Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

teachermom2834

“That relative” at Thanksgiving

Recommended Posts

13 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

In your family it worked, I am just saying, it doesn't always work.  It wouldn't work in our family.

 

Can't agree. Families that shun, exclude, and badmouth aren't functional families. No point in even labeling them 'families' cause they aren't.

Edited by HeighHo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Terabith said:

No cantaloupe, no honeydew, but most of the hour long texting was going back and forth on whether or not we should include fresh pineapple.  My sister in law has started having her throat feel sore and tight when she eats them.  Fine.  Totally legit reason.  But sister in law loves pineapple but mother in law doesn't like fresh pineapple....  It was decided that my mother in law would buy a can of pineapple and add it to the fruit salad after I bring it to her house.  Whatever.  I don't even care.  I'd already done my shopping and had not bought cantaloupe, honeydew, or pineapple....  So I'm really not sure what the concern is.  

I'd be so tempted to show up with fruit cocktail and a can opener at that point. Sheesh.

  • Like 4
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

Can't agree. Families that shun, exclude, and badmouth aren't functional families. No point in even labeling them 'families' cause they aren't.

 

How can you not agree that it wouldn't work in my family?  How could you possibly know that?  As I said, unless there is criminal behavior, everyone is invited.  That is how our family works.  

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

How can you not agree that it wouldn't work in my family?  How could you possibly know that?  As I said, unless there is criminal behavior, everyone is invited.  That is how our family works.  

Back in the day, if criminals weren't included, my dad wouldn't have been at the table...

I'm NOT telling you to include criminals, just to be clear. 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Meriwether said:

Your brother sounds so selfish,  but it is mostly the attitude. Functionally my family has some of the same behaviors, but it feels fine. I am that relative. When we come, we are "blessing them with our presence." But we live 6 hours away, so our cost to come is significant in both time and money. I usually do the bulk of the dishes at my in-laws, though. My mom usually cooks for my family, and my sister and I do clean up. 

We have my parents and my sister's family here this year, so I have 19 people to feed for 4 days. And not just food, but company food. You can imagine my grocery bill. I will do the bulk of the cooking and cleaning, but Mom and my sister (and random kids) will all contribute. Mom brought some stuff from her garden (pumpkin for pies, corn, tomato juice for chili). I wouldn't dream of asking my sister to bring food. It is enough for her to bring 8 kids on a trip to see me. If she can take 4 days out of her very busy schedule for the trip, I want her to just come and enjoy herself. She doesn't mind work and pitches in with anything that needs doing, but she won't have to be concerned with menu planning or contributing something specific while here. 

you are not "that relative".  you help clean, and you are appreciative.

 

I hosted my brother for Christmas one year.  he and his kids stayed here. (four more people, plus my mother was over every day.)  he never offered to help.  one night about 30 minutes before dinner would be on the table, he and his family and my mother all took off - to go out to dinner!

  • Confused 1
  • Sad 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If we didn't have the criminals, the addicted, the mentally ill, the difficult to get along with...and all these categories overlap in MY family...

we'd be missing a few people.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
49 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

Back in the day, if criminals weren't included, my dad wouldn't have been at the table...

I'm NOT telling you to include criminals, just to be clear. 

 

 

Well, my cousin has been in and out of jail, and he comes to our Family Christmas get together.  My niece too.

I guess what I was referring to is engaging in it at my house......but even that I guess would be subjective.  How do I know someone is taking illegal prescription drugs?  I really don't.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Valley Girl said:

I'd be so tempted to show up with fruit cocktail and a can opener at that point. Sheesh.

I'm already the incompetent relative.  That's why I was assigned the fruit salad.  

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, DawnM said:

 

Well, my cousin has been in and out of jail, and he comes to our Family Christmas get together.  My niece too.

I guess what I was referring to is engaging in it at my house......but even that I guess would be subjective.  How do I know someone is taking illegal prescription drugs?  I really don't.

i was tracinkg your vibe...and then you get into things like...what if the person is out on bond? What if the holiday is at the person's house who is under house arrest? what if the sober person shows up smelling like a gin mill

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

If we didn't have the criminals, the addicted, the mentally ill, the difficult to get along with...and all these categories overlap in MY family...

we'd be missing a few people.

