific homeschool activity? My kids did several extracurriculars, and they were all in groups that consisted of public schooled and homeschooled kids. And of course anything for ps kids is in the afternoons! So why seek out an activity limited to homeschoolers? Mine rode horses, sang in choir, did TKD and judo and bjj, none of them in specific homeschool groups.

Part of the issue is cost. After school stuff often is pretty speedy - for TKD I'd be looking at at least $100 month or more, for instance. County homeschool PE is free, and it gets them outside, and after the class they spend a good bit of time just playing in the park, w which is good for them. 

I should add that I don't mind dropping our "group work" on PE or Wild +Free days. We can do a longer school year, and I'm happy to let them watch a documentary or us listen to a cool audio book in the car those days, rather than a formal lesson in history or science. Plus they do a lot of animal identification, etc on the hikes, and even at the park. 

And to be honest, I'd rather drive somewhere in the morning than late in the afternoon, and definitely rather than then in the evening. I hate going out after dark. I'm very diurnal, lol. 

13 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

To me you are going to inevitably have a somewhat late schedule because your dh works late and your dd stays up late.  I’ve worked out when our family is running like that there’s no point going against the natural flow.  There’s no way I could do gym at 5.30 if my dh was coming in at 11 the night before.  
 

do you work better in short or long bursts? You could do two short 10 minute sessions with the dog at the time of day when you feed her rather than trying to fit in a big chunk.

for simplifying kids activities I would actually ask them and drop anything they don’t want to do.  The only proviso is they would have to do at least one thing a week.  They can’t totally self isolate.  This has usually worked for us, my kids recognise when they’re getting burned out. 
 

Are your ADD meds still working?  Just wondering because if the dosage is off for some reason that could be contributing to a sense of overwhelm. 
 

I need to rehash our routine as well.  We are doing ok with school but the house is chaotic again.

My meds did need adjusting - I am supposed to add on a short acting dose around 3pm, but have been forgetting more often than not. When i do take it I notice the difference. 

[ktgrok]

Oh, and both PE and the Wild+Free group are new for us. My goal is to use those as our outside the house social time and cut scouts. That way it isn't eating into daddy time, and I'm not out driving after dark, and the little one is up late, etc. 

and that way we are home by the time she naps, if she naps. 

[ktgrok]

Just now, questionlover96 said:

Ask your husband to help you out. I strongly feel that teamwork is crucial to homeschooling. What extra curricular activities do your children do? Review the list with them and ask them to stop one or two they really hate. Can you change your schedule or not? 

Children also need to have down time as well. There is no point in overwhelming them with too many extra curricular activities. I specifically state only three or four a week for my sanity. This is my stance on all structured activities. This way we can do more free open air walks and have quality family time at weekends too. It prevented burnout.  

That is also crucial. Seriously. This year in September, I looked at my list and modified  it. Instead of formal tennis lessons, we decided to try out toddler art instead. And we stopped outdoor swimming lessons as it was getting too cold for me personally. I replaced that with toddler music making classes. It worked in our favor generally speaking. Next school year I might start first aid lessons with them. We will see. I have to find out more first. 

Only time will tell however. I could literally write a essay on extra curricular activities, but I won't. 

 

So...here is where I will sound like a wuss, lol. Or whiner. But really I HATe being over busy and hate having "demands" on my time that way, plus I'm cheap and trying to pay off debt. So, scouts is there only extracurricular, lol. That and I mean, they do sunday school class at church on sundays. Then the PE class is tuesday morning (free and low key, and the toddler can play on the playground while the other kids do the class) and we just joined the all ages (free) Wild + Free group. 

The idea of being gone in the evenings/afternoons 3-4 days makes me want to hibernate. Serious introvert here, lol. 

