PrincessMommy Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Has anyone ever used a wedding planner? What about if you were on a tight budget? My daughter got engaged yesterday (yay!). But, neither of us are party planning type people. She wants a small wedding this summer (they're teachers). I have a friend whose daughter has been doing wedding planning for a year or two. On the one hand I would love to have someone else help us through this, but OTOH, I don't want to go overboard. Another friend at church's son is getting married this summer. I spoke with her today and she said it's about $75 a plate for reception!!!! Eeek... and I know this family is frugal. But, in our area most venues require that you hire their people to cater. You cannot do your own catering or get your best friend's mom to do it... for example. When my oldest got married 11yrs ago we put them on a budget of $14K and they still went over a bit. I worry this might not be reasonable this time around. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I just wanted to say congratulations and that I will be watching this thread. Weddings appear to be much more expensive then in my day. I do know many are opting for casual.......simple ceremony and a dinner in a private room as opposed to major venues. Before you get to far along make sure you understand what your Dd really means by small. Honestly I have no idea about the wedding planner beyond I get the desire to not be the one in charge. Since one of your friends dd’s is a wedding planner you are in an uncomfortable position because “shopping” for one is sort of out I guess. You need to go into this with exact knowledge regarding what you want her to do or you probably will be unhappy with the outcome. Back when my friends and I were the age when we were all getting married someone knew a party planner who helped with some of our weddings....I was already married when we (as in my friends) discovered her. She was helpful......had done charity events for years as a volunteer. She had check lists, recommended venders, etc. Cute easy ideas for things like party favors........ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I have a friend that is a wedding planner and she helped me out with my daughter's wedding. That said, our budget for everything for a wedding of 100 that was catered, and the dress, photography, musicians, clothes for the guys, etc. was right about $5000. One thing that saved a lot of money was having it catered as a PICNIC, not a wedding. Anytime you use the W word prices go WAY up. I just had friends set the food out. There was tons of food, it tasted great, and it was about $12/person with the tip, delivery, etc. Cakes from Costco are wonderful and they could always get a small little fancy cake for the wedding party if they wanted. So much depends on what they want. Using a church and the gym/community room might be very inexpensive, esp. if you are a member. We used a local county park that had an indoor building with heat and AC, flush potties, and a beautiful setting. I think it ran us $150 for the entire day. It was great as the setting was beautiful, it was handicapped accessible. FLUSH potties, etc. Simple can save you a ton of money. The guys wore polo shirts found on clearance at the mall, black jeans, and black converse shoes. For under $100 each they looked great, were comfortable and everything can be worn over and over again. The bridesmaids wore swing dresses from Amazon for $15, leggings from Walmart for $4, and sparkly tennis shoes for $45....even cheaper than the guys. Again, they were comfortable and the outfit worked perfectly for the bridesmaid that wears a heavy leg brace and can't walk in anything but supportive tennis shoes. The black leggings made her black leg brace just about "disappear". Another idea is to have a SMALL wedding ceremony and then more of an open house style reception after the honeymoon. That is easier if you want to invite lots of people, keep it much lower key, and just be more relaxed and fun. So much will depend on your daughter's idea of her dream wedding. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Familia Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) Congratulations to your daughter (and you)! If you really want to do something more reasonable than a traditional reception, think outside the box for venue ideas. We rented a local college cafeteria, that was not ugly...fortunately=) This allowed us to hire our own caterers to serve local gourmet ice-cream as a pretty spread with toppings in crystal and silver. It was elegant...and thrifty. Perhaps, you can find an atypical venue and do a meal with your own caterers more reasonably. At any rate, enjoy this fun, fleeting stage! Edited February 16, 2020 by Familia 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Could you give your dd and her fiance a budget similar to her sister's and then let them plan? They can stay under and use the extra money for a honeymoon, towards a house down payment, a start on retirement savings or ??? Or, they can go bigger and just pay the rest themselves. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Seeing the difference in our dd's $3K wedding, and our ds' amazingly huge wedding, I see more that it's down to choices. The time of day, the reception venue, the dress, the number of bridesmaids, recruiting family & friends to volunteer in some way. Do you have a friend who is very thrifty AND has been a MOBride? Take her out for lunch with your dd, & see if you all can brainstorm for some good solutions. If you can't agree, then I would give your dd $13K (to allow $1K for your family's wedding expenses) as a budget. I don't think I'd write out a check, but would reimburse expenses up to that point. I guess I'm just super cautious about financing ANYONE's "Dream Wedding"! 