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I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well. I've been looking for a better job than my current one for a year now. I think it's just not a good time for job hunting. 

I've also looked into going back to school. I'd love to but time/money won't allow it. I did take a certification test for an area that is tangentially related to my degree, and I passed. I actually learned about it when I was looking through a community college catalog, because they were offering a prep class. I decided to just take the test without the class to save money. I found a cheap prep book on Amazon, and there were some YouTube videos all about it. I am hoping now that I have official certification that will give me a few more options when I look for jobs. Is there anything like that you can do for graphic design? Or just find free or inexpensive/on-demand resources that will help you gain more skills? In addition to the certification, I signed up to learn a form of coding that could be helpful for me. This is more of a skill I would possess than a certification I would need. The course was $13.

Basically, there are some options to help you advance a bit, even if they don't align with what you most want to do. Last spring I applied for a Masters in Social Work Program and got accepted. I would love to go through that, but I just can't right now. So until I can, I will work toward a better job. Sometimes I guess you have to take a step in the right direction even if that doesn't get you all the way to the destination. 

Finally, I'm sorry to hear that you may not be able to continue therapy. I bet if you tell your therapist that you may not be able to continue, they will be able to provide some ideas to continue making progress. Personally, I found cognitive-behavioral therapy very helpful but it is ultimately a set of techniques that you can apply on your own. I am sure there are workbooks on Amazon, or you can even google CBT techniques, get out a notebook, and start writing. Or typing, whatever works. 

I just want to say, I have only recently caught up on what you are going through and I can't relate completely, but I can say we've both had a rough go of it lately. I have found that I need to change a lot about my life but I don't have all the resources I thought I needed. These are just a few things that have made me have a little hope and they are making me feel a lot less depressed and a lot more capable. 

 

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@OH_Homeschooler I hope things improve for you. That was smart to take the test and find other ways to move forward. 

Dh was gifted a new (as in, new to him. Guy he knows with a computer shop had a spare) graphics card so I said once that in installed I want to download Inkscape. It’s supposed to be similar to Illustrator which is a popular program I never learned. It’s listed on lots of job postings. 

I am trying to focus on some attainable goals for myself. I’ve been doing better about exercise and food. 

This therapist specializes in brief counseling where you see her no more than about 12 sessions unless you want to keep going. She offers something that has to do with the eyes... I forget the acronym. So I think result-wise it’s similar to CBT. But truthfully the more I thought about any possible traumas in my life the less they bother me now. I really care more about dealing with a potential narcissist but I’m not sure how much she can help there. 

Edited by heartlikealion

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1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

@OH_Homeschooler I hope things improve for you. That was smart to take the test and find other ways to move forward. 

Dh was gifted a new (as in, new to him. Guy he knows with a computer shop had a spare) graphics card so I said once that in installed I want to download Inkscape. It’s supposed to be similar to Illustrator which is a popular program I never learned. It’s listed on lots of job postings. 

I am trying to focus on some attainable goals for myself. I’ve been doing better about exercise and food. 

This therapist specializes in brief counseling where you see her no more than about 12 sessions unless you want to keep going. She offers something that has to do with the eyes... I forget the acronym. So I think result-wise it’s similar to CBT. But truthfully the more I thought about any possible traumas in my life the less they bother me now. I really care more about dealing with a potential narcissist but I’m not sure how much she can help there. 

 

Oh, is the therapy EMDR? I may have some questions about that at some point.

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3 minutes ago, OH_Homeschooler said:

 

Oh, is the therapy EMDR? I may have some questions about that at some point.

Yep! She gave me several links but I haven’t read them all in detail. Here’s one: 

https://www.emdria.org/page/120

I see her tomorrow night and she said we can go over the payments in more detail. She knows I’m worried about how to cover all my visits. We meet on Friday nights after Dh gets home so I don’t worry about babysitters. 

My wedding anniversary is Sun and I can’t even think about spending money but Dh wants to take me out with some Christmas cash. I might just compromise and bring the kids... their meals might be cheaper than getting a sitter. I don’t know 😬

 

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2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

 

My wedding anniversary is Sun and I can’t even think about spending money but Dh wants to take me out with some Christmas cash. I might just compromise and bring the kids... their meals might be cheaper than getting a sitter. I don’t know 😬

 

Our anniversary was yesterday and we had a wonderful dinner at home that was just as yummy as a restaurant because we can't afford to eat out. The kids and I made a pavlova for dessert during the school day. I made roasted asparagus and sweet potatoes. Dh cooked steaks when we got home and picked up a bottle of red wine to go with it. 