And I'm just big on kids having free time - lots of just play outside with the neighbors or whatever time. Build a fort with blankets time. But that was ALL we were doing so we added scouts, and then it turned out to be more a burden than I realized, and then we were skipping a lot, so I added wild and free and PE. 

tonight I just saw that scouts was cancelled for the younger one, and older one said she'd just as soon stay home if her brother was. so, we miss it again. (mandatory stuff is all done for the year, this is extra stuff). I also realized we joined this scout group because they meet at our church and I thought it would help make friendships, as at that point were were not in a regular homeschool group or anything. I figured they would see the same kids twice a week that way. But most of the kids in scouts don't go to our church anyway, lol. So that didn't work out. And I really do like the Wild+Free groupie nd one of the kids there DOES go to our church. 

As for DH helping, he's just not HERE to do that most of the time. 

[Lecka]

Can you set a timer on your phone?  Or set a timer in your kitchen sometime in the morning?  That is the only way I can do anything at a certain time in the afternoon.  It is just not a time of day I keep track of time well.

I think quit cub scouts?  Evening activities are SO much harder than any earlier in the day.  

[ktgrok]

Ok, so two votes to quit cub scouts? Honestly, I'd LOVE to. But it seems to anti-American to quite cub scouts. Like, my citizenship might get revoked, lol. 

[Lecka]

I think try for play dates for your 10-year-old.  It is more satisfying than group classes, often.  Especially if what she wants is to play afterward, or if that is the really fun part.  I think look for that, try really hard to find someone you can make plans with or have over.  It would not take more than a few people for her to have that, and you could be much more flexible with scheduling, and maybe/probably also really be giving her what she wants.  

Often in groups there is not really that much time to just talk, hang out, play, etc, because they are supposed to be paying attention, doing what they are supposed to do, etc.  

And that is good too, but it is a different thing.  

[Lecka]

I don't know why you wouldn't quit cub scouts.  He can go back into scouting when he is older.  He is not out forever *by any means* if you quit now.  

[Lecka]

Especially if he likes outdoors things -- the actual outdoors time goes way up for older kids because the supervision levels and independence change so much.  

[Lecka]

If you do want to do Scouting, I really think, try again at an older age.  

It is not worth keeping a younger sibling up at night for *at a minimum* and it seems like it is disruptive and tiring even apart from that!  If he was an older age group I would not have the same opinion but for a younger age group -- I don't think it is worth it at all just for keeping a sibling up late.  

[Scarlett]

13 minutes ago, questionlover96 said:

Ask your husband to help you out. I strongly feel that teamwork is crucial to homeschooling. What extra curricular activities do your children do? Review the list with them and ask them to stop one or two they really hate. Can you change your schedule or not? 

Children also need to have down time as well. There is no point in overwhelming them with too many extra curricular activities. I specifically state only three or four a week for my sanity. This is my stance on all structured activities. This way we can do more free open air walks and have quality family time at weekends too. It prevented burnout.  

That is also crucial. Seriously. This year in September, I looked at my list and modified  it. Instead of formal tennis lessons, we decided to try out toddler art instead. And we stopped outdoor swimming lessons as it was getting too cold for me personally. I replaced that with toddler music making classes. It worked in our favor generally speaking. Next school year I might start first aid lessons with them. We will see. I have to find out more first. 

Only time will tell however. I could literally write a essay on extra curricular activities, but I won't. 

 

ONLY 3-4?! Yikes.  When my son was young he had piano once a week and swim 3 times a week and he was an only child.  Even that got to be too much and he asked to drop swim by age 10.  

[Scarlett]

6 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Ok, so two votes to quit cub scouts? Honestly, I'd LOVE to. But it seems to anti-American to quite cub scouts. Like, my citizenship might get revoked, lol. 

No.  Quit it.  

[Lecka]

Your kids are young enough they might not even really notice if you stop going.  

[Lecka]

When your son is 10-11 it can be a good time to get back into it.  Or give it a try again.  Some kids are really drawn to it and some kids like other things.  

[Lecka]

I have heard that the worst thing can be to force it when kids are younger and maybe tired, maybe find it a little hard to pay attention, etc, and then they don't want to do it when they are older.  

And if he loves it -- what does he love?  There is probably a way to do whatever he loves from cub scouts in another way that works better for you.  If he just wants to run around and play, or do some activities, that does not require cub scouts.  

