AngieC Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I am mostly a lurker, but the Hive provides such excellent and varied advice, I thought I would get your thoughts. My son's swimming coach is getting married in the fall. I would love to throw him and his fiance a wedding celebration type of party. I'm thinkng a post-practice brunch with some wedding themed decorations and inviting kids and their parents. He has been the main coach to these kids for 2+ years and will continue to be their coach for several more and he spends 10+ hours a week with them, so I would like to honor him in some way. Am I crazy? Has anyone ever been to something similar? I searched the internet and marriage forums in particular and couldn't find any questions close to this one so I don't know if I should just drop the idea or if I should start trying to come up with a more concrete plan. Thank you for any advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 8 minutes ago, AngieC said: I am mostly a lurker, but the Hive provides such excellent and varied advice, I thought I would get your thoughts. My son's swimming coach is getting married in the fall. I would love to throw him and his fiance a wedding celebration type of party. I'm thinkng a post-practice brunch with some wedding themed decorations and inviting kids and their parents. He has been the main coach to these kids for 2+ years and will continue to be their coach for several more and he spends 10+ hours a week with them, so I would like to honor him in some way. Am I crazy? Has anyone ever been to something similar? I searched the internet and marriage forums in particular and couldn't find any questions close to this one so I don't know if I should just drop the idea or if I should start trying to come up with a more concrete plan. Thank you for any advice! That would be lovely. You know people will want to bring gifts; let them. Don't ask the happy couple for any gift-registry information; just let the guests figure out what newly-weds would like, and it will be fine, because it really is the thought that counts. If people ask, just say you hadn't thought about it, but if they would like to bring something, they may. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite5 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I don't think this is crazy at all--I think it's very sweet of you to consider hosting a celebration for them. A post-practice brunch sounds perfect, too! A friend and I threw a shower for someone in my children's lives and it was very well received. The couple was Christian, so we asked each family to bring a Christmas tree ornament, so that the couple would not only have ornaments for their very first tree, but that the ornaments would be meaningful because they had been selected by people who cared for and loved them. The shower was in August, so obviously they wouldn't be used for months. This couple still talks about their first Christmas and how meaningful it felt to them. I say go for it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I think it would be nice to have a celebration of some kind. One of my dd's coaches got married and all the girls and their mothers were invited to a shower. It wasn't on a day when anyone had practice, so people could decide to attend or not, but it was held at the practice facility. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
May Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 What a lovely idea🌺I’m sure they will appreciate your thoughtfulness. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I think that's a great and really sweet idea! You could send an invite to the kids and their parents... I like the idea of holding it at the practice facility, for fun. I'd do something about gifts -- either state that gifts are absolutely not necessary, or put a price limit of (??) whatever you think is appropriate for a teacher from a student: $10? Or, if the coach has a unique interest, they could all pitch in and get one main gift, but even that could be optional. (A main gift such as, tickets to a show, personalized pool towels, a nice restaurant in town -- something that would go along with what you think the student budget allows.) In my experience, many students would want to attend but are from homes that either don't have extra money or don't have interest to chip in money even though the student still wants to attend. So, I'd just make sure that it's very, very clear that any gifts are completely optional and that their presence (even without parents or gifts) is what matters. I think you'd need to plan some fun games. Do it!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 When I think of all the crazy sports parents and their kids steeped in the craziness that coaches have to deal with, I think it's wonderful that you want to do so this for your coach. You're a very kind, thoughtful person. When our homeschool PE coach got married we took up a collection so parents could donate what fit their budgets and everyone signed a card. We also took one up several years later when his first child was born. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 Thank you for all of the encouragement and ideas! When I first started researching, the first thing I came across was that I couldn't all it a shower because that was only for people invited to the wedding (and I know kids/families will not be invited simply because it's too many people). My intent is to not mention presents, but I do hope at least some people choose to give something. As with most coaches, he deals with a lot of kids and parents and I'm guessing is under paid. It never occurred to me that others wouldn't be interested, but I could definitely chat with my son's core group of friends ahead of time to make sure we are going to have a few attending, at least. I'm excited now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 5 minutes ago, AngieC said: Thank you for all of the encouragement and ideas! When I first started researching, the first thing I came across was that I couldn't all it a shower because that was only for people invited to the wedding (and I know kids/families will not be invited simply because it's too many people). My intent is to not mention presents, but I do hope at least some people choose to give something. As with most coaches, he deals with a lot of kids and parents and I'm guessing is under paid. It never occurred to me that others wouldn't be interested, but I could definitely chat with my son's core group of friends ahead of time to make sure we are going to have a few attending, at least. I'm excited now! A shower is a shower, whether the guests are invited to the wedding or not. Feel free to call it that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I think it's a sweet idea. I would call it an engagement party, instead of a shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Ellie said: A shower is a shower, whether the guests are invited to the wedding or not. Feel free to call it that. Really? I started reading wedding forums yesterday and found the majority of people said you should not hold a shower for people not invited to the wedding that it was rude and nothing more than a gift grab. (Of course, I fell down a rabbit hole of all sorts of wedding etiquette-related threads and read plenty of things that sounded excessive to me, so who knows what was true and what was people being over-the-top picky.) The more I thought about it, the more I don't want an expectation of bringing gifts and I want people to attend regardless of abilitiy/desire to bring a gift, so either way I don't want it to be a shower. That said, is it okay to call it a wedding celebration if it's before the wedding? Maybe just say something along the lines of Please join us for a celebration in honor of x and y's upcoming wedding? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 This is similar to when a teacher gets married, so perhaps you could spearhead a group project like some classes do for teachers. For instance, sometimes they buy a blank book and let the kids each do a page - a drawing for little kids or a thoughtful note from an older kid. You could also have some fun with it and have a theme, such as ‘coach will make a good husband because...’ and let the kids try to relate their knowledge of him into how that will help him be a good husband. (Coach is a stickler about towels on the floor so Maryann doesn’t have to worry he’ll leave the bathroom messy). We’ve done this kind of thing for a teacher before and wrote some prompts - like on every other page. And as they passed the book around- (which took weeks because sometimes a person took it home to work on-) kids either chose to answer one of the prompts or do their own thing on a blank page. And of course parents will want to contribute, too. It will Hopefully not be the only gift, but it will be something that each kid can be part of so even if the parents don’t buy a gift the kids won’t feel left out. Also, even small denomination gift cards are great to tape to the remaining blank pages- $5 or $10 to local gas stations, coffee shop, drug store, etc. are super handy and your kids will be remembered as they are used. Everyone needs gas, cough medicine, a cup of coffee, a soda and fries on the way home from a long practice, an ice cream cone, a movie ticket. So sweet of you to want to celebrate his upcoming wedding! And it’s always great to be able to encourage kids to show their appreciation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 I've never heard of the etiquette rule of not calling it a shower if you're not inviting everyone to the wedding... Hmmm... I'd call it a shower anyway. I've definitely been invited to showers where I was not nor was I expected to be invited to the wedding. It was fine! Our church hosted a shower for our dd even though just a few were invited to the wedding... They had an open invitation shower for all the ladies at the church, and for sure they did not expect to be invited to our dd's small wedding. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Yes, I also learned that you only invite guests to a shower who are invited to the wedding, and that seems to still be proper wedding etiquette, according to a quick internet search. If you are inviting just the kids and perhaps their parents, I think you can find a party invitation on Evite or another such website that will be non specific and just say "Celebrate!" or "Party!" with a place to add a subtitle, where you can indicate that it is to celebrate his upcoming wedding. It doesn't need to say "shower." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jentrovert Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 A couple years ago, I hosted a "come and go" type wedding shower for some friends. We had nice decor, appetizer type snacks, cupcakes. There were a couple different stations where people could write messages, leave recipes, etc., and a gift table for those who brought them. Everyone, including the couple, loved it. It was no pressure for anyone. Not everyone brought a gift, but could drop in and out, visit with the couple, mingle . . . no one noticed who brought gifts and who didn't, and it wasn't awkward for anyone who could only stay a few minutes. When the event was over, the couple took the gifts home and opened them privately. I had several people tell me they were pleasantly surprised at the way gifts were handled. Anyway, I wonder if a variation on this would work well? A small table, decorated nicely with things that are easy to remove as gifts come in. That way, if there are gifts, you've a place for them, and if not or only a few, it's not an awkwardly empty table. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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