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Executive Function Coaching--Any Recommendations?


umsami
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One of my teens struggles with anxiety and executive function issues.  He's about to fail more classes (in traditional school now) because he can't seem to manage his time, or deal with homework for more than one class.  Was looking at Executive Function coaching for him?? Not sure what else to do at this point.

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Are you in the United States?  Have you requested an IEP meeting?  Does he have a diagnosis (for example -- for ADHD) and if so, have you taken it into the school?  

Honestly I think school supports will go a long way during the school day, for things that need to happen during the school day.  

If the problem is coming from managing his time outside of school, to be honest my 14-year-old, this year, is not taking a language (which opens up a study hall for him), and he is not taking a music extracurricular (which opens up a study hall for him).  He is not in any advanced classes.  And he is getting a lot of his homework done in study hall, so that he does not have as much after school!  

He does not have an IEP.  He used to (exited in 6th grade).

Another thing that has gone a long way, is explaining grades and how grades are weighted.  Show how much damage a "zero" will do to a grade average.

We used to have a rule for him to turn in an assignment even if it wasn't done and it wasn't complete, even if he was *allowed* to wait to turn it in. He would inevitably lose track of it and end up forgetting about it and getting a zero (or trying to find it or re-do it much later).  We said he should just *turn it in.*  This was a rule and we used to check his "Parent Portal.*  His resource teacher wanted us to quit doing this and do a transfer of control.  

If the anxiety is keeping him from getting started on things because he is afraid he won't do well -------- this is connected but it is also a separate issue.  Anxiety builds up and the more that is behind, the harder it is to do anything to catch up.  It becomes more paralyzing.  This was part of the reason for "just turn it in" here.  It also can make it seem like "it's okay to turn in something that's not perfect, it's okay to get a C on something" which here has gone a LONG way towards that kind of anxiety.  

This is just ime but anxiety issues showed up on an observation form that we and a teacher filled out as part of the testing before the IEP.  For my son, they said they suspected "situational awareness" and that anxiety-type supports would help him to where he could get back on a good path and not need medication.  If he hadn't improved with supports they said the next step would be "general anxiety" and they would think he should have a counselor outside of school and possibly/probably medication. 

If he is sitting in school not getting done what he should get done, sitting there just anxious and not working, getting more and more anxious as he sits and doesn't get started and falls farther behind ------- ime you are not there at school, supports need to happen at school.  

Right now Jessica Minihan is a big name for anxiety and school supports.  She has a lot of ideas on her website.  

I am afraid that while I think an executive coach is a good idea, if your son is at a point where he can independently implement the suggestions at school -- well that is great!  If he is not at a point where he can be independent in implementing things at school, then he needs help at school.

Ime -- though his issues have been at younger ages -- a big issue has been not using time appropriately at school.  This leads to there being so much work coming home.  This leads to the big whirlpool of there being so much to do.  And then we just are not going to overload him in high school since this is how it has been for him at younger ages.  

If he has too hard of a schedule -- that is a separate question.  I think it is the case that when kids are managing executive function issues, they may not work as high as expected academically.  And then there is some choice as far as ----- keeping them in higher/more (academic/homework-heavy) classes but providing more supports, or with less of a load but they manage it more independently.  We have gone with the second (not that it is so black-and-white) but with personal advice this would be better for my son's personality.  He is very sensitive to needing extra help and his self-esteem is much better when he is able to do things on his own, and he does not have any personal motivation to have a harder schedule.  

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Ime though -- look at his grades if you have Parent Portal or something like that.  Ime it is zeros that are leading to poor grades.  It could be another situation for you.  Here with him ---- he is not that student who does all his homework faithfully and then gets low grades on tests.  He is the student who usually performs well but can get zeros if he loses track of things.  If you look and see what is going on that will help.

It has also been different here whether zeros on homework has been -- losing things, losing track of things, etc.  Or if it has been -- anxiety, perfectionist, "I can't do it well enough."  That has been two different things here.  That is why I think -- even if it IS that executive functioning has led to anxiety, if he does have anxiety now, anxiety has a way of becoming its own thing, so that even if things started out as just executive functioning, if anxiety is in the picture now, it is probably not going to be as easy as "well the executive functioning is going better so the anxiety will just go away."  