I think (it wasn't my post) that we're talking about current behavior. My stepdad went to prison for murder but he doesn't run around murdering people all willy nilly. If he did he wouldn't be invited. 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, Slache said:

I think (it wasn't my post) that we're talking about current behavior. My stepdad went to prison for murder but he doesn't run around murdering people all willy nilly. If he did he wouldn't be invited. 

I am talking about current behavior too...

mental illness doesn't just end. neither does addiction. some times relatives are in the middle of criminal proceedings...

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

I am talking about current behavior too...

mental illness doesn't just end. neither does addiction. some times relatives are in the middle of criminal proceedings...

If someone puts my children at risk they would not be invited. I just think criminal has a broad meaning and sometimes people use the term differently than we do, but with no offense intended.

We have mental illness, felons and difficult people too, but mental illness is not mental illness, criminal is not criminal and difficult is... well... difficult.

I might be wording this poorly. I'm hungover with sleep aids.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

bullies/highly toxic are not welcome.  I've tolerated a lot over the year, but that I now put my foot down.

I'd rather have people who didn't bring anything and took the leftovers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, gardenmom5 said:

bullies/highly toxic are not welcome.  I've tolerated a lot over the year, but that I now put my foot down.

I'd rather have people who didn't bring anything and took the leftovers.

 

14 minutes ago, Slache said:

If someone puts my children at risk they would not be invited. I just think criminal has a broad meaning and sometimes people use the term differently than we do, but with no offense intended.

We have mental illness, felons and difficult people too, but mental illness is not mental illness, criminal is not criminal and difficult is... well... difficult.

I might be wording this poorly. I'm hungover with sleep aids.

 

Yeah there’s a big difference between non contributors and people who won’t share their pie, and people who completely destabilize a family gathering. Each nuclear family has to decide for themselves where to draw the line. Personally I think that line can shift a lot depending on the age of any children involved. 

I am sorry for all who have situations more challenging than what an eye roll describes. 

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

yeah, sometimes it's not about the jellied canned cranberry sauce...

No. Sometimes it's about the gravy. Apparently.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 15

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, Slache said:

No. Sometimes it's about the gravy. Apparently.

Just don't mention purple potatoes and we might get out of here unscathed...

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sure I was totally "that relative" today. We drove 4 hours to my niece's house, who was hosting. When we were about 40 minutes away, they texted us to say niece had been robbed at gunpoint last night, likely by an acquaintance (that they didn't turn in and who has been hanging around their apartment today). The same apartment complex also had a murder last week, right in front of niece's unit. 

Well...nope. Sorry. Call me uppity and such, but their hurt feelings are pretty low on my priorities (when my kids' safety is at risk). So the girls and I went to MIL's house and stayed there. MIL stayed with us; DH went and ate and came back. 

  • Confused 1
  • Sad 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

I'm sure I was totally "that relative" today. We drove 4 hours to my niece's house, who was hosting. When we were about 40 minutes away, they texted us to say niece had been robbed at gunpoint last night, likely by an acquaintance (that they didn't turn in and who has been hanging around their apartment today). The same apartment complex also had a murder last week, right in front of niece's unit. 

Well...nope. Sorry. Call me uppity and such, but their hurt feelings are pretty low on my priorities (when my kids' safety is at risk). So the girls and I went to MIL's house and stayed there. MIL stayed with us; DH went and ate and came back. 

Wow! Yeah, nope from me! Sorry you're going through that. How stressful for everyone. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, unsinkable said:

Just don't mention purple potatoes and we might get out of here unscathed...

I love purple scalloped and mashed potatoes, they look so cool!  My kids are slightly grossed out by the color, though 😒

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, unsinkable said:

If we didn't have the criminals, the addicted, the mentally ill, the difficult to get along with...and all these categories overlap in MY family...

we'd be missing a few people.

Yes, these people are in our family too. And we love them. And they are welcome. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

I love purple scalloped and mashed potatoes, they look so cool!  My kids are slightly grossed out by the color, though 😒

What do they taste like?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

UPDATE:

He behaved. He brought two pies and left the uneaten half here. He also brought eggplant parmigiana which is a family dish but labor intensive and no one has brought it in years. He brought a large portion and it was all eaten so it was definitely helpful.

