Dieting During the Holidays

[Kassia]

This really applies to any time of the year but I'm stressing about it now with the holiday season.

I've struggled with disordered eating/eating disorders for pretty much my entire life.  Right now, I am rigid with my eating (I eat the same foods every day) and my exercise routine (I exercise a lot).  I don't know how to handle this during the holidays.  I am going to have guests staying with us for quite a while and we also will go to my in-laws' for Christmas dinner.  

I'd prefer to stick with my normal eating but am okay with eating foods that aren't part of my daily diet only if they are worth the extra calories.  But I don't like dining out and I don't like anything my in-laws serve at Christmas.  And I'm going to feel weird serving guests (my sons' girlfriends so not a huge deal) meals while eating something entirely different than the family.  With the girlfriends, I do have an excuse at home since I've had two major surgeries on my intestines in the past 18 months so I can say I feel best when I eat my regular foods but what do I do if we eat out?  And what do I do at my in-laws' house (they don't know about the surgeries)?  

I guess my question is for those who watch their weight during the holidays or at restaurants - do you just do your best and eat foods you'd rather not when you're out?  I'm not sure how much of what I'm worrying about is normal or if it's the eating disorder that makes me so rigid about what I will/won't eat.  I just can't imagine consuming foods I don't want to eat.  

Hope this all makes sense!  

 

ETA:  I'm a vegetarian and can't eat most vegetables or raw fruits due to my intestinal surgeries (I only have 25% of my colon left).  

Edited December 10, 2019 by Kassia

[Jean in Newcastle]

How rigid are you?  (Asked rhetorically). I find most places including people’s holiday dinners include at least one salad and vegetable and often more than one. I choose those and a protein like fish or grilled chicken or a vegetarian protein. 

[Jaybee]

My daughter's mil eats a very restricted diet. So if we all go out to eat together, she just takes her little storage container of special food and eats with us. Nobody thinks anything about it, and the restaurants have never said anything to her. I can't remember if she orders a drink or not, but the rest of us are ordering meals. It might not always be convenient, but it helps her not eat things that she can't handle. 

ETA: At your in-laws, you could say, "I've been having some tummy issues, and I'm having to eat food I know it can handle," or something similar, depending on the type of food you take.

Edited December 10, 2019 by Jaybee

[SKL]

Can you at least taste some of what is offered?  That would be a way to politely deal with extended family meals.  You could eat before you go and then you would honestly be satisfied by eating very little of the host's meal.  (It is OK to leave food on your plate and say thank you, it was delicious and I'm quite satisfied.)

Restaurants usually have light options that meet most people's requirements.

[Pawz4me]

I don't think I've ever been to a restaurant that didn't have something I liked or was at least okay with. I watch my calorie intake very closely, but I've learned that what works best for me is to follow a 90/10 rule. If I eat healthy meals at home most of the time, I'm fine eating whatever I want at a restaurant or social event a couple of times a week. Allowing room for a regular splurge keeps me on track the overwhelming majority of the time. But as far as eating something that I don't like at a relative's house--No, I wouldn't do that. I'd nibble a bit, talk a lot and hope nobody paid attention to what I was eating (or at least wasn't rude enough to comment on it). I'd have a snack before leaving home and/or after I returned.

[OH_Homeschooler]

I think restaurants should be pretty easy. See if they have websites and preview the menu. Decide what you will have before you get there so you don't get tempted by other food. Restaurants are very accommodating, and requests like salad dressing on the side are very common. If it's not an option on the menu, you could probably ask to get a grilled chicken breast added to a garden salad, etc. 

Before you go to a party, eat something you would normally eat. Then you won't be as hungry when you get there. If there is a buffet, people probably won't be paying attention to what you eat so don't feel obligated to fill your plate. If it's a pot luck, bring vegetables or fruit. If it's a sit-down dinner, take a little bit of everything, or a lot of the kinds of food you normally would be having. Get caught up in conversation. 

I wouldn't worry about eating different foods than guests. You could couch the meals as adult food/kid food, or whatever. One diet plan I followed for a while that was very whole-foods based suggested having the vegetables and protein for the diet, and then put out a big bowl of pasta or whatever for the kids to have too. 