And then if he has higher levels of anxiety, that is going to tank his executive functioning.  So there is more of a chance that if his anxiety improves, then his executive functioning will also improve.  You will have an idea if he has always had executive functioning issues or if it has come more from "out of nowhere."  

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If he already has some kind of treatment for the anxiety, I would ask there, what they think.  

Ime (this is in two different school districts) if you talk to a school counselor they can say if they think outside counseling is needed.  They may have referrals or they may suggest looking for referrals through the pediatrician.  

But it is a bad idea to just try to prop up what you can from home and private counseling, if your son would qualify for anything at school.  If kids need support more in-the-moment, then telling them from home (or private service) what they need to do at school, may just not be enough for them.  At a higher level though ----- that will work.  It's not that it doesn't/never works, but it is a different level and if someone needs more it just will not be enough at that point in time.  

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Overall it will depend on what you see.  If you think he has work avoidance caused by anxiety -- I would definitely look at Jessica Minihan.  

If he is in over his head or he has never had to organize himself before -- is he learning from this experience?  Has he gotten better over the year as he sees how he needs to make changes?  We have had times when things were really getting better over the semester, but grades were not getting better, because too big of a hole was dug early on.  Well -- then I think it is really important to highlight improvement and things going better, and not be too hung up on grades.  

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I think dig in and try to see more specifically what is going on, though.  It takes time but it can be a good time to start.  It is definitely time to contact the school and talk to a counselor, if you haven't yet.  

Ime a school counselor can also have some idea if there is "more going on."  Does your son seem depressed?  Have social problems?  Etc?  Things that we can have no way of knowing about at home, a counselor can find out by observing or talking to teachers.  It's hard to know if there is some underlying issue or if it is just -- schoolwork.  And that is good to try to find out, too.  

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Anxiety can go with depression, and he could be acting in a way at school that seems more like he is depressed, but he might not act that way at home for you to see it, basically.  Or anything -- there could be anything going on at school that would be hard to know at home.  

I have had times for sure when teachers had a different impression and my son was missing things when he told me things.  The last one that was just -- "how are you missing this" -- my son had several teachers all saying they thought he rushed through his work and didn't check his work or put enough effort into it (edit:  in middle school I went to one meeting with several of his teachers).  Well -- to him he was just trying to get done so he wouldn't NOT get done.  He had NO IDEA he was coming across this way.  I told him and it really gave him a lot of reflect on.  Having a hard time with time management is part of executive functioning, jso it fit with that, but also he just wasn't used to the idea that he could take more time and still finish, after he could.  

 

Edited by Lecka
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Depending on the school you need to be open to the idea that he has a bad label now and that it's okay with them for kids to fail.  This is a (more old-fashioned) mindset that some people have and that is "the school culture" at some schools.  It can be hard to overcome, and they can also have little motivation or intention of helping him.  Your school matters a lot on this.  

And, mental health has to be the most important thing.  Kids can come back from low grades more easily than poor mental health.  

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Well you treat the ADHD and anxiety (which may take a couple meds before you're done), and you get an IEP, yes. You also find private help, either a certified educational therapist (that's what you google) or a psychologist who specializes in ADHD and CBT (also what you google).

You're probably also going to need to bring in some tech. There are some sources like 360 Thinking and another one Heathermomster used that is terrific. (google site search to find it)

Sounds like a mess if he has those classes and grades counting against him. Can you pull him out and rebadge and call this 8th? Or repeat classes to pull up the grades?

Edited by PeterPan
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So, he's been in and out of counseling for 3+ years, on various anti-anxiety meds, etc.  He tried many meds, and unfortunately none worked.  They actually exacerbated his depression. He hasn't been on meds for about a year.

He has some OCD tendencies, which causes perfection issues.  He is scary smart...usually scoring in the 99th percentile on any sort of standardized test without any prep.  He will refuse to do something if he doesn't agree that it's a good use of time.  He will refuse to turn something in, if it is not his best work.  If he misses any work, it just snowballs to the point where is extremely overwhelmed.

We dropped his AP research class in January, hoping that would help.  Honestly, it did not. 

I've reached out to the school a few times, but so far, very little help.  He does have one teacher who is championing him and has arranged a meeting with another person for the end of the month.  

