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Help me brainstorm jobs for my adhd kid (college)

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I think it's 50/50 whether or not my freshman dd is able to keep her academic scholarship after this year. She must maintain 3.0 or better. We had evals done over the holidays, and she is in the process of getting some accommodations through the office of accessibility. ADHD-inattentive.

DH and I just discovered 2 zeroes in one of her classes for assignments not turned in. Her grade went from A to D. She says she turned them in to the Google class drive, but she's going double check and make sure they are in the correct folder. Still...the other students don't seem to have these issues. This is a pattern with her. She doesn't party. She's not in a sorority, so her time isn't taken up by a bunch of extracurriculars. She loves the school. She loves her classes. (She's an art major.) She's not doing this on purpose. 

In the event that we decide she needs to take a gap year and work on EF, what are some paying jobs that might be a good fit? She is a gifted artist. She has child care experience, but I'm really wanting her to try a different field--broaden her horizons a little. She's also a gifted writer.

I've been pouring over all her test results, and I'm somewhat baffled. This kid received a perfect score on the English portion of the ACT and a near perfect score on the reading. If I had been on my game and had her eval'ed before the ACT--w/ accommodations for time, I have no doubt her composite score would have been a minimum of 33. As it was, her composite was 31. That's 95th percentile. She has always been regarded as the "smart kid" among her peers. Her English teachers would ask if they could use her papers as examples for other classes. I'm only saying this for some background/perspective. Let's just say her WAIS-IV does NOT reflect that (95th percentile) exactly. I am waiting on the neuropsych to call me back to set up an in person feedback session because there is a lot that I don't understand about these tests. So if you've hung in with me this far, this does factor into what jobs might be suitable for her. She struggles in the areas of perceptual reasoning, working memory, and very much so in processing speed. The dr recommended BrainHQ for that. 

Thoughts on jobs? Do I even make her get a job? She can always fall back on her church child care job that she did in high school. I'm seriously concerned that she might not even be able to work a cash register in the food industry. I'm thinking--how would she handle lunch rush? I'm just baffled by the disparateness of the data I'm seeing and the girl I know. 

If she loses her scholarship, we will need a full year to recover our finances from having 3 kids in college at once this year before we could afford her tuition. She could contribute, and hopefully work on some of the EF skills with the right job.

Edited by popmom

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I'm thinking maybe get a job in horticulture. Something very hands on but without hard deadlines. Low stress environment. What else?

 

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1 hour ago, popmom said:

We had evals done over the holidays, and she is in the process of getting some accommodations through the office of accessibility. ADHD-inattentive.

Well they may have a probation period, giving her a semester to recover. Is she on meds for the ADHD? My dd is in a similar position, with high scores and ADHD, and the university assigned her to a (pick the name) who met with her every week and helped her keep on track, learn how to make requests, learn how to problem solve, etc. After the first year she just had access to that person as needed, but those weekly meetings that first year were essential. 

My dd had some yucky grades at one point, but I think she had some DE credits she came in with that sort of balanced things out. So it sucks that your dd is having this problem, but maybe she can talk with them and smooth it over, kwim? Like if they have a probationary period, maybe she does online course work, just one at a time, gets some buffer, then returns. Or maybe she picks a different school, somewhere where she can live at home and go affordably.

Did she do career testing? My dd was tricky, because she had this arts interest (costuming) but also other abilities. With scores that high, your dd clearly has more abilities. And of course she has the stuff that is hard (getting out writing, ugh). So maybe your dd would like to do some career testing while she's there, just to see if she should be exploring some more areas. Might also point to directions she could look at for this job. 

That's hogwash to say software is going to change her processing speed. It will bump her working memory, which might make her function a bit better. But MEDS would make a big difference, sure. 

No, her WISC will reflect the ADHD and low processing speed. There should be a full scale and then an adjusted score. The adjusted score is probably more correct, but even then it may under reflect who she really is. She is who she is and I wouldn't read more into it than that.

I think first help her talk through with them the possibility of probation and meds and getting a support person assigned immediately. And be really honest. Like if she withdraws now, as a withdraw without failing, would she be put on probation and able to return on the scholarship in the fall with meds in place? 

 

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Just now, popmom said:

I'm thinking maybe get a job in horticulture. Something very hands on but without hard deadlines. Low stress environment. What else?

 

Are you sure this semester is lost? Is she on quarters?

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1 minute ago, PeterPan said:

Are you sure this semester is lost? Is she on quarters?

No. definitely not sure this semester is lost, but she's struggling. There is no probation for academic scholarships. If she has a 2.99, it's gone. Period. 