He came into the kitchen and asked if he could help. 
 

I hope he is OK. LOL.

 

  • Like 33
  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

UPDATE:

He behaved. He brought two pies and left the uneaten half here. He also brought eggplant parmigiana which is a family dish but labor intensive and no one has brought it in years. He brought a large portion and it was all eaten so it was definitely helpful.

He came into the kitchen and asked if he could help. 
 

I hope he is OK. LOL.

He must have read the thread.

  • Like 13
  • Haha 13

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, teachermom2834 said:

UPDATE:

He behaved. He brought two pies and left the uneaten half here. He also brought eggplant parmigiana which is a family dish but labor intensive and no one has brought it in years. He brought a large portion and it was all eaten so it was definitely helpful.

He came into the kitchen and asked if he could help. 
 

I hope he is OK. LOL.

 

did you check for a pod under his bed?  (re: invasion of the body snatchers)

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, we started refusing to have holidays with them a few years ago. But my brother would show up with, who we affectionately called "the hangers-on-ers." His wife would always have some relatives she wanted to bring to keep her company (and I stupidly thought she was MY company), or they would have other people they just took in, and would bring them along, to every single thing. I am talking, he and his wife were invited, and then he would show up with 5-6 random other people who would not even speak to us. My older sister started making a huge deal of our own family size once we had our second child. Then she would carry on about how I better not get pregnant again and demand I promise her I not get pregnant again. In fact, I was pregnant the last time that happened and did not tell her at the time. That was the very last family dinner.  My dad always had to tell stories. None of these stories were true and they were always geared to embarrass others. They were all about how clever and brilliant he was and someone else was doing something clueless or dumb or wrong. 

  • Sad 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fruit salad was deemed "one of the two best fruit salads I've ever had in my life" and sister in law begged to keep the rest of it, which is fine, since we still have tons of fruit.  

  • Like 22
  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/26/2019 at 2:02 PM, teachermom2834 said:

I was not completely honest when I said he is only bringing a pie. He typically brings 2, but only shares 1.5 pumpkin pies. Which is great. Almost everyone loves pumpkin pie and we definitely need it at Thanksgiving. 

When it is dessert time his wife generally cuts half of one pie and wraps it up for them to take home and then shares the other 1.5. 😂

Y'all...I swear I am not making this up.

 

I would continue to invite them just for the stories.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, Janeway said:

Well, we started refusing to have holidays with them a few years ago. But my brother would show up with, who we affectionately called "the hangers-on-ers." His wife would always have some relatives she wanted to bring to keep her company (and I stupidly thought she was MY company), or they would have other people they just took in, and would bring them along, to every single thing. I am talking, he and his wife were invited, and then he would show up with 5-6 random other people who would not even speak to us. My older sister started making a huge deal of our own family size once we had our second child. Then she would carry on about how I better not get pregnant again and demand I promise her I not get pregnant again. In fact, I was pregnant the last time that happened and did not tell her at the time. That was the very last family dinner.  My dad always had to tell stories. None of these stories were true and they were always geared to embarrass others. They were all about how clever and brilliant he was and someone else was doing something clueless or dumb or wrong. 

 

I see we are related! My dad also tells weird stories to show how clever he is and brings hangers-on.  Dad and youngest sister have had some big arguments because he wanted to bring a bunch of randos to sister's birthday party every year.   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

UPDATE:

He behaved. He brought two pies and left the uneaten half here. He also brought eggplant parmigiana which is a family dish but labor intensive and no one has brought it in years. He brought a large portion and it was all eaten so it was definitely helpful.

He came into the kitchen and asked if he could help. 
 

I hope he is OK. LOL.

 

Clearly he's been spending time here at the hive.    😉

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/27/2019 at 5:55 PM, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Wow that's a lot of drama over fruit salad. Maybe you should soak what you're allowed to use in brandy and it'll make the day a lot more mellow tomorrow, LOL. 

