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Medicmom2.0

Does anyone else skip Thanksgiving? (US people)

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I’ve worked almost every Thanksgiving since I got married.  My husband’s family goes to his sister’s in laws and spend it with them, and my parents have no real interest in Thanksgiving as none of my siblings are local and my grandparents go to my aunt’s. My parents had too many kids to ever be invited over for a family dinner anywhere, so it was just a low key holiday growing up. I have no emotional attachment to Thanksgiving at all.

I’m not working this year until 5pm, but my husband is working a 24 hour shift(which he totally volunteered for just to get out of any possibility of holiday happenings. He hates holidays.) My kids won’t care at all as long as I make no mention of the day being Thanksgiving.  I’m honesty not even sure they’d care if I did.  They are in public school, though, and I don’t want to make them feel weird if all the other kids are talking about the holiday. 

Anyone else just completely skip a holiday?  Were your kids okay with it?

 

Edited by Medicmom2.0

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If they are in school, I would try to do something.  It doesn't have to be big.  I think they might feel weird not having done it as it's one of those holidays that isn't religion specific.  If I went low key, I'd do Stove Top stuffing and roasted chicken with a veg and then whatever your family likes for dessert.  Have everyone say one thing they are thankful for.  You could do it Weds. night.  If that seems too much, just do a nice dessert.

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We have missed holidays, but intentionally skipping I think is different. 
Let's see...we had the year we had just moved and didn't have most of our things, so we went out to dinner for Thanksgiving.  We had just sat down when dh was called in to work, so we missed that year.  I think the kids and I had sandwiches because I didn't have cookware yet.
We've had years apart where we prioritized which holidays to spend as a family and which to spend in alternative ways.  The last time we had a movie marathon for Thanksgiving and ate junk food instead of a full meal.
We've been rained out of the 4th of July enough times that I stopped counting, so we decided to keep Chocolate Day as our alternative holiday, celebrated on July 6th.

I think, it's nice to have the holidays but not to be married to an idea of what it should be.  But setting aside time to do something together?  I think that's worth considering.

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Never intentionally skipped a holiday.  Certainly, various people have had to work various holidays over time.  My dad is an aircraft mechanic for a cargo airlines, and they don't get holidays off.  Well, if it's their scheduled day off, it's their scheduled day off, and they do get holiday pay regardless of whether they work the day or not, but many many years, my dad had to work for this holiday or that.  And my family always worked around it however....sometimes dinner was earlier, sometimes it was later, sometimes it was on a different day.

Once my siblings and I all got older and started working even just fast food jobs and such, sometimes, people had to work.  In those cases, we tried to schedule around the person's work schedule, and most places were still closing early etc.  But, occasionally, if only one person couldn't make it, then they couldn't make it.  But plenty of leftovers were always saved.  

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42 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

 They are in public school, though, and I don’t want to make them feel weird if all the other kids are talking about the holiday. 

 

We have never celebrated since we don’t have relatives nearby. We do go Black Friday shopping and that’s what my kids talk about when they were in public elementary school. Majority in my area is foreign born though because of the nearby tech industry so Christmas and Diwali are more celebrated. 

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46 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

I’ve worked almost every Thanksgiving since I got married.  My husband’s family goes to his sister’s in laws and spend it with them, and my parents have no real interest in Thanksgiving as none of my siblings are local and my grandparents go to my aunt’s. My parents had too many kids to ever be invited over for a family dinner anywhere, so it was just a low key holiday growing up. I have no emotional attachment to Thanksgiving at all.

I’m not working this year until 5pm, but my husband is working a 24 hour shift(which he totally volunteered for just to get out of any possibility of holiday happenings. He hates holidays.) My kids won’t care at all as long as I make no mention of the day being Thanksgiving.  I’m honesty not even sure they’d care if I did.  They are in public school, though, and I don’t want to make them feel weird if all the other kids are talking about the holiday. 

Anyone else just completely skip a holiday?  Were your kids okay with it?

 

 

We didn't go to anyone else's house for Thanksgiving growing up. Nor did we have turkey. But we did have a special meal and spend the day together.

Schools tend to make a big deal about Thanksgiving so ignoring it entirely isn't going to happen.

