Anxiety About Illnesses

[EmseB]

So this is probably kind of ironic after the potluck/ocd/food poisoning thread, but I'll post anyway:

I have a 2 month old + 4 other kids and I'm having a hard time keeping my anxiety in check about people getting sick. We had a stomach bug just before/over Thanksgiving (it was a less than 24 hour bug and we spread it to my parents even though I waited 5 days after symptoms went away to go to their house for Thanksgiving!), the big kids and I have all had colds after that, and then last night DH (who was out of town when the stomach bug hit) threw up and has had a fever all day today. Yesterday he was fine and was holding the baby all day long. I know enough about germs to know people are contagious before they are symptomatic. So today I just have this pit in my stomach, both about me getting sick and trying to take care of the baby/kids, but also about the baby getting sick. On that score, baby is exclusively breastfed and has not caught anything from anyone yet. So that's really good news. It's just for some reason I am downright scared and depressed at the thought of another bug going through the house and I'm finding I'm short with the other kids, unable to think about anything else, and just generally very anxious. It's the kind of pit of dread that makes me feel not hungry, which is obviously not good with a nursing babe. 

I guess I'm looking for commiseration or ways to think differently about all of this. I know there is nothing I can do, mostly, about germs other than handwashing and cleaning surfaces. And anyone in the house is exposed long before I even know it, so what's done is done. I just dread these bugs more than seems reasonable.

Also, is it unreasonable that I would insist another grown adult (DH) go to the doctor and get swabbed for the flu? Too controlling? We all got our flu shots in October.

[Chris in VA]

I don't think throwing up is a symptom of flu, is it? 

I bet you did not spread the bug to your parents, fwiw. There is a lot going around and even going to the grocery store could have exposed them. 

But really, maybe this is more about your anxiety than about being sick? 

When I get anxious (and I do, sometimes bad enough to not leave the apt), I try grounding techniques. More for "in the moment" anxiousness, but still might be helpful. Positive self talk helps me, and also a thing where I follow my train of anxious thoughts to find what I am really scared of underneath the presenting problem. I just ask "what if? Then what?"

So it might go like, 

I'm worried we will get sick. What if we do--then what?

Then I will feel uncomfortable. What if I feel uncomfortable--then what?

Then I will not be able to make Christmas nice. What if I can't make Christmas nice--then what? 

Then my kids will be disappointed. ....And so on. 

Most of the times for me there is either a fear of disapproval/not being liked, which translates further to being alone and then to not being able to cope and then even to death, or a fear of losing someone. 

It is pretty amazing that most of my fears are rooted in fear of dying. 

For me as a Christian,  I can then go from death to reassurances (God is with me in death, God can be trusted, etc). 

Anyway...sorry so long. I hope you don't get sick!

Edited December 16, 2019 by Chris in VA

[EmseB]

I would want him to get the meds, but even if he doesn't want meds I would like to know so that I could be on top of getting meds for me (assuming they are bfing friendly, forgot about that) if I start getting sick. 

[klmama]

You've had a lot of illness in a short time!  No wonder you are concerned!  With that many young people, even just a cold leads to a lot of inconvenience as it spreads through the house.

If it were my family, I'd be swabbing everyone's nose and ears with hydrogen peroxide.  (Different swabs for each spot and for each person, of course.)  Some people think that's crazy, because it can break down cell membranes, but that's exactly why it's effective against germs.  It's not something we do every day - just when we know we've likely been exposed and actually remember to do it.  We've had pretty good success when we remember; when we all feel the start of something and one person refuses, that's the person who usually gets sick while the rest of us feel better the next day.  Totally anecdotal, of course.

 

[Chris in VA]

Ah, thx I did not know flu could show as vomiting!

[Ausmumof3]

I feel like dreading being sick with a new baby and four other kids to care for is pretty rational.  If your feeling short with the kids and generally anxious and unhappy it might be time for an easier day watching movies, going outside if the weather is good enough and having a nap if possible though.  I wouldn’t make your dh get swabbed unless he wants to just Up the handwashing protocols for a bit.  Maybe take a bit of elderberry or echinacea or whatever your go to preventative is.

[catz]

I don't think it's unusual.  But that said, if it's taking over you life and paralyzing you, it may be a form of PPD and could use treatment.  

I don't think it's over the top to ask DH to get swabbed for flu if he has flu symptoms (hit by a truck feeling, high temp, sore throat).  Stomach upset can come with the flu but that is a secondary symptom that sometimes happens.  We've had different types at least 4 different times here and it's been super obvious each time it has been the flu.  

[busymama7]

Raw apple cider vinegar with the mother like Bragg's has completely stopped the spread of the stomach bug in my family for going on 3 years. One person might pick it up since they don't drink it everyday but once I start everyone else, no one else gets it.    1 T per quart with a drink packet also (like true lime/lemon) as a drink. It works best as a preventative. Start today.   We have even been sharing beds with cousins who get it and we haven't.  I have 9 and tarps on the floor, everyone puking used to be our life.  This has been nothing short of miraculous for us. 

[Scarlett]

Aw, I feel bad for you.  It is easy to let those thoughts take over.  It is so easy to say, ‘ do what you can and let the rest go’...but soooo hard.   I am the queen of irrational fears,  so I do feel your pain.  