Whenever I try to advise or offer help, he tells me has his own system and it's working.  It isn't.  He had a 31 in one class, and a 47 in another.  He let his easy A in Spanish go to a D, because he was too overwhelmed with his failing classes to keep his A. 

He does not want to return to the psychiatrist, because he does not want more meds.  He found counseling..."OK"...but has this "I can fix it myself" type attitude. 

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1 hour ago, umsami said:

He does not want to return to the psychiatrist, because he does not want more meds.  He found counseling..."OK"...but has this "I can fix it myself" type attitude. 

Makes sense. Maybe someday he'd like to run genetics. TPH2 gene, etc.

Meanwhile, he sounds kinda spectrumy. And genetics, something with the methylation cycle, etc. might explain why he's not responding typically to the meds.

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3 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Makes sense. Maybe someday he'd like to run genetics. TPH2 gene, etc.

Meanwhile, he sounds kinda spectrumy. And genetics, something with the methylation cycle, etc. might explain why he's not responding typically to the meds.

We did 23andMe a few years back. Wonder if that's in there? I remember sending his raw data to Promethease... not sure if I still have it.

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29 minutes ago, umsami said:

We did 23andMe a few years back. Wonder if that's in there? I remember sending his raw data to Promethease... not sure if I still have it.

Yes, you can use your 23andme raw data and run it through knowyourgenetics.com to get back a handy color coded chart showing things involved in the methylation cycle. Ignore her long list of supplements and just look at that chart of results. Especially look at MTHFR, COMT, and VDR. And then with your promothease results look up TPH2 and maybe try anxiety. Also just try google anxiety genes and see what pops up. There's a lot of evolving research/knowledge. 

My guess, and this is just a guess, is that his profile is a little complicated or less common and that's why he's having a less than ideal response to the meds. Like me, I had some contradictory defects in my methylation cycle and my kids each got one or the other, not both, meaning they respond totally differently to things. And for me, I could be totally wet on this, but I feel like my anxiety is *usually* pretty well controlled by dealing with my TPH2 issue using time release 5HTP. It flares up when my thyroid isn't right. That's obviously something else you can run too (bloodwork). You can pick labs yourself using healthcheckusa or a similar service. I just ran more labs that way, highly recommend. So say his VDR is flagging and you wondered what his vitamin D levels are, you could run the bloodwork and skip your doc entirely. You could throw in some thyroid, anything else you thought was indicated, while you were at it.

For us, understanding methylation defects made a lot of patterns to our symptoms finally make sense. That knowyourgenetics site is pretty handy and free.

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You say that you have reached out to the school. Have you put in a formal request for evaluations to see if he qualifies for an IEP? If you make your request in writing, they have a legal obligation to either deny evaluations or do them. The schools do want to have teachers agree that there are issues, and it sounds like you have at least one. Plus I bet you have some documentation of the anxiety.

Anxiety can qualify someone for a 504. A 504 accommodation could be for teachers to ask him for homework, when he has not turned it in. It sounds as if that accommodation alone would raise his grades. He could also qualify for other accommodations, such as extra time to complete things. He can get these kind of accommodations just with a 504 and without going through the IEP process, but if you request an IEP evaluation, it can get the school's attention and perhaps make them willing to write up a 504.

It seems that he only needs EF support and not academic support, so a 504 should do it, instead of an IEP.

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You need to go through the motions of requesting things through the school.  You need to write the letter (in writing lol) to request evaluations and see if he qualifies.  Talking to the teacher, seems like it is the same thing, but it is not.  
 

To some extent — if a teacher is doing teacher-requests, that gets teacher-request things.  
 

But when you are a parent and make parent requests, then you are going about it a more effective way.  You are able to provide supporting documents it sounds like you have.  
 

You need to do the parent things to get things started.

There are sample letters on the Internet.  It doesn’t have to be anything special or fancy.  It just has to be in writing!!!!!!!!! 

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I do think anxiety can qualify for an IEP if it is more severe.  ED is a qualifying condition and I think anxiety can go under that sometimes.  

Either way you get the evaluations.  You get a meeting.  It can go a long way.  It can be a time they say “here is what we can do” even if it doesn’t lead to an IEP.  