[wendyroo]

I would quit cub scouts.

I also didn't see you mention anything about the kids doing chores.  If the older two are not doing their fair share, then I would make that a priority.  My 6, 8 and 10 year olds all struggle with mental health and neurodevelopmental challenges, and yet I still expect each of them to clean a bathroom once a week, do a couple loads of laundry (nothing I care too much about 😄), vacuum one room, change their own sheets, wipe down one kitchen appliance, etc.

Have you ever considered doing some work on Saturday?  You could really focus on skill work on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday mornings.  I LOVE working on skill subjects once a week when DH is home so that I can really give each child my undivided attention for a while...especially in whatever subject they most struggle with.  Then, you could use travel time on Tuesdays and Fridays to listen to audiobooks or pod casts and on those afternoons plan to cover science or history.  

Wendy

[regentrude]

18 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Ok, so two votes to quit cub scouts? Honestly, I'd LOVE to. But it seems to anti-American to quite cub scouts. Like, my citizenship might get revoked, lol. 

Quit if it doesn't feed your soul. We never participated in any of that stuff. We rather hike and camp and rock climb with my kids myself. Scouts is not necessary for that.

[73349]

Meh, my dad quit cub scouts after like 2 years and went on to join the navy & did fine. :) If they don't love it, and being out of the house is definitely unpleasant when you have a toddler, just ditch it. They won't be barred from scouting for life or anything. Wild and Free sounds like a better fit right now.

[catz]

I think it's totally fair to quit scouts given your DH's schedule. That said if you have a social 10 year old who is craving more, I'd really be thinking hard about that moving forward.  10 is the age where my kids REALLY needed a peer group and really started to want to be engaged in extracurriculars.  If for now that means setting up individual play dates, etc I think that's fine.  

One of the best things we did as a young homeschooling families was I organized a weekly mostly outdoor play group for something that worked well on our terms.  I hand picked families we knew to invite to start.  It was obviously free (though we all had a couple museum memberships, we'd meet at those when weather was poor).  I guess I wouldn't be afraid to try to create something if you think that might work better for you.

Honestly, with your husband's schedule I would consider sending your oldest to school at some point if your husband's schedule looks to be long term and she is craving more social and additional extracurriculars don't work for budget, your schedule/needs, etc.  And you can definitely just ignore that if it won't work for other reasons.  I just think your schedule is unusually mom centered. Our schedule worked because my husband was able to do a lot of late afternoon/evening running around, engaging very active social kids, etc.   Your 10 year old is just going into a tough phase where peers become very important and I'd just be sensitive to that.  I think it'd be easy to lose that in the shuffle of your 7 year old's needs and dealing with a toddler and your own need for space and sanity.  But school has never been a forbidden thing at our house.   We considered it as an option every year.  Our teens chose to stay home very mindfully and actually had they not been motivated to make it work, I probably would have sent them to B&M school.

[Sherry in OH]

If your children were interested in scouts, I'd recommend looking for a pack that meets at a more convenient time and location, or try lone scouting.  But if you aren't a scouting family, find a different activity for your 10 year old.  Does your public library have after school or weekend programming that would interest her?  If your older son was able to watch the other children during this time you could run errands or write while you waited for her.  Otherwise, the other children could have library time during her activity.  

Is there a choir or youth group at your church?  Are there any activities she would like to try?  I do think age and interest-cohort activities are important for tweens and teens but there must be a balance.

I would drop the Tuesday morning gym class for the remainder of this school year.  Plan your lessons for a four day week.  Go to Wild and Free on Friday mornings, then use the afternoon for housework and errands.  The children help you, have self-directed learning, or extra playtime.  Fit in writing whenever it works for you - get up early and do it before school or during quiet time in the afternoons.  Schedule a midmorning break for outside time.  Follow this by a snack to get everyone back indoors.   Take/send everyone outside again when afternoon lessons are done.  