And I also agree that you should try to relax a bit. It's good that you would eat something if it was worth the calories. Back when I was in Weight Watchers a good tip was that you can limit the destruction to just one meal-you don't have to turn the holidays into a two-week binge. For example, you can go out to the restaurant and eat some of the food, have them pack up the leftovers, and throw them in the garbage if you felt so inclined. (The cheapskate in me can't handle that, but it is a strategy). 

 

 

 

Edited December 10, 2019 by OH_Homeschooler

[Kassia]

2 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

How rigid are you?  (Asked rhetorically). I find most places including people’s holiday dinners include at least one salad and vegetable and often more than one. I choose those and a protein like fish or grilled chicken or a vegetarian protein. 

 

I'm a vegetarian and can't eat salads/raw veggies due to my intestinal issues.  In the past, my in-laws always served lots of meat and potatoes (mashed, chips, and potato or macaroni salad), and corn (which I also can't eat).  They do put out appetizers that I eat, though - usually cheese and fruit but I can't eat raw fruit anymore.

 

2 hours ago, Jaybee said:

My daughter's mil eats a very restricted diet. So if we all go out to eat together, she just takes her little storage container of special food and eats with us. Nobody thinks anything about it, and the restaurants have never said anything to her. I can't remember if she orders a drink or not, but the rest of us are ordering meals. It might not always be convenient, but it helps her not eat things that she can't handle. 

ETA: At your in-laws, you could say, "I've been having some tummy issues, and I'm having to eat food I know it can handle," or something similar, depending on the type of food you take.

 

I didn't know I could bring my own food to a restaurant - thank you!  That is an option.  The problem with my in-laws is that I've used that excuse before.  I'm not sure they would remember, though.  

 

2 hours ago, SKL said:

Can you at least taste some of what is offered?  That would be a way to politely deal with extended family meals.  You could eat before you go and then you would honestly be satisfied by eating very little of the host's meal.  (It is OK to leave food on your plate and say thank you, it was delicious and I'm quite satisfied.)

 

Yes, I could do that.  I've done that before - put a little food on my plate and take a bite and then just move the food around a lot.  Since I do eat appetizers before dinner, I can easily say that I ate too many of those and am not all that hungry for the main meal.  

 

1 hour ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't think I've ever been to a restaurant that didn't have something I liked or was at least okay with. I watch my calorie intake very closely, but I've learned that what works best for me is to follow a 90/10 rule. If I eat healthy meals at home most of the time, I'm fine eating whatever I want at a restaurant or social event a couple of times a week. Allowing room for a regular splurge keeps me on track the overwhelming majority of the time. But as far as eating something that I don't like at a relative's house--No, I wouldn't do that. I'd nibble a bit, talk a lot and hope nobody paid attention to what I was eating (or at least wasn't rude enough to comment on it). I'd have a snack before leaving home and/or after I returned.

 

I really don't like restaurant food.  Maybe because of the eating disorder (I worry about how it was prepared and then think of how I could have eaten the same thing at home for fewer calories).  Also, I actually am very picky plus I'm a vegetarian and can't eat salad so my options are usually limited.  

I actually did have someone go on and on about how little I was eating last year when we were at a family wedding reception.  I know the woman (an aunt) meant well but she wouldn't stop bringing it up and I was so uncomfortable!  

I do love sweets and I splurge on those during the holidays, which is why I don't want to blow more calories on food I don't want to eat.

 

34 minutes ago, parent said:

I would just rationalize that it's only 1-2 weeks so make exceptions.  I would try to maintain the same breakfast every day (except maybe Christmas morning).  Other meals, for me, I would maximize protein and veggies/salads.  Also, continue to drink a lot of water.  Even if you gained 5 lbs over this 2 weeks (ETA and that's unlikely), it's easy to drop that again when back in your routine.  As for sweets, if you want it, you should indulge in a reasonable serving.  It comes but once a year.

 

I should have put in my original post that I am a vegetarian who can't eat salads due to the intestinal surgeries.  At home, I eat a lot of eggs and peanut butter.

I LOVE sweets and struggle with indulging in reasonable servings - they are definitely trigger foods for me and I always end up gaining way too much weight during the holidays because I can't resist them or stop eating them.  Too much temptation for me this time of year!  

I can easily gain 5 pounds in two weeks!  Even one week!  If I can keep weight gain to 5 pounds during this time of year, I'd be happy.  