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We've never totally skipped Thanksgiving, but we've never made a huge deal out of it, either. Over the years we've done everything from a small but mostly traditional meal for just the four of us, to pizza with one of the grandmas, to going out to eat, to larger family gatherings. One year a group of us (extended family) went out for a Thanksgiving breakfast. In the last few years we've morphed into having a larger family gathering, but it's all easygoing and laid back. Nobody's fretting about fancy China or tablecloths or anything like that. For a couple of years we ate in my brother's barn. So we're pretty much all over the place, as long as it's nothing fancy or stressful.

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We haven't done anything outside of our nuclear family in ages. Everybody gets some input on what food they want to have and we just hang out, games, movies, whatever strikes our fancy. It is a lovely way to spend the holiday. The holiday itself is a sweet sentiment, so it is doubly nice to do it just how we enjoy it. Without another adult home that day, I think my menu would be centered around popcorn and pie.

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We've never done anything traditional. Some years we do a theme just for fun—last year we made a bunch of traditional Mexican food in honor of their land that was stolen to create this country, other years it’s been different cultures. For a few years we used it as an excuse to try making foods we’d never made before ((I recall making pumpkin and roasted pepper wontons one year. So good). One year we stocked up on a bunch of Trader Joes frozen appetizers and enjoyed those. Other years we mostly forget.

We live far away from extended family so it’s almost always just the three of us, which we all love and are grateful for. Holidays around our house are definitely no stress and low key. 🙂 

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1 hour ago, Arcadia said:

 

We have never celebrated since we don’t have relatives nearby. We do go Black Friday shopping and that’s what my kids talk about when they were in public elementary school. Majority in my area is foreign born though because of the nearby tech industry so Christmas and Diwali are more celebrated. 

Growing up we never went to relatives for Thanksgiving, but always celebrated it. It's actually a favorite holiday of mine.  It never occurred to me that one had to live near relatives to celebrate any holiday - not knocking your perspective, just surprised by it. 

Most years we do celebrate with my parents and sister and her kids, but this year we will be celebrating just our nuclear family due to life circumstances. 

That means, to me, watching the parade in jammies while leisurely cooking a turkey and sides, then eating it whenever it is done, then snacking on leftovers and pie later in the day. This year, since we will be home and using an artificial tree we may decorate the tree - but probably will wait until the next day. 

 

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4 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Growing up we never went to relatives for Thanksgiving, but always celebrated it. It's actually a favorite holiday of mine.  It never occurred to me that one had to live near relatives to celebrate any holiday - not knocking your perspective, just surprised by it. 

Most years we do celebrate with my parents and sister and her kids, but this year we will be celebrating just our nuclear family due to life circumstances. 

That means, to me, watching the parade in jammies while leisurely cooking a turkey and sides, then eating it whenever it is done, then snacking on leftovers and pie later in the day. This year, since we will be home and using an artificial tree we may decorate the tree - but probably will wait until the next day. 

 

Yeah, when I was a kid, we never lived closer than a 4 hour drive to visit the extended family, and most years, it was closer to 8 hr drive.  So travelling for the holiday was very rare.  But yeah, we did have turkey, various sides.....LOTS of pies lol.  And yep, also watching the parade in jammies, munching on the veggie and fruit tray, watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, etc.  

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We don't do anything traditional anymore and we don't go anywhere.  This year I am making veggie chili and sandwiches and muffins.  We will watch movies, play games, and put a puzzle together.  It is low key, relaxing, and just about the 3 of us being together.   Once we made Thanksgiving much simpler it became much more fun.  So while we don't necessarily skip, we made it our own.

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Well, we spend every Thanksgiving with my in-laws, but it sure isn't the happy, candlelit meal that one sees on tv. I'd love to skip -- it's generally a hot mess of dysfunction. This year my MIL said she might just order a pizza, and I could not be happier. 

(We could just skip it, and once MIL is no longer around we will, but I sacrifice Thanksgiving as we only visit twice a year...)

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3 hours ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

I’ve worked almost every Thanksgiving since I got married.  My husband’s family goes to his sister’s in laws and spend it with them, and my parents have no real interest in Thanksgiving as none of my siblings are local and my grandparents go to my aunt’s. My parents had too many kids to ever be invited over for a family dinner anywhere, so it was just a low key holiday growing up. I have no emotional attachment to Thanksgiving at all.