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The "support person" is a fee for service deal. Not automatically granted. You have to apply. If they have spots, you pay 1500 per semester. I'm not even sure we could get in at this late date. They cut off applications in August. 

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She had a 2.7 after fall semester. Definitely feasible to bring that up to a 3.0 cumulative, but I'm just not sure she can do it. 

C's get degrees. I'm not hung up on that. It's just that she'll have to sit out a year while we save and figure out the finances. I'm wondering it might be for the best anyway--her working for a year. I mean, she struggled with the same things in high school, but that was a lot more forgiving. So we knew going in that it was 50/50 at best. 

I just want to figure out how to help her. What will be best for her.

Edited by popmom

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13 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

 

I think first help her talk through with them the possibility of probation and meds and getting a support person assigned immediately. And be really honest. Like if she withdraws now, as a withdraw without failing, would she be put on probation and able to return on the scholarship in the fall with meds in place? 

 

I need to get on this. I hadn't considered that they might grant her a probation period based on her diagnosis. I will definitely look in to this.

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You never know if they have probation for special cases even if it’s not a general policy.  It is worth asking.  

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46 minutes ago, popmom said:

The "support person" is a fee for service deal. Not automatically granted. You have to apply. If they have spots, you pay 1500 per semester. I'm not even sure we could get in at this late date. They cut off applications in August. 

Then you might want to look privately and see if you can find an educational therapist. Or get them to pro-rate and get her in. What she's losing in scholarship will make up for it. Sitting out will not make a difference. Reality is you need to do everything you can now to get them helping her PRONTO. It's totally fatalistic, poor problem solving to say well I got a couple low grades and it's over. Hopefully they want to help. The problem is almost always NOT ASKING for help. She has to ask to make things happen. 

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Just now, Lecka said:

Also has she talked to the teacher about the Google drive mishap?  It’s worth a shot.  

Bingo. And she gets that support person lined up and they teach her how to problem solve. 

The administration is not sitting around looking for ways to fail kids. Those stats are PUBLISHED and they want her to succeed. But she cannot get help if she doesn't ASK. So stop making failure plans and start making success plans. Hire the on campus people IMMEDIATELY. Have a conference call and get some solutions on the table.

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46 minutes ago, popmom said:

She had a 2.7 after fall semester. Definitely feasible to bring that up to a 3.0 cumulative, but I'm just not sure she can do it. 

C's get degrees. I'm not hung up on that. It's just that she'll have to sit out a year while we save and figure out the finances. I'm wondering it might be for the best anyway--her working for a year. I mean, she struggled with the same things in high school, but that was a lot more forgiving. So we knew going in that it was 50/50 at best. 

I just want to figure out how to help her. What will be best for her.

What is her load? Is she having problems with anxiety, getting time alone, getting quiet places to work, etc? There are probably a lot of issues with problem solving here that she needs help with, things she's not telling you. Did she do any DE before she went away? 

My dd has to be very careful with her load. Like literally 12-14 credits. So your dd may need to WITHDRAW from a bunch of classes. If she's at 15, she could withdraw and get down to get that GPA up. She has GOT to talk with that support person and get some help here, some good counsel. 

So my dd will do something where she will take a class she knows she's going to struggle with and balance it with a class she'll do well in. She's had to be very careful with that. 

I'm sorry your dd is having a hard time. She may be high maintenance for a while and it sounds like getting that on campus service set up is a MUST. Those people may have a hot line to the profs to help her problem solve. They know what happens and they know how to help her problem solve within the system. That's why they're gold. What the student can't figure out, the support person will help with. And what the student CAN do, they'll teach her how to do. And that's not you. That's why the $1500 is worth it. My dd's scholarship is worth way way more than that. I'm just fortunate they didn't charge us for the support person. They also didn't charge us for reduced # people in the dorm room. That's gotten with medical paper trail. But anything is worth it to pay to help her succeed. There are a lot of SKILLS involved in succeeding in these systems.

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It is worth trying to make things happen now.  She isn’t going to be figuring out college while she is out of college and some of it is specific skills.  
 

Also she can ask all her teachers about her grades and anything she can do, and explain about the mix-up.  Mix-ups can happen to anyone!  Sure it may be more of a pattern with her but she can still try to communicate with the teacher and explain the mix-up.  

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I'm sorry that she's struggling. We haven't dealt with colleges yet, but I do think that finding anyone to talk to about this at the college might help steer her toward some help. Does she go to her professors' office hours?

I agree that taking time off won't solve these issues. But if she needs to take a year off for financial reasons, I agree that figuring out a way for her to find success in a workplace is an excellent idea. I will add another post if I think of some good job ideas.

