Advise me, please

[prairiewindmomma]

I am going through a serious, big, scary medical thing right now. Ds just finished up surgery (nonrelated issue) that he didn’t want to talk about either. (Butter and other people who know me IRL, please say nothing.) For a wide variety of reasons, my husband and my mom knew the details as they played out, and no one else. My mom, bless her heart, told other family members but thankfully I live cross-country. Some of my kids have anxiety and they don’t need to know until we have a game plan, iykwim.

Because I am not being open with my IRL acquaintances they are wanting me to come and support them in their hard things (or even not hard things) in a way that I can’t—physically or emotionally—right now.

How do I handle this? My introverted self just needs some breathing room for a bit. I don’t want to ghost people, but am seriously considering it. 

Advice? Experiences? 

 

Edited January 6, 2020 by prairiewindmomma

[freesia]

((Hugs))  I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't.  We are here for you, though. 

[Pen]

I’m so sorry!  I think this 

5 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

I think the best you can say is something like "I am so sorry.  I know you are struggling.  Right now there are some situations that I cannot discuss that make it impossible for me to do XYZ for you right now. "

 

is basically the right approach. 

[prairiewindmomma]

What do I say when they push at trying to find out what I am not talking about? This is where I am struggling. I get that it’s a boundary, and one I am putting them on the other side of, but I don’t want to damage the friendship or talk. 

[chiguirre]

Would you feel comfortable inventing a minor medical issue that would allow you to stay home but not raise alarms (something like pink eye or lice or norovirus)? It wouldn't work for long, but it would give you a week.

[73349]

7 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

What do I say when they push at trying to find out what I am not talking about? This is where I am struggling. I get that it’s a boundary, and one I am putting them on the other side of, but I don’t want to damage the friendship or talk. 

"I'm not up for discussing stuff right now, but thanks. I'll let you know."

[Lecka]

I would say “I agreed with my husband to keep it private.”  

[prairiewindmomma]

12 minutes ago, chiguirre said:

Would you feel comfortable inventing a minor medical issue that would allow you to stay home but not raise alarms (something like pink eye or lice or norovirus)? It wouldn't work for long, but it would give you a week.

We all had bronchitis, and that lasted me for three weeks. 🙂 I need two more weeks.

[katilac]

7 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

We all had bronchitis, and that lasted me for three weeks. 🙂 I need two more weeks.

5 or 6 weeks is nothing for bronchitis! It can be a very slow recovery. I would simply say that your doctor wants you to take it easy for another couple of weeks, because surely they do, right? You don't have to specify which doctor. 

[hippiemamato3]

I'm sorry. Big, scary medical things are overwhelming. I'd simply tell people you are taking some family time right now. 

[mmasc]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

What do I say when they push at trying to find out what I am not talking about? This is where I am struggling. I get that it’s a boundary, and one I am putting them on the other side of, but I don’t want to damage the friendship or talk. 

I’m sorry you’re going through the situation life has placed you in. If it’s new things that people are approaching you for, I’d simply state: ‘I’m focusing on my family life right now and can’t commit to anything else’. if they push further, I’d just stick with ‘my family life is where my time needs to be right now.’ It’s just rude to keep pushing beyond this! If it’s things you’re currently involved in and need to withdraw from, I’d say a similar version. ‘I need to step down from this because my family needs my full attention/time right now’

[matrips]

Don’t ghost them.  Say what you said.  Your introverted self needs space to deal with stuff.  It’s private and no reflection on your friendship.  I need a few weeks to myself.  Please don’t ask for details.  Please just love me and pray/think of me and do this for me.

[Pen]

“It’s something I can’t talk about and you can help by not asking me about it. “ then introduce a subject you would prefer.