At what point is student locked into graduation date?

[monalisa]

This may be a weird question, but at what point do you lock your student into a graduation date?  Is it once they've taken SAT/ACT and declared a graduation month/year?

My junior year dd is very bright but somewhat socially and emotionally immature student.  She's been involved with an in-person co-op that hasn't been academically rigorous, and has taken a few online live classes.  She has done well academically, but hasn't really had much challenge.   I'm feeling a little panicky and think she really could use an extra year of HS before graduating (both to be prepared to handle the heavier academics and social aspects of college), but she isn't young for her grade (January birthday).  However, she took the SAT last year as a sophomore and I declared her graduating in 2021 (she did well on the SAT, so that is not my concern).   Are we locked in to that now?  I know a lot can change before end of senior year, but I'm just wondering as I'm trying to start planning 12 grade, and also having a hard time imaginging her actually being ready to go away to college in 2021.  She is a homebody with not a lot of friends or social life, and is not clamoring to leave home.  

Is it bad to add a year of high school to allow for maturation, or is it better to have a student do a Gap Year?  We don't like the local community college or state college options much, and we all think she'd do better at a small private college (and there is one that she is interested in, but it is too far for her to live at home and commute).  But sending her off in less than 2 years seems very daunting to her and to me.  She has actually said she'd like to be a year younger in school, and her few friends are younger than her.  My husband isn't crazy about the idea of a gap year, fearing she'd end up not going to college at all.

This is my oldest child, and I have very few local friends who are homeschooling high school to lean on for advice. Thanks for any insights or experiences.

Edited January 27, 2020 by monalisa

[Lori D.]

The only thing that tends to "lock you in" is taking the PSAT in 11th grade (where the score counts towards possible National Merit finalist status and scholarships). And even then, if the student ends up graduating a year early, College Board has a way of appealing and counting that PSAT as for 11th grade. But that is the opposite direction of what you are thinking...

I would certainly be discussing this with DD -- how would SHE feel about extending high school by another year? This seems pretty late to be considering that option -- she is currently thinking she has 1.5 years of high school left, and that would be rough to have it sprung on her that, "no, you actually have 2.5 years to go."

5 hours ago, monalisa said:

...She has done well academically, but hasn't really had much challenge.   I'm feeling a little panicky and think she really could use an extra year of HS before graduating (both to be prepared to handle the heavier academics and social aspects of college)...

If looking for an academic challenge, then staying in high school an additional year is NOT going to provide that -- moving on to college would do that. However, one thing you might consider is having her do some dual enrollment courses in her senior year (next year) to help stretch her academically, and to let her "dip a toe" in the waters of college in advance. Even if you don't care for the community college, it might be worth it to do 1-2 classes in each semester next year to so she can start getting the feel of the pace and expectations and how to adjust/study for college level classes...

5 hours ago, monalisa said:

... I'm ... having a hard time imaginging her actually being ready to go away to college in 2021.  She is a homebody with not a lot of friends or social life, and is not clamoring to leave home...

Lots of students don't "go away" for college, but instead live at home and attend the local university as a commuter student. That would solve those concerns. Another option, if you don't have a university in your city, is to attend the local community college for the first 2 years while living at home and either earn an AAS degree, or transfer to a university to finish off the last 2 years.

Oops -- I realize now in your OP that your family doesn't care for the schools near you. But even if not super-fond of the local schools, perhaps just doing the first year as a commuter student and living at home, and then transferring to school of choice could make it a gentler transition for DD... ??

5 hours ago, monalisa said:

...Is it bad to add a year of high school to allow for maturation, or is it better to have a student do a Gap Year? ...
... She has actually said she'd like to be a year younger in school, and her few friends are younger than her. 
... My husband isn't crazy about the idea of a gap year, fearing she'd end up not going to college at all...

re: Gap Year and college
You can apply for college in the senior year, and then once accepted and offered a financial aid package, contact the school and request a deferrment for doing a gap year. That will make sure that she continues on to college for your DH -- it would just be doing so after having a year for some maturing and for some experiences, which would mean DD would be more the age she would want to be for college...