About the test scores -- people on the boards here sometimes say that people are as talented as their high scores suggest and also as affected by disability as their lower scores suggest. You list the lower areas of her scoring, but I am guessing that her verbal scores were much higher, and those verbal scores are what gives her the brightness that you have always seen.

The way that the FSIQ works is that it is a composite score, so it includes all of those lower scores. Instead of looking at that composite score, look instead and the subscores of the test. That is where you will see both the strengths and the weaknesses represented.

The processing speed score is derived from the Coding and Symbol Search sections. It might be interesting for you to compare those two scores with each other. The coding test relies on handwriting and copying, and the symbol search does not. You can google those two tests for more information.

It's interesting that she is a gifted writer, despite the lower processing speed, because low PS often is related to writing issues. To me, that's a big deal and represents an important skill set for her to consider when thinking about future employment.

DS15's processing speed used to be 1st percentile, and now it is 7th percentile. Still low, but a huge jump. He didn't have any specific therapy for it, but he is a drummer and plays guitar, and music has been like therapy for him. Processing speed is, from what I understand, kind of built in, and is not something that usually changes a lot. I never thought DS's would improve, but it did.

So I think it's okay to have some hope for improvement of PS, but when I say improvement, I am thinking a few percentage points. I think anticipating that one might be able to remediate the processing speed so that it is no longer low is not super realistic. You can google this as well and get some ideas to see if she wants to try them. I have never heard of BrainHQ.

Edited by Storygirl
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2 hours ago, popmom said:

I'm thinking maybe get a job in horticulture. Something very hands on but without hard deadlines. Low stress environment. What else?

 

Does she do well with hands-on things? With a high verbal ability and lower perceptual reasoning, I wouldn't pick a physical job like that, unless she loves gardening and being outside. Horticulture will not appeal to her writing skills, unless she can find a way to write about it. There are journalists who writing about gardening.

I would look for something like working at an art store or Hobby Lobby, where she can talk to people (using her verbal skills) and be around beautiful artsy things. If she has responsibilities for putting things in order in the store, running the cash register, etc., she will also have opportunities to work on her organizational and EF skills.

How are her social skills? Does she relate well to others?

What is her major? Do you think it suits her?

Oh, I see now that she is an art major. Does she have a specific career in mind for that? Is there an entry level kind of job related to that, which she could do before she has her degree finished? I have a friend who likes to write and has a background in marketing, and for awhile, she was talking about doing marketing for a little local art museum. That job didn't pan out for her, but I bring it up as something that would connect art and writing.

Could she volunteer at a local art museum as a tour guide?

Edited by Storygirl
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1 hour ago, Lecka said:

Also has she talked to the teacher about the Google drive mishap?  It’s worth a shot.  

She said she would email him. I'll follow up tomorrow.

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50 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

Does she do well with hands-on things? With a high verbal ability and lower perceptual reasoning, I wouldn't pick a physical job like that, unless she loves gardening and being outside. Horticulture will not appeal to her writing skills, unless she can find a way to write about it. There are journalists who writing about gardening.

I would look for something like working at an art store or Hobby Lobby, where she can talk to people (using her verbal skills) and be around beautiful artsy things. If she has responsibilities for putting things in order in the store, running the cash register, etc., she will also have opportunities to work on her organizational and EF skills.

How are her social skills? Does she relate well to others?

What is her major? Do you think it suits her?

Oh, I see now that she is an art major. Does she have a specific career in mind for that? Is there an entry level kind of job related to that, which she could do before she has her degree finished? I have a friend who likes to write and has a background in marketing, and for awhile, she was talking about doing marketing for a little local art museum. That job didn't pan out for her, but I bring it up as something that would connect art and writing.

Could she volunteer at a local art museum as a tour guide?

She is a gifted writer, but struggles with conversation. She is socially awkward and has diagnosed social anxiety. I think processing speed is a factor in this. So "verbal skills" doesn't translate to "speaking and engaging skills". 

She is an art major. It's perfect for her. She loves it, and has been doing very well on her assignments--as long as she remembers to turn them in!

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Things we did before her starting college:

Recovery from eating disorder

Acquired an emotional support dog (immediately after dx of ED)

years of counseling

Single room assignment in her dorm--no roommate--keeps her dog with her

Psychiatrist prescribed Vyvanse for the ED and ADHD (although no formal evals were done at the time)

Lots of conversations about "you HAVE to talk to your professors" "You WILL go to office hours" "Check **access EVERY DAY TWICE" "Check your email everyday twice" We text/call her everyday. My husband checks her account/canvas everyday and reminds her of due dates, but even with that stuff falls through the cracks. We have told her these things over and over. We have borderline become helicopter parents lol. I guess I will drive down there and become full fledged helicopter. I'm going to have to go the O of A myself apparently. Is that how it's done? I mean, we aren't total newbies here. We've got two graduating  from the same school in May. 

