Books on parenting teens without punishment

[lovinmyboys]

Does anyone have a book recommendation on parenting teens/tweens/older kids without punishment? Thanks!

[matrips]

Not a book, but Kirk Martin has lots of podcasts and DVDs. I listened to many of the DVDs with my kids, and they sat in on his seminars. He’s more about changing the dynamic of relating to each other.

https://www.celebratecalm.com

[Pen]

Frances Jensen - The Teenage Brain

 

Daniel Siegel - Mindstorm or Brainstorm.  ? Forgot title   

 

Both are about what’s happening in the teen brain, along with what the parent can do. 

 

If looking up those on Amazon you’ll see others too that are on similar subjects and can use Look Inside

 

[Pen]

2 hours ago, matrips said:

Not a book, but Kirk Martin has lots of podcasts and DVDs. I listened to many of the DVDs with my kids, and they sat in on his seminars. He’s more about changing the dynamic of relating to each other.

https://www.celebratecalm.com

 

Thanks for sharing that, I hadn’t heard of him before.  Just listened to a podcast that sounds good.

 

[matrips]

11 hours ago, Pen said:

 

Thanks for sharing that, I hadn’t heard of him before.  Just listened to a podcast that sounds good.

 

He’s hugely popular at our homeschool conference, though I met and liked him years before when he did a seminar on our military base.  The kids and I always enjoyed listening to him.

[Lecka]

My kids were younger at the time — but I took Screamfree Parenting as a class.  It is offered at a lot of military bases (or at least several, it has been at 3 we have been stationed at, as a class).  
 

The book is by Hal Runkel.

The class is better than just the book — it has videos to watch.  
 

It is not about not punishing, but it is about not getting in-between kids and natural consequences.  That can be by rescuing them from consequences, or distracting them from consequences (like — if you did punish them and they were mad at you instead of realizing they were experiencing consequences).  

I liked it a lot.  

I took the class voluntarily, but many people take it as a kind-of mandated class because they have been too harsh with their kids.  Also some people were taking it to be consistent with kids after a divorce.  We had homework every week to try one new parenting practice and then say how it went.  

[BeachGal]

Daniel Siegel's book Brainstorm discusses how adolescent brains change and how that affects their thinking and how adults can respond in ways that help them make better decisions while becoming more independent.

We also read a book about the importance of maintaining an individual's autonomy to help them as they make changes in their lives. I don't remember the name. (My husband put it away so I have no idea where it is. He tends to squirrel things away.) The idea is to first discuss the pros and cons of making the change -- a person needs to be at least ambiguous before they're ready to change -- and then phrasing questions and statements in such a way that they will be more likely to carry out their plan. This has helped us immensely with all of our kids. Really, night and day difference. Our oldest is mid-30s and youngest is 22 and is on his own but we still use this way of discussing matters in their life to help them decide how they want to proceed. If you want to learn ways to do this, you can probably find articles using Google.

[Pen]

 

1 hour ago, BeachGal said:

We also read a book about the importance of maintaining an individual's autonomy to help them as they make changes in their lives. I don't remember the name. (My husband put it away so I have no idea where it is. He tends to squirrel things away.) The idea is to first discuss the pros and cons of making the change -- a person needs to be at least ambiguous before they're ready to change -- and then phrasing questions and statements in such a way that they will be more likely to carry out their plan. This has helped us immensely with all of our kids. Really, night and day difference. Our oldest is mid-30s and youngest is 22 and is on his own but we still use this way of discussing matters in their life to help them decide how they want to proceed. If you want to learn ways to do this, you can probably find articles using Google.

 

That sounds really good!  if you remember name, or if maybe your husband does, could you post it

 

I tried searching with that concept in mind and found one called Teenproofing by John Rosemond.    I can’t make links work again, but could that be it?

Teen-Proofing Fostering Responsible Decision Making in Your Teenager (Volume 10) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0740710214/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ekr.DbAXRT8XS