It was actually so much more pleasant than going out to eat because I wasn't worried about money, we all worked together, and once the kids were done eating they ran off to play and dh and I could just sit and talk.

At first, I was a bit sad we couldn't get away just the two of us for a bit but in the end it was a better night than had we gone out together or with the kids.

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7 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

Our anniversary was yesterday and we had a wonderful dinner at home that was just as yummy as a restaurant because we can't afford to eat out. The kids and I made a pavlova for dessert during the school day. I made roasted asparagus and sweet potatoes. Dh cooked steaks when we got home and picked up a bottle of red wine to go with it. 

It was actually so much more pleasant than going out to eat because I wasn't worried about money, we all worked together, and once the kids were done eating they ran off to play and dh and I could just sit and talk.

At first, I was a bit sad we couldn't get away just the two of us for a bit but in the end it was a better night than had we gone out together or with the kids.

I will try to figure out something. Our kids are not good about leaving us alone. Dd senses me gone from bed and finds me in the living room all too often. 

Staying in and cooking doesn’t appeal to me lol. That’s most nights. But I’m sure there’s a compromise or we could have a make up date later like a lunch date when dd is in school. We could go on a walk or something.

Edited by heartlikealion

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3 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I will try to figure out something. Our kids are not good about leaving us alone. Dd senses me gone from bed and finds me in the living room all too often. 
 

Staying in and cooking doesn’t appeal to me lol. That’s most nights. But I’m sure there’s a compromise or we could have a make up date later like a lunch date when dd is in school. We could go on a walk or something.!

Yeah, cooking isn't appealing to me either. That is why I picked a ridiculously simple but delicious meal. We did also do a rain check on exchanging gifts(which we usually don't do but since we didn't do Christmas either dh wants too) until our income is more stable.

And I understand all about I did sensing your absence. My 3 year old is like that.

Hope you find a good compromise

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3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Yep! She gave me several links but I haven’t read them all in detail. Here’s one: 

https://www.emdria.org/page/120

I see her tomorrow night and she said we can go over the payments in more detail. She knows I’m worried about how to cover all my visits. We meet on Friday nights after Dh gets home so I don’t worry about babysitters. 

My wedding anniversary is Sun and I can’t even think about spending money but Dh wants to take me out with some Christmas cash. I might just compromise and bring the kids... their meals might be cheaper than getting a sitter. I don’t know 😬

 

 

That is probably not something you can replicate with a simple workbook! I read about EMDR in The Body Keeps the Score. It sounds amazing! I hope you can benefit from it.

 

 

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I followed up Tuesday. I got a rejection email last night on my way out the door to a career expo for a local publication. 

I never particularly wanted to do sales, but I am willing to try this. It’s part-time work (mostly from home) as an account executive. Those interested after the expo will be scheduled for interviews soon. I have a degree in advertising and can relate to the publication’s target market so we’ll see. 

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On 1/16/2020 at 4:51 PM, heartlikealion said:

I want to say it’s ok but I can’t feel that way as I feel crushed by debt. Dd sees an optometrist every few months now and is supposed to start PT. We can refuse the PT but I’d like to afford it and give it a try. The optometrist trained some of the physical therapists there to do certain types of work to help patients like dd. 

I’ve asked about possible APD with ds years ago. I know it doesn’t matter to others but I want that closure. All these things are expensive. 

I've been reading your threads for a long time. They were helpful to me when I was going through a rough patch. I always admired that you were able to put it out there in the open.

I've seen the growth in your posts and don't get discouraged now. When the children are younger, it is more about them, and I feel your pain on that accord. When I feel like that, I tell myself I have the rest of my life to live when they're grown which goes by faster than you can blink.

I read something the other day and it stuck with me, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Sometimes trusting the process and taking it one day at a time can be helpful. We just need to turn our overworked, exhausted brains off!🤣

It'll get better, and easier as time goes on. Sending positive vibes your way!🙂

Edited by Islandgal
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Yeah, I figure I’m meant to be (mostly) home for now. 

I keep getting the runaround about the PreK. They act like it’s weird I want a date. This lady said she just dropped off materials to the classroom the other day. My thinking is how long does it take to provide materials to a class you opened for registration months ago? You conducted interviews before Christmas. Am I really the only parent calling? 

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Here’s the latest if anyone wants to read my soap opera 

With all the back and forth about the PreK dh told me to go in person. The district lost her application. I went as far as to visit the original site of application (school Ds attended that did not get the PreK program off the ground), the elementary with the PreK, and the central office. They had it back in like Nov. when I called to see if there was slot for Dd this Jan. 
 