 

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2 hours ago, Lecka said:

It is worth trying to make things happen now.  She isn’t going to be figuring out college while she is out of college and some of it is specific skills.  
 

Also she can ask all her teachers about her grades and anything she can do, and explain about the mix-up.  Mix-ups can happen to anyone!  Sure it may be more of a pattern with her but she can still try to communicate with the teacher and explain the mix-up.  

Yes--I agree. She is so weird about this. She needs to be upfront about her ADHD with her professors, but she won't do it. She may try to explain the mix up, but she won't explain what causes the mix ups. That has to change. 

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1 minute ago, popmom said:

Vyvanse

Is she on anything for the anxiety? I ask, because we're finding out that some of the meds in particular interact with and undercut the Vyvanse because it's a prodrug. Sigh.

2 minutes ago, popmom said:

My husband checks her account/canvas everyday and reminds her of due dates, but even with that stuff falls through the cracks. We have told her these things over and over. We have borderline become helicopter parents lol. I guess I will drive down there and become full fledged helicopter.

Yeah, that's frustrating for everyone. Obviously it would be better if their paid support people could handle it. That way they're both teaching her and weaning her. 

Is she young? It sounds like maybe this was a big step, even though you got a lot in place. And starting meds right before going didn't really give her a lot of practice in *using* the skills she can now implement on meds. She may need a year of higher support, where she's taking a limited load and working with that EF support person to learn skills. She could do 2 classes and work part time, something like that. 

Also, given what you're describing, if you pull her out or have time this summer, it's possible she needs to work on interoception, get an OT eval, and get some social thinking counseling. There's a connection between the interoception and ED, and improving her interoception might improve her self-advocacy, and problem solving. https://www.kelly-mahler.com/what-is-interoception/  

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4 minutes ago, popmom said:

Yes--I agree. She is so weird about this. She needs to be upfront about her ADHD with her professors, but she won't do it. She may try to explain the mix up, but she won't explain what causes the mix ups. That has to change. 

Her diagnosis is pretty new, so that to me isn't surprising. And really, some schools are more discreet and make this more easy than others. The real issue is she needs her ducks in a row, and that's between her EF support person and her. I don't think my dd spends a lot of time talking with her profs about ADHD, kwim? She spends it problem solving with the EF person.

But yeah, it takes time to get comfortable in your own skin and she has a new diagnosis and anxiety. It's not a shock she's having trouble. But I'd be getting that paid person onboard pronto. And no, they don't want to hear from you. Unless she has a signed FERPA (and even then), they want it to be her.

 

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2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

What is her load? Is she having problems with anxiety, getting time alone, getting quiet places to work, etc? There are probably a lot of issues with problem solving here that she needs help with, things she's not telling you. Did she do any DE before she went away? 

My dd has to be very careful with her load. Like literally 12-14 credits. So your dd may need to WITHDRAW from a bunch of classes. If she's at 15, she could withdraw and get down to get that GPA up. She has GOT to talk with that support person and get some help here, some good counsel. 

So my dd will do something where she will take a class she knows she's going to struggle with and balance it with a class she'll do well in. She's had to be very careful with that. 

I'm sorry your dd is having a hard time. She may be high maintenance for a while and it sounds like getting that on campus service set up is a MUST. Those people may have a hot line to the profs to help her problem solve. They know what happens and they know how to help her problem solve within the system. That's why they're gold. What the student can't figure out, the support person will help with. And what the student CAN do, they'll teach her how to do. And that's not you. That's why the $1500 is worth it. My dd's scholarship is worth way way more than that. I'm just fortunate they didn't charge us for the support person. They also didn't charge us for reduced # people in the dorm room. That's gotten with medical paper trail. But anything is worth it to pay to help her succeed. There are a lot of SKILLS involved in succeeding in these systems.

She started out with 17 hours and dropped to 14. We only had her taking 12 her first semester. She may be able to afford to drop one more if it comes down to that. She started out the year with 6 hours of credit for freshman English because of her ACT score. I believe she only has to have 24 total hours after spring to keep the scholarship (along w/ the 3.0) You make a good point about the support people having a hotline to the profs. I have to drive down there tomorrow anyway to deal with our condo. I'll call O of A on the way down and see if they will see me tomorrow.