I think "fruit salad" is code for Sangria. 😁

  • Like 1
  • Haha 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/26/2019 at 8:04 AM, teachermom2834 said:

Well the times we have attempted to assign and explain that I needed help providing enough to feed everyone he said “it clearly is a burden to feed my family so we will come watch you eat and stop for fast food after.” 


He could have stop for fast food and bring a bucket of KFC for example as contribution.

We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving but we do celebrate Chinese New Year’s reunion dinner. My in-laws would expect everyone to bring a hostess gift that exceed whatever it cost for MIL to cook. My MIL has very set ideas on dishes and she won’t let anyone cook. So contribution is in cash or ingredients (for MIL) or beer (for FIL).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/27/2019 at 2:41 PM, gardenmom5 said:

I'm curious, for those who do the entire meal on their own, how many people (teens/adults) are you hosting?  is your meal sit-down or buffet?

 

I really like hosting T-day. This year was the first year we didn't because, for a variety of reasons, DH is not close enough to the crew to issue invitations. He even refused to bring them one of my sweet potato pies! :sad: Normally we host 15 people or so and I do it all. Folks are welcome to bring a dish and I set it out but they usually leave with it. :biggrin: It's typically buffet style but I still set the table(s).

Edited by Sneezyone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This thread is hilarious!

We are on the other end of the family gathering spectrum: Our family members have passed away or are too far away to visit since dh only has Thanksgiving day off, so this is the first Thanksgiving it has just been our little nuclear family, and the first one we have done all the cooking. Younger dd20, home from college, and I cooked together Tuesday-Thursday. We made a thankful banner and dh, dd and I sat down to a traditional Thanksgiving spread. Ds22 and gf planned to come but didn't. I was thrilled ds came in the evening for a leftovers supper. He had to drive an hour each way in slick conditions—thankful he was safe. Older dd24 lives half the country away but plans to be home for Christmas.

Although the day was very different than other holidays—and even different than planned since we were hoping for 5 of us and had 3—we had a wonderful day. Attitude makes all the difference, doesn't it?

Thank you for all your great examples on this thread and others of extending grace, being kind, building others up, and making the most of what you do have and not mourning what you don't. Your circumstances and insights often help me see things from other perspectives.

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well since someone asked if there was any venting to be done for this Thanksgiving ...

This year was not really a banner year.  I should have suspected something when I was the first person to arrive, other than my parents & sister who are the main cooks. 

My two older brothers did not come - one was ill, the other probably decided it wasn't worth it without his favorite brother.  We still did have a full table - about 12 people.

My youngest sister was in rare form.  Turns out she had a rough day with her MIL who was originally not invited to her house, but ended up coming somehow.  Her MIL is just awful.  So she was being crabby at her kids, and then had a fit when she found out my other sister baked the same dish she brought.  I've never seen anything quite like it between these two.  Meanwhile BIL kept telling his kids not to eat too much, while Grandpa kept telling them they could eat what they wanted.

Youngest sister huffily went into the kitchen and started washing dishes.  I told her I was going to do that as it was my annual contribution.  She insisted she wanted to do it ("I need something to do"), so I let her wash for a while to work off some steam ... but then she started yelling at BIL for not helping her.  Finally I got her to leave it to me, but then she went and screamed at her kids and left in a huff without saying goodbye.

We will be having dinner at her house in about a week.  I hope her MIL stays away and everyone is chill!  Nobody is mad at her - we all know it was a stress reaction.  But I'm not sure if she is mad at us.

Other than that ... a few things didn't work out as planned for my folks.  I wonder if it is really getting too hard for them to host.  My mom for one is getting more and more vision impaired.  It's just really a lot.  I hope I can at least get them to accept house cleaning help, because that is really a big challenge.  Historically they have always refused pre-holiday cleaning help.  It is hard to know exactly how to help them.

My kids did spend some quality time with their youngest uncle, and I had time to talk to some folks.  My mom started to feel chatty right about the time I should have driven home, so I stayed, but I should have at least taken some coffee for the road.  Lesson learned.

