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S/O "Cocktail Attire"


Jenny in Florida
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I am going to my company's holiday party. I joined the organization over the summer, so this is the first such event I've attended. The dress code is listed as "cocktail attire."  I pumped my boss for a little bit of info, and she indicated that people do actually dress up for these things. In case this matters to your answers, the venue is an art gallery.

So, I do want to attend the event, and I want to be a good sport about the dress code thing. However, I have so many issues and challenges with this.

Let's start with my normal, baseline stuff of being in my mid-50s, short and far from svelte. And, on my best day, I absolutely hate to draw attention to myself or stand out in any way. My goal is always to look appropriate, presentable and unremarkable. 

Also, I don't wear dresses, for a variety of reasons including the fact that my thighs don't see the light of day in anything except the most casual of situations and that I do not wear heels or uncomfortable shoes. (I swore off in the name of comfort a few years ago, but this has recently become non-negotiable because the nueropathy in my feet makes it excruciating to wear anything except comfy flats and dangerous to wear anything that separates me too much off the ground.) 

Oh, and I don't wear leather or any animal products (ethical vegan). And I do best in a wide width.

And, just for a final fillip of fun, I had a bilateral mastectomy seven weeks ago. I am self-conscious about "going flat" but also self-conscious and often physically uncomfortable wearing the breast forms. Also, the mastectomy bras I have come up higher in front than "normal" bras, meaning that I have to be careful about necklines.

Edited to add: Just remembered that the party will also be at the end of my first week of radiation therapy, which I understand may mean that side of my chest may be more tender than usual.

I do not own anything remotely appropriate for this function. My daughter helped me choose this blouse, which I have ordered. But now I have to figure out pants and shoes.

I know that the usual go-to for pants would be something flowy, but as a short, chubby lady who will be wearing flat shoes, I'm thinking that's not a great option.

So, I could use help, please, with inspiration, ideas for places to look or, preferably, actual items to consider. I returned to work about two weeks ago and just don't have a ton of energy to go scooting all over town scouring stores. 

Thanks?

Edited by Jenny in Florida
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I wouldn’t wear flowy pants with that blouse. Notice the model is wearing form fitting pants to offset the flowy nature of the (very pretty!) blouse. 

what about these, from the same site? https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Pants/Cotton-knit-vented-yoga-pants-CL0068691

eta can you wear these since you live in a warm climate? Also from the same site. https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Pants/Zip-hem-slim-cotton-blend-pants-CL0061722

Edited by MEmama
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I would do a pantsuit or pants and a sparkly blouse. I, personally would not choose the linked blouse unless I could change the neckline to a crewneck or a much higher, slight V. I wear different bras now, too and I am very uncomfortable in something if I think my sports bra will be noticed. I also think you will need a gentle bra even more because of radiation. I would not wear flowy pants with a flowy top. I would also look for an eye-catching flat shoe that made me happy, like a silver shoe, say. 

I’ll put up a couple links once I have a chance to look. 

https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Tops/Beaded-floral-vine-cotton-knit-blouse-CL0068947

This blouse may be out of your budget, but this is something like I would be looking for because of the neckline and it still looks dressy. I love the sleeves: https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/ramona-top-black/sty-w0476-blk?cat=C1_S2_G389

The site Six Pm has a bunch of pretty flats for holidays on sale. Here’s one I like: https://www.6pm.com/p/esprit-odette-silver-2/product/8953679/color/180112 Like, I seriously might have to get them for myself! 🤩

Edited by Quill
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Ooh, pretty top!

I agree that you probably need slim pants, or at least straight-cut.  What about pants in velvet, to up the dressy level?  (Athough I'm not wild about that side stripe on the pants I linked -- would have to see how that looks in person).

For shoes, I'd look for ballet flats, which are pretty easy to find in fabrics other than leather.

Do you have some jewelry you can wear?

 

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11 minutes ago, Quill said:

I would do a pantsuit or pants and a sparkly blouse. I, personally would not choose the linked blouse unless I could change the neckline to a crewneck or a much higher, slight V. I wear different bras now, too and I am very uncomfortable in something if I think my sports bra will be noticed. I also think you will need a gentle bra even more because of radiation. I would not wear flowy pants with a flowy top. I would also look for an eye-catching flat shoe that made me happy, like a silver shoe, say. 

I’ll put up a couple links once I have a chance to look. 

https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Tops/Beaded-floral-vine-cotton-knit-blouse-CL0068947

 

Thank you for the link!

I forgot to mention that I did adjust the neckline on the blouse and also lengthened the sleeves.

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As a short person, would you say that blouse is tunic-length around your butt and upper legs? If so, you could go with some legging-style bottoms perhaps in a slightly flashy colour or texture,  (just a bit of holiday sparkle so the plain-ness doesn't stand out) or just in black like the model is wearing.

Do you have dressy flats with a bit of bling to them? And think about a necklace and earrings to take things in a cocktail-type direction. Or a scarf?

Edited to add: I like the idea of velvet slim pants/leggings.

Edited by bolt.
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That is a super pretty blouse and I am relieved to hear (for the sake of your comfort!!!) that you ordered one with an adjusted neckline. 

I also try to avoid leather and any uncomfortable shoes and wear wide width, so I know it's not easy to find shoes! What about something like this? Non-leather, comfy flats in a wide width with a little bit of bling: https://www.fullbeauty.com/products/samantha-flats-by-trotters/1030260.html#prefn1=shoeWidth&prefv1=W&cgid=FBB_Shoes_Flats_And_Slipons&start=1

The same shoes are also available on Amazon. (I don't know why the Amazon listing says leather; the black is clearly labeled microfiber, and based on the info above, the silver are man-made, too.)

Edited by MercyA
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I love the idea of velvet pants for a holiday party. Lands End, Madewell, and Old Navy all have different styles of them right now. I think you could do either skinny/slim leg or cropped wider leg with flats. I would dress things up with some type of sparkly accessory—necklace, earrings, or bangle bracelets and sequined or shiny shoes in either silver or deep red. 

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Thanks everyone. 

Feeling encouraged after reading everyone's comments and checking the links, I bopped out to Burlington. I had good luck and found a pair of simple, straight-legged black pants and a pair of reasonably comfortable shiny red flats. And for bonus points, I paid $16 each for the pants and shoes. 

The pants, of course, do not have functional pockets, so I poked around a bit looking for a little red clutch. No luck on that front, but I do have a little black bag I can press into service.

So now I need to wait for the blouse to arrive and see how it all works together, but assuming that I don't hate the ensemble, it's possible I might have this covered.

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yay!

Also in the future I've had great luck with this kind of "I need an outfit for a special event and I hate fashion and have no idea what to do" dilemma but going to Dress Barn. I know they are closing soon, but still open now and probably have good sales. They cater to women our age and the clothes are not see through, etc. Best, the salespeople are happy to help pick something out for you, and they even have reasonably priced jewelry to finish off the outfit. 

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4 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

yay!

Also in the future I've had great luck with this kind of "I need an outfit for a special event and I hate fashion and have no idea what to do" dilemma but going to Dress Barn. I know they are closing soon, but still open now and probably have good sales. They cater to women our age and the clothes are not see through, etc. Best, the salespeople are happy to help pick something out for you, and they even have reasonably priced jewelry to finish off the outfit. 

 

Dress Barn has been one of my go-to places, too, but the store near me has already closed. 

Roz and Ali is still open at the outlet mall, but the last couple of times I've ventured over there the parking has been a nightmare.

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