Really though, short of bubbles for everyone, all you can do is wash hands, eat healthily, and pray!

[wintermom]

2 hours ago, EmseB said:

So this is probably kind of ironic after the potluck/ocd/food poisoning thread, but I'll post anyway:

I have a 2 month old + 4 other kids and I'm having a hard time keeping my anxiety in check about people getting sick. We had a stomach bug just before/over Thanksgiving (it was a less than 24 hour bug and we spread it to my parents even though I waited 5 days after symptoms went away to go to their house for Thanksgiving!), the big kids and I have all had colds after that, and then last night DH (who was out of town when the stomach bug hit) threw up and has had a fever all day today. Yesterday he was fine and was holding the baby all day long. I know enough about germs to know people are contagious before they are symptomatic. So today I just have this pit in my stomach, both about me getting sick and trying to take care of the baby/kids, but also about the baby getting sick. On that score, baby is exclusively breastfed and has not caught anything from anyone yet. So that's really good news. It's just for some reason I am downright scared and depressed at the thought of another bug going through the house and I'm finding I'm short with the other kids, unable to think about anything else, and just generally very anxious. It's the kind of pit of dread that makes me feel not hungry, which is obviously not good with a nursing babe. 

I guess I'm looking for commiseration or ways to think differently about all of this. I know there is nothing I can do, mostly, about germs other than handwashing and cleaning surfaces. And anyone in the house is exposed long before I even know it, so what's done is done. I just dread these bugs more than seems reasonable.

Also, is it unreasonable that I would insist another grown adult (DH) go to the doctor and get swabbed for the flu? Too controlling? We all got our flu shots in October.

These are completely reasonable anxieties. It's all part of having a baby and other young children. Most babies do just fine in the long-run, though, as you know from your other 4 children.

No to the flu swab idea, though. That is out of line for a spouse to "insist." This is your dh's baby as much as yours. Just relax. The likelihood is that this baby will live through this season. 

Just be careful you don't cause yourself illness for too much anxiety. 

Edited December 16, 2019 by wintermom

[EmseB]

Thanks for responding, everyone! I know we will likely come through just fine, but it's been 4.5 years since my last teeny tiny and cold and flu season is worse on my nerves than my physical health it seems!!

[SereneHome]

I am completely paranoid about getting stomach bugs.  I can't handle puking myself and can't handle it when kids do it. I get major panic attacks just thinking about it.

We stopped going to co-op in the fall bc everyone was getting sick and "contagiousness" lasted for 2wks!!!!  I just couldn't handle the thought!

For some stupid, unexplained reason I am not as paranoid about flu....

[mmasc]

I can only say that I completely understand how you feel, as I felt the same way when mine were smaller. You’re coming off of several back to back illnesses, along with sleep deprivation (likely) from those illnesses and a newborn—-it would have me super paranoid and anxious about another round of it too!  My youngest was born during the month of September and I remember my two year old getting the stomach bug in Nov and I was a nervous wreck. It’s not that I didn’t think we’d all survive and be ok, it’s the havoc it wreaks on a household, especially one with littles, that terrified me. I hope you all have a good health streak and avoid whatever your dh has!

[MercyA]

Your concern is completely rational.

I'm with Scarlett--wash your hands, eat well, and pray! I would add that you should try to get lots of sleep, take elderberry syrup if possible, and meditate on the "be anxious for nothing" passage.

Sometimes it helps me to think, "I'd better get X, Y, & Z done, in case I get sick, too!" Keeping busy keeps worry at bay and it decreases stress if you're a bit ahead of the game with laundry and similar tasks. (And I usually don't end up getting sick, anyway!)

Praying for good health for all of you.

Edited December 17, 2019 by MercyA

[HSmomof2]

4 hours ago, SereneHome said:

I am completely paranoid about getting stomach bugs.  I can't handle puking myself and can't handle it when kids do it. I get major panic attacks just thinking about it.

We stopped going to co-op in the fall bc everyone was getting sick and "contagiousness" lasted for 2wks!!!!  I just couldn't handle the thought!

For some stupid, unexplained reason I am not as paranoid about flu....

I am the same way. For several years when my dc were younger, I had quite severe stomach flu anxiety.....it started after our whole family was violently sick with it at the same time, and dc were only 9 months and 3. It was truly horrible. This was followed by dd contracting salmonella and campylobacter when she was 1. No one else had that, and we still have no idea how she got it. And probably yearly stomach bugs for dc until they were older. Needless to say, I dealt with a lot of vomit and diarrhea in a very short time, much of it ending up on me. I became very anxious at anyone even mentioning they’d been sick and avoided many activities and play dates. 14 years later, I’m still somewhat anxious about it but not nearly like I was for about 5 years. We are still very meticulous hand washers. I attended two Christmas dinners last week with two completely different sets of friends, and at each dinner, one person said casually, “I probably shouldn’t have come, I was up all night with a stomach bug!”🤢 Yeah, no, you shouldn’t have! No one got sick from either of these people, but still, my anxiety flared, and my dinner was no longer too appetizing (thankfully these were at restaurants, so no shared food).