[ktgrok]

50 minutes ago, Lecka said:

Can you set a timer on your phone?  Or set a timer in your kitchen sometime in the morning?  That is the only way I can do anything at a certain time in the afternoon.  It is just not a time of day I keep track of time well.

 

I'm getting better about this. Alexa now tells me to take my medication (but the afternoon one is hard, as I'm often in a different part of the house and say "I'll do that in a minute" and forget). she also tells me to "make dinner" at 4:30 which really helps. Heck, I sort of wonder if I should have her chime the hour so I know what time it is. 

[ktgrok]

59 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

It sounds like what you really want to drop is Scouts, because it’s in the evening when you don’t want to be out, and it adds another thing to the Tuesday.  And if the kids are preferring to skip than go, just drop it.   

OR, see if your DS20 can take them.  If all the mandatory stuff is done then he doesn’t need to do anything other than drop them off, right?   I don’t think it’s too much to ask him to take them for you once a week.  

If the 7 yr old goes a parent has to be there. Tiger scouts have to have a parent with them. DH can meet DS there, but then they have to switch out car seats, etc. And DS 20 isn't keen on the nearly hour of deriving it would be to go back and forth, although I could make him if I needed to. 

58 minutes ago, Lecka said:

I think try for play dates for your 10-year-old.  It is more satisfying than group classes, often.  Especially if what she wants is to play afterward, or if that is the really fun part.  I think look for that, try really hard to find someone you can make plans with or have over.  It would not take more than a few people for her to have that, and you could be much more flexible with scheduling, and maybe/probably also really be giving her what she wants.  

Often in groups there is not really that much time to just talk, hang out, play, etc, because they are supposed to be paying attention, doing what they are supposed to do, etc.  

And that is good too, but it is a different thing.  

That's a good reminder. We do have one family we used to get together with a lot, but the mom has a broken leg and isn't getting out much. But we could go to them, I need to check in with her and see if she's up for it yet. But, they are 40 minutes away, vs PE that is 15 minutes away, lol. We generally met halfway, but I don't think she is driving yet. 

 

55 minutes ago, Lecka said:

If you do want to do Scouting, I really think, try again at an older age.  

It is not worth keeping a younger sibling up at night for *at a minimum* and it seems like it is disruptive and tiring even apart from that!  If he was an older age group I would not have the same opinion but for a younger age group -- I don't think it is worth it at all just for keeping a sibling up late.  

And honestly, it is too late for DS 7 as well. He is not a night owl, and by the time scout ends at 7:30, then all the kids play on the playground for a while, then we drive home it is about 8:30pm. Then they have to change, have a snack, try to settle down, etc. It ends up being a late night. 

48 minutes ago, Lecka said:

I have heard that the worst thing can be to force it when kids are younger and maybe tired, maybe find it a little hard to pay attention, etc, and then they don't want to do it when they are older.  

And if he loves it -- what does he love?  There is probably a way to do whatever he loves from cub scouts in another way that works better for you.  If he just wants to run around and play, or do some activities, that does not require cub scouts.  

He really does struggle to pay attention and he hates the monthly pack meetings - he has sensory issues and they are too overwhelming for him. Plus, boring, lol. 

47 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

I would quit cub scouts.

I also didn't see you mention anything about the kids doing chores.  If the older two are not doing their fair share, then I would make that a priority.  My 6, 8 and 10 year olds all struggle with mental health and neurodevelopmental challenges, and yet I still expect each of them to clean a bathroom once a week, do a couple loads of laundry (nothing I care too much about 😄), vacuum one room, change their own sheets, wipe down one kitchen appliance, etc.

Have you ever considered doing some work on Saturday?  You could really focus on skill work on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday mornings.  I LOVE working on skill subjects once a week when DH is home so that I can really give each child my undivided attention for a while...especially in whatever subject they most struggle with.  Then, you could use travel time on Tuesdays and Fridays to listen to audiobooks or pod casts and on those afternoons plan to cover science or history.  

