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4kiddies

Has anyone heard from Medicmom?

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I’ve been praying and wondering too. I was seeing general life posts sometimes on FB but not lately. 

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I think of her, too, when I log on to here, and I have sent up a few prayers for her as well. I hope all is well with her and the boys.

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I'd guess she doesn't want to post anything until decisions have been made, and if everything is still in flux...  nothing to say yet.

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She's been on my mind too - wondering how she is.  I hope she sees all this love she's getting from here :-).

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Thank you so much for stopping in with an update!

Better and stronger marriage is by far the best outcome possible, I'm so glad to hear things are trending that way for you. Divorce with kids, while sometimes necessary, is such a horribly messy undertaking.

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Wow, what an update.  I am so glad that everything has worked out for you.  What a change you have made it such a short time.  

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11 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

Also: I found a diabetes medicine that works great for me, started going to the gym, lost 26 pounds and two dress sizes since the beginning of December(and still losing), started rock climbing again, and I feel really good about myself.  I found a confidence I’ve lost over the last few years.  And some clothes I haven’t fit into since 2010 😂

That's wonderful, that you found some ways to take care of yourself!  Which med, if I may ask?

Edited by myblessings4
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1 minute ago, myblessings4 said:

That's wonderful, that you found some ways to take care of yourself!  Which med, if I may ask?

Victoza.  The weight loss is a side effect because it’s destroyed my appetite, but it gave me a total boost of confidence when I really needed it.

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Thank you for updating and glad to hear that you are doing so well with the given circumstances.

 

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Love your good update. 

The last few years (as you’ve shared on the boards) have been so challenging. I hope you’ve got a long run of good stuff ahead.

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I’m glad things are improving a bit with it all out in the open.  That’s such a tough position to be in, but it seems like a) you understood the players well and b) were calm enough to be strategic.

It is wonderful news that you and your husband are able to talk now and bridge some of these deep gaps.  That is really key to improving intimacy and comfort with one another again - sharing life and talking and no more secrets that shame and divide.  
 

I’m so impressed with how you’ve handled this and so happy for your kids that things look like they’re healing, however slowly, and your family can stay together.

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Sounds like you gambled and won, and also like you covered all your bases.  Great job knowing all so well and being so clear, and I hope that this works out extremely well for you.

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15 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Sounds like you gambled and won, and also like you covered all your bases.  Great job knowing all so well and being so clear, and I hope that this works out extremely well for you.


it was a gamble, and I obviously don’t know yet how it will end in the long run.  He could wake up tomorrow and she wants a relationship again and he goes back, or we decide that we are better off as friends instead of husband and wife.

I basically called in sick and lied in bed for a week feeling literally like my heart was breaking.  I was physically sick.  And then I decided I was going to fight back and strategize.  If she could play the game, so could I. I can also text, date, and listen to my husband—things I wasn’t really good at before. She wanted his opinions; I never did. I’ve learned to listen.

 Even if our marriage ended, we have three kids together and for all his faults, he’s a great dad. I wanted whatever happened to be amicable and best for the kids. We’d at least wind up coparenting long term.

So I called the other woman up and told her I forgave her, and if she wanted a relationship with my husband she had my blessing(this freaked her out and eventually she couldn’t handle that much openness), but she had to understand that I would know if they went out and what was going on.  I told him I loved him, he was free to leave and we’d legally end the marriage on good terms if he wanted, but that I would not make him choose between me or her.  I felt that would just cause resentment long term.  I said I would support whatever decision he made, and that I forgave him. We started talking, a lot, because I didn’t want the world to know and all we had to talk to was each other really.  He told me all the things he found attractive about her and how he felt like he’d missed out on a lot by growing up in fundamentalism and courtship only(I was the first and last girlfriend).  I told him how deeply hurt I was that he didn’t feel like he could tell me all that in the first place. We started texting each other for hours and hours a day while at work and staying up all night talking about everything in the world. She grew really threatened by this and ended the relationship last week after he took me away for the weekend.

So of course he’s now mourning his first ever breakup, but he’s being sensitive and not telling me how much he misses her. 

I have no idea what the future holds. I have a savings account with enough for a first, last and security on an apartment if I need to and I’ve already talked to a lawyer.  I’d love to keep this marriage, especially how it is right now.   But if not, my goal was to develop a friendship so we could co-parent well.  Also: it was almost funny how absolutely freaked out they were that I forgave them both and said carry on. His girlfriend was so suspicious and in the end she couldn’t manage that.  Once everything was in the open, it was no longer fun.

I don’t honestly know how much I will be on here, but if anyone would like to be Facebook friends, PM me.

Edited by Medicmom2.0
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That is the really hard part of things like this--it is very risky.  You put yourself out there, and it might or might not work out.  There are no guarentees.  It's a very strong thing to do though.  Good for you!

 

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Thank you for the update, I'm glad to hear that you and the kids are doing well.  I'm curious and you don't have to answer if you don't want to but do you think you would have felt differently if you didn't know the woman? And what happens when he gets another girlfriend and how would he handle it if you got a boyfriend?  

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3 minutes ago, 4kiddies said:

Thank you for the update, I'm glad to hear that you and the kids are doing well.  I'm curious and you don't have to answer if you don't want to but do you think you would have felt differently if you didn't know the woman? And what happens when he gets another girlfriend and how would he handle it if you got a boyfriend?  


I do think I’d felt differently if I hadn’t know the person.  In all honesty, this was just calculated risk. I was pretty sure I knew how she’d react. She was expecting one reaction from me and I gave the exact opposite.  
I honestly don’t know. He initially said if I wanted to date someone he’d be okay with that.  I’m a married, overweight, exhausted mom of three. Nobody is beating down my door.  Right now we’ve talked extensively and we aren’t interested in an open marriage.  I asked that if he ever feels like he is interested in someone again, that he talks to me about it so we can evaluate if there’s something missing in our relationship that we can fix or if he just thinks someone is pretty. I was always pretty clear that I won’t be tolerating lying about anything.  My forgiveness on that has been used up.

At this point I don’t think it will be an issue.

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