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Æthelthryth the Texan

Why is it so hard for school to get done.....

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I just call it a day off if he's off. There's no point trying to focus. 

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Yeah, we've done phonics, handwriting and math facts and then called it a day. His study is off the dining room (where we work)  and he's on non-stop calls and wants us to be quiet. Ummm, good luck with that. I had to send them outside to play. 

Edited by Æthelthryth the Texan

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We used to have this problem.  But then this year we started having Friday school (we used to be 4 days/week), and Friday is his day off.  So we had to figure something out, and somehow or other we settled into a pattern fairly easily.  (And part of it involved dh having to curtail some of his activities during school time - no Youtube or gaming or other electronic distractions during school.)  I think it a lot of it was just getting past the novelty of it all - Daddy being home during school time is now normal, instead of abnormal.  (And thankfully the normality extends to days dh *is* working from home, like today.)

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1 hour ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

when dh works from home?!? Am I the only one with this problem? 

 

Nope. Dh works 4/10s and is off F, Sat and Sun. I just school M-Th. We do longer days and before the kids wake up I cram as much housework and errands as I can fit. What started working for the kids is moving to their rooms for independent work when he gets home. 

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Dh works various shifts.  Learning to work with him home on his time off has been......a work in progress. 😄 We've had to compromise: ds and I have a school room to have some quiet but he gets to hang out on longer breaks with dh.

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23 minutes ago, forty-two said:

We used to have this problem.  But then this year we started having Friday school (we used to be 4 days/week), and Friday is his day off.  So we had to figure something out, and somehow or other we settled into a pattern fairly easily.  (And part of it involved dh having to curtail some of his activities during school time - no Youtube or gaming or other electronic distractions during school.)  I think it a lot of it was just getting past the novelty of it all - Daddy being home during school time is now normal, instead of abnormal.  (And thankfully the normality extends to days dh *is* working from home, like today.)

I thought I was the only one.  Dh playing Minecraft right behind us while the boys need to concentrate on school.  Sigh.  Luckily he started playing on the laptop.  

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1 hour ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Yeah, we've done phonics, handwriting and math facts and then called it a day. His study is off the dining room (where we work)  and he's on non-stop calls and wants us to be quiet. Ummm, good luck with that. I had to send them outside to play. 

If DH is home sick, I try to squeeze as much as possible in before he wakes up.  But once he wakes up, or if he's off because it's a day off (ie labor day or whatever) then all school is done.  

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Not just you.  Dh is always off Mondays.  We finally agreed he went grocery shopping in the morning--with any under 5 year old child we had.  We've done it for 15 years.  If he works at home, he does it in the upstairs office. 

All my friends have trouble homeschooling when their dh is home.  Everyone of them.  The main problem is the interuptions--just one question....

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It’s terrible. My DH works a rotating schedule (5 on/2 off, 5 on/3 off) so his days off are slightly different every week. Next week he will be home M, T, W - the only three days I have to do school. He also works 2nd shift which means he’s home all morning until 2pm. And he has no idea how much of a distraction he is. The other day around lunch time he asked the kids if they were almost done. I explained that we’d had a lot of distractions that morning, so no, they weren’t. Then he noticed, in all seriousness, that DS was strumming a rubber band and agreed that it would be hard to focus with such distractions. Ummm...yes dear, that rubber band has ruined the day for us. You being up here multiple times explaining to the kids and I in excruciating detail every step in your recent project hasn’t set us behind at all. 🙄

Edited by 2ndGenHomeschooler
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I can only do it if we are in a closed off part of the house.  We have a basement that works well for this.  

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We live in an apartment so there really isn't space to not be distracting to dh and ds. This year we are paying a small monthly fee to have dh rent a work place. So so so much easier to get school and chores done now, and dh is getting work done easier too. We just can't all work in the same small place at the same time. 

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I don't have a husband but I am having a hard time understanding why so many of them are behaving in the ways described.  Surely an adult male understands that if he is home during school time he needs to either help with school, do housework or make himself scarce?

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46 minutes ago, kiwik said:

I don't have a husband but I am having a hard time understanding why so many of them are behaving in the ways described.  Surely an adult male understands that if he is home during school time he needs to either help with school, do housework or make himself scarce?

where is the roll on the floor laughing smiley that we use to have when we need it

Mine just interrupts with what he thinks are interesting bits of general information 

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2 hours ago, kiwik said:

I don't have a husband but I am having a hard time understanding why so many of them are behaving in the ways described.  Surely an adult male understands that if he is home during school time he needs to either help with school, do housework or make himself scarce?

Uh, no........