PS I also think the wine I brought was awful.  😛

Edited by SKL
  • Like 2
  • Sad 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/26/2019 at 1:02 PM, skimomma said:

How do you all handle food assignments to people who don't live in town?  I always get assigned dishes just like everyone else but we live 600+ miles from our nearest relatives.  We usually stay in a hotel the night(s) before the meal in question as most people we visit do not have room for us.  We are often in the region days before the meal so I cannot prepare at home and try to keep in a cooler or something.  The hotel has no kitchen.  Stores are typically closed on the day of the meal so grabbing prepared food is rarely an option.  I end up calling the organizer (this is the same person every time) to re-negotiate our contribution to something that I can buy prepared ahead of time like pies or beverages.  And this usually works after some drama about how difficult it is to shuffle around the assignments.  But every single time I originally get green bean casserole or dressing or something else that has me scratching my head wondering if this person has thought through how gross cooler casserole would be by the time we got to the meal. 

I think in your case, either consider your travel enough of a contribution or you provide the paper goods by reimbursing whoever is willing to buy them ahead of time.  But, it should be understood that you can’t provide a food dish!  Good grief!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/26/2019 at 1:02 PM, skimomma said:

How do you all handle food assignments to people who don't live in town?  I always get assigned dishes just like everyone else but we live 600+ miles from our nearest relatives.  We usually stay in a hotel the night(s) before the meal in question as most people we visit do not have room for us.  We are often in the region days before the meal so I cannot prepare at home and try to keep in a cooler or something.  The hotel has no kitchen.  Stores are typically closed on the day of the meal so grabbing prepared food is rarely an option.  I end up calling the organizer (this is the same person every time) to re-negotiate our contribution to something that I can buy prepared ahead of time like pies or beverages.  And this usually works after some drama about how difficult it is to shuffle around the assignments.  But every single time I originally get green bean casserole or dressing or something else that has me scratching my head wondering if this person has thought through how gross cooler casserole would be by the time we got to the meal. 

I was thinking about your dilemma.  In your shoes, I'd be calling a more reasonable relative who lives closer who will be at the event.  "Cousin Susie, can you make this dish and bring it to the event for me? Granny Gertrude is obsessed with me providing this specific casserole but I can't really cook on the plane."  If I were cousin Sue, I'd totally cover for you and do some sneaky hand-off in the driveway. If I'm not the one hosting, bringing an extra dish is a really easy thing to do for an out-of-town relative.

I realize this is no help the day AFTER Thanksgiving, but maybe you can try it next year? 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After a particularly difficult Thanksgiving, my DH and I gave up on the big family Thanksgiving. We started our own tradition of going camping. Sometimes with other people and sometimes on our own. We would cook a traditional meal camping style. We even had a tripod set up for cooking a stuffed turkey. It was always a lot of fun to have conversations with random strangers when they would walk by and smell the turkey cooking. Then we moved somewhere much colder, and DH got a new job where he could not take the time off.

Now we have a very small dinner with just immediate family and an occasional coworker, but I miss the camping. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We usually host somewhere between 12 to 18 for Thanksgiving.  Our home has two fully equipped kitchens.   I do not request that anyone bring anything.  If they ask what they should bring, I tell them to bring whatever they would like.  Adopted this policy since a passive aggressive relative brought what should have been an easy dish that was not even edible.  Wondered if it was intentional on her part.  I also had people who brought an item and wanted to finish prepping it at my home, which was rather inconvenient for me.   Another person could not be counted on to remember to bring dish if they even decided to show up.   Others drive or fly in.   If I needed financial help, of course, I would not have adopted the policy. 

If they show up with a dish or drinks or wine, I thank them and put item on the buffet counter.  It is less stress for me to handle *all* meal preparations and shopping than to coordinate what each person should bring.  After all these years experience hosting,  I have a mental flowchart / timetable for getting everything on the buffet line at same time. 

My younger sister usually brings a delicious brownie truffle dessert.  Brother in law brings soft drinks.  This year a new guest brought couple nice bottles wine.

Husband always roasts the turkey.  I make all except frozen apple pies from scratch.  This year we had turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, spiral glazed ham, mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, steamed green beans, broccoli casserole,  corn, spinach, yeast rolls, fruit salad, apple pies and brownie dessert.  We also served a fruit tray and bacon-wrapped beef with blue cheese appetizers.

I offer guests leftovers to take home if they wish.