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This is a total aside to file away but something you might find helpful Age-Appropriate Transition Assessment | ELSA ... - OCALIwww.ocali.org › project › tg_aata › page › elsa_documents

It's the ELSA, an employability skills form. You want to make sure you inventory with your dd and get really realistic, but it sounds like she could flag in some areas that affect employability. You just want to know so you can work on them, and that's the form. 

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7 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Is she on anything for the anxiety? I ask, because we're finding out that some of the meds in particular interact with and undercut the Vyvanse because it's a prodrug. Sigh.

Yeah, that's frustrating for everyone. Obviously it would be better if their paid support people could handle it. That way they're both teaching her and weaning her. 

Is she young? It sounds like maybe this was a big step, even though you got a lot in place. And starting meds right before going didn't really give her a lot of practice in *using* the skills she can now implement on meds. She may need a year of higher support, where she's taking a limited load and working with that EF support person to learn skills. She could do 2 classes and work part time, something like that. 

Also, given what you're describing, if you pull her out or have time this summer, it's possible she needs to work on interoception, get an OT eval, and get some social thinking counseling. There's a connection between the interoception and ED, and improving her interoception might improve her self-advocacy, and problem solving. https://www.kelly-mahler.com/what-is-interoception/  

I agree w/ all of this.

She's on zoloft for anxiety. That's interesting about the possible interaction because I don't think the Vyvanse does much. When she sees her doc next, she is supposed to talk to her about trying something else.

Edited by popmom

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1 minute ago, popmom said:

She started out with 17 hours and dropped to 14. We only had her taking 12 her first semester. She may be able to afford to drop one more if it comes down to that.

Oh dear. She took 12 last semester, had a 2.7, so she decided to go UP??? Somebody wasn't getting into her head. My dd was kind of ambitious like that, and honestly I've had to stay on her and be pretty draconian about it. WE pay the remainder of her bill so WE say what she's allowed to take as far as load, etc. And I literally have zero other involvement in her academics the entire school year. I'm just saying on that one thing, making sure she's both on track for graduation and taking a load that will actually work for her, I'm right there. RIGHT THERE. And I coach as much as I can and I pull the mean mom card after that. 

Like you, I don't give a rip about grades. But I do aim to help her stay on track to graduate, and that's my part. 

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I'm not all doom and gloom about this. I'm just trying to be realistic and plan ahead. I like having multiple options on the table--home for a year is one of those options. But clearly we'd prefer her to stay in school.

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5 minutes ago, popmom said:

I agree w/ all of this.

She's on zoloft for anxiety. That's interesting about the possible interaction because I don't think the Vyvanse does much. When she sees her doc next, she is supposed to talk to her about trying something else.

Just google it and see. The vyvanse is a prodrug, and when my dd started a med recently the Vyvanse literally was just not working as well. Apparently that other med affects enzyme levels for the enzyme the vyvanse meds are linked to, meaning the whole thing was screwed up. So the doc is weaning her off the new med, even though it was working, and trying another. So it isn't every med. And if the vyvanse is working, it's working. It's just with the combo dd had it wasn't working and it was super hot fast disaster. (Without her Vyvanse, dd is toast.)

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Just now, popmom said:

I'm not all doom and gloom about this. I'm just trying to be realistic and plan ahead. I like having multiple options on the table--home for a year is one of those options. But clearly we'd prefer her to stay in school.

Part time classes, part time work, while getting an OT eval, social skills counseling. And I think for the job, look for something that has *variety* not monotony. It's also a fair plan to try to volunteer her way into a job, sure.

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Thanks for the input--everyone. As usual y'all are good at helping me process and think things through. Wheels are turning. I've got some things to line up for spring break--speech and OT eval for starters.

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1 hour ago, popmom said:

Thanks for the input--everyone. As usual y'all are good at helping me process and think things through. Wheels are turning. I've got some things to line up for spring break--speech and OT eval for starters.

Finding an OT trained in interoception can be a challenge, but getting anyone who does a lot of sensory will be a start. https://www.aapcpublishing.com/products/interoception-assessment-forms  You can order the assessment forms and administer them to her yourself. Totally worth the effort and small price, because you'll see for yourself how it goes and where the possible weaknesses are.

My dd's psych evals were with a neuropsych and he found issues with word retrieval. I'll be interested to hear what testing the SLP does and what they turn up. There's more they're doing now, with narrative language, EF, problem solving, etc. This lady puts tons on her blog that might point you to types of things you'd be looking for https://www.smartspeechtherapy.com

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I want to say something sympathetic — there are several people in my family who can score well on standardized testing and have high vocabularies, but then have a harder time in some social areas and some daily life functioning areas.  It is definitely a thing, and hard to explain to people who overly look at the ability to test well or have a good vocabulary.  But it is a real thing and definitely out there, and definitely nothing where she is “not meeting her potential” because of the high scores and then harder areas.  
 