Is this his first year in school and having grades?  Does he understand how grades work?  Does he understand needing to get certain grades or else repeat classes or go to summer school?  Has he had exposure to anything like this before?

My son had always been in public school but he has had no innate understanding of grades or “how school works” and it has taken a lot of explanation and a lot of first-hand experience or second-hand experience (seeing his friends go to summer school, etc).  
 

We are on the strict side and I don’t think it is always the right approach at all and especially for anxiety, and my son was younger (like 4th/5th grade) when he was not turning in work, and we did just have a rule that he would lose computer and video games if he didn’t turn in his work.  If there was a real extenuating circumstance — no.  If he just didn’t turn it in or ———— he did the same with thinking it wasn’t good enough (or it wasn’t finished etc etc) and we said that is not allowed, if he does that he has a consequence at home.  
 

I would question — on these “not good enough” assignments, is he even getting started?  Is he even getting anything down on paper?  Is he even getting anything he could turn in and get some kind of grade?  
 

My son got to where he was not even getting started, nothing written down, nothing to turn in. And this was with class work he should have done during class and not even homework.  
 

Is your son doing class work during class?  Is this more just homework?  Or is it just everything piling up?

I think these are things to ask at school.  
 

Ime “initiation” can be anxiety and it can be executive functioning, and when it is both it can spiral a lot.  
 

It is not that hard for kids to get to where they just aren’t really doing any work.  It is just getting more and more overwhelming and harder to get anything done, or even get started.  
 

I am one of those people who always brings up autism, but it is something.  That “refusing to do something if he doesn’t agree with it” sounds like autism but it is not like it is definitely autism.  Depending on his OCD tendencies sometimes that can seem like autism.  That is why I mention.

If he is getting some work done and turned in, that is good!  I think be positive about that with him!  It is not easy to be falling behind in school and it is hard on kids even if they act like it is not.  

 

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There is a lot of “hidden curriculum” (this is what it is called in autism books) or unwritten rules with school.  That it is considered better to turn in work and not take a zero — that is something he is probably supposed to know.  But it’s not what his opinion is!  He may disagree, or he may not even really know or be aware.  Seeming to be knowingly flaunting expectations really can come from lack of awareness or understanding or understanding there is a social expectation that he is being held to.  
 

Which — could be a side issue for sure but it can help with motivation possibly if he understands more about “how school works.”  
 

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We will talk about things like — it is disrespectful to teachers not to turn in work.  It is.  It could make a teacher feel like they worked hard to teach but then a student doesn’t care.

It can come across as not caring, when he sounds like he cares a lot in not wanting to turn in deficient work.  
 

I think that has helped some here.  
 

Thinking about how things come across to the teacher and that the teacher went into teaching for a reason and probably wanting to engage students in learning (hopefully).  

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11 hours ago, umsami said:

I've reached out to the school a few times, but so far, very little help.  He does have one teacher who is championing him and has arranged a meeting with another person for the end of the month.  

Yeah, the others are right here. The two ways to begin the eval process with the ps are one, wait till a teacher refers you, or two use your LEGAL RIGHT TO MAKE THE REQUEST YOURSELF. And there are federal protections here and a legal timeline to how long that can take, once one of those people makes the request. 

If you're beginning this process, the more you make the effort to learn the law, learn the IEP process, learn the legal timelines, and advocate, the better it's going to go. 

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Ime if a teacher brings up a kid at a teacher meeting, it can get pushed back if there are more urgent things with other kids.  And the teacher can’t do much about it.

If you go the parent route, they can’t push it back.  They have to act on it on a timeline.

It also weakens a teacher request (through their process) if the parent concerns are just “verbally expressed to the teacher.”  That is weak.

I found out my son had been brought up by a teacher at a teacher meeting several times and nothing had really panned out from it.  The resource teacher told me she had been hearing his name mentioned at the “teacher brings up concerns” meetings for 2 years!  
 

Really, write a letter, seriously consider sharing paperwork from his previous counseling, if he has a diagnosis, etc.  

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I agree with all of Lecka's posts about how anxiety can affect schoolwork. DS14 has a 504 for anxiety. When we had his psych evaluations (private, not at school), they found that he had a lot of EF issues in his thinking processes, even though he does not have the outward signs of ADHD. That was interesting to me -- and frustrating, in some ways, because if they had found ADHD, it would have been clearer how to help it.