Edited by annandatje
  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, annandatje said:

We usually host somewhere between 12 to 18 for Thanksgiving.  Our home has two fully equipped kitchens.   I do not request that anyone bring anything.  If they ask what they should bring, I tell them to bring whatever they would like.  Adopted this policy since a passive aggressive relative brought what should have been an easy dish that was not even edible.  Wondered if it was intentional on her part.  I also had people who brought an item and wanted to finish prepping it at my home, which was rather inconvenient for me.   Another person could not be counted on to remember to bring dish if they even decided to show up.   Others drive or fly in.   If I needed financial help, of course, I would not have adopted the policy. 

If they show up with a dish or drinks or wine, I thank them and put item on the buffet counter.  It is less stress for me to handle *all* meal preparations and shopping than to coordinate what each person should bring.  After all these years experience hosting,  I have a mental flowchart / timetable for getting everything on the buffet line at same time. 

My younger sister usually brings a delicious brownie truffle dessert.  Brother in law brings soft drinks.  This year a new guest brought couple nice bottles wine.

Husband always roasts the turkey.  I make all except frozen apple pies from scratch.  This year we had turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, spiral glazed ham, mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, steamed green beans, broccoli casserole,  corn, spinach, yeast rolls, fruit salad, apple pies and brownie dessert.  We also served a fruit tray and bacon-wrapped beef with blue cheese appetizers.

I offer guests leftovers to take home if they wish.

 

Amen! 

But some in our family get a little indignant if told they’re not to bring anything, so they bring. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, annandatje said:

We usually host somewhere between 12 to 18 for Thanksgiving.  Our home has two fully equipped kitchens.   I do not request that anyone bring anything.  If they ask what they should bring, I tell them to bring whatever they would like.  Adopted this policy since a passive aggressive relative brought what should have been an easy dish that was not even edible.  Wondered if it was intentional on her part.  I also had people who brought an item and wanted to finish prepping it at my home, which was rather inconvenient for me.   Another person could not be counted on to remember to bring dish if they even decided to show up.   Others drive or fly in.   If I needed financial help, of course, I would not have adopted the policy. 

If they show up with a dish or drinks or wine, I thank them and put item on the buffet counter.  It is less stress for me to handle *all* meal preparations and shopping than to coordinate what each person should bring.  After all these years experience hosting,  I have a mental flowchart / timetable for getting everything on the buffet line at same time. 

My younger sister usually brings a delicious brownie truffle dessert.  Brother in law brings soft drinks.  This year a new guest brought couple nice bottles wine.

Husband always roasts the turkey.  I make all except frozen apple pies from scratch.  This year we had turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, spiral glazed ham, mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, steamed green beans, broccoli casserole,  corn, spinach, yeast rolls, fruit salad, apple pies and brownie dessert.  We also served a fruit tray and bacon-wrapped beef with blue cheese appetizers.

I offer guests leftovers to take home if they wish.

 

I don't get this line of reasoning.  I CAN do the whole meal myself.  I did it yesterday.  I still think it's physically easier and less time consuming to cook fewer dishes.  Emotionally, I'm not affected if someone else ruins their dish.  That's on them and there are a dozen other foods to fill the plates.  I don't have it in me to have a hole in my heart for missing mac n cheese.

People who show up with the ingredients to the dish they were supposed to prepare are a whole 'nother thread.  Why do they DO that????? I had someone come LATE (not for Thanksgiving) and do that.  We held the meal for her arrival, but not for her to cook.  We started eating and she's in the kitchen making a dish.  Everyone was full before it was ready!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

LOL - I had to come back to this thread because my SIL just sent a very Marney like e-mail about Christmas.  

My SIL's mail said what her family was bringing.  And she is not hosting.  IL's are hosting at their house.

Person X is bringing A
Person Y is bringing B
Person Z is bringing C

We still need dinner rolls, raspberry jello, baked beans, and deviled eggs.  

She also directed some people to bring other very specific items.  

Umm ok, how about we still need some sort of bread and a few sides?  We don't eat jello at our house, I don't do canned/frozen baked beans and that's not a holiday food to me at all, and maybe between 4 of us 1 deviled egg would get eaten.  I've never made those either.  