It is true like pp said, the high areas are there, and so are the low areas, they don’t average out, and the low areas are going to be there.  People can “compensate” for their low areas with/through their high areas *to some extent* but that is very individual and it just is what it is.  People are probably always doing their current best to compensate, but it is tiring and difficult, and can contribute to anxiety (you probably already know this).

I know you already have one child diagnosed with autism.  This child sounds like she is an autism sibling at least, and it is not necessarily that she would be diagnosed herself, but it can mean some things just are harder and it’s not reasonable to expect things to track with a high test score.  It is great she does have the verbal ability she does have, though!  That is special, and it can be special without it meaning she is a failure because “she can’t even blah blah blah.”  
 

This is not stuff I am as familiar with, but I think Temple Grandin has stuff about careers with art where personal contact can be minimized.  I have seen her speak and she talked about making a portfolio and some things like that.  I think that kind of thing sounds like it would be good.  
 

I think take her with you to all the meetings and make her talk.  Practice what to say before you go in, role play, etc.  It is good for you to go and help her but if it can be a learning experience for her that would be good, too.  

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https://the-art-of-autism.com/temple-grandin-the-30-second-wow-how-to-sell-your-art-and-music/
 

No idea if this is helpful — but this is the kind of thing I heard about, about making a portfolio for art and finding a way to make money.

I think this would be good to ask about at school too.  In general I guess.

I don’t know much about this at all, but I heard about it when I went to see Temple Grandin, and there was a girl in the audience who had photos of her artwork on her phone and Temple talked to her and her mother some about it.  
 

 

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They don’t want you at those meetings for college. She has to do it. Even with signed FERPA paperwork they want her doing it. There is no emergency, no physical safety issue, nothing so compelling that you need to be involved. Thus is part of the college process, doing it herself. I got involved one time, one semester when dd fell and had a concussion and couldn’t self advocate. Other than that they’re always like thanks/bye. Let her meet her demons and learn how to do this for herself. Your role is to pay for the service and make clear she should use it. Like with my dd it was use it or we won’t pay for you to be there.

Edited by PeterPan
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1 hour ago, Lecka said:

To follow up on that, 

https://www.socialthinking.com/Articles?name=social-thinking-social-communication-profile

And it’s harder to get good psych evals on girls. Their strengths mask weaknesses and they don’t present like boys. Some things are more apparent with time.

You know this, but it’s always about dealing with what you see, irrespective of the label. But yes an ASD label might pull together all these pieces better. At this point you’re doing the right thing getting her access to lots of tools. 

Fwiw you might look at that ELSA form. The whole job idea gets sticky if she has issues with employability, and employability stats DO NOT IMPROVE just because you have a higher IQ with this. You have a window of influence here to continue to get her access to services and help her prioritize, and that’s where it’s at—self awareness, social thinking, employability. 

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26 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

They don’t want you at those meetings for college. She has to do it

 

My oldest is 14.   No personal experience.  

Edited by Lecka

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28 minutes ago, Lecka said:

 

My oldest is 14.   No personal experience.  

And I can only speak to one school. Well not true her online DE was with another. But yeah it’s FERPA law and college culture driving this. And learning how to self advocate and problem solve at the university carries over to doing it in the workplace. It’s why, once you get them signed up and the paperwork done, they really want the kid doing everything. 

Now maybe someone else will say they went to meetings etc but I doubt it. Maybe in a higher support program that doesn’t expect independence?

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When my ds began at the local CC I went to the initial disability meeting (maybe I went to 2) until my ds was comfortable and understood the process.  Since he is hearing impaired he was afraid he'd miss something that was being said that was important.  Once he was familiar with the process he took over.  Once he transferred to the university level I had one phone call interaction because the disability office was giving him the run around when he went to the office to explain that a professor was not honoring his MOA.  Many colleges have now turned the whole disability process to computer screens and little to no interaction with the student.  It used to be recommended that a student who had accommodations would meet early in the semester to introduce themselves and clarify what assistance they might need to be sure both sides understood the expectations.  I suppose that now there is a push for privacy you don't do this much anymore which may not help the student in the long run - or the professor.  Unfortunately, the laws and procedures in place for the elementary/middle/high school are not there for university students although they are working on them.  These universities just don't have to do much if they don't want to and it is frustrating to say the least.  While our kids need to take the helm and address and remediate their needs, it can be a lot harder in practice.  I'm hoping your dd can get a helper to assist her getting organized, etc. and meet her needs.  That would be great.  The sad part is that many people don't have that extra money to pay for the help because they've paid for so many other things related to their kid's needs (therapy, testing, etc.)  I think one thing that would probably be very important to address is reducing that course load to 12 credit hours.  Yes, it will take longer to get through but the possibility of achieving the degree will be higher. 

