How would you feel if your child changed their name?

[J-rap]

I'd feel very sad about it, and probably confused.  We planned each name carefully and with lots of love.  Also, if it's indicative of some deeper problem, then that's a whole other level.

But, I think I'd also decide that whether it's simply because they didn't like the name or indicative of a deeper problem, I'd accept it.  There are far bigger things to worry about or be sad about...  It would be hard, but I'd force myself to move on and hopefully would be able to feel peaceful about it eventually.

[annandatje]

Two of my three children changed their middle names.  Eldest, who is a transgendered ftm, changed his feminine middle name (my mother's first name) to his father's first name.  Fortunately eldest child's first name was unisex, so no change needed there.

The youngest changed her middle name from deceased paternal grandmother's maiden name to deceased paternal grandmother's lovely first name.  She reminded me that a few years ago I had said I would pay for a name change once to be fair since had paid for eldest sibling name change.

I paid the court fees for both name changes.  Does not bother me one iota.  I consider it a basic right to call someone whatever name they wish to use.

Edited December 21, 2019 by annandatje

[madteaparty]

It would upset me but I’d get over it. Like I got over how one of my children dresses etc. It hurts a little but in the grand scheme it’s okay problems to have.

[AngieW in Texas]

I had always planned to change my last name as soon as I had the money to do so after college but getting married took care of that. I divorced in August and have kept my married last name.

My youngest changed their full name at 18yo. Unfortunately, they were in denial and so they chose another feminine name. I had been suspecting that there were gender issues but their anxiety was so very high that I hadn't brought it up with them.

Six months later they came out as nonbinary. The name they chose doesn't fit. They do have their new name ready and have been using it for about one year. They plan to make it official this summer. It costs about $250 to do it here. 

 

[Meriwether]

My sister did women's crew in college. While on a trip to Boston, the team was hosted by a family with crew ties. They told the team a story about Anna B. Seaton, an Olympic rower they knew from the university's town. The family was a big name in town. There is a street with their name and a building at the university with their name. One of the boats in the boathouse was the Anna B. Everyone knew her as Anna B. Seaton, but they didn't know what the B stood for. The daughter was not given a middle name when she was born. When she got to school and realized the other kids had a middle name, she asked her parents why she didn't have one. They told her that Seaton would become her middle name when she married. That wasn't good enough for her, so her father explained that she could have her name legally changed if she called her self by her new name for a certain amount of time. So she did. She decided on a middle name and called herself by that name for the time needed to have it legally changed. Then her father took her to the courthouse and had her name legally changed. What name did the young Anna choose? Banana. She was legally Anna Banana Seaton. She and her parents must have had a sense of humor, because she kept the name.

ETA: https://www.sports-reference.com/olympics/athletes/se/anna-seaton-1.html

Edited December 22, 2019 by Meriwether
Adding a link.

[Amy in NH]

My two gender-nonconforming children did change their names.  I was initially sad, and sometimes it still gets to me, but I accepted it because I love the persons they are, not the ones I wanted them to be with all the hopes and dreams that went into the original naming.  I was able to come to terms with it by framing it as a "coming of age" re-naming, like some other cultures did/do.

[Shoeless]

I'd be a little sad, but I'd get over it eventually. Kiddo is named after my dad, and if kiddo decides later on that the name doesn't work for him anymore, I'll get over it. He's still my kid, no matter how he signs his checks. 

[Splash1]

I have two children who have considered it but haven't made a legal change.  One uses a different name for acting but since nothing paid yet hasn't made the change.  The other goes between formal first name (considering a spelling change since no one, and I mean no one gets it correct) and her unrelated nickname which she's been called since she was nine months old.  She hasn't decided if she will make a formal change or not yet.  Honestly we had the most difficult time naming her, nothing seemed right and we would change our minds weekly.  The only thing that really stuck was the nickname which dh wouldn't let me put on birth certificate at the time. 

So I guess I'm okay with it.  I will say that of my five kids, only on child loves her name and wouldn't consider another.  All the others think the 2nd place name would have been the better choice.  I also remember thinking I wished they had gone with one of the other names on parents list as I liked them better but never seriously considered changing my name, I just didn't like sharing it with a million other people.

 

[Pickle Dust]

I would be cool with name changes. I don't think any of them will do it, though. I have suggested name changes (both first and last), but my kids are not fond of names that rhyme, or that are oxymorons, or that are puns. I may have accidentally talked them out of it. Even DS, who writes under a pseudonym because his name is so common, didn't like my suggestions for a fake name. I think a name should be memorable, is all. If it is, it helps those of us to have senior moments.

 

[Pam in CT]

Truthfully, I would be sad.

I put a *lot* of thought and love into each of the names of each of my kids, and I think of those names as something like gifts -- and if they opted to set my gift aside, I think I would.... I don't know... grieve a little.

But as it's theirs, they are -- obviously -- free to set it aside, if for whatever reason they felt it doesn't fit right.. just as with any other gift.  So I'd be sad for a while, and then tell myself to get over myself, and thereafter call them by whatever name they felt better fit.