 

 

Thank you to everyone for your responses!  

Edited December 10, 2019 by Kassia

[Kassia]

5 minutes ago, OH_Homeschooler said:

I think restaurants should be pretty easy. See if they have websites and preview the menu. Decide what you will have before you get there so you don't get tempted by other food. Restaurants are very accommodating, and requests like salad dressing on the side are very common. If it's not an option on the menu, you could probably ask to get a grilled chicken breast added to a garden salad, etc. 

Before you go to a party, eat something you would normally eat. Then you won't be as hungry when you get there. If there is a buffet, people probably won't be paying attention to what you eat so don't feel obligated to fill your plate. If it's a pot luck, bring vegetables or fruit. If it's a sit-down dinner, take a little bit of everything, or a lot of the kinds of food you normally would be having. Get caught up in conversation. 

I wouldn't worry about eating different foods than guests. You could couch the meals as adult food/kid food, or whatever. One diet plan I followed for a while that was very whole-foods based suggested having the vegetables and protein for the diet, and then put out a big bowl of pasta or whatever for the kids to have too. 

And I also agree that you should try to relax a bit. It's good that you would eat something if it was worth the calories. Back when I was in Weight Watchers a good tip was that you can limit the destruction to just one meal-you don't have to turn the holidays into a two-week binge. For example, you can go out to the restaurant and eat some of the food, have them pack up the leftovers, and throw them in the garbage if you felt so inclined. (The cheapskate in me can't handle that, but it is a strategy). 

 

 

 

 

Thanks.  I need to edit my original post to point out that I'm a vegetarian and can't eat vegetables or raw fruit due to my intestinal surgeries.  

I was hoping to limit the calorie damage to just Christmas Eve/Christmas Day but don't know if I can do that with a house filled with tempting foods due to having company (for almost two weeks! Eek!).  

[WendyLady]

Well, I'm terrible at this and give myself excuses to eat all the things I shouldn't when around family because I don't want to hurt feelings - I know that's wrong but it is tricky for me.  My current goal for December is to not gain weight.  This is tricky, because a day or two of eating treats and my weight can be up 5 pounds immediately! (and it doesn't come off easily for me...)

It helped me over Thanksgiving with my family (for over a week!!) to decide that I could have treats, but I needed to wait until after dinner.  That limited my day-long snacking. I also tried to stick to my usual plan for breakfast and lunch. I had less control at dinner and didn't generally make great choices, but it was limited to that one meal, and then a treat after (not a free for all treat feast).  

I think you are going to have to take your favorite foods to eat at your in laws.  It may help if you let them know a little bit about your challenges, even if you don't want to disclose your full problems/surgeries.

I find it easier to eat out than at home as choices are limited and I can choose something for myself that others wouldn't choose, but I can see that not eating salads/veg/fruit would make eating out really hard.  I'm sorry!!

Anyway - I didn't have a perfect Thanksgiving, but limiting some things to dinner and after dinner really did help me feel more in control and helped me not go totally off plan for the week with family.  I'm hoping I can do the same over Christmas, but I find cookies to be terribly tempting and everywhere!!

[Chris in VA]

I have disordered eating patterns, too. Are you getting help? Part of disordered eating is fear and anxiety over food. It happens especially when there is a perceived lack of situational control. For me, it stems from trauma in my life when I did not have control over some things and I had to endure emotionally/physically painful situations--couldn't control that so I tried to control food. 

I wish you wellness and healing. I know it is hard, and hard for some people to understand. ❤

Edited December 10, 2019 by Chris in VA

[Jaybee]

56 minutes ago, Kassia said:

I didn't know I could bring my own food to a restaurant - thank you!  That is an option.  The problem with my in-laws is that I've used that excuse before.  I'm not sure they would remember, though.  

In the case I mentioned, because there was a large group of us, it was hardly noticeable. If it was a crowded restaurant, and just myself with another person, I probably wouldn't do it. But otherwise, they would lose money if your whole group went somewhere else because of one person. Most restaurants would be understanding if you simply said, "I have dietary issues, but want to enjoy time with my family, etc., if that is okay."

[Kassia]

 

40 minutes ago, WendyLady said:

  This is tricky, because a day or two of eating treats and my weight can be up 5 pounds immediately! (and it doesn't come off easily for me...)