I just wanted to add that after going back and reading your initial post I couldn't help but notice a lot of "we" in your post - is this we as in mom and dad or is this we as all 3 of you?  I think it is important to be sure your dd is included in these decisions - what does she want to do?  You want to build that confidence.  It is good to have ideas but sometimes kids won't seek out options on their own because WE've thought it through for them, kwim?

Edited by 1shortmomto4
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5 hours ago, Lecka said:

yep! I get their emails. I remember this article. And yes--she and I have discussed the possibility that she could have autism. She did not have anorexia though. I actually brought it up to the neuropsych, but he blew me off. I don't blame him. We were there for the ADHD eval, and he had kind of worked us in because she was home for the holidays. 

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2 hours ago, 1shortmomto4 said:

 

I just wanted to add that after going back and reading your initial post I couldn't help but notice a lot of "we" in your post - is this we as in mom and dad or is this we as all 3 of you?  I think it is important to be sure your dd is included in these decisions - what does she want to do?  You want to build that confidence.  It is good to have ideas but sometimes kids won't seek out options on their own because WE've thought it through for them, kwim?

all 3 of us

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I saw the dear child today. I'm so glad I drove down. For weeks I've been coming back to that report over and over trying to make some sense of it. My girl--in numbers and checklists and symptoms and percentiles. I saw her beautiful face today, and she is just exactly who she is supposed to be. Just like she's always been. I really, really needed to see her. I'm not saying she doesn't need more evaluations. I will leave no stone unturned for her just like I have for my other girls. That's why I come here lol--'cause y'all always--well mostly-- give me great advice and resources, etc. Very grateful for this community.

Some good news and progress: she made an appointment to meet w/ someone at the O of A next week. She had already submitted all her documentation. We will work together to make a list of questions to ask at the meeting. Also, the prof of the class that she got the zeroes in--he's her most laid back and forgiving prof. She has another prof that's a typical hard nose--and that's been her only other zero this semester. She took the wrong notebook one day, so she got a zero for that assignment.  Anyway, I'm hoping that this guy will forgive the mix up. She hasn't heard back because he's out of town. 

I have so much empathy for this child. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She has my brain. I went to her dorm to pick her up. I texted her that I had arrived. She texted back "ok wait a sec." Several minutes later she comes out. "I've lost my ***card (student id) AGAIN in my room. I know it's in there somewhere. No biggie. I'll just have to knock when I go back."  🙂 Bless her heart I can so relate. So even if she loses her scholarship, I won't be upset with her. I'll be upset for her. She's so much more than her scores--any scores, high or low. 

Still looking for job ideas. Summer job ideas, hopefully. 

Edited by popmom
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14 hours ago, PeterPan said:

And I can only speak to one school. Well not true her online DE was with another. But yeah it’s FERPA law and college culture driving this. And learning how to self advocate and problem solve at the university carries over to doing it in the workplace. It’s why, once you get them signed up and the paperwork done, they really want the kid doing everything. 

Now maybe someone else will say they went to meetings etc but I doubt it. Maybe in a higher support program that doesn’t expect independence?

You know, if I'm paying that much out of pocket for a support person... I'm thinking they need to be willing, better be willing to talk to me, too. At least one time. We'll see. 

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That is wonderful that you got to spend time with your dd.  I'm thinking positive that the professor will give your dd a whole heaping of grace and all will work out - most of them are understanding but there are a few of them that make you shake your head. 

I've been thinking all day about ideas - especially around using your dd's talents - art.  Do you live/have easy access to an art museum where she might be able to work teaching/assisting in a kid's camp?  A community center where they offer summer courses might be another option for her to teach/assist.  A camp counselor?  Sometimes kids that struggle do better when working around young kids as they are much more accepting and form strong bonds which builds confidence.

Michaels - the craft store? Hobby Lobby?  Some of these even give classes so she could help/teach one and they also do summer drop in courses for kids. 

I know she loves writing but not coming up with options there - hmmm.....

Could she work on a college class online over the summer while working through appointments?  This might help if you keep the course load down to 12 credits.  She may just need a break from course work, too.

It is so hard trying to help these kids.  My kids always joke that I'm that mom running along the sidelines from the commercial where the boy is playing football.  My oldest finally graduated from college in December - something that 5 years ago we didn't think would or could happen but boy was the road long and winding and a few potholes along the way. 