Wendy

We've been working on this. They are doing much better about picking up in general. And they fold and put away their own laundry, clean their bathroom, etc. they also do the floor in their room, and can carry and turn on Roomba in other rooms. DD 10 puts away most of the groceries and cooks a meal about once a week, plus cooks snacks. 

I like the idea of doing something on Saturday, even if it was maybe one of the experiments or something - let Dad do that with them!

30 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

I think it's totally fair to quit scouts given your DH's schedule. That said if you have a social 10 year old who is craving more, I'd really be thinking hard about that moving forward.  10 is the age where my kids REALLY needed a peer group and really started to want to be engaged in extracurriculars.  If for now that means setting up individual play dates, etc I think that's fine.  

One of the best things we did as a young homeschooling families was I organized a weekly mostly outdoor play group for something that worked well on our terms.  I hand picked families we knew to invite to start.  It was obviously free (though we all had a couple museum memberships, we'd meet at those when weather was poor).  I guess I wouldn't be afraid to try to create something if you think that might work better for you.

Honestly, with your husband's schedule I would consider sending your oldest to school at some point if your husband's schedule looks to be long term and she is craving more social and additional extracurriculars don't work for budget, your schedule/needs, etc.  And you can definitely just ignore that if it won't work for other reasons.  I just think your schedule is unusually mom centered. Our schedule worked because my husband was able to do a lot of late afternoon/evening running around, engaging very active social kids, etc.   Your 10 year old is just going into a tough phase where peers become very important and I'd just be sensitive to that.  I think it'd be easy to lose that in the shuffle of your 7 year old's needs and dealing with a toddler and your own need for space and sanity.  But school has never been a forbidden thing at our house.   We considered it as an option every year.  Our teens chose to stay home very mindfully and actually had they not been motivated to make it work, I probably would have sent them to B&M school.

Our local schools are really bad. As in, my sister who is a school administrator in our county and is not pro homeschool by any means agrees the kids shouldn't go to school here. We may move in the next year. We also are hoping to have finances open up some in the next year or so at which point we'd have some more options including some hybrid schools, etc. We also have the ability in this county to do part time school - so she could take a class or two at the local school, do clubs, etc if she wants, when we move to a better school zone.

[ktgrok]

26 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

Can you get a pill box and when you take the a.m., put one in your pocket?  

Not a bad idea!

[prairiewindmomma]

I would also quit scouts.

Fanny packs are back and I am SO glad! I wear one around the house with my phone, wallet, keys, and meds I need to take during the day. 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

29 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I would also quit scouts.

Fanny packs are back and I am SO glad! I wear one around the house with my phone, wallet, keys, and meds I need to take during the day. 

 

OR!  You can get a spiffy running belt, which would hold all that except your wallet, and make you look like a bad ass.

[ktgrok]

12 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

OR!  You can get a spiffy running belt, which would hold all that except your wallet, and make you look like a bad ass.

ooh, I like that. I have a treat pouch I should be using during the day for the dogs, I could use that, or put treats in a baggie in a running belt. 

Do you have a running belt you like? I am wearing more leggings and such and would love a way to have pockets when I don't have pockets!

Edited February 19, 2020 by Ktgrok

[Susan in TX]

4 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

And I'm just big on kids having free time - lots of just play outside with the neighbors or whatever time. Build a fort with blankets time. But that was ALL we were doing so we added scouts, and then it turned out to be more a burden than I realized, and then we were skipping a lot, so I added wild and free and PE. 

 

So why not go back to what you were doing? Drop all of it. My kids don't do outside activities except for church until high school. I don't find it worth it. We have done swimming lessons in the summer but that's it. 

Susan in TX

[Jentrovert]

4 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

I'm getting better about this. Alexa now tells me to take my medication (but the afternoon one is hard, as I'm often in a different part of the house and say "I'll do that in a minute" and forget). she also tells me to "make dinner" at 4:30 which really helps. Heck, I sort of wonder if I should have her chime the hour so I know what time it is. 