(and apparently there is no polite way to ask them to go away and stop interrupting so then you get to have an argument as well!)

Honestly, in general, my dh is thoughtful and kind.  It took years for him to learn to stay away while I was teaching—idk why either, but it’s common. 

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We don't have this exact problem, only bc dh generally isn't home on full school days. But several times a week he pops home for a few minutes, expecting to instantly have some quiet time to make a phone call or decompress. It irritates me. I would never barge into his office expecting he instantly stop working, but that's basically what he's doing. 

To be fair, I haven't expressed irritation. It's generally for 20 min or less, and he has no clue that it's irritating. So far, I choose to let it go. 

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Not just you when the kids were little we just did school no matter the day when dad worked and took off when he was home.  Now they are middle schoolers and they take some outsourced classes we have to power through but it’s still hard.

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13 hours ago, kiwik said:

I don't have a husband but I am having a hard time understanding why so many of them are behaving in the ways described.  Surely an adult male understands that if he is home during school time he needs to either help with school, do housework or make himself scarce?

To be fair, yesterday I suggested maybe he go in today if he felt like it. That was definitely not an appreciated suggestion, as apparently he's still in discomfort from his surgery (but not enough not to pace around the house on his headset on conference calls).

He did however counter my suggestion and said that he would be willing to sacrifice for us, and remodel his current garage and add a second floor for a home office so he doesn't interrupt us. That is SO SELFLESS of him. 😂 🙄

Edited by Æthelthryth the Texan
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My dh goes in the office to work on  things (work/budget/email), and one kid may join him in there if they work quietly and independently. It’s like getting one less kid. Somehow the kids catch on to the tone and we all get our work done. 

It hasn’t always been like this though. Maybe only since he was unemployed and I worked part time for 4 months, early 2018. 

I have trouble the opposite way. I crave accountability, and if there’s no one around who cares one way or another, it’s a terrible slog to see the schoolwork through day after day.  

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My husband usually works nights, so he's often home but asleep when we're homeschooling.  But if he is home and awake, I often just hand the kid and the homeschool work off to him, and try and use the time to get other stuff done.  

There are disadvantages to this I'm sure.  For one thing, I'm pretty sure my kid has more academic skills than DH.  But, it also means I need a curriculum that we can hand back and forth without a lot of confusion.  

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Oh yes, it starts with everyone sleeping a little later in the morning. No wait, it starts the night before, when dh and I stay up later than usual because he's off the next day 😄

The only way it somewhat works, in my experience, is if he also has a consuming project. Bonus points if he has to leave the house. 😳 

(I adore him I really do!)

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My husband does stay out of the way, to the point that the kids sometimes don't realize he's home for the first several hours of the day. But it's still hard for the kids to get work done when he's home.  They normally have a minute or five here and there where they don't have school to do (I'm working with another child and they've finished with the independent school or chores they had). When dad's not home, they stay near me and occupy themselves quietly. When dad is home, they go off to where he is and then I have to gather everybody back together before we can more on to the next school activity/subject/book, and this takes way more time than just picking up the next book and having my kid put a bookmark in the book their reading.

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On 11/22/2019 at 3:42 AM, kiwik said:

I don't have a husband but I am having a hard time understanding why so many of them are behaving in the ways described.  Surely an adult male understands that if he is home during school time he needs to either help with school, do housework or make himself scarce?


For my kid, my husband could be doing housework, or trying to make himself scarce.  It doesn't matter.  If he's in the building, it's like he's Elvis and my kid is a teenage fangirl, and half his brain power is occupied for scanning his environment for signs of this elusive star.  

 

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12 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:


For my kid, my husband could be doing housework, or trying to make himself scarce.  It doesn't matter.  If he's in the building, it's like he's Elvis and my kid is a teenage fangirl, and half his brain power is occupied for scanning his environment for signs of this elusive star.  

 

we have that problem as well 🙂 

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On 11/24/2019 at 5:03 AM, CuriousMomof3 said:


For my kid, my husband could be doing housework, or trying to make himself scarce.  It doesn't matter.  If he's in the building, it's like he's Elvis and my kid is a teenage fangirl, and half his brain power is occupied for scanning his environment for signs of this elusive star.  

 

It is just an area I don't know about.  I might head to the library if it was a regular thing and leave DH home.  Tell him you will be home in time for dinner and there are X an y options to cook. 🙂

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I don't have a whole lot of problems with this, but when DH is home, he's often got a list of things he needs to do in town or outside. It usually works out.