😉 Or give them a $10K budget, & $3K for their honeymoon. Congratulations on becoming MOB for the 2nd time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 Thank you guys.. Some great ideas. Fortunately, my dd doesn't want a big or flashing reception. But, we have a large family and a large church family - it makes it hard to keep it really really small. My niece did a beer, pizza, and salad wedding reception that was quite enjoyable and low-key. But it was in a different part of the country. I don't think their rules were as rigid as it can be here in my area. Some of these rules are for larger venues too - which I really want to keep away from. My son was able to find a venue for his wedding that was very out of the ordinary and they were able to cater themselves (Mission BBQ with the Church ladies doing the serving/cleaning). It was very budget friendly. Unfortunately, it is no where near our parish and so too far to have for this daughter's reception. They have said they don't want a cake. I find that the pressure to have a fancy schmancy wedding isn't so strong, but the pressure to feed your guests is very much a thing. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that didn't have food of some kind (either formal sit down or less formal picnic style). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Since it will be a summer wedding, do you have the option of an outdoor location with a reserved indoor space such as at a state, city, or county park? We have a small, beautiful city park right across the street from us with a nice community center and there are weddings and wedding receptions there almost every weekend during the summer. I would think most places like that don’t require any specific catering company. Does your church have a reception hall you could use for the reception? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Margaret in CO said: We've done 2 weddings so far. Oldest dd's was a hurry-up thing as her dh was losing his student VISA (he finished the doctorate), so it was at a small country one-room schoolhouse ($75) and then we had a dinner at our house. It was a big weekend, with 3 birthdays, Thanksgiving, PLUS the wedding, but other than me being exhausted from cooking, it all worked. The flowers were done by our next dd, and from the grocery store! Dd wore a white recital dress from a year earlier. Everyone else just wore suits and dresses that they had. Next one wanted the big wedding, and so paid for it themselves. She did spend money on the dress, but I bought the girls' dresses. They got a lot of use later at military balls, recitals, and proms! Dd picked a color and they picked the styles. I already had a dress that was close to the same color. The girls all wore cowboy boots, including the bride. The actual wedding was at a friend's ranch (prettier aspens than our cottonwoods) for free, and the reception was here at the ranch. She had a bbq, but rented tents and tables and chairs. I did the decorations. She had a high school friend do the cake. My sister brought the wine. Dh provided the music for the reception. She did spend for the photographer. We sat on haybales covered in plastic. The wedding music was provided by her older sis and her dh (helps to have professional musicians in the family) with a colleague cellist that sil paid for as their wedding gift. It was a lovely wedding. I envision the next one doing something similar. Ds'? It will be a big, stress-filled to-do. My job is to shut up and wear beige! Yup! Both my son's weddings were gloriously stress-free. I'm very fortunate though that my one son and DIL did their wedding last year... it was very budget friendly. My daughter has already been talked with her several times today. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 There doesn't have to be a sit-down reception. In the history of weddings in America, this is a pretty new thing. There's no reason that y'all can't have an early afternoon wedding with cake and punch and those minty things in the church hall afterwards. Seriously. So your expenses would be the invitations (which can be handwritten, you know), the bride's gown, flowers, wedding cake and punch. Both of my dds' told their bridesmaids to wear any dresses they wanted in a certain color scheme; one of the bridesmaids was a starving college student and she couldn't buy anything--she just wore a long dress that she already had. And FTR, the rehearsal dinner is only supposed to be a few sandwiches and whatnot for the people who will actually be participating in the wedding, i.e., the bride's and grooms parents and the wedding party. It isn't supposed to be a big ol' dinner **the night before the wedding,** y'all; don't do that. 🙂 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Ellie said: There doesn't have to be a sit-down reception. In the history of weddings in America, this is a pretty new thing. There's no reason that y'all can't have an early afternoon wedding with cake and punch and those minty things in the church hall afterwards. Seriously. So your expenses would be the invitations (which can be handwritten, you know), the bride's gown, flowers, wedding cake and punch. Both of my dds' told their bridesmaids to wear any dresses they wanted in a certain color scheme; one of the bridesmaids was a starving college student and she couldn't buy anything--she just wore a long dress that she already had. And FTR, the rehearsal dinner is only supposed to be a few sandwiches and whatnot for the people who will actually be participating in the wedding, i.e., the bride's and grooms parents and the wedding party. It isn't supposed to be a big ol' dinner **the night before the wedding,** y'all; don't do that. 🙂 Yep. My dss is getting married next month and it is just a cake and punch reception. We helped pay for the venue which was only $250 total and the cakes which totaled $115. And they aren’t having a rehearsal dinner. Edited February 17, 2020 by Scarlett 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
***** Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 I'm all ears here as my daughter is getting married in June. I tried to pursued her to do a small inexpensive/ less stressful wedding, but unfortunately, she has the social media bug and everything has to be facebook pretty. Ugh! She works for a church, but I couldn't talk her in to doing a small wedding there, where they could have made a nice donation. She is going for the venue. Cutting corners where she can, and I can say she found a new, inexpensive dress, but I never would have paid as much as she did for the setting. It could have been the cost of a nice honeymoon! Luckily, your daughter would like a small wedding. Maybe she won't go for a venue type place either. Right there, you can save a bundle! My daughter does not have a wedding planner as of yet (or if she will do that at all?) but finding how to do everything herself online. We do not live close, and she is not looking for me for help. Luckily, because I just don't have it in me. (Financially, they will struggle in their marriage, I feel. We wanted them to wait a year or 2.) So with choices she is making, it makes me sad. We gave her money, but were conservative, but she thought it was great. I guess there are places out there where you can rent decorations to keep costs down. I've found some nice decorations on craigslist recently. Try that or facebook sales. And so many ideas can be very simple. Donuts as suggested above sounds like a great idea! Or mini pies, cupcakes...Some friends of ours got married at the beach, even though they could have afforded a huge venue. They had a beautiful wedding that probably cost less than $5000. Best wishes, I will stay tuned... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 8 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said: I agree with everything here except I happen to prefer cake and lemonade. Or donuts and lemonade my BIL and future SIL are doing donuts instead of cake and it turns out that’s a trend. Who knew? My niece had donuts instead of a wedding cake. That was nearly 10yrs ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 She can save money by not getting married on a Saturday. Many venues are less expensive on other days of the week. If it must be a Saturday, a morning ceremony with a brunch reception or an early afternoon ceremony with a punch reception are both less expensive than a dinner reception. Hotels and reception halls usually require that you use their caterers. Consider an hors-d'oeuvres buffet instead of a sit-down meal. Depending on the venue and time of day, this may be a less expensive option. Would the couple be open to a lodge or park pavilion? A tent in your backyard? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vmsurbat1 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) My daughter had fresh peach pie(s) instead of wedding cake, made by her oldest sister. Everybody LOVED it. And agreeing with others to try a different time/day. Dd and SIL chose Sunday morning to get married--everything was cheaper (except dress)--food, flowers, venue, even the photographer. Plus look at cutting out whatever is NOT important to your families. Since Dd married in a garden, the only flowers they ordered were a couple of boutonnieres for groom and best man and centerpieces for the tables. My Dd didn't WANT a bouquet, so didn't have it--that saved a couple of hundred bucks right there between her and bridesmaids.... Edited February 17, 2020 by vmsurbat1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 All our rehearsal dinners have been stress-free and simple. Daughter's fiance is from out of town. I will suggest we do something simple in our parish hall for that. It's what we did for my son's rehearsal dinner too. We just had the immediate family + wedding party (which was 2 people) plus clergy and we brought in Zoe's Kitchen. Yum. Daughter is only have 2 people in the wedding party (sponsors in the EO church), which is her brother and SIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 4 minutes ago, Sherry in OH said: She can save money by not getting married on a Saturday. Many venues are less expensive on other days of the week. If it must be a Saturday, a morning ceremony with a brunch reception or an early afternoon ceremony with a punch reception are both less expensive than a dinner reception. Hotels and reception halls usually require that you use their caterers. Consider an hors-d'oeuvres buffet instead of a sit-down meal. Depending on the venue and time of day, this may be a less expensive option. Would the couple be open to a lodge or park pavilion? A tent in your backyard? Fortunately, Sunday is the typical day for weddings in the EO church. I've already discussed this with her. Especially since they want to get married very quickly, I suspect Saturday's will all be taken up. I'm looking at rental halls in Fire stations and VFWs last night. They seem very reasonable and extremely flexible. It looks like we can do our own thing in terms of decorations and food. yay! As long as we stay under a certain head-count (the halls are smaller) then we should be okay. I'm less stressed about the $75 a head number my friend gave me yesterday. Whew! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Looking up Minimalist Weddings could be useful for budget friendly ideas. Minimalist weddings are usually focused on the biggest bang for the buck. That doesn't mean she has to have a minimalist style wedding, she could start there for the basics and build on that as her budget allows. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 10:39 PM, Ellie said: There doesn't have to be a sit-down reception. In the history of weddings in America, this is a pretty new thing. There's no reason that y'all can't have an early afternoon wedding with cake and punch and those minty things in the church hall afterwards. Seriously. So your expenses would be the invitations (which can be handwritten, you know), the bride's gown, flowers, wedding cake and punch. Both of my dds' told their bridesmaids to wear any dresses they wanted in a certain color scheme; one of the bridesmaids was a starving college student and she couldn't buy anything--she just wore a long dress that she already had. And FTR, the rehearsal dinner is only supposed to be a few sandwiches and whatnot for the people who will actually be participating in the wedding, i.e., the bride's and grooms parents and the wedding party. It isn't supposed to be a big ol' dinner **the night before the wedding,** y'all; don't do that. 🙂 Since going with the bride to be was the only part of prep for the wedding I got to be a part of, I did go ahead and splurge for a big picnic type rehearsal dinner in our garage. MOG was hard for me. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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