I kinda do this. I have morning alarms set on my phone for 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, and 9:00, with the setting where it says the time. This really helps the mornings not get away from me. Before, I had a tendency to get distracted with laundry or picking up this and that or simply taking too long for breakfast. Now I'm reminded of the time going by and stay more on task. I wonder if you could do something similar for blocks of time.

I would totally drop Scouts. 

[MercyA]

WTH does someone keep down-voting Katie's threads? If this is deliberate, it's not cool. At all. 

[Tap]

Look at your schedule and make some categories ala pro/con style. You are absolutely over-scheduled and need to cut. To help decide what needs to be dropped, put a few notes on paper.

What do you find is the most valuable 'pro' for each of you? What is supposed to be a 'pro', but is actually a 'con'.  

Make a chart with each activity in your schedule across the top, and each person's name down the side (like a multiplication chart).  Circle the combinations that are positive and cross out the combinations that are negative.   This will help you identify which activities are the most valuable and are worthy of you time.  It will also help you see if one child gets more benefits than the other kids. 

Write a list of what each person really needs to have a good day.  What is draining on each person. Looking at the above chart, think about what each activity costs the family. Not just financial cost, but also time/stress/commitment etc. See which activities are a hidden positives and which are hidden negatives. 

Since you are the leader of you family during the day, what time of day are you most productive? When do you like to do seat work? Write? Cook? When are you most disciplined...when are more likely to give in?  Plan your day accordingly. 

One thing to remember, is that just because one person gets benefit from something, doesn't mean it has to be year round.  I would rather have something that I love to do, a few times per year, instead of something I only like to do, on a regular basis.  One of my daughters (and dh,) likes so many things, it is easy to fill her schedule, but that isn't fair to everyone else.  My son has to be around people, but after a few days at a place like summer camp, he needs a full day of quite introvert time to recharge. His activities need to involve time actually interacting with people (he was a competative swimmer, but pool time wasn't counted as people time). My youngest daughter craves people, constantly. She also likes sports and the praise that comes with it. If she doesn't have a coach that gives lots of verbal praise, she may as well skip practice even tho that means she has people time. It will actually take away from her day and leave her in a negative funk, even if she likes the sport. 

Try to find what is the most valuable and what only seems to have value. Then cut accordingly.  🙂 I find when I make lots of styles of pro/con lists, the valuable activities become very apparent and the garbage sticks out like a sore thumb. 

 

 

[Shoeless]

1 hour ago, MercyA said:

WTH does someone keep down-voting Katie's threads? If this is deliberate, it's not cool. At all. 

How do you down-vote a thread? Not that I want to down-vote, lol.  Does down-voting keep people from seeing threads?

[LMD]

Quit Scouts. I'd quit scouts in a heartbeat!

Do not feel bad about not doing evening stuff, or not being busy. I often not-joke that I'm allergic to being busy. I don't function well. We don't, as a rule, do evening things because our schedule is whack enough with dh's shifts and it just doesn't work. We have broken it twice in 15 years, when dd was aged 8-10ish, for a total of about 18months and mostly regretted it. We're about to break it again but under strict and vastly different conditions (1-1.5 hrs once a week, dd is older, carpooling and dh helping with lifts, only running for 3 terms p/year, already has friend in the group, it is in the career path dd is interested in and will advance skills)

Anyway, sorry for the me-rail!

What sort of environment do you need for writing? How much time per day/week do you need? What time of day do you generally work best? One block of time or snatches of time?

Can you institute an afternoon quiet time? Everyone rests quietly for at least an hour? Then it won't matter so much if your 3 year old sleeps, she'll still get a rest. I'd probably say from about 2.30pm, everyone goes to a quiet spot with books, headphones etc., set a timer. I'd likely cave on quiet screens as long as they stayed put and quiet. Then you can make a cup of tea and write for an hour or so.

Can you take the dogs out for 20 mins before your husband leaves for work? At 7ish, before the kids are mostly up?

