One step forward, two steps back

[Terabith]

My husband has a friend he has been playing computer games with since the 90’s.  He and his wife live in Utah, but his wife’s parents live in Richmond, three hours from us.  Anna has also played computer games with them.  They are in Richmond, so we drove the three hours there, watched Star Wars with them, got dinner with them, and then hit Trader Joe’s for Christmas cookies before driving home.  Anna handled it well.  But at the restaurant, when we were meeting another family member, he stuck his hand out and was introducing himself.  I shook hands and told him my name and Cat’s name.  He held his hand out to Cat.  She gave a withering look, did not shake hands, and would not speak.  I joked it off as she was channeling her inner namesake, but it was very awkward.  

[PeterPan]

And the problem is?? 

Look, she has serious social thinking deficits and anxiety. It's no shock she did that. She's also very young. It's NO indication of where she'll be when she's 30, whether she can hold a job, or how she'll turn out. 

It sounds like it was embarrassing to you. She has a disability, so that's going to happen. You have to remember in the moment that it's more important to parent her in integrity than it is to take behaviors personally or worry about how it reflects on you. You could talk with them later and explain if you want, just something polite like oh she has some social delays and we know and are working on it.

And, fwiw, I did that even in college. I remember my first year at this russian camp and the guy put out his hand to shake mine and I had like 13 things go through my head about why I couldn't, so I didn't. Talk about bug-eyed! He couldn't believe it and actually said something to me, like why didn't you shake my hand. And you know, today at 43 I can shake someone's hand, lol.

Think long term, don't take it personally. Focus on the steps she is making FORWARD.

Edited December 24, 2019 by PeterPan

[Terabith]

Yeah, mostly just embarrassing.  She's doing awesome in day to day life.  But new situations just highlight it, and she's old enough that it's harder to brush off, you know?