DS14 was in fourth and fifth grades when this was happening, but the problems were also there in homeschooling in the years before that. And it's significant for me to note that DS14's anxiety was harder to deal with in homeschooling, in many ways, than DD14's dyslexia or DS15's multitude of learning problems (plus ADHD plus ASD).

Anxiety plus EF can be a very hard barrier in academics. With DS15, who is perfectionistic, if he did not completely understand what to do, he would freeze. He could ask questions of his teachers, but he couldn't process their answers when he was in an anxiety spiral, and he would sometimes tell them they were wrong or that what they said didn't make sense. Which seemed rude to some of them, even though DS is normally very respectful.

When he was in those moments, his brain's ability to work through problems would just freeze. His fifth grade teacher discovered that if she told him to to take some time to try, that he would sit at his desk for 10 minutes doing nothing, then he would finally be able to begin to work. Any kind of pressure to hurry and figure it out would keep him in the anxiety freeze, and he needed time to just slowly come around and let his anxiety dissipate.

We did also work with him some during this time on some self-talk that was recommended by the psych. We talked about "Big Deal or Little Deal." He could ask himself if this was a big deal or a little deal. If it was a little deal, then that helped put some things into perspective. If it was a big deal, what could he do to make it a smaller deal instead.

His 504 allows him to take his tests in a quiet room and to have extra time on tests, in case he freezes and needs time to recover. He is allowed to take breaks and leave the room to walk down the hall to get a drink or just take a little break outside the room.

Interestingly, DS has not used his 504 accommodations much in 7th and 8th grades. His anxiety levels have decreased, and his academics have skyrocketed, so that he has jumped up into honors classes and skipped ahead a year in math. I did not anticipate that at all!! He has not been on any meds and has not had counseling. I am watching for what happens next year in his first year of high school, to make sure that he does not get overwhelmed again, and I will press for him to keep his 504 through 9th grade, but after that, if he is not using it, it might be okay for it to be dropped.

I'm going to post this and continue.

Edited by Storygirl
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So we had several discussions with DS14's fourth grade teachers about these freezing and arguing events, because they were otherwise out of character for DS. But he didn't seem to have learning disabilities that warranted evaluations, so I waffled about putting in a written parent request for evaluations to the school. We had had two other kids go through the IEP process, so I knew what it was like. I debated making the request. I ran the idea past his teacher, who saw concerns but didn't think evaluations were necessary. I knew that I could request them anyway, but I also knew that our school took the teachers' opinions seriously and would listen if the teachers said evaluations were not needed.

So we pursued private evaluations instead. Then we just skipped all of that IEP process and took the evaluations to the school, with the diagnosis of anxiety in writing, and asked for a 504, and they wrote one for him.

If you have documentation of the OCD and anxiety and can tell or show the school that he has had private therapy (so that you are not just making this up). And if you or the school has those standardized tests that are sky high but also the grades that are sinking. And you have a teacher who agrees with your concerns. And your son can perhaps speak for himself or maybe write a letter, if he doesn't like to talk, that explains what you wrote here -- that he is unwilling to turn in work that he thinks is imperfect, even when he has completed the assignment.....

With all of those elements, I really think the school would not balk at writing a 504. You have evidence to show that his anxiety is impeding his academic performance and that he needs support.

An IEP can be written for anxiety. The difference is that with an IEP, an intervention teacher's services are needed, but the general ed teachers execute the 504. A 504 is faster and easier to get into place, because it is really just a matter of sitting down with the proper person from the school with the documentation and a teacher, and everyone agreeing on what accommodations to put in the plan. For an IEP, the school has to run academic testing, etc., and it's a longer process. If the school (or you) don't think he needs intervention services but just needs accommodations, the 504 is easier and faster to get into place.

As far as private EF coaching.... I have not looked into it, so I don't know, but I think there is good advice up thread about how to look for it. I think it could be worthwhile for your son, if he can be convinced to try it.

Do the poor grades bother him? If they bother him, he might be more willing to try the coaching. If he is in a "don't care" mode, it might be harder. DS14, with the 504, cares a lot. My older son, DS15, has greater issues and needs a lot more EF help, and he does have an IEP with EF supports included. But he also has a "don't care" mindset, and that is a barrier itself when it comes to getting and accepting help.