I’m not working this year until 5pm, but my husband is working a 24 hour shift(which he totally volunteered for just to get out of any possibility of holiday happenings. He hates holidays.) My kids won’t care at all as long as I make no mention of the day being Thanksgiving.  I’m honesty not even sure they’d care if I did.  They are in public school, though, and I don’t want to make them feel weird if all the other kids are talking about the holiday. 

Anyone else just completely skip a holiday?  Were your kids okay with it?

 

 

If the holiday was important to your kids, would your dh still try to find an excuse to not celebrate? Why does he hate holidays so much? They don’t have to be huge gatherings; you can have a great time at home with no other guests.

Not even telling your kids that it’s Thanksgiving seems kind of weird to me. Don’t they watch the parade on TV or anything like that? If they go to public school, I would think there would be quite a lot of emphasis placed on it being Thanksgiving weekend. Also, wouldn’t the kids wonder why they have extra days off from school? 

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3 hours ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

I’ve worked almost every Thanksgiving since I got married.  My husband’s family goes to his sister’s in laws and spend it with them, and my parents have no real interest in Thanksgiving as none of my siblings are local and my grandparents go to my aunt’s. My parents had too many kids to ever be invited over for a family dinner anywhere, so it was just a low key holiday growing up. I have no emotional attachment to Thanksgiving at all.

I’m not working this year until 5pm, but my husband is working a 24 hour shift(which he totally volunteered for just to get out of any possibility of holiday happenings. He hates holidays.) My kids won’t care at all as long as I make no mention of the day being Thanksgiving.  I’m honesty not even sure they’d care if I did.  They are in public school, though, and I don’t want to make them feel weird if all the other kids are talking about the holiday. 

Anyone else just completely skip a holiday?  Were your kids okay with it?

 

We have never done Thanksgiving, and no one in our family has ever felt they were missing out.  (And I was a (mostly) public school kid in a family that didn't celebrate Thanksgiving and it was never an issue for me either.)

in your case, I don't see why you should celebrate if it doesn't have meaning for your family!  I would recommend thinking through how to explain it to your kids.  Different families observe different holidays and having one's own family's patterns that are different from those of classmates doesn't need to be a big deal for kids.  If not observing or acknowledging the day is what feels right for you and your family, follow that!  You have enough that is important to you that needs your energy.  ❤

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We have traveled away from home on Thanksgiving once and on Christmas a number of times.  The kids do miss getting together with the extended family.  Other than that, I don't think they really care, as long as we are doing or traveling to something fun.

In the case of having to work that day, I would try to have a nice meal either at home or away (but not something that takes forever to cook), and also do something Thanksgiving-y on a weekend day.  There really is no reason it has to be on the Thursday.

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But no, I don't see totally skipping a national holiday.  Unless your family has a reason you don't believe in celebrating it, in which case you would not completely ignore it, you would explain the reason for not celebrating.

If your kids go to public school, they will need to have something to say when everyone is talking about how they spent turkey day.  "We just had pumpkin pie with whipped cream since my dad had to work" would be fine.  "We don't do turkey but we _____" would also be fine.  "What, it was Thanksgiving and we missed it?" would not really pass.  🙂

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My kids wouldn't care. We celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter and that is it. No Halloween, Valentines, New Years is hit or miss. 

 

We did miss Easter the year my dad was in the ICU.  

 

Honestly, if my kids don't have a specific tradition that they are used to, they just don't care. 

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My mom always hosted Thanksgiving - growing up through 2000 (she died in 2001).  That was around the time I met DH and we went to his parent’s house until they could no longer do it.  We started hosting all holidays after that, which was fine.  Then BIL and his wife decided they wanted to take over Thanksgiving.  They make all the food, many of which are not my and 1 boys favorites. I would rather stay home LOL.  To be honest, once my in-laws can’t make holidays anymore (they are 93), I plan to either travel or just have our own family of 4 holiday meals.  Or with good friends.  Or travel.  If my dad is still here, I will make a special meal to have with him, but it won’t be on the actual holiday.  He would be fine with that as long as he gets good food.

My boys have never been interested in the parades in tv.  Thanksgiving here has just been about the family dinner and the rest of the weekend is status quo.