Anyway - I didn't have a perfect Thanksgiving, but limiting some things to dinner and after dinner really did help me feel more in control and helped me not go totally off plan for the week with family.  I'm hoping I can do the same over Christmas, but I find cookies to be terribly tempting and everywhere!!

 

Yes, I have the same issue with the weight adding on so quickly.  It's not fair that it comes on so quickly and then it's so hard to get back off.

I did the same thing at Thanksgiving  and that weekend with limiting myself to only having a treat after dinner.  I ate more than I should have but it was only once a day for four days so not too much damage.  

Like you, I find the cookies (and fudge and candy and bark...) to be terribly tempting and everywhere!  And everyone gives it to us so it's in the house for weeks.  

 

14 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

Menus from most restaurants are available online and if you need to, call the restaurant (around 9-10am is a good time to do this) and ask them for recommendations on what to order that will suit your needs. I find being prepared in advance really helps me to not stress out and to be able to enjoy a dining out experience (which is about more than eating, it’s about being with friends and not having to do the shop/prep/cleanup tasks).

 

I do check menus online but rarely find anything that appeals to me.  I have a terrible sweet tooth and that's where I want to spend my calories if I'm going to indulge.  You have an excellent point about the dining out experience, though.  I should keep that in mind when I'm stressing about the food.  That's where the eating disorder comes in - I'm so obsessed with food/calories/weight that my relationships suffer.

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, Chris in VA said:

I have disordered eating patterns, too. Are you getting help? Part of disordered eating is fear and anxiety over food. It happens especially when there is a perceived lack of situational control. For me, it stems from trauma in my life when I did not have control over some things and I had to endure emotionally/physically painful situations--couldn't control that so I tried to control food. 

I wish you wellness and healing. I know it is hard, and hard for some people to understand. ❤

 

Thank you so much!  While I'm sorry about your issues, it's so nice to know someone understands.  It really is all about the control and then the fear/anxiety when anything interferes with that.  

I am not getting help but I should.  

 

 

 

[Soror]

14 minutes ago, Chris in VA said:

I have disordered eating patterns, too. Are you getting help? Part of disordered eating is fear and anxiety over food. It happens especially when there is a perceived lack of situational control. For me, it stems from trauma in my life when I did not have control over some things and I had to endure emotionally/physically painful situations--couldn't control that so I tried to control food. 

I wish you wellness and healing. I know it is hard, and hard for some people to understand. ❤

I agree with this. I don't know if habits I have are healthy and good for you if you are dealing with disordered eating.  I wish you the best in the holidays and with your eating. 

[Tanaqui]

Sounds like you have a complex web of physical and mental health issues, as well as the vegetarianism. What do your doctors/therapists recommend?

[Kassia]

13 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Sounds like you have a complex web of physical and mental health issues, as well as the vegetarianism. What do your doctors/therapists recommend?

 

I don't have a therapist and my doctor is useless.  I don't really have physical issues - as long as I'm careful about what I eat, I'm good.  🙂

[matrips]

I’d blame it on stomach issues or a doctor or a medicine or something like that.  I don’t think people would be as inclined to argue with you over that as opposed to saying you’re dieting.  Not that they should be coercing you, but you know how that goes.  

[Kassia]

3 minutes ago, matrips said:

I’d blame it on stomach issues or a doctor or a medicine or something like that.  I don’t think people would be as inclined to argue with you over that as opposed to saying you’re dieting.  Not that they should be coercing you, but you know how that goes.  

 

Absolutely!  I would never say I'm dieting.  Stomach issues are a great excuse since no one can argue with that but I can't use that every time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 minute ago, Kassia said:

 

Absolutely!  I would never say I'm dieting.  Stomach issues are a great excuse since no one can argue with that but I can't use that every time.

I don't understand why not?  Isn't it the truth?  That you have intestinal issues for whatever reason? 

[Kassia]

2 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I don't understand why not?  Isn't it the truth?  That you have intestinal issues for whatever reason? 

 

It is the truth for part of it (part of it is the disordered eating) but I don't want to get into it with them.  We've been able to keep it private for the past two years, which is just the way I like it.  We have a tense relationship.

[matrips]

42 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 

Absolutely!  I would never say I'm dieting.  Stomach issues are a great excuse since no one can argue with that but I can't use that every time.