Then plan very specifically with your DD what that gap year will look like -- working to save towards college while having a little more time to mature?  Doing a specific volunteer program or project away from home for 3 months so she "gets her feet wet" with being away, but still gets to spend some of that gap year at home? If you DON'T plan specifically for a gap year, there is much more of a likelihood the time will be "frittered" away, and the maturing you are hoping for doesn't have a chance to happen.

Check out these past threads for more ideas about what a gap year might look like (they are all linked on PAGE 6 of the big pinned thread "College Motherlode" at the top of the WTM College Board):

GAP YEAR
Let’s chat about gap years
Revisiting the gap year concept 
Talk to me about a gap year after high school
Gap year ideas: have we lost our minds (specifically a wilderness experience) 
When to apply for college when a gap year is being planned?
Gap year and financial aid

5 hours ago, monalisa said:

... We don't like the local community college or state college options much, and we all think she'd do better at a small private college (and there is one that she is interested in, but it is too far for her to live at home and commute).  But sending her off in less than 2 years seems very daunting to her and to me...

You might look for LACs that are extremely supportive -- for example Grand Canyon University in AZ in a gated college campus (very secure), and "dry" (no alcohol permitted). It has a lot of scheduled "campus life" events to encourage students to meet and make friends, as well as dorm events to help you feel a part of the campus and your living space. It is Christian, with Bible study leaders and RAs who are very supportive and can help you plug in.

Also, regular Video Chat / Skype with family at home can make a school feel less far away. The first semester DS#1 was away at college, about once a week he would Skype with me on my laptop, and we would simultaneously set up watching a favorite mystery show series together, so we "watched" our TV show together and visited while watching, so it made him feel like he was at home.

You might also pick a LAC that's a good fit AND only a few hours away, so DD knows she can come home on weekends when she needs to/wants to. Just knowing that is an option can make a "home body" student feel less far from home.

Does she have any friends also graduating next year, who also might go to the same college? Going away with a friend makes it feel less scary or lonely.

Just trying to brainstorm with you... BEST of luck, whatever you and DD decide! Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

Edited January 27, 2020 by Lori D.

[RootAnn]

I have a junior that I thought needed another year to spend in high school so I was going to give her a "super senior" year. She is finally making strides now to be where she needs to be, so I'm tentatively back-tracking on that plan now. I will decide (with her input - which is to not give her extra time) after her ACT results are in this spring. So, we are deciding at the end of her 3rd year of high school. That's about the latest I've seen IRL.

[h2bh]

If you do a fifth year, could your child commute just for T/Thursday classes to the preferred college and enjoy the discounted tuition rates for dual enrollment?  That might save some money, provide rigor, and give a transition to living at the school. 

[RootAnn]

My concerns are academic & not maturation/social, so we are going to use next school year for my kid to take an increasing number of DE classes if possible. It will help her not have to take as heavy a load each semester (once she is in college) if she doesn't think she can handle a higher number of credits and get her used to the academic requirements while she still has a lot of scaffolding & help at home.

Edited January 27, 2020 by RootAnn

[Meriwether]

I wish I could change my Dd16's graduation date to this spring. She will have done enough, and she is ready to go. Years ago I decided I didn't want her going to college at 16. It is too late now for college admissions. I think it wouldn't be a problem to decided to add a year at the junior year, if the child were willing. I'd kind of like to add a year for Ds15, but he isn't on board at all.

[chiguirre]

CC dual enrollment will provide more than just academic challenge. It stretches a person in other ways as well. If your student can drive or use public transportation, it gives them an huge boost of independence just to go off by themselves and be in charge of their schedule. They'll need to interact with professors and other students on their own. If they join clubs, they'll have to work in a group with adults to achieve a common goal. Even if the CC isn't very strong academically, they will need to keep on top of all the requirements and due dates which is good practice. We're lucky that our CC is actually quite solid academically so dd's classes are challenging and interesting. But, even if they weren't, adulting twice a week would still be good practice.

[Classically Minded]

Have you thought of doing a year or two of online college at home?  It sounds like your dd and mine are similar in many ways.