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18 hours ago, kiwik said:

It is just an area I don't know about.  I might head to the library if it was a regular thing and leave DH home.  Tell him you will be home in time for dinner and there are X an y options to cook. 🙂


I just pass off the kid and the work, and then I go cook or whatever.  

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On 11/22/2019 at 2:42 AM, kiwik said:

Surely an adult male understands that if he is home during school time he needs to either help with school, do housework or make himself scarce?

Mine has a very erratic schedule - coming or going at all hours & more often home during the week than over the weekend. Thankfully mine wised up to this pretty quickly... he stays out of our way & has lunch ready to go at noon! Very occasionally he’ll join us for a lesson-related board game, but that still tends to be pretty distracting for DS.  

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My Dh worked from home for years.  The biggest problem was when he had nothing to do he decided it was field trip time.  Off we will went no matter what I had planned........It was fun but planning was not easy!

 For phone calls we just went to bedrooms and abandoned the downstairs.  I sort of planned for it.  When they were little it became read aloud time in our bed and when they grew out of that they did independent work in their rooms.  Our problem was more my husband’s booming voice was distracting us not him.

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I feel bad that dh has to give up his 4 day work week until they are able to hire some more people, but I am looking forward to a 5 day school week again. It will be a good test to see if we want to go back to that. 

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We have always had the same issue here.  And dh is a teacher!  Lol!  Maybe that's why?  Dc think if he's home then school MUST be closed?

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On 11/22/2019 at 3:32 AM, Melissa in Australia said:

Mine just interrupts with what he thinks are interesting bits of general information 

 

We call those "Dad Facts" in my house. They are frequently apropos of nothing. 

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On 11/21/2019 at 2:46 PM, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

when dh works from home?!? Am I the only one with this problem? 

 

No you are not the only one with this problem. 

I have no idea why this is.

I finally flat out told my dh that his very presence throws us off. Could he please hang out someplace out of sight of things and away from where he can hear us? Even if he's trying to "help" it really makes things worse.

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On 11/21/2019 at 2:46 PM, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

when dh works from home?!? Am I the only one with this problem? 

Apparently, we are the anomaly again. DH doesn't work from home, but like some other Hs on this thread, he works different shifts. Sometimes he's completely off during the week, sometimes he's asleep, sometimes he's working. If I couldn't get schoolwork done when he's home, I'd be sunk.

On 11/22/2019 at 2:42 AM, kiwik said:

I don't have a husband but I am having a hard time understanding why so many of them are behaving in the ways described.  Surely an adult male understands that if he is home during school time he needs to either help with school, do housework or make himself scarce?

Mine used to take the littles off my hands-to the store, outside to work or play, or just keep them busy elsewhere in the house. He cooks when he's home, does laundry, cleans (scrubbing the kitchen floor, cleaning bathrooms, running the vacuum, decluttering messy areas so I can see what else needs done), and helps with schoolwork if I need another person to answer math questions, work on science experiments, or have a kid read to someone. (DS#2 has learned to prefer DH because DH falls asleep listening to him read & doesn't correct his pronounciation or make him start a sentence over.) I do also sometimes call him over to add his insights to whatever we are studying because they are often super interesting & add a lot of color to the facts on the page. Plus, he can actually answer the kids' questions. (Otherwise, I have to say, "That's a daddy question.") 

Now, in fairness, he also cooks, cleans, and does laundry when he works. So, if he's on nights, there will be a load of laundry in the dryer by the time I'm awake & moving. He'll pick up the living room before heading to bed at night when he's on days. And, sometimes he takes off his dress work shirt (leaving his white t-shirt still on) & goes right to the stove to take over dinner as soon as he comes in the door in the evening.

No, I don't rent him out. My friends ask me that whenever this topic comes up.

So, I'd love to have him home every day. Besides, he's easy on eyes. :)

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I send dh elsewhere....elsewhere in the house or elsewhere as in Starbucks.  He needs to respect our workspace.  It took him 6-7 years to clue in, but he's been good for the last several years.    It's much easier for him to relocate than it is for us. 

Dh has also learned to mute his conference calls when he's not talking. He still takes off hours calls at home (to Europe or China, mostly) but the kids are respectful of his space because he closes the door to whatever room he takes over, locks the door, and posts a note.  

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On 11/30/2019 at 9:30 AM, Plum said:

I feel bad that dh has to give up his 4 day work week until they are able to hire some more people, but I am looking forward to a 5 day school week again. It will be a good test to see if we want to go back to that. 

So far it hasn’t gone all that well.  Nothing horrible. Dh is going into work super early to avoid parking issues which means he’s home by 2:30 when the teens are just hitting their stride. It’s only the first week though. 

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