Blame the stomach issues on the rich foods/different foods at the various holidays. Then you can keep reusing the excuse 🙂

[wintermom]

Have you received any counselling for your disordered eating? If so, do what the plan was there. Or go see a counsellor and make a plan.

You don't have to over-eat throughout the holidays just because so many other people do and it's expected. You could treat your eating plan like a list of foods that make your body feel good. Foods off the plan don't make you feel good. I have a ton of allergies including celiac. I can't exactly go off plan and feel good. It's very motivating. It's not always fun, though. 

[Kassia]

58 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Have you received any counselling for your disordered eating? If so, do what the plan was there. Or go see a counsellor and make a plan.

 

I haven't had counseling for disordered eating in over 20 years.  I can't afford it.  

[wintermom]

47 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 

I haven't had counseling for disordered eating in over 20 years.  I can't afford it.  

When you did receive some help, what were some of the suggestions for how to handle situations where the stress is high and the focus is on food? Christmas is a very challenging time of the year for many people, and in the US it comes right after Thanksgiving, which can be equally as stressful. There's not a lot of time to relax in between these high-pressure situations. 

I have a feeling that the food, while slightly awkward, is only part of the issue. No one really cares what and how much you eat. Most people are self-absorbed. It's how YOU feel about the eating and the socializing that may the bigger issue for you. There are many things you can do to reduce the stress for yourself, both food related and otherwise.

This is what I've been doing for food-related events I have to go to:

- eat before I go out so I am not hungry at the event

- if the event is at my house or I'm contributing food for the meal, I make something for myself to eat while everyone else eats their thing

- make something really special for myself after or before the event

For other stressors, dig into your toolbox of things that help you deal with stress. Things like breathing, massage, fresh air, music, alone time, etc.

Hope something here is useful. Have a lovely few weeks during this season.

Edited December 11, 2019 by wintermom

[Stacia]

19 hours ago, Kassia said:

Stomach issues are a great excuse since no one can argue with that but I can't use that every time.

I think you can use it as an excuse every time & that it sounds perfectly reasonable to say that. Something along the lines of I have to be careful what I eat, otherwise I pay for it type of thing. Nobody can really argue with that & it's something that would ring true (it is true) all the time. No need to worry about overusing it as an excuse (even w/ people w/ whom you have a tense relationship).

I think a large part is planning ahead (just like you're doing with this thread) -- things to say, foods to eat or not eat, snacks/food to eat ahead of time or take with you, etc.

Best wishes for success & happiness during these times.

Re: tempting sweets being around your house a lot when people bring them over at the holidays. Could you stick them in the freezer? That way, if anyone wants some, they have to defrost it first. Maybe, for you, that would be enough to stop or reduce the eating of those items? (Please ignore this advice if not helpful.)

[Kassia]

58 minutes ago, Stacia said:

I think you can use it as an excuse every time & that it sounds perfectly reasonable to say that. Something along the lines of I have to be careful what I eat, otherwise I pay for it type of thing. Nobody can really argue with that & it's something that would ring true (it is true) all the time. No need to worry about overusing it as an excuse (even w/ people w/ whom you have a tense relationship).

I think a large part is planning ahead (just like you're doing with this thread) -- things to say, foods to eat or not eat, snacks/food to eat ahead of time or take with you, etc.

Best wishes for success & happiness during these times.

Re: tempting sweets being around your house a lot when people bring them over at the holidays. Could you stick them in the freezer? That way, if anyone wants some, they have to defrost it first. Maybe, for you, that would be enough to stop or reduce the eating of those items? (Please ignore this advice if not helpful.)

 

Thank you!  Maybe I will just keep using it as an excuse.  You're right that no one can argue with that.  

Putting sweets in the freezer is a great suggestion but won't work for us for a number of reasons.  But thank you for the suggestion - that is a good idea!  

[Alicia64]

First of all, Kassia, I understand. I've kept 60 lbs. off for 14 years now and I interact w/ food now very differently from the bad old days.

One thing I do w/ restaurants: in advance I pull up their menu on my laptop and decide ahead of time what I'll eat. Also, it's okay to quietly bring some of your food to the restaurant and -- again quietly -- pull it out and dump it on your plate.

Re: in-laws, there's nothing wrong with saying, "trust me, you don't want the details, but certain foods are causing me trouble these days." Then if you can, eat one or two items, but also bring your own stuff and quietly put it on your plate.