I showed up in person. The staff was partly rude, confused. One lady was sitting there at the main office desk eating popcorn telling me she’s new and doesn’t know what to tell me. Another woman was a counselor and said they can’t find it but the secretary may have moved it. They handed me a paper and said I need to fill it out. On principle, I refused. I said you need to find the original. The principal walked by and they stopped him to speak with me. I explained no one told me the start date for PreK, my husband was told on the phone enrollment was taking place and I could bring her to school soon, my papers had been lost etc. He was gruff and said, bring your daughter tomorrow. I said don’t you think I should wait til the paperwork is in order? I can bring her Wed. Tuesday is not good for me, anyway. He pressed for answers and I explained that ds (I motioned to him) was homeschooled and we had a field trip with a group on Tuesday we had bought tickets to months ago. He was adamant about Tuesday so I said I’d make it work but my spouse would have to leave work early to pick her up. He did not care. He also said, “what’s the problem” when I tried to explain some of my frustrations. I immediately pegged him as an a-hole/bully. The dude was also giant, possibly taller than Dh. Another woman walked behind the counter and she came across as a b!tch. I tried to confirm some things. I said, “breakfast is at 7:10? What time does school start?” She said it’s all the same time, the kids walk to breakfast as a class. I said, ok just checking because it wasn’t like that at my son’s school. She had attitude oozing from her and her facial expressions like I was an idiot. I can’t convey it here. 

I calmed down (never was yelling or crying) and the counselor stood beside me and said she’d need me bring birth certificate and shot records (again) on Tuesday. I said quietly to her, “you need to know this school district keeps losing my stuff. My daughter’s IEP trail and now this. That is why I’m so frustrated.” She took me to the PreK classrooms and I found out the new class had been in session a few days, since last week. I said no one called me. I’ve been calling for weeks to get a start date. I smoothed things over with the counselor, since we seemed a little upset with each other when I arrived. I asked her if the principal was always like that. She more or less said yeah. I told her Dh would be there Tuesday morning with the bc and shot records and they said the secretary would be back and may be able to find dd’s registration. 

I went out of my way to visit the central office and confirm they did not get dd’s registration. They said it does not make a pit stop there. I spoke face-to-face with a woman that’s been trying to help me get the PreK start date. I told her they started, lost her info, and the principal was rude to me. She said you need to relay this to one of these two people. One was in the building but dodged her calls. She told me to call the other and said she’s directly over the principal. She gave me a high school number. On the way out I spoke with the receptionist as I signed out and she gave me their business cards. They had email addresses and phone numbers. 

I left a voice mail on her cell. 

Tuesday Dh showed up with dd in her school uniform ready to start. I sent the boxes of tissue and nap mat the PreK teacher needed. Packed a lunch, sharpened pencils etc. The secretary was not there. Dh was told to wait on her. Someone let dd join the kids for breakfast. The secretary strolled in at 7:50. He was already late to work. She couldn’t find the paper. Dh started to fill it out so they could move forward. After he filled it out, she said your daughter can’t start school today. He said, “what?” and she said, “what?!” and continued to be sassy and unprofessional. He said she literally yelled at him. She said you need 2 proofs of address. He said I don’t have it on me. He offered his DL as one. At some point he talked to the counselor privately and she apologized he experienced that. She asked where we were from and told us where she was from. None of us are from here. She said she thinks it’s a local thing. People are unprofessional and get away with it. It’s not the first time. He said she simply could have let me bring the second proof of address when I picked her up. I think he said that in her earshot and she just looked like she was fuming. I’m just retelling it of course. Anyway, since they washed his whole morning and yelled at him he said don’t bother finishing her enrollment. He got dd and went home. 

During that the principal’s boss and I spoke and I did not know Dh had been yelled at or turned away. She was nice and apologetic about my experience. 

The principal reached out to me but said he didn’t know his secretary yelled at Dh. He said he would deal with that, but never apologized for her behavior. By then Dh was done with them and said nothing could sway him. Dh claims the principal was in earshot during the thing in his office with his door open, but never intervened. /shrug 

All this took place before my job interview. I got offered the job but the quotas will probably be too difficult for me to reach and now I guess dd is staying home so I think I will turn it down. She can try Kindergarten in the fall at ds’ old school. I had to light some butts on fire but I got her IEP evaluation scheduled for this Friday. 