I was assigned to bring jello for Xmas once and I said I'm hosting my family at my house x-mas eve so I don't have time to make jello.  But I'll be happy to pick up jello cups.  LOL.  I was fired.  I would happily make bread or dinner rolls of some sort but I was already fired from that once.  

Either take control and do it all, or let people bring what they're going to bring.  Saying something like salad, dessert, pie, drinks, etc is fine.  Don't pick your favorite very specific sides and assume everyone is super excited to make those for you.  🙄

ETA - Jello is a ridiculous holiday food.  Please.  

Edited by FuzzyCatz
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

LOL - I had to come back to this thread because my SIL just sent a very Marney like e-mail about Christmas.  

My SIL's mail said what her family was bringing.  And she is not hosting.  IL's are hosting at their house.

Person X is bringing A
Person Y is bringing B
Person Z is bringing C

We still need dinner rolls, raspberry jello, baked beans, and deviled eggs.  

She also directed some people to bring other very specific items.  

 

ETA - Jello is a ridiculous holiday food.  Please.  

 

Agreed!  What is even the point of sharing the cooking load if you're not actually cooking? Do people really open a can of beans, nuke them at home, then drive to grandma's house? Is Christmas Jello required anywhere?

  • Haha 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, KungFuPanda said:

 

Agreed!  What is even the point of sharing the cooking load if you're not actually cooking? Do people really open a can of beans, nuke them at home, then drive to grandma's house? Is Christmas Jello required anywhere?

You have clearly never been to a holiday at any of my inlaws because the answer to this question is always a resounding YES to both questions.  😂  We didn't spend Thanksgiving with them this year and it was truly delightful eating real foods in our home environment!  

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

 

I don't get this line of reasoning.  I CAN do the whole meal myself.  I did it yesterday.  I still think it's physically easier and less time consuming to cook fewer dishes.  Emotionally, I'm not affected if someone else ruins their dish.  That's on them and there are a dozen other foods to fill the plates.  I don't have it in me to have a hole in my heart for missing mac n cheese.

 

Some people are just difficult.  It's easier to do all the work myself than to spend 85% of the time smoothing their ruffled feathers due to a Marney-esque tantrum about serving spoons or whatever.  I'd love to have a family full of people that don't pitch a fit about green beans or try to turn the day into their own one-act drama, but I don't have those people, lol. I have people that have strong feelings on whether or not I've served their cherry-jello salad with enough reverence and flair, and I really don't have the bandwidth for that anymore.    

 

  • Like 4
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

Do people really open a can of beans, nuke them at home, then drive to grandma's house?

 

Yes. Yes, they do.  Or worse, they don't nuke the beans at home, and instead drive over to grandma's with the can and ask grandma to heat it up for them. 

A tale from last year:

MIL had her annual Christmas party at her sister's way too small home.  It was 15 people in her tiny home.  Sister has a trailer house, so it has a tiny trailer-house sized kitchen that is covered with all kinds of clutter. They decide they aren't going to cook anything because there is no room, but will get bbq to go from a local place. Ok, fine, but DS11 doesn't like bbq, so I make a mental note that I will have to pack food for him.  MIL remembers that DS11 doesn't like bbq and says she'll make sure there is plain turkey for DS11 to eat.  I think, great!  I get there, and MIL says "Here's the turkey for him.  I'll let you figure out how to cook it", and hands me an uncooked, still in the shrink-wrap 'turkey-breast', and then breezes out to join the party.  It was one of those pre-formed things they make out of the bits and scraps and not a whole turkey breast.  I just looked at DH and said "Seriously?" and shoved it in the fridge.  There was no room to cook this, even if I wanted to, because the counters were dirty and full of junk, plus aunt-in-law keeps all her pots inside the oven, so I'd have to relocate all those somewhere.  DS11 decided he would just eat the veggie and fruit tray I brought, the one that MIL insisted "No one will eat that". The other kids happily helped him eat the fruits and veggies.  MIL made a face and stage-whispered to SIL "Who wants to eat fruits and vegetables at Christmas?! Ugh!"  Apparently, all these kids do! 

This year the party is at SILs house in Houston and we are NOT attending! Yay!!!!  

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...