Jewelry

[May]

DH and I have 2 DDs. We have been slowly getting our affairs in order so when the time comes, things are easy on our executor. DH has 2 rings and I have 2 rings, which are of some value. We can’t decide how they should be distributed and who gets to pick first. I would welcome your thoughts if you have been on the receiving end or have made a decision regarding your more valuable personal effects when you have more then 1 child. Thanks!

[Pawz4me]

I haven't BTDT, but my first thought is to give one DD first choice of your rings and the other DD the first choice of your DH's rings. But I"m open to others saying that's not a good idea. Or perhaps even discuss it with them now. It may be that one of them has no interest at all in the rings, or that the rings mean a lot more to one than the other.

[regentrude]

I would start by talking to them to see whether they are even interested. And make it clear that they are under no obligation to keep your jewelry. One or both may be interested in having a ring, or two. Or they may not care, and the best thing you could do for them is to give them permission to sell them, so they won't have to second guess whether that would hurt their parents' feelings and be stuck hanging on to an heirloom for reasons of piety.

Edited December 27, 2019 by regentrude

[gardenmom5]

 you and your dh both have two rings.  I would give one of each of yours to each of your dd's.  Or you can have them each draw a number, or you draw a number for who gets which ring.

 

[Bambam]

My mom had a lot of jewelry. My dad just had the girls (3) come over and pick what we wanted. He encouraged those of us with girl children to take some for them as well - even though they were too young to wear/appreciate it. We just figured it out - no drama - if two wanted the same piece. No biggie. It's just stuff. 

[marbel]

I would talk to them about it. You  may find that your daughters already have preferences, if they know the rings exist and have seen them.  I agree that it's just stuff, but "just stuff" can cause lots of family problems.  (Not saying it will cause problems in your family or does in all families.)  If they don't have preferences and you want to have some method for determining who gets what, you could say that oldest gets first choice of ring among the four, then 2nd gets next pick, then oldest picks again, and 2nd gets the remaining ring. I am not sure that's "fair" exactly, but that's a way it could be done.

We pretty much told our kids that they were not to feel obligated to keep stuff they didn't want. I talked about the "history" of some of our furniture - I have some antiques from my mother - and I said that if they didn't want them, they didn't have to keep them, but to offer to cousins before discarding.  I know that has nothing to do with jewelry but just leaving things in general. I have just a few pieces of nice jewelry which will go to my daughter if she wants it.  

 

[May]

1 hour ago, happysmileylady said:

My parents just asked us.  In fact, we had a family meeting one year, and they said something like....'ok, now that everyone is moved out with families of your own, we are updating our will.  As we are doing so, is there anything in particular that anyone really wants?"  They were happy they did it that way because there were a few things that they didn't really expect anyone to have thoughts on.  We do all get along pretty well so this wasn't something that was full of drama or anything.   There were actually some things that my parents wanted to be sure went to *grandkids* instead of their kids, and that was fine too.  My parents don't have a lot of *stuff* beyond the stuff of life (ie the various and assorted tools and appliances and furniture and such that are used in every day life.) so there's not a lot that anyone really cares to keep and my parents are pretty big on "sell it all and do what you want with the cash."

I will say though, my dad also stated that their goal is to spend as much of their money as possible.  Basically, he said they earned the money and they want to do their best to enjoy everything they earned as long as they can.  They are very healthy in their mid 60s so hopefully they will be able to enjoy much of it.  

We’ve told our girls the same thing about the money😊 We have a friend as the executor and we’ve promised her she wouldn’t have to make decisions about the more valuable property. Someone mentioned selling, that’s a great idea if they don’t want it😊 We are about to get the items appraised to have a better idea of their value.

[Ali in OR]

My mom had 3 diamond rings of some value (various relatives' wedding rings.) She decided who got what and it was not a big deal for any of us. Oldest brother didn't get a ring (he has other family heirlooms). Next brother got the biggest and most valualbe ring--he had it re-set for his wife. I got one from my great-grandmother's second marriage--it became my engagement ring and with an added jacket of two other diamonds is now my wedding ring. My little sister got one from a different grandmother. Her original engagement ring was stolen and she now wears this one. We all appreciate what we were given and I don't think any of us give a second thought to what another child got or why.

[Kareni]

When my father died, my sister and I made a list of things that our mother said we were at liberty to take. My sister (the oldest) picked first, then I chose twice. After that, we took turns choosing.

Regards,

Kareni