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Oh I am glad you are not sending her there.  Sounds like you would have had a  horrible year.  UGH.

Is the job you were offered the work from home job?  Congrats on getting it.   Can you make it work at all?  

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1 minute ago, mommyoffive said:

Oh I am glad you are not sending her there.  Sounds like you would have had a  horrible year.  UGH.

Is the job you were offered the work from home job?  Congrats on getting it.   Can you make it work at all?  


Well during the interview (and that ran long and I felt bad because I left Ds with another homeschool family as we went straight from play at the theater to me needing to head to an interview) they said the first few months are a probation period without quotas but you need to come to the office as much as possible for training. 

The whole job is commission-based, but I did not know there was a quota. It’s a monthly publication and I need to sell $5000 in ads each month. I started to realize most of the phone calls are done to set up face-to-face meetings. I think I’d need to be out of the house more than what is doable. Sure, I thought I could stack meetings with clients but that’s probably not how it really works. One client may want to see you Thursday morning etc. I’d have to pay the sitter unless it was a time Dh was home (he’s home We’d mornings). They want you there on Monday mornings for weekly meetings. If she was in PreK I’d leave ds at dh’s library. But even summer would become an obstacle. The sitter we have doesn’t work summers and the college kids mostly aren’t here in summer. I think I’m being called to stay home. 

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Even if I could excel at the job, the pay is often delayed based on invoice date, dd would need a sitter a lot during my training, and I’d spend a ton on gas. And I’d rather be home with my kids if they aren’t in school. 

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I’d send her to pre-K even if the office staff is obnoxious. That doesn’t mean the teachers are. If she’s in a program, it would be easier for you to  search for a job. 

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1 minute ago, mamakelly said:

I’d send her to pre-K even if the office staff is obnoxious. That doesn’t mean the teachers are. If she’s in a program, it would be easier for you to  search for a job. 

While I understand your opinion, Dh feels we burned that bridge and he had other qualms about the school as well. Like safety. I wandered in the wrong door for example because the sign above it said elementary but the main office was on the other side of the building. Anyone can just open the building doors from outside. 

Their pick up time is 2:30 pm so that already limits job options. Dh gets off work at 3:30 pm some days, 5:00 pm another, and 9:00 pm another, not including the times he stays at work til midnight or later doing work for his online classes. He went to the office last night for school and came home at 2:30 am. He has to do something with recording for a school project so he’s doing it there. 

I’ll let her try K in the fall at the school down the road that starts at 8 (breakfast is 7:00-7:45). They get out at 3:00. Dh said if a job comes open at his college I should consider it and I said if she was in K then I would look into it. 

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I'm so sorry that you, your dh and dd had to go through that completely unprofessional situation. For the school to "lose" all that personal information and IEP is VERY disturbing, as is the lack of security. Privacy, safety and legality issues for sure! I would never deal with them again. 

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5 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

While I understand your opinion, Dh feels we burned that bridge and he had other qualms about the school as well. Like safety. I wandered in the wrong door for example because the sign above it said elementary but the main office was on the other side of the building. Anyone can just open the building doors from outside. 

Their pick up time is 2:30 pm so that already limits job options. Dh gets off work at 3:30 pm some days, 5:00 pm another, and 9:00 pm another, not including the times he stays at work til midnight or later doing work for his online classes. He went to the office last night for school and came home at 2:30 am. He has to do something with recording for a school project so he’s doing it there. 

I’ll let her try K in the fall at the school down the road that starts at 8 (breakfast is 7:00-7:45). They get out at 3:00. Dh said if a job comes open at his college I should consider it and I said if she was in K then I would look into it. 

Well I thought all along you should wait until she starts K before getting serious about job hunting,  but yeah that is the craziest experience ever at that pre school. 

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As for job hunting, I’ve always had mixed feelings. Some of it was simply to pacify those around me. Like the marital therapist & Dh. Part of it was because I worry about finances and housing options. And then part of it was my attempt to even the lopsided power balance (whether acknowledged or not I believe is there in my marriage). 

Luckily ds has been much better about doing his school work this semester. 

The school district is in such a poor area that everyone gets free breakfast and lunch regardless of family income. Although dd could get free meals, we’d drive her to another town every day for PreK so I’m not sure we’d be any better off financially and possibly worse. The PreK idea was more so because dd was bored and ds and I needed uninterrupted school time/time to concentrate on the home rather than me needing the time to job hunt. Most jobs just won’t work unless I move. Dh finally broke down the recliner we’re getting rid of and the kids donated 20 books today so we made a little decluttering progress. 

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