I'd keep wild and free because it sounds like you enjoy it and it's meeting more of your needs (kids from church, good activities outdoors, not in the evening)

P.e. Class, I'd be open to something different. Throwing out this idea - what if, instead of pe class, you went to the gym as soon as daycare opened 8am - or left home same time as your dh, you did your thing (exercise & sauna) til 9/9.30am. Then, you and kids spend another hour or two having pe at the gym (I'm assuming for the sake of this idea that there are facilities like a pool!) and pre-text-invite other homeschooling families to join you for casual pe/play time. Home by 10.30/11.30ish, daily work & lunch. Done by 2 - rest/writing time.

I'm envisioning a routine like this:

7am - take dogs for a walk

7.30 - shower/dress, breakfast with family, see husband off to work.

8-8.30ish - 11-11.30 ish - morning block. This is homeschooling group work time or gym/pe or wild&free. 

11.30ish - 12.30ish - lunch. Include an after lunch household chore for everybody.

12.30 - 2.30 - daily homeschool work/folders. 

2.30 - 4pm - rest and writing time

4 - 4.30 - take dogs for a walk again, with some/all kids? Your oldest could maybe watch one or two? 

4.30 - Evening Meal Time (6? 7? Ish) - free play for the kids. Housework, prep food, relax (haha)

9pm - kids in bed. Spend time with oldest ds? Last pick up around the house.

9.30 - 11pm Mon/Fri when dh is still at work, Write! Tue/Wed/Thurs enjoy your hubby! 

Sleep by midnight.

That's about 8 hours of writing time a week so far. Then, I'd make a deal with dh for some focussed writing time on the weekend. Maybe Saturday afternoon/evening is daddy and kids time to sort out the evening meal while mommy writes. You disappear at 3pm and come out at 6ish when tea is ready. Then (if I remember correctly, he doesn't come to church with you guys? No judgement, mine doesn't either!) He has a few kid free hours Sunday morning to do whatever he needs/wants, guilt free.

Obviously this is just my random thoughts, ignore as much as you like 😁  sorry if there's doubled suggestions, I only read about 2/3rds of the replies... Solidarity sister, sounds like you are doing a great job!

Edited February 19, 2020 by LMD

[Scarlett]

5 hours ago, MissLemon said:

How do you down-vote a thread? Not that I want to down-vote, lol.  Does down-voting keep people from seeing threads?

At the top of the thread under the OPs picture/name there are 5 stars.  You can click on them 1-5. But you only get one try so if you accidentally hit 1 you have just down voted a thread.  So hopefully it was not intentional.. 

[freesia]

13 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

Ok, so two votes to quit cub scouts? Honestly, I'd LOVE to. But it seems to anti-American to quite cub scouts. Like, my citizenship might get revoked, lol. 

Quit cub scouts.  It’s not in American lol. I have an Eagle and Life Scout. We join at the Boy Scout level ( oldest did Weblos and I swore never again!) my mom is an Eagle coordinator for her district and she doesn’t like cubs either. 

I would keep the PE and Wild and Free group for your kids ages. 

Set a timer for your meds. But also just know that many of us find juggling everything at your children’s ages very challenging.  It should get easier. 

[freesia]

The reason I’d keep the two homeschool activities is that I have felt it important to nurture my children’s friendships and make connections at that age. My boys have never made close friends at Scouts.  I would think the wild and free group would be best for this—but I think the physical activity of the PE is important. It’s hard at those ages to tell them to go out and play. The two year old would want to go and Katie certainly can’t write if she’s outside supervising or inside with a two year old who feels left out. 

Part of what may make the two homeschool groups work better socially is the connections Katie will make.

[ktgrok]

7 hours ago, MercyA said:

WTH does someone keep down-voting Katie's threads? If this is deliberate, it's not cool. At all. 

lol, I hadn't noticed! Now I'm going to get a complex, lol. 

59 minutes ago, LMD said:

Quit Scouts. I'd quit scouts in a heartbeat!