 

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I grew up overseas, although I grew up in an American family.  We semi-celebrated when I was growing up, and when I came to the US, I didn't get the big deal.  People said, "Oh, you can't be alone for Thanksgiving!  You need to come to our house."  And then I was in a house full of strangers and felt very uncomfortable, so I didn't do a whole lot for Thanksgiving for years.  I sometimes found other lonely singles and we would have a mini-Thanksgiving on our own and hang out, or we would go out to eat together.

My husband was notified.  His family did the whole huge Thanksgiving thing.  So, we have had a bit Thanksgiving celebration ever since.  But this year, (and last) are lower key.  We will still have turkey, stuffing, potatoes, etc.....but just our family, and quietly.  

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Perhaps make Thanksgiving a pajama and movie day with everyone’s favorite snacks/foods.  Watch Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving special or the parade if you want to add a thanksgiving show/program.

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We've never intentionally skipped Thanksgiving (or Christmas) but have often moved our celebration due to work schedules. My mom was a waitress when I was growing up and when I was a young adult, and she often had to work holidays. We would schedule our celebration around her work schedule. 

We still often move the holiday celebration. Dss is a firefighter/paramedic and ddil is a nurse so we work around their schedule. This year we're having Thanksgiving on Saturday because dss is working Thanksgiving Day and ddil is working Friday.

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I have celebrated many holidays on different days and in nontraditional ways. But I've always acknowledged the holidays because they are a part of my culture.  Oooh, that sounds judgey and holier-than-though, sorry, don't mean it to be!  But, that's the truth for me. 

Growing up, my family lived 3000 miles from our extended family; we still celebrated, having family around has nothing to do with it that I can see. 

One Christmas when I was single, I ended up spending it all alone - my parents and I were going to visit my sister and her family a few hundred miles away, but I ended up having to work Christmas Eve and the 26th, so I celebrated Christmas by  making myself a very nice dinner (one of my first great  solo dinners!) and spending the day reading. It was a nice, but different, celebration.

All that to say, it doesn't always have to look like a traditional holiday. But Thanksgiving is a part of American culture and I would find some way to acknowledge it, if not for myself, for the sake of my kids growing up in this culture. 

How about a special breakfast?   

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I will say, we see Thanksgiving as a day to be thankful for family and friends. There is no rule that says you have to do that on the fourth Thursday in November and there's no rule about what you have to eat that day. OP, if you want to sit around and watch movies, order pizza, clean out the fridge. or whatever, then do it. If you want to make it just another Thursday, that's okay too. 

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DH thinks most holidays are just ways for stores to make money.  He spent most Thanksgivings hunting with his uncles all day, ate pie at his grandma’s tiny and overcrowded house, and went home.  He basically just thinks all holidays are dumb. He grudgingly does Christmas and keeps his mouth shut, but I know he doesn’t like any of it.

We don’t have TV other than amazon firestick.  My kids hate parades in real life; they won’t be interested in watching a parade.  I work at 5 on Thanksgiving night, and then I work all weekend, so doing it that weekend isn’t a possibility. 

I wound up asking my older kids, who are 9 and 7.  I offered to take them to a local restaurant that’s doing a lovely Thanksgiving meal or staying home, eating pizza and watching movies and not making it a big deal.  They both chose pizza and movies(DH is gluten free so real pizza is a treat).

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1 minute ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

I wound up asking my older kids, who are 9 and 7.  I offered to take them to a local restaurant that’s doing a lovely Thanksgiving meal or staying home, eating pizza and watching movies and not making it a big deal.  They both chose pizza and movies(DH is gluten free so real pizza is a treat).

This sounds wonderful to me!!!

 

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Pizza and movies sounds fun. One year for Christmas my sister and I got together and just fed our kids appetizers all day while they played and watched movies. They STILL talk about that like pizza rolls and crab dip and the like were the holy grail of holiday menus. 

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Thanksgiving is a big deal here. But this year, it has to wait until the weekend. We have family coming in from out of town on the weekend following and my husband feels an all out Thanksgiving dinner three days apart is a bit much, ha ha ha. Anyway....I will come up with something that is Thanksgiving-ish for Thursday and then the big meal on Sunday. And we can be thankful for everything all week. 

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