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Definitely refer for a 504 asap! Get accommodations for anxiety. Meanwhile, perhaps investigate reasons behind why he doesn't agree that turning work in undone is better than not at all, etc. Has he had psychological evals yet?

It sounds like his grades are low because he isn't turning in work, not because he's academically not able to do it. A 504 is most appropriate in this case (student needs accommodations vs. specially designed instruction different from the regular curriculum). 

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Thanks everybody.

So I called his psychiatrist's office and they will have something for me by Friday regarding his anxiety, etc.

I will then drop off a formal letter for the principal on Monday regarding the 504. 

It seems like a lot of his teachers are trying to work with him informally, cut him some slack, etc... but I do want to get the formal 504 in place.  I did actually write the school counselor in December asking for help with his executive function issues and anxiety--but never received a reply.  I'll attach a copy of that email as well.

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35 minutes ago, umsami said:

I will then drop off a formal letter for the principal on Monday regarding the 504. 

You don't need to wait till Monday. Write the letter TODAY making the formal request. All you say is you suspect his anxiety (or ADHD or whatever) is affecting his ability to access his education and that you are requesting a meeting to see whether they should run evals to see whether he's eligible for a 504/IEP. You don't tell them which he needs, because that is decided by the team after they go through their eval process. So it's two stages. You can bring your evidence from the pdoc with you to the meeting, sure. But to START THE LEGAL TIMELINE, you need to write the letter. 

So there's no need to delay and no benefit. Write the letter today, sign, date, PHOTOCOPY. Give the original to the secretary at the school, and that starts the legal timeline. After that, they have 30 days to meet with you, at which point you sign consent to eval forms that list the extent of what they'll eval. Then they have the prescribed number of days to eval, more days to reconvene the team to consider the results, blah blah. It's all legal junk. But the main thing is, start now and don't delay.

Part of the reason you don't delay is because by the end of the semester they're going to be in crunch time, going on no sleep, totally pushed. The sooner you start, the better. And worse, if your 120 days isn't up before the end of the school year, they might try to convince you to punt and finish in the fall, meaning he wouldn't start next school year with a completed IEP/504 in place. If you want it done and ready for fall, you want to start that legal timeline now and not give them ANY excuse to stop.

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41 minutes ago, umsami said:

I did actually write the school counselor in December asking for help with his executive function issues and anxiety--but never received a reply.  I'll attach a copy of that email as well.

Yeah, if you don't do what the law says, you don't get the protections of the law. This entire process will be 120 days from the day you write the letter, and that's pushing you really close to the end of the school year. Waiting even a week is not ideal at this point. It doesn't have to be a fancy letter or perfect. You just say you suspect his anxiety is affecting his ability to access his education and that you request a meeting and evals to consider whether he needs a 504/IEP. 

This is the time to get a book like the NOLO book on the IEP process. There are several. Just see what your library has and read one.

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Just to clarify, the IEP process can take 120 days, but to get a 504, it can be immediate. As in, make the request, then bring the documentation to the meeting (they legally have 30 days to schedule this meeting, but it can be sooner). And they can write the 504 in that meeting and sign it.

At least that is how it worked for us. We requested the 504 meeting, had the meeting within a few days, had the signed 504 plan in place on the day of the meeting.

If the school decides to run evaluations instead of accepting the outside report, yeah, the process goes as PeterPan described. That is if the team decides that an IEP might be needed.

I agree that you don't have to wait until you get that letter from the psychiatrist to make your request. You can make the request and then provide the documentation afterward. But if you want to wait until Monday to make the request, so that you can turn in a copy with your letter, that's only a few days from now, and I think it's fine.

I hope the school responds well! Some schools are great to work with, and others are harder. But you seem ready to advocate, and that is great! In the meantime, if your son is willing to talk with you, see if you can get him on board a little. At the high school level, the school won't make the student comply with 504  accommodations that the student does not agree to use.

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4 hours ago, Storygirl said:

to get a 504, it can be immediate. As in, make the request, then bring the documentation to the meeting (they legally have 30 days to schedule this meeting, but it can be sooner). And they can write the 504 in that meeting and sign it.

It sounds like the school accepted your private evals.

 

Edited by PeterPan
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