Do not feel bad about not doing evening stuff, or not being busy. I often not-joke that I'm allergic to being busy. I don't function well. We don't, as a rule, do evening things because our schedule is whack enough with dh's shifts and it just doesn't work. We have broken it twice in 15 years, when dd was aged 8-10ish, for a total of about 18months and mostly regretted it. We're about to break it again but under strict and vastly different conditions (1-1.5 hrs once a week, dd is older, carpooling and dh helping with lifts, only running for 3 terms p/year, already has friend in the group, it is in the career path dd is interested in and will advance skills)

Anyway, sorry for the me-rail!

What sort of environment do you need for writing? How much time per day/week do you need? What time of day do you generally work best? One block of time or snatches of time?

Can you institute an afternoon quiet time? Everyone rests quietly for at least an hour? Then it won't matter so much if your 3 year old sleeps, she'll still get a rest. I'd probably say from about 2.30pm, everyone goes to a quiet spot with books, headphones etc., set a timer. I'd likely cave on quiet screens as long as they stayed put and quiet. Then you can make a cup of tea and write for an hour or so.

Can you take the dogs out for 20 mins before your husband leaves for work? At 7ish, before the kids are mostly up?

I'd keep wild and free because it sounds like you enjoy it and it's meeting more of your needs (kids from church, good activities outdoors, not in the evening)

P.e. Class, I'd be open to something different. Throwing out this idea - what if, instead of pe class, you went to the gym as soon as daycare opened 8am - or left home same time as your dh, you did your thing (exercise & sauna) til 9/9.30am. Then, you and kids spend another hour or two having pe at the gym (I'm assuming for the sake of this idea that there are facilities like a pool!) and pre-text-invite other homeschooling families to join you for casual pe/play time. Home by 10.30/11.30ish, daily work & lunch. Done by 2 - rest/writing time.

I'm envisioning a routine like this:

7am - take dogs for a walk

7.30 - shower/dress, breakfast with family, see husband off to work.

8-8.30ish - 11-11.30 ish - morning block. This is homeschooling group work time or gym/pe or wild&free. 

11.30ish - 12.30ish - lunch. Include an after lunch household chore for everybody.

12.30 - 2.30 - daily homeschool work/folders. 

2.30 - 4pm - rest and writing time

4 - 4.30 - take dogs for a walk again, with some/all kids? Your oldest could maybe watch one or two? 

4.30 - Evening Meal Time (6? 7? Ish) - free play for the kids. Housework, prep food, relax (haha)

9pm - kids in bed. Spend time with oldest ds? Last pick up around the house.

9.30 - 11pm Mon/Fri when dh is still at work, Write! Tue/Wed/Thurs enjoy your hubby! 

Sleep by midnight.

That's about 8 hours of writing time a week so far. Then, I'd make a deal with dh for some focussed writing time on the weekend. Maybe Saturday afternoon/evening is daddy and kids time to sort out the evening meal while mommy writes. You disappear at 3pm and come out at 6ish when tea is ready. Then (if I remember correctly, he doesn't come to church with you guys? No judgement, mine doesn't either!) He has a few kid free hours Sunday morning to do whatever he needs/wants, guilt free.

Obviously this is just my random thoughts, ignore as much as you like 😁  sorry if there's doubled suggestions, I only read about 2/3rds of the replies... Solidarity sister, sounds like you are doing a great job!

The issue with the gym in the morning is there are no other kids the older one's ages in the play area. But it isn't a bad idea to post on some groups and see if any other homeschooled kids have parents with memberships. I've also thought about posting to start a meet up at the dog park (my happy place) with other homeschoolers. 

The schedule itself is really helpful! Thank you!

16 minutes ago, freesia said:

The reason I’d keep the two homeschool activities is that I have felt it important to nurture my children’s friendships and make connections at that age. My boys have never made close friends at Scouts.  I would think the wild and free group would be best for this—but I think the physical activity of the PE is important. It’s hard at those ages to tell them to go out and play. The two year old would want to go and Katie certainly can’t write if she’s outside supervising or inside with a two year old who feels left out. 

Part of what may make the two homeschool groups work better socially is the connections Katie will make.

Yes, I do want them to have some friendships, and it can be nice to talk to other moms, although draining.