 

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I’m glad you could see her 🙂. It sounds like things are working out pretty well 🙂

For a summer job — I think maybe just what is available.  Does she like kids?  I think a food service job might be too fast-paced.  Painting?  Will she be home for the summer?  We used to live in a college town and the university had a website where students could find jobs as summer baby sitters.  They usually had to be able to drive kids around.  I never did it but I knew parents who found summer babysitters that way, and some would also have a date night or “take the kids to the park Saturday morning while I get things done” during the school year.

Could she be a day camp counselor who did art projects?  

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8 hours ago, popmom said:

"I've lost my ***card (student id) AGAIN in my room. I know it's in there somewhere

So there are some books on organizing, home management, etc. with ADHD. There's a good book                                             That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life                                      and                                             Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition-Revised and Updated: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized                                       But basically switching to a problem solving mindset. So you lost it, what could you DO about that? And start brainstorming together. Command hooks, lanyard, clip pouch that goes on her backpack, whatever. 

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9 hours ago, popmom said:

if I'm paying that much out of pocket for a support person

I would expect to pay at least $100 an hour, possibly $120, for someone of the right caliber if you're doing it privately. So getting it through the college for $1500 a semester is well I guess going rate. At that price, the main thing is that they're good and have connections and are spending time. If it's like 20 minutes a week, not helpful, then it's too much. But it's fair if they're good and spend an hour.

Yes, the person spent time with me when we got her settled, but it was more of a here's how I'm going to work, this is how it's going to roll. And you'll probably feel better about it once you see her settled and connected. That's been rough not having these connections and supports. And maybe as you do testing over the breaks, you give that person the data and see what else they can do. Some schools have social skills support groups, peer mentors, and things through the psych/art/education departments.

Has she thought about technical writing? Always employable and conducive to working alone or telecommuting. Some kind of editing, an online job.

With her processing speed issues, some jobs are not going to be comfortable (fast food, etc.). Something like Target can be good. Ours is starting people at $13 an hour, for real. She could also consider getting a certificate in something so she'd be a bit more employable in a job that would be more comfortable for her. 

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Employability can be an issue for people who have social and communication issues. Which I'm sure is an obvious statement, but I think it's worth stating outright. There are situations where people pay a ton or go into debt to put their young adult through college, only to find that they can't manage to obtain or keep a job that can sustain them financially. So, I think your idea to help her with employment is a good one.

We predict that DS15 is going to have trouble with employment, due to his social communication skills (autistic) and other issues, including his extremely low processing speed and ADHD. Yes, I see that even a fast food job would be difficult for him. And he can't do a hands-on job, like construction or a trade, because of his motor skills and math disability. His IQ scores have a similar pattern as your daughter's, with high verbal and low perceptual reasoning, processing speed, and working memory (there is a learning profile associated with this pattern, called Nonverbal Learning Disorder, which some psychs won't mention, but that you can google to see if it fits). So I am sympathizing with your concerns. Although DS is not having the academic success that your daughter did in high school.

DS's documented disabilities qualified him for our state vocational rehabilitation program (even before he had his autism diagnosis, which we got after he was in the state program), and he gets job training assistance, with on the job coaching, as well as help obtaining a job. Our state has a program for teens at risk, so he was able to start at age 15. There are adult programs, as well.

Since you are concerned, you might contact your state vocational program to see what it takes to qualify. Also contact your county board of disabilities and ask similar questions. I don't know what your daughter's paperwork says or what the psych will write up for you about the kind of support that she needs. It's possible that she does not yet have the paper trail that would qualify her for vocational rehabilitation. It may be helpful for you to know that having a diagnosis of autism can open some of those doors for help that might not be available to her yet. If she and you wonder about autism, and you think that she can use extra support with employment, it may be worth it for you to pursue an autism evaluation for her.

The name "rehabilitation" sounds like the programs are just for people who used to work and now can't, but it's really for people new to the workforce, as well. Being able to qualify for a job coach through a state or county program might be a really helpful thing, so that you don't feel like you bear the entire burden of figuring this out just within your family (I know how that can be). Your daughter has a lot of good skills, and I think a job coach might really be able to help her target what kind of work she would succeed with.

 

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I think it that it is great that you are looking for a speech therapist to work with her. You may or may not be aware, but it can be hard to find someone who will work with people who are adults or even teens. If you have trouble finding someone, you might see if there are any autism centers in your area. You can call them and ask if they can recommend any speech therapists that they refer their older clients to. Just an idea.

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