The other thing you can do is limit your choices as in: no sugar, no alcohol, no bread. That kind of thing.

These are just new skills you're learning. Once you do this enough, it becomes smooth and easy.

Alley

[wintermom]

2 hours ago, Kassia said:

 

Thank you!  Maybe I will just keep using it as an excuse.  You're right that no one can argue with that.  

Why do women have to "make an excuse" to eat what they want or avoid certain foods.  I don't hear guys say, "Gee, I don't want to mention this, but I'm avoiding xyz food because is have stomach issues."  They usually just say, "I hate vegetables. Pass the meat and potatoes." 

Have some back-bone and confidence in your own choices about the food you eat. It's no one's business but your own. 

[Alicia64]

1 minute ago, wintermom said:

Why do women have to "make an excuse" to eat what they want or avoid certain foods.  I don't hear guys say, "Gee, I don't want to mention this, but I'm avoiding xyz food because is have stomach issues."  They usually just say, "I hate vegetables. Pass the meat and potatoes." 

Have some back-bone and confidence in your own choices about the food you eat. It's no one's business but your own. 

My bff from high school visited me last August and became really to-my-face rude about what I was eating and my weight etc. It was ridiculous how in my business she was. She was always a thin, beautiful girl -- and I wasn't.

Dh finally said, "I think Jen liked being the thin beautiful one. I think all these years she figured you'd gain it back and life would return to normal."

I don't think it's about "having a backbone" -- I think Kassia is developing new skills w/ people and food.

Alley

[Kassia]

9 minutes ago, wintermom said:

 

Have some back-bone and confidence in your own choices about the food you eat. It's no one's business but your own. 

 

You're right.  I worry way too much about what others think and shouldn't since it doesn't affect anyone but me.  But I don't have confidence in my choices because I know they are not normal due to the disordered eating.  I'm actually a little grateful for the two years of hell I went through with my intestinal issues since it gives me the perfect excuse (sorry to use that word again) to eat weird around others who know about my medical history.  Especially my daughter since I don't want to be a terrible example for her with eating - I don't want anyone to go through what I've been through with eating disorders.  

[Slache]

You can bring food into a restaurant, they just can't take it into the kitchen. You can't bring something that needs to be microwaved, you can't ask them to add something to your plate. They can bring something out on a different plate and you can put it on your plate or whatnot, but your food cannot go into the kitchen.

[Kassia]

23 minutes ago, Slache said:

You can bring food into a restaurant, they just can't take it into the kitchen. You can't bring something that needs to be microwaved, you can't ask them to add something to your plate. They can bring something out on a different plate and you can put it on your plate or whatnot, but your food cannot go into the kitchen.

 

I wouldn't even consider asking for any special accommodations for food I brought in for myself but I didn't know you could eat your own food in a restaurant with others who ordered from the menu.

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

28 minutes ago, Slache said:

You can bring food into a restaurant, they just can't take it into the kitchen. You can't bring something that needs to be microwaved, you can't ask them to add something to your plate. They can bring something out on a different plate and you can put it on your plate or whatnot, but your food cannot go into the kitchen.

Some restaurants specifically have signs saying that no outside food is allowed in their restaurant. 

[Spryte]

I diet through the holidays, I guess (I don’t view my eating plan as dieting, it’s just what my doc has me doing to feel better), but what you’re talking about sounds different.  Aside from dieting for weight loss, and the disordered eating, you have specific dietary needs due to a medical condition.  
 

For restaurants... My kids both have LTFAs.  They have maybe four restaurants we know we can navigate successfully with a manager’s personal help.  Otherwise we call ahead and speak to a manager, every time, about bringing safe food.  We have done this at family restaurants and at very expensive, high end restaurants.  I would never just show up with a meal for the kids, but calling ahead it’s never been an issue.  Sometimes the manager tells us s/he can accommodate allergies and we make a plan, if we feel comfortable.  We always order drinks for the kids, and make sure we explain the medical needs to the manager and wait staff again in person.  (We do this at movie theaters, too, by the way.)

So, yes, you can ask ahead about taking your own food to a restaurant, but you’d likely have the best results by calling ahead and explaining your medical needs.   They will either try to find a way to accommodate your eating plan, or agree that you can bring your own food.